Deception (20 page)

He eases me back down beside him, all jokes about terrible acting forgotten and tries to concentrate on the show, I can see the tic in his jaw though, see him struggle to keep his eyes on the TV. He feels this attraction too, but he understands I’m not ready for anything like that yet, even if my body is trying to tell me otherwise.

“Okay, I admit it, her laugh is outrageous. The acting is awful. But I’m fond of the simplicity of the show, how everything is easy and it all works out in the end. It appeals to me.”
And I like having an excuse to sit next to you every night.

“Simplicity?” he snorts. “This show has more plot twists than that vampire movie has fans, and that’s a lot.”

“True, but those problems are all solved easily, there’s always an uncomplicated solution and a happily ever after. If only real life was so effortless,” I sigh.

He moves my head to rest on his shoulder for the remainder of the episode. “It’ll get better, Roxi.” He’s not talking about the scenario on Palm Valley anymore. “I promise.” Only how can he? Does he know what it’s like to come out of this type of situation on the other side? I’m still not aware of exactly what he went through in the past. How similar is it to my present?

Our friendship is rapidly growing stronger, due to the unusual circumstances and all the time we’re spending together. I was worried he’d get sick of us quickly, but he seems to enjoy having us around. He’s left the house twice to go to appointments and when he comes back, he’s strangely quiet. Jake told me he goes out to see his therapist. How bad was his past for him to still be going to therapy years after?

“How long did it take for things to get better for you?” I ask, feeling him tense beside me. “You don’t have to say. I was just curious, but it’s none of my business. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No it’s all right. I’m just not sure if my answer will help you any. I still haven’t recovered.” The end credits to the show roll and a quick glance up shows me that he looks at the TV without seeing it. He becomes distant, far away. I’m losing him to his thoughts.
Will it be like this for Ricky and me in years to come? No, I refuse to let Joseph ruin our lives like that.

“For a long time I believed it was my fault. That I wasn’t behaving the way I should. I didn’t know any better, I was just a kid. I kept trying to please him, even though no matter what I did, it was never good enough.”

He’s opening up about his life, his childhood, his dad I’m assuming. When I picture it in my mind, all I see is Ricky. All I feel is my heart cracking at the memory of Joseph constantly rejecting him, how Ricky never gave up on trying to win his affection.

“He made me feel like less of a man. I was ashamed I couldn’t protect my mum.” His voice is a whisper, the words difficult to say, no matter how much he attempts to detach himself from the situation. I’m familiar with the glaze that covers his eyes. I get it when I talk about things so unfathomable; the only way to get them out is to pretend as though you’re talking about somebody else.

“Joseph made me feel like less of a woman.” It helps that he doesn’t analyse what I say, he just relates. Makes me feel as though I’m not alone.

He turns his head to face me, staring deep into my eyes. Our breath mingles and even though our lips don’t touch, it feels intimate. I feel a connection.

“You aren’t less of a woman, Roxi,” he whispers.

Without thinking, I tentatively press my mouth to his. Our gazes lock and I pull back slightly and confess, “You make me feel like I’m worth more.”
In the way you look at me, the way you respect me, and the inane things you do just to put a smile on my face.
“You may not have meant much to your father, but you mean a great deal to a lot of people.”

Tilting forward, he leans his forehead against mine. He rests there a moment before pulling back and kissing over my closed eyelids, the tip of my nose, my mouth. I gently suck on his lips, taking my time. Then rest my head on his chest and listen to the steady rhythm of his heart.

His arms come around me in a tender embrace, not asking to go any further, just holding me. Proving I’m worth more than sex and cleaning. Holding me as if he needs me too, as though I ease the burdens that weigh him down. We understand each other, and it’s perfect.

“I feel my body, my mind, weighted down — all is heavy — but my blood, my inner fire, my passion, the little unburdened kid in me, patiently waits to burst free.  Some of us die never having burst.”  - Terri Guillemets

Luke

M
y arms easily fit the whole way around Roxi’s tiny body. My hands touch behind her back and I grip them together tightly so I’m not tempted to let them wander. I want to fall into her, to lose ourselves in each other, until we both forget.

When I’m with her, things that I never tell anyone just seem to tumble out of my mouth. I’m not used to feeling this deeply, it scares me. For so long, I’ve made a conscious effort to never let anybody too close. It’s worked well for me. Not once have I ever felt the need to tell anyone what plagues me. I thought I had it all under control. I didn’t realise how badly I’ve been coping, until she unintentionally made me aware. I brought her into my life so I could save her, but really, I think we are saving each other. It’s different with her. I don’t want to use her for anything. 

“Luke?” she whispers, breaking the comfortable silence.

“Yeah?” I ask.

She nestles her head into my neck, “Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice.”

A chick that doesn’t ask for anything, the simple things in life satisfy her, and she appreciates them. It’s refreshing; especially when she’s entitled to be asking for the world after all she’s suffered. I’m losing the battle of keeping my hands locked behind her. My thumb slides under her shirt and rubs small circles on her lower back.

“Hey Luke?”

“Yeah,” I chuckle.

She sighs, “That feels incredible.”

I smile and begin to move in larger circles, using my whole hand and massaging the area. Facing me, with her eyes closed, she exhales and leans back into my touch. I take the time to admire how incredibly sexy she is. Her chest sticks out as she arches backwards, the outline of her nipples straining against my shirt, the one she wore the first night here, and that she continues to wear to bed. It looks a hell of a lot better on her than me.

Sliding my hands under her butt, I lift her onto my lap. Her eyes open wide, the light off of the TV, flickering in her irises. “I can reach you better this way,” I explain.

Pressing against me, she settles her head into the crook of my neck and moans low and contented. I’m used to fast, hard satisfaction, but there’s something about seeing Roxi like this that deeply fulfils me. Causing her this pleasure is gratifying in a way I’ve never experienced before.

Her muscles relax and she melts into me. Before long her breathing evens out and she begins to drift to sleep while straddling my lap. I should probably carry her into bed, but I’m selfish, I want to keep her with me, make this feeling last as long as it can. I lay backwards on the couch, bringing her with me. She lies on my chest, our legs entwined together and I breathe in her sweet scent. The faint smell of strawberries from her shampoo fills my nose.

I whisper in her ear, “Roxi.”

A lazy smile crosses her face and her eyes remain closed. “Mmm?” she questions sleepily.

“Goodnight.” I leave the TV on, keeping it on silent so I can watch her rest on top of me.

“Night,” she softly replies.

“Sweet dreams,” I murmur next to her ear, and kiss her lightly on the side of her face. I’m comfortable, but certain parts of me are far too awake to get any sleep, so I just lay here and soak it all in. I immerse in the feeling of being wrapped up in everything Roxi.

*****

I
’m in a daze, not quite awake, but not asleep either. Warmth envelopes me. Heat and pressure stroke along the length of my dick. My balls are tight as tension builds and my whole body aches with the need to explode, I push upwards needing more.

“Mmm,” Roxi moans above me and my eyes snap open.

Holy fucking shit!

Her eyes are closed and I’m almost positive she’s still asleep. I freeze, afraid that the slightest movement from me will cause her to stop. As she slides down my leg and rubs against me, her shirt rides up and reveals her black, lace panties. I fight the impulse to grab a hold of her ass with everything I have, but when her wetness seeps through my pyjama pants, I lose control.

I haul her back on top of me and my body arches off the couch, needing to feel more of her. Pre come leaks from my cock, adding to the sensation. When her hand slides under my waistband, I stop breathing. As she grips onto me, I exhale on a groan, deep and guttural.

If I allow this to go any further with her asleep, she’ll wake up to her panties in shreds on the floor and me, buried balls deep inside her. “Roxi,” I rasp into her ear. Her hand tightens around me but stops moving and I know she’s woken up.

“Umm...” her breath comes out in short pants, her voice shaky. “Sorry,” but she doesn’t let go of me.

“I’m not sorry.” I thrust up into her hand, unable to keep still.

“Oh my God, I didn’t mean to, I was asleep,” she frets. “This is so humiliating.” She keeps her head buried against my neck, too embarrassed to look at me.

“It’s okay, Roxi.” Rolling us onto our sides, I gaze into her eyes and assure her, “I was far from offended,” and then I give her a wink, trying to ease her discomfort.

“I haven’t done this... I mean I haven’t had urges like this in a long time. It’s just with Joseph, I...” her thought trails off, unfinished.

I don’t want her thinking of
him,
not while she’s here with me. In one swift motion I flip her underneath me, hovering above her and watching her face to gauge her reaction more clearly.

“I’m crazy about you Roxi, and I’d never pressure you into anything you’re not ready for.” It’s true, even though it’ll kill me not to have sex with her, I’m coming to realise I want her in any way I can get her, sexual or not. I’m lucky she came into my life, that I know her at all. She’s amazing.

She fists my shirt in her hands and pulls my mouth down to hers. Our lips move together perfectly, she tastes like heaven and my eyes roll to the back of my head. I rise back up and look down at her.

“I’ll never force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I want you to feel good, and if you don’t, I’ll stop right now, but I can’t read your mind, you have to tell me.” Even in the dim lighting I’m able to see a single tear roll down the side of her face, I kiss it away and sit up, pulling her up next to me.

“It’s okay, Roxi,” I promise.

She swipes at her eyes and shakes her head. “I’ve only ever been with one guy before. My attraction to you is so powerful and it’s all happening so fast, that all these things combined are making me nervous. But I want this, I want you.”

I slide my hand up her thigh and she whimpers and leans against me. “We don’t have to do it all Roxi. What if I just give you some relief, make you feel good?” Her hand covers mine and she moves it over to the dampness between her legs. My dick throbs as I trace a finger over the top of the lace and she bucks into my hand.

“What about you?” she asks with concern.

“Don’t worry about me. Pleasuring you will make me feel fucking incredible.” I move our hands up to my mouth and lick her wetness off my finger. I’m not sure what I enjoy more, the taste of her across my tongue, or the way her pupils dilate; turning her eyes an intense shade of black.

Standing up, I lift her into my arms and wrap her legs around my waist and she tilts her head to the side, silently questioning me. “Ricky could wake up at any moment and come out here. Let’s go somewhere a little more private. Jake’s at work, we can use his room.”

She nods her approval and I walk in and place her on the edge of the bed, before flicking the switch on the bedside lamp. “Lift your arms for me sweetheart,” I coax. She raises them in the air, never taking her eyes off mine. I slowly peel off her shirt and drop to my knees, taking one of her breasts in my mouth. The way she arches into me as I swirl my tongue around her nipple, sends desire shooting through me. I revel in the softness and then flick over the hard peak, her low keening sounds adding to my hunger.

“More,” she pleads.

As I pull back and allow my eyes to roam over her body, she covers herself with her hands, and sadness washes through me that her confidence has been taken away from her. I gently take a hold of her wrists and guide her arms away. “Don’t hide from me. You’re beautiful, fucking stunning. I want to see you, all of you.”

She lies back on the pillow; with her hair fanned out around her face and she looks gorgeous. Like a fucking goddess. “Roll over for me,” I instruct her. She turns onto her stomach and peers back at me over her shoulder, tempting me, seducing me, and driving me crazy with need. I rip off my shirt, craving the feel of her smooth skin against mine.

Pressing up against her, my front to her back is almost too much to bear. I roll my hips and push my erection against her, the friction exquisite. Her breasts fill my hands and I rub my thumbs over the peak of her nipples, before sliding them down along the curves of her waist.

I warn, “I hope you’re not too fond of these panties,” before tearing them off. Her gasp turns into a whimper, as I lower my head and press kisses along her lower back. I tease her, lightly caressing the tops of her legs and her sexy ass.  I slide my tongue between her lips and feel her tense beneath my touch. I know she is used to associating sex with something unpleasant. As much as I want to dive in deeper, to let her incredible taste fill my mouth, I pull back.

“Relax Roxi, I’m not gonna do anything you don’t want me to. If you don’t like it, let me know. I’ll stop straight away.” I feel her soften under my fingertips as I slide them along the delicate skin of her inner thighs. She trembles, as I lightly squeeze her bottom and continue to move over her back.

“I know,” she assures me.