Deborah Camp (34 page)

“I don’t know. I’ll teach her myself, I guess.”

“You know your sums? You read well?”

“Well enough. As for sums … I’ll ask Micah to show me and then I’ll teach Valor.”

“She should go to school.”

“There aren’t any up here.”

“Which might be a good reason for you to think about leaving these mountains for a town.”

“I wouldn’t know how to act in a town.”

“I’d be there to show you.” He held out his hands and helped her to her feet. “We could settle in one of the railroad towns that are popping up like mushrooms. In no time you’d be the chairwoman of the ladies’ sewing circle and I’d be president of the bank or proprietor of the mercantile store. Hell, I might even be mayor!”

She laughed, but was touched at his offer to make a life with her and Valor. “I couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“I wouldn’t be happy.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do know it.” She pressed a fist over her heart. “I know it here. If I couldn’t walk outside”—she moved past him to stand where she could view the snowy mountain tops—“and see these peaks and smell the pine and spruce and hear the call of the great black bird, I’d be heartsore.”

He walked up behind her and put his arms
around her waist. “But I’d give you a good life. You’d have a big house and plenty of good eats brought to your door. It would be an easy life compared to this one. I’d love to pamper you and Valor.” His lips moved against her temple in a nuzzling kiss.

“You’d be better off taking a wildcat to town with you and expect it to behave. Tucker, I love the mountains and the life here.” She turned to face him. “You could stay here with me.”

“I make a sorry mountain man.”

“No, you don’t! You’ve survived the worst test.”

“Which one was that?”

“You’re alive and well. Most men die in the first few months up here.”

He lifted a lock of her red hair and rubbed it between his thumb and forefinger. “I appreciate the confidence you have in me, sugar, but I would be dead as last year’s dreams if it hadn’t been for you.”

“But you’ve learned fast. If you stayed—only if you really wanted to, you understand. I’m not begging you or anything.”

“I know, I know.” He laughed and rubbed her nose with his.

“If you did stay, you could teach Valor her sums and her letters.”

He sobered and went to stand with one shoulder propped against the stable door. Copper examined the slump of his shoulders and the lines creasing the skin between his eyes, sure signs that he was deeply troubled. She placed gentle hands against his shoulder blades and kissed the space between them.

“What’s wrong, Tucker? Do you think I’m a burden on you? I don’t mean to be. You’re a free man. I won’t hold you if you don’t want to be held.”

“It’s not that, Copper.”

“Then what?”

“I feel that I have unfinished business out there.”

She saw that he was staring blindly toward the mountain peaks and understood that he meant his former life. “In the army?”

“Yes.”

“They think you’re dead.”

“But I’m not. I’m worse than that. I’m a deserter.”

“Tucker, don’t talk like that.”

“It’s how I feel, Copper. Not too awful long ago I would have shot any deserter who happened across my trail. Now I count myself among their ranks. I’ve turned my back on what was once dear to me.”

“You want to go back to that war?” She hung on one of his arms and studied his expression. “Is that what you want? Tucker, I know you’re tired of all the blood and battles. You’ve seen too much of it. You shouldn’t be ashamed. All you’ve done is turn your eyes from it so that your soul and your heart can heal.”

“Is that what I’ve done?” His smile was bittersweet. “I’ve told myself the same thing. But why should I require time away from the war when the men who served under me are continuing the fight? Many have died while I’ve been up here in this vast paradise falling in love with my special angel.”

She fitted an arm around his waist. “If only you could see yourself through my eyes.” Sighing, she rested her head against his shoulder and fought back tears. “You’re going to go back to that army in the spring, aren’t you?”

He squeezed her shoulder. “Yes, most likely I will.”

They gazed at the blue mountains and wrestled with their separate despairs.

*  *  *

“Tucker, stand up. I want you to try on this coat.”

Tucker, lying on the lower bunk, continued to blow on Valor’s stomach to make her squeal with delight.

“Tucker,” Copper said impatiently, nudging his leg with her knee. “Just for a minute.”

Sighing with resignation, he stood and held out his arms from his sides. “This is the third time tonight. How many times do you have to measure me?”

“Until I get the fit just right. Try this on. I think I’ve let it out enough in the shoulders this time.”

He pushed his arms into the sleeves of the grizzly skin coat Copper had been working on for the past two weeks. It felt good, roomy but not too large.

“Wave your arms and tell me if it feels tight anywhere.”

He swung his arms, then lifted them up and down sharply. “Feels good. I didn’t hear any stitches pop this time.”

Copper circled him, checking her handiwork. “All I need to do now is hem it and put fasteners on the front. What do you think? Is it handsome enough for you?”

“It’s great, Copper.” He grasped her by the shoulders and kissed her soundly. “Matches the hat you made for me.” Releasing her, he retrieved the hat she’d designed for him from off its peg beside the door. He tried it on again. It resembled the coon cap Gus wore, that Tucker so admired. The griz’s snout stuck out, forming the hat’s bill, and its eyes were large and glassy. Its upper teeth glowed yellow. “I love this hat, sugar. Nothing will bother with me when I’m wearing this. The sight of it will scare anything off.”

She laughed and helped him out of the coat. “Don’t put that notion to a test. I like you in one piece.”

Valor cried out for attention. Tucker replaced the hat on its peg and sat on the bunk again.

“Hey there, sweetcheeks.” He kissed her plump stomach and rosy knees, and reached for a fresh napkin. “I didn’t finish changing you, did I? Your mother interrupted us. There, there. Hush that squalling.” Deftly, he folded the soft cloth into four layers and tied it around the baby as Copper had taught him to do. When Valor continued to fret, he picked her up, laid her against his shoulder, and patted her back. He caught Copper smiling at him.

“What?” he asked, but didn’t wait for an answer. He knew she was pleased by the affection he gave to her child. “I don’t think I have what she wants.”

Copper nodded, put aside the coat, and sat in the rocking chair. She unfastened the front of her shirt and Tucker laid Valor in her arms. He lounged on the bunk and watched as she breastfed the baby.

“How old will she be before you wean her?”

“I’m already feeding her boiled vegetables and canned fruit. I’ll probably start weaning her when she’s nine or ten months.”

“That’s the usual age?”

“Pierre Sartain’s widow was still breastfeeding a three-year-old boy.”

He blinked in surprise. “No fooling? Damn, that kid’s going to grow up sissy.”

Copper laughed, shaking her head. “Some women like to breastfeed their babies so much they just let them keep on until they get themselves another baby.”

“What about you?”

“I want Valor to be independent. Might as well start teaching her early not to depend on me for every bit of sustenance. Out here women feed their babies longer. It’s not unusual to see a toddler still at his mother’s breast. Especially the first
baby.” She looked down, momentarily distracted by Valor’s pinching fingers. She held the baby’s fist. “Don’t do that, angel. It hurts.” Pausing a moment, she then picked up the thread of conversation. “Like I said, I’ll have her drinking out of a cup before she’s a year old.”

“How long did you breastfeed your first baby?”

Sorrow stole color from her face. “I let him suckle until he was about a year old. He liked drinking from a cup and pretty much weaned himself.”

Tucker picked up the rattler and shook it. Valor turned her head toward him. Copper coaxed her nipple back into Valor’s mouth.

“Did Two Suns look anything like Valor?”

She smoothed a hand over Valor’s curly, dark brown hair. “His hair was black as night and straight. He had a round face and dimples in his cheeks. Big, black eyes. He had a worried expression most of the time, like he had lost something. Later, of course, I realized that he couldn’t hear and that’s what had him befuddled. Or maybe not. He didn’t know what he was missing, I suppose.”

“True, but he might have sensed a loss. One never knows. He must have been as pretty as Valor in his own way.”

“Oh, he was. And strong! He was built like Stands Tall—long arms and legs and torso—and he had a grip. Even when he was a tiny baby, he squeezed my finger like he was trying to break it. Much Smoke said he had that kind of hold on life.” Her voice broke and she swallowed and took a few moments to regain her composure. “I was proud of him. Stands Tall was, too, at first. The minute we all agreed that poor Two Suns couldn’t hear, Stands Tall rejected him. I could see it in his face. He went out of his way not to touch our child after that. I feared for my son. Stands Tall hated him so.”

“I can’t imagine hating an innocent babe.”

She wiped a dribble of milk from the corner of Valor’s lax mouth. The baby was asleep. “I would have killed Stands Tall if the waters hadn’t gotten to him first. I planned to slit his throat and then drive the knife into his black heart.” Her gaze lifted briefly to his. “I’m not such a nice person.”

“If any husband deserved such a fate, it was Stands Tall. To murder your own son …” He shoved a fist into the hay-packed mattress.

“I don’t know if he killed him or just left him out in the woods for scavengers to f–feed on.” She swallowed again, but tears welled in her eyes. “I hope he killed him. That sounds t–terrible, but I—”

“I understand,” Tucker cut in, saving her from explaining. “And I hope he did, too.” He stood and took Valor from her while she fluffed the bedding in the cradle. He placed Valor among the warm blankets and furs, then stepped back to let Copper tuck the baby in and give her a good-night peck. It had become routine, their putting the baby to bed together, and one Tucker cherished.

Standing beside Copper at the cradle, Tucker liked to place his hand on her shoulder and stare lovingly with her at Valor. He liked to pretend that Copper was his wife and Valor was their daughter.

“Thank you, Tucker.”

He glanced sideways at her. “For what?”

“For asking about Two Suns. No one else ever has. It was good for me to talk about him.”

He squeezed her shoulder. “I’m glad. I wish I could have seen him.”

She drew in a jerky, little breath. “I wish I could have saved him.”

“Awww, darlin’.”

Copper turned into his sheltering embrace and pressed her face into his shoulder. He rocked her to and fro, taking her pain, soothing her in a tender whisper.

“I can’t imagine what it must have been like for you, how it must have haunted you,” he said, tightening his arms around her. “Does it still?”

“Some. I’ll never forget it, of course. It’s changed me. I’m frantic that something will happen to Valor.”

“I know, I know.” He ran his hands up and down her back. “But she’s doing fine, sugar. Growing like a weed.”

She laughed weakly and leaned back in the circle of his arms. “She is, isn’t she? And you’re so good to her. Thank you for that.”

“I couldn’t be anything but good to this darlin’ child.” He turned his head and looked into the cradle.

Lantern light caressed his face and his eyelashes cast long shadows on his cheeks. Affection shone in his eyes as he gazed at her sleeping baby, and love for him burst in Copper’s heart. She plucked at the ties on the front of his shirt, loosening them, then making the opening wider to clear his head. He tore his gaze from Valor and lifted his brows in a questioning manner. She smiled and yanked his shirt up. He raised his arms to assist her in removing the garment. She tossed it onto the upper bunk and splayed her hands across his muscled chest. The hair tickled her sensitive palms. Slowly, she licked a spot wet in the center of his chest and put a lush, openmouthed kiss there. He moaned. She continued, leaving the hair damp and following the trail to his waist. She unfastened his trousers and pushed them and his woolen undergarment off his hips. He sprang up, fully erect, and she angled a glance at him and laughed at his sheepish grin.

He scratched his head, looking confused. “How’d that happen?”

“I certainly had nothing to do with it.”

“Oh, sure.” He cupped her breasts, lifted them, and tongued them through her doeskin shirt.

Copper grasped handfuls of his hair and shook her head from side to side in mindless pleasure. The past days had been pure heaven for her as she’d given him free reign over her body. He had introduced her to a side of herself she’d never known before—a wild, wanton side that greedily clutched at every ounce of pleasure and was never fully sated—at least, not for long.

She retreated from his hungry mouth to remove her shirt, flour-sack skirt, and underwear while he sat nude in the rocking chair and watched boldly, breathlessly, one foot flexing against the floor to keep the chair in motion. Copper curled onto the lower bunk and crooked a finger at him. She didn’t have to signal him twice. He leaped from the chair and was on the bunk next to her before her laugh crossed her lips.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered feverishly, then his lips covered one of her nipples. His agile tongue made her breasts blush and her nipples harden.

Copper purled, the sounds rising and falling with the tempo and intensity of his lovemaking. She bent her knees to give him quick access. He plunged into her, powerfully but never painfully. She no longer thought of pain when she thought of making love. Tucker had erased that image, replacing it with sweet anticipation to join with him and be taken to the peak of passion. The journey there was always different, the fulfillment always shared.