Because
she couldn't be sure her love for him didn't
show, she said
sharply, 'I don't have to listen about rain
bows and silver linings!'
'You
don't believe in them?'
'Not
very often.'
He
laughed. 'Then I'll have to prove to you that they do
exist,
and should exist, for someone as young as you.'
'You'll
have no time,' she reminded him. 'I'll be leav
ing soon.'
'True
enough,' he agreed curtly, his glint of mocking
amusement fading
as, to her surprise, he lifted her bodily
and impatiently, placing
her firmly on the trailer. So that
all she could think of,
on the way back to the standing,
was the ruthless strength of his arms.
When
he drew up inside one of the huge covered yards
he had built, she
jumped off the trailer at once, but al
most as if he had anticipated
her intentions, Logan was
there before she could run away.
There
was a flicker in the depth of the dark eyes which
sombrely
regarded her flushed face. She felt the vibrations
of
it coming towards her, as though he generated some
kind of unnerving
force, a force which threatened to crush all her defences.
'Thea,'
he said as she quivered, 'I haven't thanked you
properly yet for
making our Christmas so pleasant. In
Scotland we don't always
make a lot of Christmas, but this
year I really enjoyed it.'
Tm
glad.'
He placed an
apparently idle hand against the side
of
the trailer, so she couldn't leave without obviously
ducking around him, 'I didn't explain, either,
why I was
angry when you produced your presents.'
At
least he didn't pretend he hadn't been! 'It doesn't
matter now ...'
Lazily he lifted his
free hand to remove a piece of
straw from
her hair, making her heart beat too quickly. It
was the second time within the past hour that he had done
something to disconcert her. If she hadn't known
better
she might have thought he was
considering his next words.
'I'm
not without intelligence, Thea. At a rough calculation, I could almost
guess how much you had spent.'
'It—it
was my own money.'
'I
wasn't suggesting you stole it,' he ran an impatient
hand
over his own hair now, thrusting it back, 'but I under
stood
you were down to practically your last penny.'
"Not
quite,' she muttered, not looking at him, but un
able to stop the faint
flush that came to her cheeks. 'I—
I
earned a little in London, before I came here.'
'I
won't ask how.'
Blankly
her eyes flew to his, colliding head-on with the cold condemnation in his, as
they flicked darkly over her
slender, sensuous body. She felt her limbs tingle, her
pulse race, as though he had actually touched
her. She
had wanted his approval, but
it couldn't have been clearer
what he
was thinking. Dismayed, she jerked back, coming
painfully up against the side of the trailer, for she wore
nothing but a thin sweater, that didn't protect
her.
'You
don't believe ...!' she gasped.
His
smile was cynical, as he lifted cool eyes. 'With
strangers I keep
an open mind. You're a very attractive
girl.'
While
nothing had been actually put in words, they
both knew what
was under discussion. Thea closed her
eyes tightly for a
second, to prevent them filling with tears.
'I don't think I'll ever forgive you!'
Logan
didn't appear stricken. His mouth quirked, if
grimly, as if he
derisively surveyed his own foolishness. Lightly his fingers touched her cheek.
*You have the most amazing skin. It's smooth and satiny, like the petals of an
exotic
flower. The colour comes and goes, especially when
you're
annoyed with me. Have you ever been in love?'
The
unexpectedness of his question startled her. It startled her even more, when
she iried so hard to defy
him, to hear herself answering with
tremulous weakness,
'No, I've never been in love before.'
His
perception, as always, was rapier-sharp. 'Was that
last
word really necessary? Did I merely imagine a brief
hesitation?'
*No!'
she cried, too vehemently, not liking the feeling
that
she was in danger of losing control over her own re
sponses.
Helplessly, her eyes fell on the strong column
of his throat,
which the open neck of his shirt laid bare.
A pulse beat there
heavily; she knew a sudden, urgent desire to lay her lips against it. Alarmed,
she took a grip
of herself, praying she could keep her head.
Instinctively
she felt Logan was punishing her for
something she didn't
quite understand, and she must continue to
fight him.
'No!' she said again, making a greater effort to speak
casually.
'Besides, you wouldn't believe I was old enough
to be in love.'
'I
might take some persuading that you're old enough
to
know your own mind,' he replied tightly.
Lightly
she shrugged, as though not prepared to argue.
Her eyes fell to
the leather belt that fastened his trousers
to the muscled leanness
of his waist. If she looked at him
and he was able to gauge
the depth of her feelings, it
might be more embarrassing for
herself than for him.
When
she made no reply, he straightened, his arms
falling to his
sides with a taut sigh. 'I won't say anything
more about the
presents you bought, Thea. Obviously
you went to a lot of
trouble over them and I'm sorry if I spoiled some of your pleasure, but don't
do it again.'
'As
I'm leaving, I won't have a chance, will I?' she re
torted dully, walking
away from him.
Jamie ran from the
house as she approached it, coming to look for her. 'We've had a great walk,
Granny and I,' he told Thea happily. 'She says I may go to Edinburgh and stay
with her for a few days, if I'd like to. She thinks I'm old enough now to be
able to appreciate everything.'. He paused, gazing at Thea earnestly. 'The
castle and all that, you know. She also thinks that if I'm to go to boarding
school next year, a few small breaks beforehand will be good for me.'
Boarding school!
Thea's heart sank. She knew all about that. Jamie was so young, but then she
wouldn't be here. So there was no need to wonder how she would manage to put on
a brave face when it was time for him to go.
Trying to imitate his
happy smile, she looked at him. 'There's a lot of sense in what your
grandmother says, darling, and I know she'd love to see more of you.'
'As long as you'll be
here when I come home,' he said, unable to keep the uncertainty from his voice.
'Oh, come on!' she
laughed, not daring to confess she wouldn't be, and trying to hide her
unhappiness by grabbing his hand and pulling him teasingly indoors.
Neither of them
noticed Logan standing behind them, so they didn't see the dark expression on
his face.
CHAPTER
EIGHT
The
following
evening Thea helped Mrs Murray to get ready for the ball. Mrs Murray was so
excited she kept dropping and mislaying things.
'I should never have
managed without you, Thea, I'm sure. I do wish you'd been coming. I told Logan
that no one would mind, but he says it isn't that. It seems he wants you to
stay with Jamie. I do wish I'd thought of it sooner—we could have got
someone reliable from the
village to come
in. There are still plenty who would be only
too willing to oblige a
Murray.'
'Stop worrying,' Thea
laughed, pretending amusement, anything to convince Mrs Murray she didn't
really mind about missing the ball. 'I didn't really want to go, and Jamie
might be better with me. Logan (she felt ashamed that she had stopped trying to
remember to call him Mr Murray, in front of his mother) is taking your
daughter-in-law and if he knows Jamie's all right he'll be able to relax
completely.'
'Yes.' Mrs Murray
paused, then hurried on, 'I do know that Ingrid's coming, of course. Logan does
work hard, doesn't he, dear? You know, when my eldest son died I prayed that
Drumlarig could be saved for the family, but, to be quite truthful, I never
dreamed Logan would manage it. When he did I thought my prayers had been answered,
but I've often wondered since if I realised exactly what I was praying for.
He's had such a struggle that sometimes I feel guilty about it.'
Thea, busily tidying
the bedroom now that Mrs Mur
ray was
almost ready, didn't look up, but her voice sounded
slightly unsteady.
'He seems to be making a success of it.'
'Yes,'
Mrs Murray sighed, 'and I expect it will be better in a year or two. He never
tells me very much.'
'Doesn't
he?' Mrs Murray was so nice and understand
ing that Thea
thought she would be very easy to confide
in.
'We've
been apart too long, I'm afraid.' Thea noticed
Mrs Murray
staring at her own reflection in the mirror,
as if she didn't
really see it, 'After my husband died and
James took over, Logan
left his university and went abroad.
James and Ingrid were
married and I went to live in Edin
burgh with my youngest son. I haven't seen
much of
Logan since then. He needs a wife,
not a mother, Thea,'
she smiled
wryly, 'but I hope that if he marries again he'll
find more happiness with his second wife than he
did with
his first. Kay and he were never suited.'
Kay?
Thea never forgot how Logan had spoken of her
when he was
delirious. Why had his marriage to her been
unhappy? It was the
impression she had had from Martha
and his mother, from
Logan himself. It didn't seem pos
sible that they could all be mistaken.
She
and Jamie, with Martha standing in the back
ground, saw Logan
and Mrs Murray off. Logan looked so
splendid in his dress kilt and full regalia
that Thea's breath caught in her throat. He put his mother in the
car while Jamie returned to the warmth of the
drawing
room, but as Thea began to
close the front door he came
back to her.
Lightly
he touched her hair, prodding his knuckles under
her chin, his
eyes glinting down on her enigmatically. To
her utter astonishment
he said, his voice low and slightly
husky, If it hadn't been
for my mother's sake I shouldn't
have gone. I would have
stayed at home with you and
Jamie.'
The
morning after the ball, Martha commented that it
was Thea who
looked as though she had been out all night.
Logan, lifting his
head, glanced at Thea sharply but didn't say anything. She believed he hadn't
been to bed himself but simply changed his clothes when he had come in and gone
straight out again to feed the stock.
Thea, who had slept
badly, didn't reply to Martha's taunt either; she was used to them by now.
Instead, after asking Logan politely if he had enjoyed the ball and receiving a
brief reply to say he had, she got on with her work, putting out of her mind a
certain expression which she had thought she had caught in his eyes, as he had
left her, the previous evening.
A day later Mrs Murray
left. Logan took both Jamie and Thea to Fort William to see her off. Thea felt
almost tearful as she said goodbye. There was so much she had wanted to speak
to Mrs Murray about, and she wasn't sure if she would ever see her again.
Leaving Logan and
Jamie to say their own goodbyes, and to see Mrs Murray comfortably seated on
the train, she slipped into the booking office to enquire about the best
connections for London. Logan didn't ask what she had been doing, when she
joined him again, and she didn't offer any explanation. She guessed he knew
what she had been doing and approved, for he smiled slightly as he nodded
briefly at her.
After the train
finally disappeared into the distance, and Jamie stopped waving, they left the
station. The line was built along the shores of Loch Linnhe and today the
grey-ness of the skies was reflected in the water. This looked as cold as
Thea's heart felt, when she thought of the morning which must soon arrive when
she, too, would be leaving on the train, just as Mrs Murray had done.