Deborah Camp (38 page)

“It’s not Lu’s fault. It’s mine,” Regina confessed. “I was ashamed of Jack. I didn’t want everyone gossiping about me and my past. I thought it would interfere with my work here.”

“Regina,” Mrs. Nation said, her tone gently scolding. “Be honest. You didn’t want anyone to know that you have an affliction running through your family. I’ve struggled with the same thing. My first husband was a drunk and I’ve always said it was because of his drinking that our child was born with health problems. I was too ashamed and too afraid to bring any more children into the world. I knew people talked about me, about how my child was poorly, sickly. But I wasn’t going to be ashamed of my flesh and blood. I had to stand by my child. If her mother turned against her, who would be there for her?”

“You know about my mother,” Regina said. “I guess she passed her weakness onto Jack … and onto me.”

“I don’t think so. You’ve shown no weakness that I can see.”

“I’ve told her that myself,” Lu said. “She’s so very strong. She’s my rock and has been through all of this.”

“I’m glad to be here for you,” Regina said, leaning across the tea table to grasp Lu’s cold hand. “And I should have told everyone that Jack was my half brother. You remember when I first came here, Mrs. Nation, you asked if I was running from a drunkard, and I told you that I wasn’t.”

“I recall that.”

“Well, that was true. But when Lu came here, I knew it was only a matter of time before Jack showed up, and I was afraid you’d think I had lied to you … that I hadn’t been completely truthful.”

Mrs. Nation nodded, but remained silent.

Regina dropped her gaze, feeling stupid for the omissions. “Now that I think about it … perhaps I wasn’t entirely truthful even to myself. But lately I’ve come to see how silly it was for me to hide my past. When Lu and Annie came here, I should have just told you the truth. Looking back, I know that you gave me every opportunity to do just that.”

“True, and what is also true is that you
were
running from a drunk when you first came here,” Mrs. Nation said.

“No, no, not really,” Regina protested. “I never thought I’d see Jack again. He left home years ago and I hadn’t heard much from him. I wrote Lu, but I had no contact with Jack. Did I, Lu?”

“She’s right, Mrs. Nation. Jack wasn’t interested in keeping in touch with Regina. He didn’t even want me writing her, but I did so without letting him know about it.”

“I wasn’t talking about Jack,” Mrs. Nation said, bringing her powerful gaze to bear on Regina. “I was speaking about your mother, Regina. Haven’t you been running from her for a very long time?”

Regina shook her head before realization seized her. It was as if a bright light burst through her, making her see everything more clearly—so clearly that it almost hurt for her to look. “Yes,” she whispered, setting the cup and saucer down because her hands had begun to shake. “Yes, I suppose I have been trying to escape the memory of her.” She met Mrs. Nation’s unwavering gaze.
“Thank you for understanding, Mrs. Nation. Theodore said you would.”

“When you’re not so close to something, it’s easier to see it.” Mrs. Nation’s pugnacious face wrinkled in a smile. “And I’m glad
Theodore
thinks so highly of me—and of you.”

Regina felt her face heat up. “I … yes, well, he holds you in high regard.” She struggled with the temptation to tell Mrs. Nation about her days at the Gold Star. “There’s something else.” Regina met Lu’s gaze and received a nod of encouragement. “I … oh, this is hard to talk about.”

“Go on, child. What is it?”

“Maybe this isn’t the best time. I mean, what with Jack’s burial facing us. Oh, Lu, the man who shot Jack gave the sheriff some money for Jack’s funeral and burial. It’ll be enough to cover the costs.”

“The man must be a Christian,” Mrs. Nation said. “Now what did you want to tell me, Regina? Confession is cleansing.”

Regina closed her eyes and saw Theodore’s tender smile, felt the strength of his embrace, recalled the faith he had in her. “I was a saloon singer before I came here, Mrs. Nation. And I imbibed.” She opened her eyes and felt the sting of tears. “I drank to find the courage to get on stage and sing. If I was running from a drunk it was me.”

Mrs. Nation smiled benignly. “You?” She chuckled, sharing the moment with Lu. “Why, you haven’t so much as touched a drop of spirits since I’ve known you, Regina Rose, so how can you say such a thing?”

“But I drank at the saloon!”

“And you quit drinking and came here to devote yourself to healing the wounds inflicted on those living with drunkards, did you not?”

“Well, yes, but … but I worked in a saloon!”

“We all have our downward tumbles, dear. How can we appreciate the shining peaks if we have not first known the valley’s shadows?”

Regina fought back a sob. “Oh, Mrs. Nation. You are most kind. I feel terrible for keeping secrets from you. Terrible.”

“Then you’ll not want to be keeping any others.” Mrs. Nation reached out and patted her hand. “Now let’s gather ourselves for the tasks ahead of us and leave the past in the past.”

“After the funeral, I’ll look for work,” Lu said, almost to herself. “I can’t stay here now that Jack’s dead. I’ll have to find a way to support me and Annie.”

“Don’t think on that now,” Mrs. Nation said. “You can stay as long as you like.”

Regina nodded, but she felt no conviction after Mrs. Nation’s talk of another tour and more of her time spent in Kansas. It might be a good idea if she, too, looked for work outside the boardinghouse. Either that or prepare herself for yet another move to another town full of strangers.

A town without Theodore Dane.

S
tanding before the open grave, Regina bowed her head while Mrs. Nation spoke comforting words and asked that Jack’s life and death be an example for all who knew him.

“He tried to drown his problems in whiskey,” Mrs. Nation said, “and drowned his soul instead. But we shouldn’t judge too harshly, for all of us turn away from problems and trouble instead of asking for strength to deal with them. Jack Beck showed us what can happen if we succumb to the lesser spirit instead of the greater one. Let’s learn from his example and thank God for it.”

A murmur passed among the fourteen mourners. Eric stood on one side of Lu and Annie on the other. Annie stared at Lu, more concerned about her mother’s tears than her father’s death. Eric placed an arm around Lu and she sagged against him.

Regina stared with great sadness at the coffin as it was being lowered into the earth. Papa was gone, and Mama was gone, and now Jack was gone. All whisked from her life because of liquor. Theirs could have been a normal family if not for gin and whiskey and rye. If only they had learned to admit their problems, confess their feelings, and reach out for love, then they wouldn’t have turned
inward and grabbed at something to numb their aching hearts. Poor Jack. All he wanted was love. That’s all anybody really wanted.

She sneaked a peek at Theodore. He was staring at the casket. What was he feeling? Did he want to be here with her, or was it merely an obligation? She wished they could have had more time together before this tragedy had struck. It was a hard test for so young a love.

“Is there anyone else who would like to express their feelings for this man?” Mrs. Nation asked.

A response spiraled through Regina, surprising her at first, then enlightening her. Confession was good for the soul, she knew, and she wanted all to know that Jack was more to her than a town drunk. Some people here already knew that, because she’d told the boarders at Mrs. Nation’s, but others were unaware that the man in the coffin was her half brother.

Lu straightened and drew in a deep breath. “I … he was—that is, he could be kind when he wasn’t drinking. He loved Annie.” She stroked her daughter’s hair. “And he loved me when he could.” Her voice failed her and she shook her head, unable to continue. She looked across the gaping ground to Regina, sharing a moment of deep regret.

Regina felt Theodore move closer to her and then he grasped one of her hands. She looked at him. His eyes implored her gently.

“Anyone else before we say the final prayer?” Mrs. Nation asked.

Theo squeezed Regina’s hand, and she knew what he was asking of her. She found the courage she needed in his eyes. Taking a step forward, but still holding his hand, Regina faced the others gathered at the cemetery on that bright, sunshiny morning.

“Thank you all for coming today,” she said, her voice clear as a bell. “It means a lot to Lu and Annie—and to me. Jack Beck was family, you see. My family. Jack was my half brother.” She caught a glimpse of Boyd Stewart’s look of surprise and heard Dorrie Festerman’s gasp. Eric’s eyes widened and he glanced from Lu to her and back again.

“Laws, laws,” Jebidiah murmured. “If that don’t beat all.”

“I was ashamed of Jack and ashamed of our family,” Regina explained. “Jack learned his drinking from my mother. Ours was an unhappy family. But it was wrong not to tell you that he was my kin, mainly because that meant I also had to deny my kinship to Lu and Annie.” She smiled across the open grave at her sister-in-law and niece. “Jack wasn’t kind in recent years, but there was a time when he was—before liquor took him from all of us who loved him.”

She cleared her throat nervously. Theo inched closer and brushed his thumb across the top of her hand in a caress. In that moment, it seemed that Theodore’s love was all she’d ever need.

“When we were kids, Jack and I used to sing in the church choir and sometimes we’d even sing at home. Singing together made us happy, but then things got so bad at home that we stopped. I’d like to sing a hymn for Jack now. Just like in the old days.”

Fear bloomed in her, but she gripped Theodore’s hand and fought against the tightening in her chest and throat. Her desire to do this one last thing for Jack conquered her dread and her quivering insides. Her voice emerged breathy and small at first, but grew stronger with each note. The hymn was an old one she and Jack had learned years ago in the First Baptist Church of
Wichita. Peace settled through her. When she started to repeat the chorus she was delighted that Theo’s rich baritone joined her lyric soprano. She smiled at him, loving him more than she’d thought possible. One by one, the others joined in to sing the chorus once more.

“Take back this soul you have shared with us,” Mrs. Nation said. “Let him reside in Your Kingdom, happy at last. Amen.”

“Happy at last. Amen,” Regina repeated. She turned away from the grave and into Theodore’s embrace.

Sitting in the backyard swing later that day, Regina rocked herself gently, grateful for the time alone. After the funeral, a few people had come to Mrs. Nation’s bringing food and expressions of sympathy. Theodore had been the last to leave, promising to return the next day to check on her. His presence was so comforting that it was frightening. Regina told herself it was natural for her to be a little wary of her intense feelings for Theodore. They were new, unexplored, and in a way, unexpected.

Events had moved so quickly through the spring and into summer, she thought, recalling the first day she’d met Theodore and the attraction she’d felt even in those first minutes. She’d fought so hard not to like him, to thwart his advances, to shut him out of her dreams, but she’d lost those battles. The night of Jack’s death, she’d lost the war, surrendering to Theodore’s magnetism.

Sadness had settled in so quickly after that magical evening that she hadn’t had time to appreciate it or ask herself how she felt about it. Not only that, but she had the threat of Mrs. Nation’s moving from Arkansas to contend with! Soon Mrs. Nation would be off on another speaking tour.

Get used to it
, Regina told herself. Of course, she should be flattered that Mrs. Nation trusted her to run the boardinghouse. But Regina had come to Eureka Springs to learn from Mrs. Nation. She’d come to rely on the older woman’s wisdom. Mrs. Nation had represented security then, but not so much anymore. It seemed that Regina wasn’t around Mrs. Nation at all lately, and when Mrs. Nation was home, her thoughts were in Kansas. Kansas, where Prohibition laws were being ignored. Kansas, where Teddy Bea lived. Kansas, where Mrs. Nation had another boardinghouse for drunkards’ wives and children—a bigger one, better supported by the community. Kansas, where Regina Rose had been the Wild Irish Rose.

I don’t want to go back there
, she thought.
I didn’t like myself back there, but I like myself here. Oh, why can’t we stay here?

She found herself staring at the house on the next hill—the house built by the banker, Mr. Cooper, for a woman the whole town knew was his mistress. Well, at least she doesn’t have to worry about money, Regina thought ruefully. But how can she have any self-respect, living on a married man’s money?
Things could be worse for you
, she told herself firmly.
You could have succumbed to the saloon life back in Dodge City and worked upstairs like the other girls
. At least she had escaped Kansas with her integrity intact. At least she wasn’t making her living flat on her back like that lady in the big house on the hill.

“Regina?”

“Back here!” Regina called, answering Mrs. Nation.

The short, plump woman strode between their two houses, her white dress dazzling in the slanting summer sunshine.

“Ah, you’re relaxing,” Mrs. Nation observed. “Very good. It’s been a stressful time for you.”

“Very much so,” Regina admitted, planting her feet and stopping her swinging motion. “I was just thinking about how things have happened so fast that my head is swimming.”

“That’s why I hate to even bring this up …”

“What?” Regina’s stomach tightened and she gripped the rope handles, holding on for another blow. “What’s wrong now?”

Mrs. Nation patted her shoulder. “Nothing we can’t withstand, dear, so relax.” She heaved a sigh and worry pinched lines in her face. “I’ve had to make a difficult choice, but I know you’ll see that I’ve done the right thing.” Mrs. Nation pulled a yellow envelope from her pocket. Regina saw the bank’s stamp on it and braced herself. “This is a notice for back taxes, Regina. That money-hungry banker, Mr. Cooper, is making such a fuss over them. I’ve paid half of the taxes and he’s agreed to wait for me to return from my speaking engagements for the rest of the taxes owed.”