DEFENSE (35 page)

I was wiggling my fingers millimeters from the display, itching to start typing and sending my defenses, when the icon finally popped up.

Work is work
, he sent back, sounding resigned.
I think it’s admirable that you’re taking such an interest in the company. You’ll have to bounce what you think about the whole thing off me later…when I cash in that rain check. XO

How could someone make the phrase “cash in that rain check” sound so promising yet foreboding…and sexy?

I’ll let you know
, I sent back, feeling, as usual, woefully inadequate. Dan had already seen under my hood, so to speak. What had interested him so much that he was showing so much interest now? Did he still want to slum it with an employee? It was equally confounding and tantalizing.

Eight o’clock arrived without me having to work to distract myself. There were summaries to type—now that I was completing my analysis paragraphs for each one, they took much longer. Trust me to figure out how to make my job even more difficult, but my analysis paragraphs were some of the best parts of my day. I looked forward to compiling them, and sometimes even started writing them when I should’ve been paying attention to what was actually going on in the meeting.

It was those paragraphs that made me feel like I was actually doing something in my life, being a valuable asset to a company instead of just being an assistant who grabbed fresh coffee and a copy of the newspaper every day for her boss.

Those paragraphs made me feel like maybe, just maybe, I could have a brighter future, one that made me use my brain for money instead of my body.

There was the digitizing to do, of course—a task I always felt behind in. When the alarm I’d set on my phone for ten till eight buzzed, I was surprised. I’d gotten most, but not all of the box of the day completed. Was I going to have to work twelve-hour days just to keep up with Shepard Shipment’s dive into the twenty-first century?

I grabbed my laptop, a notebook, a pen, and my phone, and walked over to Roland’s office, pausing just a fraction of a second before knocking on the door. I listened for a call to enter, but receiving none, went ahead and walked inside.

“I don’t know why you insist on knocking,” Roland said, seated in the same leather chair he’d occupied when he told me he killed my parents. I wouldn’t have any other choice but to sit in the same seat I’d had when I drank all of his bourbon, barfed, and passed out. I heaved a sigh and closed the door behind me.

“I just want to give you some kind of warning before I pop in,” I explained, taking my seat reluctantly and setting up my army of dictating materials. I was fastest on the laptop, of course, but if there was a lull in important conversation, I liked to take notes longhand on what I thought the topic was about, as well as where I thought the meeting was heading. That was usually where I drew my analysis paragraphs from—those little asides. The phone, of course, was to catch any stray texts from Dan instead of letting his messages vibrate my desk outside uselessly.

“A warning?” Roland scoffed. “What, exactly, do you think I get up to in here?”

“I guess a warning to minimize your porn windows—or the video feed of my desk,” I said saucily.

Roland’s eyes bulged, and I was sure that I’d overstepped. It was hard to ignore the burning in my own cheeks, but we were saved from a big blowup by the phone ringing, resting on a table that separated us.

Roland swallowed hard, composing himself, held up a finger of warning to me, and pressed the button for speakerphone.

“Roland Shepard,” he said, that rough voice pure business now. I had a sudden thought—had he always spoken like that? Was that husky voice yet another vestige of the havoc I’d wreaked? There wasn’t time to dwell on the errant guilt. My hands poised over the keyboard, I began to type.

“Roland, it’s Farris Kim here, and I’ve got Cynthia Nguyen beside me,” a man’s voice said.

“Hello, Roland,” a woman added. “We’ve also got Mason Nchia on the line. Mason?”

“Yes, I’m here,” a deep male voice said. “Roland, hello.”

I was thankful, at least, that no one in this conference call had similar voices. I scribbled down some quick abbreviations in my notebook to help facilitate my typing, then paused, looking at Roland, waiting for him to proceed.

“Let’s get straight to the point, as I’m keeping my assistant from socializing this evening,” Roland said, eyeing me as I slumped down in my seat, so embarrassed I could die right there on the spot. The voices joined together in laughter at my expense did nothing to alleviate my shame. Roland’s eyes twinkled suspiciously, and I realized that this was payment for my little comment right before the call began.

“Shepard Shipments is on track to outpace its North American-based competitors,” he said, folding his hands and returning his attention to the phone. “We continue to grow each quarter, and we’re trading at—”

“I thought you said you were getting straight to the point,” Mason interrupted, cheeky but friendly. “If you keep on jerking yourself off over all your achievements, your poor assistant is never going to see her friends again.”

I slapped a hand over my mouth to stifle my shocked giggle. Did you have to be above a certain pay grade in order to call Roland out on his bullshit in front of his peers? He glowered at me for a brief moment before continued, raising his voice to be heard above the cackles of the other executives.

“What I mean is, we’re the best,” he said.

“What you mean is, you’re going to be the best,” Farris said. “At some point in the future.”

“Sooner, rather than later, if you like what I have to say,” Roland said. “Shepard Shipments has, up until this point, been fairly limited in scope. Entering the streaming and digital age changed all that. We’re growing in leaps and bounds, and I feel like now is a good point in time to diversify. I know it’s lost on nobody…except for my poor assistant…the diversity of the companies each of you represents. Would you sound off for her, for the record? She’s taking notes, for your information.”

“You have the poor girl taking you notes?” Cynthia laughed. “What’s wrong with a simple recorder, Roland? Are you sure you’re ready to take your company to the next level? Seems like you still have a secretary.”

I flushed furiously, but continued to type. I thought this was supposed to be some important executive’s meeting. How was I the topic of conversation?

“I find that it’s been quite useful to have a fresh face in the office with opinions unbiased by her prior knowledge of the business,” Roland responded coolly. “She’s more of a sounding board than a secretary, Cynthia. Shame on you. She’s sitting right here.”

If I blushed any more fiercely, I was certain my face would melt off of my skull. Roland was defending me to his peers and admitting to people just as rich and powerful as himself that I was a valuable person to have in the office. My hands trembled over the keyboard. This meeting was much more illuminating than I could’ve ever thought it would be.

“Apologies, of course,” Cynthia said. “I’m Cynthia Nguyen, of Nguyen Telecommunications in Japan.”

“And I’m Farris Kim, chief executive officer of Live At You, the video website. Happened to be in Japan on vacation when you gave us your summons, Roland.”

“Serendipitous, indeed,” Mason boomed. “I’m Mason Nchia, and I head up a handful of little companies here in Nigeria —”

“Don’t be coy, Mason,” Cynthia scolded. “Mason Nchia is Nigeria’s media magnate, owner of Cable News and about a dozen other businesses.”

“Two dozen, at least,” Farris put in.

“Now that the introductions are over,” Roland interrupted, “let’s get back to it. As you all well know, Shepard Shipments doesn’t have a presence abroad. I want to change that—and change it in a big way—by entering the African and Asian markets. My closest contacts are there, obviously, and once we dominate there, we can assess Europe, South America, Oceania…”

“Doesn’t your brother have contacts in Europe?” Farris asked.

“He has a contact in Europe,” Roland said, rolling his eyes and giving me an exasperated look. “And I wouldn’t really call her a business contact. Much more social than that.”

Mason gave a knowing laugh, and my eyes darted reflexively to my phone. Now would be the worst time possible for a message from Dan to pop up on my phone. I should’ve had the foresight to save his number in my contacts under a different name, or not set my phone so close to Roland.

And I really didn’t like the realization that everyone on that conference call seemed to understand and intimately know about Dan’s apparent promiscuity and lack of business acumen. For the first time, I was a little bit embarrassed that he was showing me so much interest—and more than relieved that the only person present who knew about Dan and I was me. It was a secret I was more than happy to keep to myself.

“Daniel might think that taking us to Europe next is the right decision, but I beg to differ,” Roland was saying. I had to really fly to keep up, the laptop keys clacking loudly. “Africa is an exciting place to be right now, and let’s face it, being big in Asia would be…enormous.”

“And that’s where we come in, I’m guessing,” Mason said.

It was hard to keep track of the waves of conversation, the pros and the cons, the vocabulary I only had a passing knowledge of, and keeping everyone straight as they fought to talk over one another—most of the time, excitedly.

For what I couldn’t follow analytically, I could definitely understand that everyone involved in this conference call was excited. I rarely had a spare moment to annotate a comment in my notebook. My fingers were glued to the keyboard, resolving to fix any typos later. If I tried to delete and correct anything, I would fall hopelessly behind. Instead, I soldiered onward, my mind racing alongside my fingers, thrilled at the opportunity to be in on this conversation.

It was really an honor to have been asked to listen in on this tonight. This was a big, high-level deal they were talking about, and it was tantalizingly interesting. The things these impossibly smart executives were talking about would launch Shepard Shipments into truly rarified air. The fact that Roland trusted me with all of this—not to mention that he actually wanted my opinion—was incredibly gratifying.

And incredibly misguided.

Focusing on the task at hand drove all of my feelings of inadequacy and guilt right out of my mind. There were schematics to figure out, a plan of attack to launch, new properties to purchase and develop, and it felt like the sky was the limit on what these powerful people could do together. Was it always this exhilarating to be on this level of making decisions? There were details to iron out, sure, but that’s what the rest of their companies would do. These people were like gods wielding the power of life.

Okay, maybe that was too much. I was impressed, at best, and star struck, at worst, by how intelligent the executives all were. I could see why they’d risen to the top in their various companies.

Most interesting of all was Roland. He conducted all of his business over the phone or via email, explaining those two methods were the most convenient to reach colleagues all around the globe. I was starting to suspect, however, that the real reason he did business that way was to distract from his scar.

If he was writing an email or talking over the phone, the person on the receiving end wasn’t distracted by the way that dead tissue came to life when he talked about ideas and dreams and futures that could be realized. The more I got to know him, the less attention I paid to the scar, but if he only saw some of these contacts infrequently, they’d never get used to it. Doing business at arm’s length ensured that the focus remained on Roland’s words—and they were good, powerful, thoughtful words.

The man sitting across from me, his murky blue eyes alight with passion, was nothing less of a genius.

I couldn’t help myself. Every time I glanced up at Roland, my fingers a constant tattoo of noise on my laptop, I blurred my eyes so I could imagine him without that scar, imagine him whole again. He would’ve been even more handsome than his svelte younger brother. What really made him attractive was the power of his conviction. To watch him talk about something he wanted more than anything was to watch him light up completely, peel back all his layers, and show his true self.

His true self was amazing.

Roland wanted to expand his company for his own benefit, sure. He was a businessman; I was not naïve. Yet, he wanted to do it in a way to also benefit other people in markets usually ignored by large North American companies. Africa remained a virtually untapped market for many businesses here, and what Roland was proposing was both daring and admirable. He talked passionately, gesticulating with his hands even though I was the only one who could see him.

Roland was the better of the two brothers. The thought sprung to my mind unbidden, and I could only half examine it, my fingers aching from all the typing. I saw Dan get passionate about a cut of steak at dinner once, but beyond that, he just seemed so shallow. He liked beautiful things, expensive items, and basically every angle of a hedonistic lifestyle.

Roland was deeper, more driven, more desirable, in a strange way…

No. I had to focus. I zeroed in on the conversation, making sure to limit my typos, keeping track of who was talking and when, and making mental annotations of separate points I could bring up if Roland asked me to.