Authors: Shayla Black
He braced himself against the doorframe and stared at the gentle rise and fall of her chest, visible by the streetlamp’s glow slanting through his bedroom window.
A million thoughts assailed him at once.
Had she turned Luc’s marriage proposal down? Deke had no doubt that his cousin had issued one. Maybe she hadn’t answered. Or maybe Luc had given her last night to deal and would ask her today. Yeah, that seemed likely. And maybe Kimber had stuck around just to give him the ass chewing he deserved for getting her pregnant in the first place, then handling it so badly. Whatever the reason, he didn’t deserve her and he knew it.
How had life gotten so fucked up? No, life wasn’t; he was. And that wasn’t going 383
to change. It was what it was, and Kimber was better off with Luc. Even if seeing the two of them together was going to kill him. She whimpered in her sleep.
Pushing aside all the reasons he should leave her alone and let Luc take care of her now, Deke stumbled across the room, to the edge of the bed.
A glance at her red nose and the silvery paths down her cheeks told him she’d been crying. Damn, he’d rather be punched in the stomach for a week by the heavyweight champ than see that. And despite everything, he wanted nothing more than to crawl up in his bed beside her, tuck her against him, and sleep. Then wake slowly with her, stretching together, kissing, maybe…
No.
It wasn’t going to happen. Unless Luc participated, there was no way Deke could make love to Kimber. Would it make a difference if she was already pregnant? Maybe…but he wasn’t sure. Maybe the mental crutch of the
ménage
was Shayla Black Decadent just too embedded into his psyche. Even if he could make love to Kimber alone while she was pregnant, what about after the baby was born?
She didn’t want to be shared anymore, and Deke couldn’t picture calling Luc again to join the party. After last night…there wouldn’t be any more parties with him and Luc and this luscious woman—or any other. With Kimber, they’d shared their last. He’d come to that conclusion after about his fourth beer. He’d have to find someone else to share with and make sure every woman between them was utterly meaningless. But after Kimber, he didn’t think the last part would be a problem. Eventually. The utter disinterest in sex he’d experienced with Alyssa wouldn’t happen forever, right?
He was also going to stop being a chicken shit and get a vasectomy. Ensure there’d be no more issues. Ensure he never fucked up another woman’s life again.
And he was going to have to move. Leave Tyler, Texas. He couldn’t see Luc and 384
Kimber together day after day, year after year. After he ensured that she didn’t take the pill-bottle way out of life, leaving was the only way he could deal. And there was no fucking way he could watch them build a life together.
Even now, when he knew all was well and that he should leave them, he couldn’t make himself walk away from her. Instead, he knelt by the bed. Kimber’s sleep-lax hand was right in front of him, and he took it gently so he didn’t wake her. But even he felt the desperation in his touch as he brought her fingers closer to his lips and pressed a bittersweet kiss to the back of her hand, trying not to crush her.
God, he loved her. Somehow, even when he’d worked for the Colonel and she’d been seventeen, some part of him had suspected even then that she’d be his weakness. Now, not only was he going to have to do without her, but know she belonged to a man he regarded as a brother. And the sad fact was, Kimber was better off without him.
Shayla Black Decadent With that harsh realization, emotion rattled in his chest, exploded inside him.
Damn, he hated this shit, but he couldn’t stop it. The sting of tears attacked his eyes with the subtlety of an ice pick. Then they were falling and wouldn’t stop. Deke drew in great big lungfuls of air, trying to get on top of the tears and shove them back inside. But his breath stuttered as he tried to inhale. He closed his eyes as liquid heat poured down his face and he gripped Kimber’s hand in his.
What was he going to do without her? Looking back, she’d given him her complete trust, her tart sense of humor, her ability to be tough when necessary and soft when he’d needed it. He loved that feminine way she asserted herself, the way she could make him hard with just a smile.
Deke buried his face in the blankets next to her thigh and let the sobs happen.
Quietly. He didn’t want to wake her. Didn’t want anyone to know. But, oh fuck, he was bawling like a goddamned baby, and he couldn’t stop. His life had been one 385
giant screwup. For years, Heather had been top on his list of regrets. Now he could add Kimber. She was going to hurt like hell for years to come, and he had no idea how to make the situation any better. Except have the most rational discussion they could about the child growing in her belly, then leave her in peace.
Shayla Black Decadent
CHAPTER
19
In Luc’s car, Kimber floored her way into Dallas by eight that morning, the same tiny suitcase in hand that she’d left with. Only now, she had a broken heart.
When she’d awakened shortly before five a.m. alone to find Deke crashed on the sofa in their “man den,” Kimber couldn’t help but get the picture. After all, she’d been sleeping in his bed, which was big enough for the two of them if they cuddled.
Instead, he’d chosen the leather couch at the other end of the house. Kimber didn’t need him to draw her a picture; she understood the implication perfectly.
Sniffling as she eased the car from one highway, across the interchange, to another, Kimber turned on the radio and determined to think of the future—
without dissolving into tears.
She was going to have a baby. She was going to be a good mother, a nurse, live 386
near her family. Her he-men father and brothers would no doubt hit the ceiling when she eventually announced that she was having a baby and not getting married. They were horribly old-fashioned. But they’d get over it. If they insisted on beating the crap out of someone for knocking her up and not “doing right by her,” she’d simply point out that Luc had proposed and she’d refused. They’d have plenty to say about that. The fact Deke was actually the baby’s father was none of their business.
As she approached home, she called Logan. She didn’t really want to deal with him, but he was the information source about her dad and his release from the hospital, especially since
Hunter was still behaving with all the warmth of a glacier. He answered on the first ring and barked out, “Kimber?”
Lord, spare her caller ID. “Morning.”
Shayla Black Decadent
“Where are you?”
“Nearly back to my apartment.”
“Really? You finally found your brain and left the tagteaming twosome in Tyler?” No, she’d finally gotten in over her head and ruined the lives of two perfectly wonderful men, one of whom she’d never get over. “It’s over. By my choice. Let’s leave it there.”
She’d tell him about the baby later. When she was stronger. When Dad was better. When they weren’t on the phone. And not until she was absolutely ready to face them all.
“Glad to hear it.”
His tone intimated that she’d finally done the right thing and hadn’t it been 387
obvious.
No.
She felt wretched, and Logan’s attitude stomped all over her last nerve.
“Why? What did you have against them?”
“You’re kidding me, right? You, of all people, should know exactly why I wouldn’t want those kinky bastards anywhere near my sister. I want to throw up every time I think about the things they probably did to you—simultaneously, no doubt. The same things they’ve done to dozens of other—”
“Kinky?” Oh, Logan always knew the perfect way to hop up her temper, and she shouldn’t take the bait but… “That’s rich coming from you. Do you have to whip a woman and cause her pain to feel man enough to have sex with her?”
“Fuck,” he snarled. “No. That’s low, damn it! And it has nothing to do with”—he took a deep breath—“We’re off topic. You left them and you aren’t going back?” Shayla Black Decadent Kimber felt more like arguing, but figured that hitting his sex life was every bit as low as him hitting hers. In both cases, it was uncalled for. The realization deflated her. In the wake of her anger, she didn’t feel anything but crushed and damn tired.
“Right.”
She parked the car and collected her mail from its overstuffed box.
“Sorry,” Logan finally muttered. “I know you’re an adult. Deke and Luc were your mistakes to make. I’ll try to stop being a prick.”
“Thanks. I’m sorry, too. How’s Dad? When is he coming home from the hospital?” she asked as she let herself into her apartment. It was stuffy and had that closed-in smell. Though the morning was muggy, she opened a few windows for air.
“It’s looking like tomorrow. We’ll get some more test results back today, which 388
will give the doctors a clearer picture of his condition.” He paused. “Dad would appreciate a visit.”
“Now that the assbite who set the bomb is locked up and off the streets, I’m free to see him.”
“I don’t know how much longer they’re going to be able to hold Ronald Fusco Jr.
That’s his name. Dad helped send him to the big house about ten years ago. Ronny keeps saying he didn’t set the bomb. There’s no physical evidence tying him to it.
There
is
a shitload of evidence to support the fact he was harassing Dad, but nothing more concrete.”
Alarm jumped under Kimber’s skin. “Do the police still think he set the bomb?”
“Depends on who you talk to. Besides, doesn’t matter what they think, only what the DA can prove. Right now, they don’t even have enough evidence to get an indictment, much less go to trial. The guy might walk.” Shayla Black Decadent
“Damn it… What do you think? Is he guilty?”
“Could go either way. But my gut…he didn’t set the bomb.”
“So we could still have a psycho out there after Dad?”
“Or after you. While you were in the swamp, we got a couple of phone calls on Dad’s cell, some guy asking where you were and how to find you. He always used private, untraceable numbers and never talked long. I never knew if he was a reporter or a criminal.”
She frowned. Surely, he was overreacting. It had to be the press trying to get ahold of her and bite into the big juicy story of her and Jesse’s busted relationship, which seemed like a lifetime ago now…. She’d assumed about all the unavailable calls and mute voice mails on her cell phone were all members of the press, too.
389
“I haven’t made any enemies.”
“That you know of.”
True. Kimber sighed. But unlikely. Had to be the pesky press not knowing when to leave a story alone. “Go with me to the hospital later today, just in case?”
“Yeah. Let me know what time. Could I…” He hesitated. “I gotta ask, are you okay?
You sound like shit.”
She felt like it, too.
“I’m tired. The last two days have been really tough. I need a little space and rest.
I’ll be fine.” She hoped.
“Okay.” Logan didn’t sound like he believed her in the least, and she didn’t care.
“Call me later.”
Shayla Black Decadent
“Will do.”
After she disconnected the call, Kimber sorted through her mail. A lot of junk. A few bills she needed to pay. Later today, she’d call the manager of the restaurant where she’d been waitressing during nursing school and sweet-talk her way back into her job so she could pay said bills. Right now, she couldn’t face the future.
Another envelope caught her attention. From the State of Texas. Her NCLEX
results. God, could she take another shock if she hadn’t passed her nursing exams?
Trembling, she tore into the envelope and scanned the page. Relief hit her. She’d passed easily. Kimber exhaled. Whew!
All her hard work had paid off, and she had one less thing to worry about. Now, she and her baby would be assured a secure financial future. No doubt her family and Luc would all want to help. She’d rather not be beholden to any of them if she 390
didn’t have to. And after Deke’s reaction…she assumed he’d rather pretend she didn’t exist.
The very thought made tears threaten again, but she refused to let them flow.
One day at a time. Today was about righting her apartment and her family interaction—and putting the past behind her.
Kimber exited her apartment again, into the humid July morning. As she was pulling her suitcase out of Luc’s car and trying to decide how best to return the vehicle to him, her phone rang.
She looked at the caller ID and groaned. But if today was about putting her past behind her, that meant she had to take care of this, too.
“Hi, Jesse,” she greeted as she dragged her suitcase across the hot asphalt.
Shayla Black Decadent
“Just hi? I’ve been worried out of my mind! Who was the caveman that threatened me and called you his woman? And what did he mean?” Never mind that she’d been crying hysterically last night and was obviously upset about something. Had she ever really believed herself in love with him? Such stupid, girlish fantasies, borne of painting her memories of him with rosy brushstrokes and her complete inexperience with the opposite sex. Deke had been right about that.
“Just…no one who’s going to bother you again.”
“He sounded like a fucking barbarian. I was just trying to talk to you, and the guy sounded like he would have reached through the phone to strangle me if he could have.”
That was probably accurate, but no need to freak Jesse out more.
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“Did you need something?”
“I went up to Oklahoma City and St. Louis, put on shows, gave interviews—”
“In which you said we’re still getting married. What the hell are you thinking?”
“Don’t be angry, babe. I’m back in town for a few days. Can—can we meet somewhere for lunch? Quietly. I need to talk to you. Please. You’re like the lone voice of sanity in my crazed life.”
“Jesse, you’re the only one who has control over your crazed life, not me.”
“See, I’m not sure that’s true. I just… Please.” Kimber wanted to refuse him and knew she should. But given last night’s call and this early morning conversation, she didn’t think he was going to get the picture over the phone.