Defenseless (17 page)

“We’re partners, beautiful. Everything about this time is equal.”

I don’t know how to do equal. I’ve always been in charge, but I suspect the same is true for him. We’re both in uncharted territory. It’s a new country. A new language for both of us.

“Then let me participate.”

Mark leans on his haunches. He removes his shirt, exposing every perfect inch of his chest. I allow my fingertips to touch him, to remind myself that he’s real. We’re real. His arms cage me in even as he keeps his weight off me. “By all means, participate.”

I push him onto his side and straddle him. The penetrating way he gazes at me makes my stomach clench. His eyes burn with heat, his lips part, and his breath comes in shorter bursts. “How bad do you want me?” I ask. This could be fun. “Do you want to touch me?”

“Are you sure you want to play this game?”

I lean down and allow my nipples to brush against his chest. “I think we’re done playing, don’t you?” I lick the shell of his ear. “Besides, we know I always win.”

Mark lets out a throaty chuckle. “Beautiful . . .” He grips my hair and pulls my head back. “You were never playing in the same league.” He flips me back so fast my head spins. “Now it’s time you get in some practice.”

“Is that so?” I love that we can argue during sex. He pushes me as much I push him. “Then, by all means . . .” I get comfortable.

“First, you have to warm up.” He smirks as he unbuttons my shorts. “I wouldn’t want you to get injured.”

“Of course not.”

His eyes remain trained on mine as he pulls them off. I lie at his mercy, unafraid of giving him a little control.

“I need to look you over, get the lay of the land so to speak.” His brow rises.

I giggle. I actually giggle. I wasn’t even sure I knew how to giggle.

Mark seems to take notice. “Cute.”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

His eyes turn intense as the green deepens. “Where would you like me to kiss you?”

I lean onto my elbows as a challenge. “I think you should start at my breasts.”

“You have perfect tits,” he acknowledges before his mouth is otherwise occupied.

My head falls back as Mark licks around my nipple. He takes it between his teeth and pulls back. The jolt shoots straight to my core. “Fuck!” I surrender to the pleasure. I’m unable to keep quiet.

Mark’s mouth stops and his eyes lock on mine. “What now? Tell me what you want me to do to you.”

That he’s giving me any control this time says it all. We’re equals. There’s no surrendering, just giving. “Touch me.”

“Where, Charlie?”

“My clit.”

He slides my shorts and underwear off without pause. Everything about him right now is downright sexy. The way he moves, the things he says, the way his eyes darken when he looks at me. The funny thing about becoming invisible is that sometimes I worry I’ll disappear. That no one will even notice I’m gone. I go through periods of time when only two people would actually know. When I’m with Mark, I’m not in the shadows. It’s as though he sees nothing but me. He brings me into the sun to stand beside him.

With care, Mark pulls my legs apart. He hoists each one over his shoulders. “Mark,” I say.

His lips turn up. “You didn’t tell me how to touch you, so I’m using my judgment.”

Before I can reply his tongue gives a long hard swipe. “Oh, God.”

He repeats it again, and my eyes roll back. His hands under my ass lift me closer as he delves in repeatedly. I burn. A sheen of sweat forms across my body as I pulse and tense. He circles my clit over and over, applying pressure before he lightens it when I get close.

Mark inserts a finger as he sucks and then gently bites on the bundle of nerves. I want to cry, scream, explode, but he keeps me hovering over the breaking point.

“Please,” I beg. I need release.

His finger curls as he sucks harder, and I detonate. Every part of my body goes tense before it finally relaxes. I call out his name as he continues to pump his finger and gently lick me.

“You,” I pant. “Are fucking amazing.”

He leans up and takes my face in his hands. “You . . .” He pauses. “Own me.”

Neither of us says a word. I’m not sure if he meant to admit that to me, but the truth is that he owns me as well. I’m not ready to say it, though. I’m not even ready to think about it. It’s all too much and way too fast.

He leans over to grab a condom and returns to his position.

Before he can go forward, I have to warn him. “We can’t go too far. This can’t get serious.”

“We’ve already passed that point, babe. You just weren’t paying attention.” He slides inside with no warning.

I groan, and my eyes close as he fills me. It’s sweet and tender, so not like our last time.

He doesn’t move, but I feel his gaze on me. “Open your eyes,” he commands. “Look at me.”

My eyes flutter open as he watches me from above. “I can’t fall for you.”

His hips rock, my breath hitches, and Mark’s lids never blink as he takes me. “Too bad.”

“You can’t fall for me,” I plead as pleasure courses through my body.

The fact is that I’m a liar. I may want him. I may want to try some kind of normal, but I’m not sure I’m capable. My entire life has been set into motion since I was a child. I was groomed to be a spy, to live this life, but now everything is changing. I’m battling things I never knew I wanted. I want to be honest, I want to love, and I want to want for more.

Mark rests on his elbows with our noses touching. It’s so intimate, as though he’s able to look right through me. See the ugly, but see the beautiful too. “Too late.”

“No,” I whisper.

“Shhh,” he murmurs. His lips press against mine. “You can keep fighting as much as you want, but so will I. And I fight to the end.”

“Why me?” I ask as he pushes deeper than before.

“Because no one else sees through your lies. No one has ever tried. You’re worth everything hiding behind those blue eyes.”

Why can’t he say it’s because I have nice tits? Instead, he has to say something profound and freak me out. When I said I would try, I mean
try . . .
not fall in love with him. I’ll try to let him in a small amount, not blow the damn door off.

“Stop talking.”

“Tell me,” he insists. He’s still not moving. His muscles tense—it’s killing him to stay as still as he is. The need to move is something he’s battling.

I’m not telling him what he wants to know.

“Move!”

His smirk grows as we prepare to stand off. “Tell me.”

“For once, don’t push me,” I warn him.

He leans down, allowing our lips to touch as he finally starts to move. Seconds. Minutes. Hours pass and I could not care less. We get lost in each other, completely unaware of the ground soaring beneath us. For once, my mind isn’t on the next step. I don’t have some plan in place to get information. I’m just free. Freedom is something I never realized I didn’t have. I always believed freedom was what I fought to keep, not fought away. This though, this is what free feels like, and I never want to lose it.

Mark’s house is exactly as I envisioned. The ultimate bachelor pad. It’s covered in dark wood, metal countertops, a television the size of the wall, and every possible video game system you can imagine. We landed about an hour ago—in Virginia Beach, which was a shock—and headed straight here. I’ve been looking around, taking in his chosen décor. It’s clear a woman has never touched this place.

“So, were you going for industrial?” I ask.

“I was going for cheap. The last few years are really the only time I’ve spent in the house.”

“How long have you owned it?”

Mark gazes off to the side as he thinks. It’s cute. And annoying. “I think about ten years. I got it before the area really got overdeveloped. It’s worth at least ten times what I paid for it.”

“So, sell.”

He walks forward with a torn look. He grips my hands with his and the conviction in his tone causes my heart to sputter. “You don’t just get rid of things because something else is more valuable. You cherish it. I’m not a man who easily throws things away. Even when this house is falling apart, I’ll find a way to fix her.”

“Her?”

The intensity in his eyes softens, “I’ve learned women are usually the ones that give me the most headaches. This house definitely fits the bill. So, she’s a chick. A giant pain in the ass woman who drives me bat shit crazy, yet makes me need her at the same time. Sound familiar?”

I burst out laughing. “I don’t know what the hell I see in you.”

“Humor, good looks, sex appeal, the fact that I have a big dick probably helps. I mean, really, the choices are endless.”

My eyes widen as I listen to his self-proclaimed attributes. “Perhaps the big dick helps.”

“Yeah.” He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me flush against him. “Feel free to tell me how much you love my ginormous dick anytime.” He kisses my lips. “You . . .” Another kiss. “Want.”

I shake my head with a smile. “I didn’t say ginormous. It’s average.”

His hands drop. “You’ll pay for that. Now, go change for the party.”

“Are you sure they’ll be okay with me being here?” I feel like an outsider.

“For someone who knows how to blend, it’s entertaining to see you nervous.” Mark informed me on the way to his house that we are invited to Natalie and Liam’s for a barbeque. They’re celebrating Liam’s birthday. I haven’t seen Liam since the rescue, nor Aaron for a few months. A lot has changed in that time, and I’m not sure I should be around them.

“I’m not nervous. I just don’t know that I’m everyone’s favorite person.”

“Listen, if Aaron is coming to his former-wife’s-new-husband-who-happens-to-be-his-former-best-friend’s birthday, you’re fine. You and Aaron still talk, so relax.”

Aaron and I e-mail, but that’s easy to push away and ignore. The last one he sent was almost like a farewell. I’d done what I could to fill in some of the blanks for him. It’s hard to be around him too much. We spent a long time in close quarters, and he’s able to get a read on me.

“I haven’t seen him in bit.”

He releases a deep breath and grips my hands again. “Do you need me to hold your hand? Are you scared?”

“No, but you should be.” Annoyance surfaces. I’m not scared. I’m trying to be in a relationship with an idiot who happens to be a part of my very unstable past.

Mark smiles and kisses the top of my hand. He’d better knock that off. “You want to slap me, huh?”

I smile sweetly. “More than anything.”

“You didn’t mind me being sweet a few hours ago,” he reminds me.

I roll my eyes as I pull my hand back. “That’s because you were giving me my third orgasm. I would’ve let you recite sonnets as long as you kept doing that thing with your tongue.”

“Good to know.”

“You infuriate me.”

He shrugs and then slaps my ass. “You’ve got two minutes or I’m tying you up and carrying you out.”

I think tonight Mr. Dixon will see what happens when you mess with the bull. He’s about to have the horns rammed right in his ass.

Mark

“H
ey look! It’s the Fudge Packer!” I yell as I see Liam in the backyard. Of course, he likes the Green Bay Packers. He’s even got my goddaughter wearing that crap and yelling things about it. It’s fine, soon she’ll realize all the talent is with my G-Men.

“There are kids at this party, asshole. Watch your mouth.” Liam walks forward to greet me. We clap hands and hug.

“You should talk.”

“Who sent him an invitation?” he asks as Lee appears at his side.

She slaps his chest and peers at me with a smile. “Hey! I wasn’t sure you’d make it back.” I engulf her in my arms. She’s so freaking tiny, I’m afraid I’ll break her. “Maybe for the next party, you’ll show up on time.” Even though her attitude is anything but little.

“Lee . . .” I step to the side as Charlie walks forward. “Meet Charlie. Charlie, this is Natalie Gil—, I mean Dempsey.” I still can’t get that right.

“Nice to meet you, Charlie. I have a lot to thank you for.” Lee takes Charlie in for a hug, surprising us both. Even though I shouldn’t be shocked, that girl would hug a leper. “Sorry, I’m a hugger.”

Charlie smiles. “It’s really nice to meet you. Sorry Mark brought me along without an invite.”