Deciding Love (2 page)

“Thanks?”

“Let me see your schedule.”

I passed it over.

“Yay! We have lunch together. But no other classes,” she said with a pout. “At least we have lunch.”

The teacher walked in at that moment. Everyone settled down as she wrote her name on the blackboard. Cat looked over at me with another grin.

“This year is going to be awesome,” she whispered. “You and I? We’re going to be besties.”

I couldn’t help but smile back at her. She said that as if it were that simple. And who knows? Maybe it was. Suddenly I thought she was right, this year didn’t look so bad at all.

2

Kyle

“We’re over, Briggs.”

Pulling the phone away from my ear, I looked at the name on the screen just to make sure I wasn’t imagining this conversation. Yep. It was real.

With a sigh, I rubbed my hand down my face, checking the time and seeing I’d actually slept in for once in my life. I felt shittier than usual. That blowed. Must have been the sixer I’d downed with the guys the night before. Note to self, don’t drink so damn much.

“Did you hear me? I said we’re done!”

“Yeah,” I said, pulling my aching body up to sit on the edge of the bed. “I heard you, Jenn. I’m just trying to figure out exactly when we’d been going out in the first place.”

She huffed on the other end. “Of course, typical Kyle Briggs bullshit. Why am I not surprised?”

That was a good question. It could have saved me this conversation at nine in the morning if she’d figured this shit out on her own.

“You know,” she kept on, her rising voice ringing in my head. “one day you’re going to meet a girl who knocks you off your feet, and you won’t know what you’re doing anymore. Suddenly your commitment phobias are going to come around to bite you in the ass!”

“Spare me your psychoanalytical bullshit,” I said, standing up to walk into the bathroom. The scary reflection looking back at me had me cringing. I looked rough.

Hair a complete mess, eyes bloodshot and bagged, chin covered in a dark shadow - yeah, I’d seen better days.

“I’m serious,” Jenn said, pulling me back from my musings.

Wedging the phone between my shoulder and cheek, I pulled down my pants to take a piss while she rattled on.

“It’s always the same thing with you. Two weeks of fun and then this, nothing. You just end things as if you couldn’t care less.”

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but weren’t you the one to call me and end things? And again, we weren’t in a relationship.”

She sniffed loudly. Shit. I hated when they cried. I wasn’t a complete asshole. While I certainly wasn’t looking for a girlfriend, I still didn’t like making girls cry over me. I wasn’t worth it. I used them to occupy my time for a brief period and then I moved on. What Jenn was saying was the truth. Unfortunately it was me, and I didn’t see myself changing for anyone anytime soon.

“You were pretty much done with this days ago,” she said. Again, she was right. “I don’t know why I even put myself through this. Everyone warned me. And it’s not like I haven’t seen you do this with other girls before me. I guess I just hoped...”

She was different? That she’d be the one to change me? They all did. That was their problem.

“Look,” I said, fixing myself and washing my hands quickly, before going to search for clean clothes. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. You deserve better, Jenn, and I know you’ll find it with someone else.”

She let out a sad laugh. “Yeah. Right.” She paused. “I guess I’ll see you around then.”

Man I sucked at this. It was probably wrong to say, “hey, let’s just be friends” wasn’t it?

“Sure,” was my reply. I winced as soon as it came out. God, I could be an ass even when I didn’t mean to be.

“Bye, Briggs.”

She hung up without waiting for my reply, not that it would have been anything worth listening to. Throwing the phone on my bed, I scrubbed a hand over my face. That call had made me feel even worse than I already did. I probably deserved it, but that didn’t mean I liked it.

Girls were constantly trying to lock me down, change me. It wasn’t as though I refused to do it because I liked being with a lot of girls. I mean, it was fun - obviously, but I wasn’t some man-whore.

I just didn’t want the inevitable downfall that was sure to come with falling for someone. My dad thought my mom hung the moon and the stars. There were no other two people in this world that loved each other more than my parents. They were everything a couple should be - partners, lovers, best friends.

And then Mom had been diagnosed with MS, and slowly her health took a downward spiral. She still had her good days, but I could see the toll it took on Dad when she had really bad days.

It killed him to see the person he loved most in this world withering away before his eyes. As she slipped away, so did he. What would happen to her when she finally gave up and lost the fight? How would he ever go on without Mom?

It was going to ruin him. And that was exactly why I didn’t want to find that kind of love. Because I could see how it hurt like hell, and my own self-preservation said we didn’t need that kind of pain. Having a bit of fun and staying unattached seemed like a lot smarter way of dealing with girls than losing my heart and soul to one.

Seeing my parents was enough for me to appreciate true love and all its wonders, but deny it for myself.

Finding a decent pair of jeans and t-shirt, I headed to the shower to get this day started. I didn’t have class today, but I had a shift at the shop later this afternoon for a few hours before I’d have to go pick up my sister from school.

Now that we lived further from Bloomfield High, I made sure to always work my schedule around picking Cat up. Dad worked and Mom couldn’t drive, so it became my responsibility. One that I didn’t mind, because if there was one girl who I did actually love in this world, it was my baby sister. She was the one I needed to be strong for as our family slowly fell apart. I had to be there to protect her from all the world’s problems. Which meant, among other things, making sure she never wound up with a guy like me. I shuddered to even think of it.

“Morning, Kyle,” Mom said as I entered the kitchen.

She was reaching up in the cupboard to grab a mug, her hand shaking too badly for her to get a good grip. I hated seeing her this way. It ate up at something inside me that couldn’t decide whether it wanted to cry, or lash out and hit something.

“I’ll get that, Ma,” I said, going to reach over her. “Go sit down and I’ll bring you a tea.”

“Thanks, honey,” she said with a smile.

I watched as she used her walker to make her way back into the living room. At just over forty, Mom now looked like she was nearing her sixties. Her face was still young, but her hunched, frail body made her appear older. She had lost so much weight over the past year, I was sometimes worried I’d break a bone if I hugged her too hard.

It wasn’t right to see someone you love shrink the way she was. And yet, you wouldn’t know if it bothered her or not. Mom always had a smile on her face. Was always looking on the bright side of things. Cat got that from her too.

Even Dad was pretty good at putting on a show for everyone. Me? I sucked at acting as though this shit didn’t get to me. I wanted our family back to the way things were. Was that too much to hope for?

“Here you go,” I said, placing the steaming mug on the table beside her chair.

“Don’t you have school today?” she asked, blowing on the tea before taking a sip.

I’d decided to go to the community college only half an hour away so I could be around to help out here. It would have been cool to be able to go wherever I wanted, but I knew the beginning of senior year of high school that it wouldn’t be the case for me. Family came first. And I could get an education just the same around here as I could at one of the bigger universities.

“It’s Monday, Ma. I don’t have class Mondays, remember?”

“Oh, that’s right,” she said with a smile. “My days are always mixed up. That’s what happens when you don’t get out of the house much.”

There was no bitterness in that statement, just simple fact. Anyone else would have sounded depressed, but not Mom.

“I have to head out to the shop though, so I’ll be back later.”

She nodded. “Okay, honey. Don’t forget to pick up your sister.”

“I won’t.” I dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “You need me to get you anything before I go?”

“I’ll be fine, Kyle. Go on.”

Giving her another quick kiss, I headed out, pulling on my shades as I walked out into the late morning sun. My eyes briefly wandered over the small front yard, noticing the weeds popping up all over the place. I made a mental note to pull them the next time I had some time.

The gate of the chain link fence surrounding our yard banged loudly as I walked through, heading to my car parked alongside the curb. This wasn’t the kind of neighborhood you wanted to keep your car parked in, but most of the guys around here knew I wasn’t one to mess with. I’d broken enough bones to make it clear my shit did not get touched.

I nodded to a few of the older thugs sitting out on the porch two houses down before ducking inside the car. Breathing in the smell of leather, I let myself sink back against the seat, relaxing. My escape. Driving was the only time when I was on my own and had nothing to do other than drive. Everything whittled down to just one focus point, instead of a million. Outside the car my plate was overflowing. Inside, I was free - even if it was just for the moment.

As I pulled away from the curb, I rolled down the windows and turned up the sound of Thrice on my stereo, letting the music sink into me.

Rannon stood outside his uncle’s shop as I drove up.

“What’s up?” I said as I got out.

“Man, I feel like shit that’s been run over twenty times, and then stepped on,” he said, clasping hands with me in our usual shake.

I chuckled. “That bad, huh?”

He lifted his sunglasses to show eyes even more bloodshot than my own. I let out a low whistle.

“My mom thinks I have a drinking problem,” he said, cringing.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let her know you’re not that bad,” I said, slapping him on the back. We made our way inside, the smell of motor oil and metal hitting my nostrils.

“What the hell did we drink? I can’t remember anything past us getting to Colt’s.”

“Don’t ask me,” I answered. “My memory isn’t any better.”

He grunted, sitting himself down on a stool beside the Ford I was working on.

“You doing anything tonight?” he asked. “Going out with Jeeeenn?”

“Why do you always say her name like that?” I said with a shake of my head. “And, no. We’re, apparently, over.”

“Another one bites the dust.”

“Fuck off,” I said as I leaned under the hood.

“If you’re not doing anything then, we should go crash the senior bonfire tonight at the lake.”

“I don’t know if you know this, but we’re not in high school anymore,” I pointed out.

“So? We still have friends there, and you know how much those younger girls love us older guys.”

I glanced up to see him wiggling his eyebrows at me.

“Dude, those girls are the same age as my sister. No thanks. And if you even look in Cat’s direction I’ll kill you.”

He lifted both hands innocently. “I wouldn’t even think about it. Cat is on the off-limits list, just like Chloe. Colt’s already given me the same spiel”

I’d completely forgotten Colt’s mysterious new half-sister was going to Bloomfield High this year. I hadn’t met her yet, but I was glad Colt was on the same page as me. It meant more guys would listen to my warning knowing Colt was just the same when it came to his sister. I smiled to myself. Cat was going to hate me, but I couldn’t help but be pleased that I was dwindling her dating pool one guy at a time.

3

Chloe

The tray slammed on the table making me jump. I looked around, shrinking under the stares of students who looked our way. Cat didn’t seem to care as she plopped down on the bench across from me, sliding the tray toward her. Her finger poked at something on the table, her nose scrunching up in distaste.