Deep Surrendering: Episode Eleven (6 page)

There were no mirrors in the library, but there were a few cabinets with glass in them, so I tried to fix myself as much as I could. Fin worked on my hair, putting the pins back in. I couldn’t do much about the fact that I was sweaty, but I had a few wipes in my purse that I used to improvise a shower. Fin was kind enough to clean up the evidence he’d left inside me before kissing the inside of each of my thighs and helping me to put my panties, bra and dress back on.

“Now be serious, do I look awful?” He laughed.

“You could never look awful, but you do look like someone who has been doing something bad in the library.” Well that wouldn’t work. I went back to the cabinet and tried to freshen my makeup, but it was no use. I needed a bathroom mirror.

“Okay, I’m going to escape to the ladies’ room and hope no one sees me,” I said as he retied his tie. “It’s completely unfair that you don’t look like you’ve been doing anything at all. Well, except for your hair.” It stuck up in the back and part of me didn’t want to smooth it down, but I did. I’d be absolutely mortified if someone like Rory’s mother figured out what we’d been up to during their company ball. I’d never be able to face her again.

“Wait,” he said, grabbing my arm.

“What? We should probably get back. I have no idea how long we’ve been gone.” It could have been ten minutes or three hours.

“Just wait a minute,” he said, so I did. He brushed my hair back as he stared into my eyes.

“I want… I want you to move in with me.”

I gaped at him, unable to form a response.

“You want me to move in with you?” I needed to hear him repeat it.

“Yes. I’ve thought about it and I do. Or I can move in with you. Or we could get a new place. I don’t care. I just want you to be there. With me. Every day.” A sputtering sound emerged from my mouth.

“Hold on. Weren’t you just telling me yesterday that we should have some boundaries? What changed?” Was it the sex? Damn, I shouldn’t have had sex with him. Now things were going to get complicated again.

“I know. The reason I thought we should go slow was because I thought we could make a fresh start, but we can’t. Too much as happened between us and we can’t start over. At least, I don’t want to. I like where we are. I like being with you and bringing you breakfast and lilacs and yes, being naked with you. Why take steps backward when we can move forward together?” It seemed like a good idea in theory, but not so much in practice. We were both too sexually charged for that. Neither of us had the ability to say no to the other when it came to being intimate, or whatever you wanted to call it.

“That sounds good. Really good. But…” I trailed off, not sure of what to say so he didn’t hate me.

“You think it’s too soon,” he said and I watched his face fall. Like I’d told a child that Christmas was cancelled.

“No. Yes. I don’t know.” I really needed to get into the bathroom and fix myself. This wasn’t the best time or place to talk about something like this. We were both still keyed up from the sex and probably not thinking clearly.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have sprung this on you. You don’t have to answer now, or tomorrow or even next week. Think about it, though.”

“I will, I promise. And know that I want to. But wanting to do something and actually making it work are two different things.” He nodded and let me go ahead of him so it wouldn’t look like we both left the library together. I dashed down the hall to the bathroom and thanked my lucky stars that it was empty.

“What happened to your hair?” A voice said behind me and I nearly shrieked in shock. I met Chloe’s eyes in the mirror as she walked into the bathroom. It was one of those fancy affairs with a little sitting area and couches. Who would want to hang out in the bathroom, I didn’t know, but at least you had the option of a comfortable chair if you needed one.

“Um,” I said, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation. Chloe smirked at me in the mirror.

“You totally banged Fin in a corner, didn’t you? There’s not much you can do about that sexy hair you’ve got going on.” She came over to stand next to me so she could mess with the back of my hair.

“Technically, we banged in the library, but yeah. I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was going to kill someone if I didn’t have sex with him so really, I did a public service and saved a life.” I wasn’t sure what made me so sassy tonight, but I was feeling really good. Especially now that some of my sexual tension had been relieved. But if Fin were to walk in here right now, I’d probably throw myself at him again.

“My God, you’ve got it so bad. Everyone can see it.”

“I know,” I said as I reached for my lipstick to do some touch ups. I’d had to clean Fin’s face off with one of my wipes, but I’d considered leaving a little something behind so people would know we’d at least been making out.

“It’s good. You’re happy.” She smiled and fiddled with a few of the pins.

“I am. So happy. Being with him… it’s just…”

“I get it,” Chloe said with a smile that was tinged with sadness and then she sighed.

“You’ll find someone. I know you will,” I said. It felt like such a line, but I really believed that Chloe could find someone to love her in the way she deserved. I turned around and gave her a hug. She looked fabulous in her black and white mod gown, her hair straight and shiny and tucked behind her ears. Sometimes she reminded me of a model from the 60s.

“Thanks. But I think I’m finally becoming okay with being alone. I mean, I’m pretty awesome company.” I snorted and gave her a hug.

“You are pretty awesome.” She hugged me back and then let go.

“We should get back. They’ve been placing bets on how long you and Fin would be indisposed.” I groaned as we left the bathroom and walked back down the hall into the ballroom. I expected everyone to turn and point, but no one gave me a second glance. Well, no one other than Rory, Lucah and Sloane.

“How long?” Sloane said and Lucah checked his watch.

“Forty-three minutes.”

“Ha!” Rory said, pumping her fist in the air. “Pay up, suckers.” Everyone handed her a twenty and she discreetly shoved the bills into her bra.

“If I give you another bill, will you do that again?” Lucah said, not taking his eyes off her chest.

“If you give me a hundred, I’ll stick it in my ass,” she said, and that made him look up.

“What?”

She narrowed her eyes.

“You are absolutely hopeless.”

“Hopelessly in love with you,” he said, grinning and sticking his tongue out at her. She flushed a little and grabbed his hand. I had a feeling I knew where they were going. Just as Rory and Lucah were making their exit, Fin reappeared, coming behind me to put his arms around my waist.

“Miss me?” he said in my ear.

“What do you think?” I pushed my ass backwards just a little and I could feel him getting hard again.

“Stop that,” he said, pinching my side and then stepping away.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Mr. Herald,” I said, making my eyes wide and innocent.

“I need a drink. Chlo?” Sloane said and the two went off in search of booze.

“I think we chased them away,” I said to Fin.

“I seem to have that effect on people sometimes. Ready to dance again?”

“I’m ready for a lot of things,” I said. He raised one eyebrow and looked down at me.

“Oh, the things I would do to you if there weren’t all these people here.” I shivered when I thought about it. I was ready to get back to our kink. I missed it. That other facet of our time together. I was eager to be Fin’s student.

“Can I come home with you?” I said, and then I realized my slip. I’d meant to ask if I could come back to his apartment. Instead of pointing out my verbal mistake, he smiled and spun me under his arm.

“Yes, Marisol. You can come home with me.”

I lost track of how many dances we danced, how many glasses of champagne we consumed and how many times I tried to convince Fin to head back to the library for round two.

He shot me down, but I had the satisfaction of knowing he was hard the rest of the evening and couldn’t do anything about it.

“You could just head to the bathroom and rub one out,” I said low in his ear as we slow danced again. A lot of the guests had departed for the evening, but there were still a few holdouts, including my entire group of friends. Sloane was trashed and she and Rory were fighting over who was going to lead when they danced. I’d long since kicked off my shoes, so Fin towered even higher above me. I loved it.

“No. I’d rather wait until I have you alone and then make you take care of it.”

“I would enjoy that very much,” I said, leaning up so I could whisper in his ear and then nip at his earlobe. He pulled me closer and if I had any doubts about him wanting me, they were put to rest.

“Just let me know when you’re ready to go,” he said.

“Dip me again.” He did and left me down so long I got a head rush.

“One more spin?” I said and he did that as well. There was a whole lot more room on the dance floor now, so we made it really dramatic.

“Okay, I’m done,” I said, my head all muddled from the spin.

“You sure?” he said. I nodded. My dress was lovely, but it was quite tight around my torso and I couldn’t take a deep breath without worrying about busting a seam.

“Then let’s get you home, my Marisol.” His. I liked being his. And I loved having him be mine. He held my hand as we ascended the steps.

“You don’t want me to walk down again, do you?” I asked when we were halfway to the top. My legs were done in from the dancing and the sex and I was absolutely exhausted. Who knew waltzing and slow dancing were such a good workout?

“No, that’s not necessary. I have the image in my head of you doing it earlier and I plan on replaying it quite a bit.”

He helped me on with my shawl and then Carl was there, opening the door for us. I tried to cover a yawn, but didn’t succeed.

“Tired?” Fin asked as he settled in next to me, holding his arm up so I could cuddle against him.

“Yes. I feel like I could just fall asleep right here.” I closed my eyes, but opened them again. I didn’t want to fall asleep in this dress and make Fin have to carry me up to his place and then undress me.

“Don’t fall asleep. I have plans for you when we get back.” Well, that would wake me up faster than a cup of coffee.

“I’m awake,” I said, sitting up. I almost rubbed my eyes, but stopped myself just in time. My eye makeup would have been everywhere.

Fin held my chin with one hand and gave me a soft kiss. Lighter than air. He pulled away and I blinked at him.

“What was that?”

“I can’t do much more or else I won’t be able to stop,” he said, letting go of my face. I nearly pouted.

“I don’t want you to stop.” He shook his head.

“You’re tired.”

“Don’t tell me what I am, Fin Herald. If I tell you I’m ready and willing, you should really believe me.” I was definitely tired, but the promise of sex with Fin was too great to pass up.

He took my hand and kissed my palm.

“Be careful what you ask for.” He sounded ominous, but I didn’t care. I knew that he’d always held back with me. Even if it was just a little.

“Bring it on,” I said and he raised an eyebrow. “I’m ready.”

He sighed.

“No, you aren’t. But we’ll get there. We have plenty of time.”

Time. Such a precious gift.

“I just want you to know that I’m ready for what you have. I can take it. I love you and nothing is going to change that. I know you won’t hurt me, or push me too far. Because you love me.” He rubbed his thumb across my bottom lip.

“I do love you. But I’m not sure. I’ve never tried this before.”

“There’s a first time for everything. I promise, it will be fine.” I wish I didn’t have to convince him of something I knew to be true.

“We’ll see.” His mood had taken a somewhat gloomy turn and I didn’t want that. I wanted him happy. Deliriously happy. Like I was.

“Hey, can you do me a favor?” It took him a second to answer.

“What do you want?” he said and I could feel the heat between us again. It blazed up with the tiniest spark.

“Just kiss me.” He smiled slowly.

“Now that, I can do.”

So he did.