Decadent (17 page)

“I guess.”

“But what if this is all a rebound from what Orion did
to him?” he questioned, folding his arms over his chest.

Konnor
was defensive and glaring; he knew there was no hope anymore. Lachlan wasn't on the rebound, that much was obvious, but he gave it its due thought.

“Then I'll deal with that when the time comes.” He shrugged lightly. He would never have to face that eventuality. If he did
, he would obviously be heartbroken, but somehow he would get through it. He would have to.

“I'm not worried about you. I'm worried about Lachlan!” Konnor shouted at him suddenly.

As far as Cormag was concerned that was the nail in the coffin. He knew exactly what Konnor was driving at. It was so insulting and hurtful that he wanted to give the kid a shake. “So you're not asking because you're afraid I'm going to get my heart broken you're asking because you don't want Lachlan to be with me now and realise I'm a rebound? Because you don't want him to be disgusted with himself for being with another guy, right?” he asked as bluntly as he could.

He wanted to put the point across to Konnor that he had no right thinking that way. He had no idea what he and Lachlan had done together. He had no idea how Lachlan felt about it. He got to his feet, ready to head off for an early lunch break, deciding it was time to close the door on the discussion. “Get out.”

“Sorry?” Konnor frowned in confusion.

“I asked you to leave,
” Cormag made himself clear as he turned to grab his keys and phone from the table. He walked Konnor out of his office and left him standing outside the locked door.

Lachlan frowned to himself as he got out of school at the end of the day and checked his mobile. There was no missed call or text from Cormag. That was weird. He had called at one, like they had agreed, only to find that his mobile was off. At first he thought that he had been forced to work through his lunch break, which meant he had to keep his phone off. But even then he couldn't understand why he hadn't been sent a text to warn him. He couldn't help it; he was getting worried. Cormag wasn't a secretive person and he always replied to a text.

He sent off a text to his dad as soon as he realised Cormag hadn't been in touch, telling him that he wouldn't be home that night. He had enough clothes in the overnight bag he'd left at Cormag's to do a few more days. He got a reply straight away agreeing, but demanding that he stay home for the whole weekend. He understood why, so he sent back his agreement.

Instead of heading home he quickly stopped by the market to buy something for dinner and walked to Cormag's house. The curtains were still shut, there was no sign of lights being on in the living room and when he tried the front door he found it locked.

Lachlan was nervous as he lifted his hand and knocked on the door. He hoped that nothing had happened to make Cormag hate him. Being forgotten was one thing, but being deliberately ignored was quite another.

The door finally opened to his third knock and Cormag appeared, looking tired and uninterested in seeing him. It hurt, but he tried not to let on. “What?” he asked, as he stood holding the door open. Lachlan took a deep breath, hoping for the best.

“Wow, you
're in a mood. I brought dinner,” he said, holding up a carrier bag that Cormag glanced at before rolling his eyes.

“I'm not hungry,” h
e complained, immediately turning and walked into the living room.

Lachlan figured that the still open door was an invitation he couldn't turn down. He needed to know what was going on before his sensitive emotions took over and he begged Cormag to still want him. But when he followed him through to the front room, he was shocked to see what a mess it was in.

The coffee table was bare except for three empty bottles of beer, with the papers that had been on it that morning now strewn across the floor. There was a box on the sofa right next to where Cormag was sitting that he could see was full of old photographs, bits of paper and a yearbook. And suddenly his emotions took a one-eighty flip to furious. He'd spent half the day worrying that something had happened to him and he was getting drunk?

“What did you do when you got hom
e from work…have a hissy fit?” he asked, trying to lighten the mood whilst getting answers.

Cormag didn't even look at him. He sat down, lifted the last bottle of beer from the pack of four sitting on the floor and popped it open on his coffee table. Before he could get any further, Lachlan grabbed the bottle and took it with him into the kitchen to pour down the sink.

Whatever was going on was not going to be solved by Cormag drowning himself in beer. As it was he wanted to throw a tantrum of his own for the way he blatantly disrespected his wooden coffee table by popping open a beer bottle on the edge of it.

It was rude, disgusting and completely wrong
, considering the way he'd talked so lovingly about the day he'd bought it. Monroe had helped him pick it out after Heath smashed the glass table that had been there before with Cormag's body. The last table had been wrecked the night Heath kicked the crap out of him for demanding his stuff back and Cormag had grown to love the new replacement because it was his. Because it had no memory of any other man attached to it. Why would he risk destroying it by mistreating it?

“What's going on?” Lachlan asked, a little more harshly as he returned to the living room.

Cormag sat back in his seat with a sigh, running his hands over his face. When he refused to answer him he decided to tackle the thing he was most worried about. “Why didn't you answer your phone when I called? Not a text, not a word. I was worried about you and now I come home to find you getting drunk and the place a pigsty. What the hell is going on?” he wondered, desperate to know what was wrong.

Cormag finally met his eyes, looking sad and confused and angry. But still he didn't speak.

“Don't you want me anymore?” Lachlan asked, feeling sad but defiant. He'd risked everything to be with him and now he was being pushed away. It made him so angry. He wanted to throw a fit of his own, but he was an adult and that was beneath him. It was beneath Cormag too. He was better than that.

“That little basta
rd came to see me at work today,” Cormag explained eventually, with a look that said he didn't want to talk about it, but that he didn't want to hurt him either.

“And I'm supposed to know who that is, how?” He sighed, unable to make sense of anything he was doing or saying. It wasn't him. It wasn't the Cormag he knew and cared about. But what frightened him was the thought that this might be the
real
Cormag.

“Wi
ll you stop with the sarcasm?” he snapped at him.

Lachlan took a deep breath and sat down on the sofa beside him. The more he said, the more worried he was. He had left the bag of groceries in the kitchen; whether he stayed or not at least Cormag would have something to eat. He placed a hand on his knee and tried to make him look at him.

“I'm serious, Cormag, what's going on?”

“I don't know if I can do this,” h
e said, meeting his eyes with such a serious, sad look that Lachlan knew he meant it. As much as he felt that everything was falling apart he tried to keep his voice level and his face with as little expression as possible. He wasn't going to lose his first boyfriend because someone had got between them and interfered in their relationship. He wouldn't allow it.

“You mean us,” h
e realised.

Lachlan watched Cormag closely as he moved to sit up in his seat. He looked unsteady, but he didn't dare reach out to help him in case he had decided to break up with him. For all he knew the getting drunk, feeling sorry for himself part of the day was because he was trying to get up the courage to say the words. He wasn't going to take anything for granted.

“I hate that sound in your voice,” Cormag said suddenly, as he shook his head and looked away. “You sound heartbroken…and that's how I feel. I didn't want you to ever feel this way again. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, but I'm doing what is right. I'm doing this for you, so that you don't have your whole life turned upside because of me,” he continued, almost rambling as he leaned forward and put his bottle down on the coffee table.

Lachlan didn't know what to say to that so he tried talking through it. “So Konnor came to see
you at work. What did he say?” he asked, reaching out to brush gentle fingers at the base of his neck. He knew Cormag loved it when he did that. Cormag said it was soothing, so he hoped it helped calm him down now.

“A load of
shit I could do without hearing,” he replied shortly.

Lachlan let out a sigh and tried to be logical. He
couldn't believe that he'd told him that they had to break up and there he was, fighting for them. He had never thought himself capable of such a thing, but he was finally beginning to realise that Cormag was worth fighting for. Wasn't that what he'd been trying to tell everyone ever since they met?

A lengthy silence followed his words as he lifted the box from the sofa and put the lid on it without even looking inside. The contents didn't matter; he knew what was inside anyway. All he knew was that no-one had ever treated Cormag like he was worth anything. No-one but his family, at least and that wasn't right. He needed him to know that despite everything – his past relationships, what other people said, what
Konnor
said – none of it mattered to him. All that mattered to Lachlan was how he felt. And right now, he felt like Cormag was 'the one' that he'd been unconsciously looking for his whole life.

No-one had ever treated him the way Cormag did and he didn't feel worthy of it. And even if the impossible was true – if he did care about him that strongly – he could never do anything to repay him for his love. He didn't think loving him back was enough. Cormag thought
he
was the one who wasn't good enough or deserving enough, so he would do whatever it took to prove him wrong.

“Cormag, look at me.” Lachlan touched his face and gently turned his head until they were looking at each other. He didn't understand what Konnor had done, but he knew enough of how he'd been acting lately to guess.

Whatever Konnor had done, Cormag had been taken back to all those horrible memories of how people had once treated him. It wasn't like that anymore, but obviously his idiotic best friend had triggered a memory. And when he had given that horrible box a quick glance as he put the lid on it, he had that suspicion confirmed. It was full of photographs taken during high school, when Cormag looked positively depressed, and hateful letters with big bold insults. He reached across and placed it on the far side of the sofa, away from Cormag's gaze, before speaking.

“I know it was bad for you before. I know you got hurt. I won't let Konnor do this to
you again. Tell me what he said,” Lachlan asked him to be honest. He didn't want any secrets between them anymore, especially when it sent him rocketing into self-destruct mode.

It seemed to work. He could see that his plea melted away any resolve Cormag had to break up with him and push him away. He didn't want to lose him; he could tell that from his eyes, so he confessed every word.

Gradually, Lachlan's gentle hands encouraged him to relax and he was soon lying on the sofa with his head on his lap. He didn't even notice when he kicked his box onto the floor; he could only think about the soft fingers brushing over his hair. It was exactly what Lachlan wanted. When he was finished talking he kissed his temple.

“Will you l
eave me to deal with him now?” he encouraged him to ignore Konnor from then on. He wasn't worth ruining their relationship over. He was supposed to be his friend, but all he was doing was trying to tear them apart. He wouldn't allow it.

Cormag nodded, looking tired so Lachlan came up with a plan.

“Why don't you take a kip? You've been working a lot and this weekend was hectic. I'll sit here and read a while. You go to bed and I'll wake you up when dinner's ready,” he suggested.

Cormag looked up at him, a glimmer of amazement in his eyes. Lachlan wondered if what he'd said was that as
tounding. “I wish you were here,” he confessed in a whisper.

“I am here, silly.” Lachlan frowned at him lovingly.

“I mean all the time. When I get home from work. Especially today,” he said, sounding as tired as he looked.

He could only guess Cormag meant that he regretted everything he'd done and said until a moment ago. He hoped he was trying to tell him that if he'd come home in a rotten mood after talking to Konnor only to have him there he wouldn't have let himself get so down.

“I'm glad to hear that. Because I told my dad I was staying over tonight,” he told him.

“I can't even tell you how happy I am about that. You always think about me and put me
first, without even knowing it,” Cormag confessed. It was sweet.

“Call it intuition. I missed you and I had this
feeling maybe you missed me too,” Lachlan confessed that much, now that he knew his silly scholar was hurt and insecure. He didn't want them to break up, but he thought he was doing the right thing. So he wanted him to know that it wasn't. He didn't want to lose what they had. Not for Konnor, not for anyone. He nodded his agreement; he had missed him too.

“Maybe I will get some sleep,
” Cormag decided.

Lachlan was glad for that; he seemed emotionally drained.

“I'm comfortable right here,” he admitted, smiling when he pulled a cushion from the sofa and placed it under his head.

“Me too,
” Lachlan agreed.