Authors: Annie Jocoby
“Ha, ha. That would be totally rude, don't you think?”
“Joking, buddy. I’ll see you in the morning.”
At that, I leapt
back into bed, realizing that Ryan would soon be joining me. In a few minutes, Ryan actually was in the bed, crawling in next to me, fully clothed. I felt him stroking my hair. He whispered “You awake, beautiful?”
I lay there, pretending to sleep. I felt like it was the early days of our relationship, with me pretending to sleep
, so that Ryan doesn't suspect that I saw and heard too much.
Ryan c
ontinued on, evidently soused. “I can't wait for you to be Mrs. Gallagher. You mean the world to me. I don't think that I could love anybody as much as I love you.”
He continued to stroke my hair. I lay perfectly still, and, after a few minutes, I could hear him snoring.
He was still fully clothed.
Chapter
Two
The night before the wedding was time to finally meet Sarah. She drove in from her home on Martha’s Vineyard, where she lived with her husband and
two children. The husband and the children stayed on the Vineyard, however. This was not explained.
She arrived in a 2012 Mercedes, a platinum blonde in a pair of big Louis Vitton sunglasses and scarf around her head. Wearing a cashmere sweater set, string of saltwater pearls, slim black pants and Tory Burch shoes, she looked like a cross between a wealthy housewife and Grace Kelley. She had a huge Mastiff in tow, who sat in the front seat.
When she pulled into the driveway, Ryan immediately went to the car, and helped Sarah harness and leash the monstrous dog. She looked at me and held out a perfectly manicured hand. I shook it.
“I’m Sarah. I drove across the country for this affair, so you better be worth it.” Then she smiled. I wasn’t sure if she were joking or serious. I laughed anyhow. “Let me see the ring,” she said, taking my hand and bringing it closer to her face. She raised an eyebrow and looked at Ryan. “He does really love you. Ryan, where’d you find that diamond?
“It wasn’t easy, believe me,” Ryan said, while trying to control the 175 lb. dog. “I found a connection to a South African jeweler who specializes in different colors of diamonds.”
I didn’t know that. I knew that the red diamond was rare, the very rarest. But I didn’t know that he had to order it from South Africa.
“Really?” Sarah was interested. “Did you fly to South Africa to get it?”
“I did.”
Huh? When did he do that?
He explained, addressing me. “Uh, while you were in the coma, I took a weekend off to get it. I prayed the whole time that I wouldn’t miss you waking up. That was really the only time that I left your side.”
I nodded. “I had no idea you went to that kind of effort.”
Sarah said “What, do you think you can just buy a diamond like this on the Internet? I mean, you
can
buy red diamonds on the Internet, but they’re not perfect like this one.”
Sarah was making me feel the way that Nick made me feel – like a total rube.
Ryan took the dog, Coriolanus – Cori for short – into the house, where he romped with Maximus and Brutus. They all apparently knew one another.
Ryan explained that Sarah always drove to his house, not flew, because she never wanted to be without Cori. And,
the dog didn’t do well with flying, so she drove.
Ryan got out Sarah’s Chanel luggage, a
nd the three of us went into our house.
Sarah looked around. “The place looks the same,” she said, looking at me. “Where are you in this house, Iris?”
“I, uh, didn’t really have much to bring over.”
“Ryan, what’s up with that? Don’t you think that this place should have some of Iris’ influence here? After all, this house belongs to both of you.
”
“Really, Sarah, it’s ok. I love Ryan’s taste,” I said.
“Sarah makes a good point,” Ryan said. “We should really redecorate now that this will officially be our house.”
Sarah smiled. I got the impression that she had sway over Ryan.
We had dinner at the house, and, after dinner, Sarah politely asked Ryan if she could talk to me alone.
I dreaded this for some reason.
We got some brandy and took it into the den and sat down.
“So,” Sarah said, patting her legs. “I’m not gonna beat around the bush, here. Have you signed a prenup?”
I somehow knew that this subject would come up with somebody. I was surprised that it never came up before. “No,” I said.
Sarah smiled tightly. “Don’t you think you better?”
“Ryan hasn’t asked me to.”
“He will. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Not a problem,” I said, honestly.
“Good. Because you will not have the chance to do what that other witch did to him,” she said, emphasizing the words “will not.”
“Alexis isn’t a witch. I really like her.”
She snorted, which seemed odd coming from such a classy woman. “Has she got you fooled.” She shook her head, and took another sip of her brandy. “You weren’t there.”
“I know, she’s a piece of work sometimes. But she’s very nice underneath.”
“Nice? Bitch got him into drugs. She went to rehab so many times that her parents finally cut her off. She didn’t have the money for her drugs, so she started running for a Mexican cartel.” She shook her head. “That didn’t last long. Ryan was in love with her. He didn’t want her risking her life, so he supported her. Paid her tuition at Yale, paid her living expenses and thensome, and paid for her drugs. And his, of course.” She took another sip of her brandy and stared at the fire. “Alexis was just one of a long line of people to take advantage of Ryan. He always lets them do it, though, because Ryan has one main motivation in life – to be loved.”
I nodded. I got that from him.
“So now, here you are. Don’t get me wrong. I’m happy that he found someone decent. You’d think that someone like him wouldn’t have a problem fin
ding somebody real to love. But the ironic thing is, his looks and his wealth have always made it harder for him to find someone good.” She shook her head, and looked at her hands. “You seem normal, though. Mom loves you, so that’s something.”
“Well, thanks for the support,” I said, not sure if she really was giving her support.
“Listen, Iris, I don’t want to be harsh here. But he’s my baby brother, and I was never able to protect him when we were younger. I look out for him now. He thinks you hang the moon.” She smoothed her platinum blonde hair. “He would be devastated if you ever left him. But if you don’t sign a prenup, then there would be insult added to injury.”
“It’s not a big deal. I don’t care about money, and never have.”
“Yeah, but you know the good life now. Private planes, red diamonds,” she said. “Do you really think you can just go back to the way you were before? In a tiny apartment, working a job you hate?”
I was somewhat stunned that she knew so much about me. I guess
ed that she and Ryan were closer than I thought.
“I don’t see why not. I got along fine for 33 years.”
“You’re so naïve.” She called for Cori, who came bounding into the den. “Take Cori, here. He’s a rescue dog. Lived on the end of a chain for the first two years of his life. It was the only life he was used to, so I guess he was ok. Now he lives with me. I baby him, take him everywhere with me, let him sleep in our bed.” I made a face at that one – that huge thing sharing their bed? “It’s a king-sized bed,” she continued. “Hate to say it, but I like this dog more than my husband most of the time,” she said with a chuckle. “And my kids for that matter.” She threw her arms around Cori’s neck, and he licked her face. “Anyhow, imagine if poor Cori had to go back to living on a chain. I’d think he’d be devastated.”
“So, you think I’m like your dog.”
“In a sense. Not literally, of course. I’m just saying that you have a taste of the good life. I would think that living in a tiny apartment, just getting by, would be tragic to you now.”
“I’m not going to worry about that. Ryan and I are very much in love. There’ll be no divorce.”
“Yes, of course. That’s what they all say. ‘We’re in love, nothing will happen.’ Trust me, shit happens. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t have so many high-priced divorce lawyers.” Taking another sip of her brandy, she continued. “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want you left with nothing if you and Ryan break up. I just don’t want you taking advantage of him.”
“Give me the papers. I’ll sign them.”
“Don’t be silly. There are no papers yet. But make no mistake, I’m going to exert my will on him to make sure that there’re papers drawn, and that you’re forced to sign them. It’s bad enough that you own half this house.” She shook her head. “My idiot brother. I can never understand why he does what he does.” She shrugged. “Then again, he doesn’t get me, either, all the time.”
“Not a problem. I’ll sign whatever.”
“Nothing personal, of course.”
“Of course.”
Later on, I was alone in the den. Well, not entirely alone. Cori, Maximus and Brutus were all snoring loudly beside me. I was sitting on the floor with them, my back against the sofa. I wanted January Jones, I mean Sarah, and Ryan to bond some. So, I got out of their way.
I heard loud shouting, though, coming from the living room.
“Goddamn it, Sarah, I’m not going to do it! Now leave me the hell alone!”
“Fine. You want that girl to take everything you got, then go right ahead. Be a dumbshit.”
“She wouldn’t do that. She’s not like that.”
“God, you’ve always been so stupid when it comes to women. Wake up. She’s not a saint. She had nothing before she met you, and, trust me, she won’t want to go back to that. She’ll take you to the cleaners, just like Alexis tried to.”
“I had a prenup with Alexis.” Ryan wasn’t shouting anymore, but was talking loudly.
“Good. You see - if you didn’t have a prenup with her, she would've taken you even more to the cleaners.”
“Iris isn’t Alexis.”
“They all turn into Alexis when enough money is involved.”
I peeked out the den door. They were now in the kitchen. They weren’t shouting anymore. Sarah was getting a jug of milk out, and was pouring a glass for her and Ryan.
“So, tell me what the problem is. Why’d you give a prenup to Alexis, but won’t with this girl?”Sarah asked, taking a sip of her milk.
“This is going to sound silly and romantic.”
“You’ve always been silly and romantic. Go on.”
“Iris is my soul mate. Alexis wasn’t, and I never felt that she was. That’s all.”
Sarah started laughing hysterically.
“What?” Ryan asked.
“Your soul mate. Oh, lord. Mama raised a fool.”
“Ha, ha. Mama didn’t raise me, remember?”
“Then Nick’s mama raised a fool. I got something for ya. There’s no such thing as a soul mate. Now, don’t be ridiculous, and get to a lawyer’s pronto.”
“No. The answer is no, and that’s that. My foot’s going down.”
“Suit yourself. But when you guys break up a few years from now, and Iris is suddenly this greedy harridan who wants everything, don’t come crying to me.”
“Won’t happen. We’re in this for the long haul.”
“Right. That’s what every person in love says. They’re in it for the long haul, until they’re not. Be an idiot. What do I care? It’s just that I helped you pick up the pieces every time that other witch pulled her crazy stunts. Every
.time. I won’t be there for you this time. You can handle your shit on your own.”
“Thanks, Sarah. What a great, supportive sister you are.”
“You don’t take my sound advice, then you’re on your own, buddy.”
“You really are manipulative, aren’t you?”
“What,” she said with a shrug.
“I don’t follow your advice, so you’re threatening to cut me off.”
“Not cut you off. I just don’t want to hear about her when she inevitably screws you over. We’ll talk about any topic but her.”
“Deal. I’m not scared of making this deal, because I know that Iris and I will be 90-year-olds in a rocking chair together.” He pantomimed having no teeth, then grabbed her around the waist and pantomimed biting her on the neck with no teeth.
She giggled. “Stop that, Peanut.” Ryan had explained that “Peanut” was Sarah’s pet name for him. When she was four, Maggie showed her a sonogram of her baby brother, and Sarah said that he looked like a peanut. That had been Sarah’s nickname for him ever since.
She ran off, with Ryan chasing her around, acting like he had no teeth. They ended up wrestling on the floor. Her p
erfect hair was getting messy, and they were both laughing hysterically. Then Ryan started tickling, and Sarah started shrieking. The dogs immediately woke up and ran into the living room, barking and growling at the two.
Sarah finally extricated herself from Ryan and the dogs. Her hair was pointing in every direction. She brushed herself off and sat down on the couch. Ryan got up off the floor and joined her.
Ryan said “I know you’re just looking out for me, and I appreciate that. But, trust me, Iris and I are in it for forever. And, god forbid, if something happens, and we do break up, I always want her taken care of. You don’t know how much that girl means to me.”
“Wow. I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Nobody has.”
“Soul mate, huh? I gotta find me one of those.”
They clinked glasses.
Later on, Ryan joined me in the den. “I suppose you heard that.”
“Yeah.”
“I will never make you sign a piece of paper. Not ever.”
“I know. But I would be willing-“
“Of course you would be. But you’re not going to.”
And that was that.