Defy the Stars (2 page)

I got up and headed out to the hall. I needed to go upstairs and get showered and dressed, ready for college. Wondering whether I had time to wash my hair, I picked up the large, flat envelope
and opened it absently.

It contained an invitation from Flynn’s sister, Siobhan:

My heart thumped as a single question threaded through my head: would Flynn be there? I turned over the card. Siobhan had scrawled a note on the back:

The hallway spun around me. I put my hand against the wall to steady myself. So Flynn
would
be there. And not alone either. Bringing ‘a friend’ meant a
girlfriend. Didn’t it? Jealousy flickered at the edges of my mind.

I pushed the dark feelings away. I was
so
over Flynn. I only thought about him now maybe once or twice a day. My decision shouldn’t be based on our old relationship.

The question was simple: did I want to go?

The wedding was in three weeks and would mean taking the day off from my new Saturday waitressing job. Still, I’d like to go for Siobhan. And it would be nice to see Flynn’s mum and
little sister Caitlin again as well. But how would it feel to see
him?

I tucked the invitation back in its envelope and headed upstairs for my shower. I shouldn’t go. There was no point raking up the past again.

On the other hand, I couldn’t deny I was curious. And I’d already moved on so far, maybe seeing Flynn would be the final bit of closure that I needed to lay the whole relationship
firmly to rest. I grabbed some clean clothes and headed into the bathroom.

I would have liked to call Emmi and ask her opinion but I hadn’t spoken to my former best friend since she’d betrayed me to Flynn over the stupid kiss that had sent him storming out
of my life last year.

Still, I had to talk to somebody. Leo was no good; he disliked Flynn. I settled on Grace. She had always been a good friend and fair-minded about Flynn. It was true that the kiss that had caused
all the problems had been between me and Grace’s boyfriend James, but Grace – unlike Flynn – had understood exactly how meaningless the whole thing had been.

I was seeing her later, after school. I’d make up my mind about Siobhan’s wedding when I’d talked to her. It wasn’t that big a deal. The point was that I was over Flynn.
The rest was just the dust settling around the fact of us being apart. Seeing him again wouldn’t – couldn’t – make any difference to that.

Grace was in an anxious mood when I met her, worrying about the upcoming exams. She still went to the school I’d left last year when Flynn and I had moved to the commune
and started at the local sixth form college. Sometimes I missed my old school but then, when I heard Grace talking about all the silly rules they still had even for older girls, I was glad
I’d left and gone somewhere where you got treated in a more grown-up way.

I listened to Grace fret about some piece of work she’d just handed in for her Business Studies course, reassuring her that she had probably done better than she imagined.

‘You know what you’re like,’ I said. ‘It’s never as bad as you think.’

Grace made a face. ‘It’s just I should have worked harder. I’m not like you and Emmi, do nothing for weeks then a bit of last-minute effort and an easy A.’

I snorted, trying to ignore this mention of Emmi. Grace often brought her up. I think she hoped Emmi and I might one day become friends again.

‘Emmi’s got a new boyfriend, you know,’ Grace said timidly.

‘There’s a surprise.’ I couldn’t keep the bitterness out of my voice when I talked about her. It might all be water under the bridge, but it still hurt that Emmi had told
Flynn about my nano-kiss.

There was an awkward silence, then James walked in.

‘Hi, River.’ He smiled across the room at me as Grace fluttered over to kiss him.

‘I didn’t know you were here,’ she said, giving him a hug.

‘Your mum let me in,’ James went on.

He sat down and started chatting about which festival he and Grace should go to later in the summer. My heart sank. It was nice to see James of course, but I hadn’t expected him to arrive
this early and I hadn’t had a chance to ask Grace what she thought about me seeing Flynn again yet. Still, James had once been Flynn’s closest friend and, though they’d fallen out
last year too, it would be interesting to know what he thought about Flynn and me meeting once more. James was solid and unemotional – I couldn’t imagine he would think it was all that
big a deal.

‘Hey, guys . . .’ I explained the situation.

As I spoke, Grace’s eyes widened with concern.

‘So what do you think?’ I asked. ‘I’d like to go and Flynn and I have been over for ages. It’s fine, isn’t it?’

James and Grace looked at each other, then back at me.

‘Come on,’ I said. ‘According to his sister’s note he’s obviously got a girlfriend and everything – there’s nothing between us any more.’

‘Are you sure?’ Grace asked with a frown. ‘It’s just, I know you’re over him and everything, but it would still be hard to be friends, wouldn’t it?’

‘We’re not talking about being friends.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘It’s just saying “hello” at a wedding, for goodness sake. What do you think,
James?’

James levelled his gaze at me. ‘Honestly, River?’ he said with a sigh. ‘I like Flynn a lot, but I think you two being in the same room again is a
really
bad
idea.’

‘Why?’ I said.

James shrugged. ‘It just is.’

Surprised, I settled back against the wall and changed the subject back to summer festivals. Soon James and Grace were debating the various merits of the big name venues. I said very little,
lost in my own thoughts. James and Grace were wrong to be so concerned about me seeing Flynn. And the fact that I felt that so strongly made it easy, finally, to decide: I would go to the wedding.
I would see Flynn. That would be that.

Having told Siobhan I was coming, I needed to get hold of two final things: a new dress and the best-looking date I could find.

Acquiring the dress turned out to be fairly straightforward. I hadn’t bought anything new since the outfit I’d worn to our party last October, when Flynn and I had split up. Dad was
only too delighted when I asked if I could do some additional chores at the commune in order to get some cash to pay for something new to wear. He even gave me a bit of extra money on top. I went
shopping with Grace and found a pretty, dark red dress with a long, tight-fitting skirt that, I hoped, made my short legs look longer. Grace said it did, anyway. She was in a far better mood than
when I’d seen her the other day, saying she had just decided she wanted to train as a primary schoolteacher after leaving sixth form at the end of next year. However, her face fell when I
confided that I was buying the dress specifically to look good at Siobhan’s wedding.

‘Oh, Riv,’ she said, a deep frown creasing her forehead. ‘I know you say you’re over Flynn but . . . you wouldn’t go out with him again, would you? I mean . . . it
would be
crazy
to go back.’

I reassured her that I was only going to the wedding to support Siobhan, and that I only wanted to look my best out of respect for her.

‘Anyway,’ I said with a grin. ‘Everyone knows that weddings are a brilliant place to meet new people. Flynn won’t be the only guy in the room; I’ve got to look
good.’

This led to a lengthy conversation during which Grace tried to get me to consider practically every boy we knew as a potential boyfriend. I rejected them all as too boring, too weird or
‘just not right’, then went back to the commune to face another long talk with Dad. He told me that although he trusted me to know what was right for me, and was happy for me to go to
Siobhan’s wedding, he was still worried that if I wasn’t careful, seeing Flynn might prompt me to ‘slip back’ into the misery of ‘those early days without
him’.

I couldn’t really blame Dad for worrying. He had been in the front row, watching helplessly as I fell apart immediately after my break-up with Flynn, when I stayed in bed and didn’t
speak to anyone for a week.

I listened to his warning, then told him, with total honesty, that there was no chance of me going back to the state I was in then. I tried to reassure Leo too, but with less success. He told me
quietly he knew I still had feelings for Flynn, even if I denied them to myself. He also offered to come with me to the wedding. I said no, mostly for Leo’s sake. The last time the two of
them had seen each other, Flynn had punched Leo, leaving him with a huge bruise on his face for days. I didn’t want to risk any repeat of that.

Instead I set my sights on a date with Michael Greene, a tall, buff guy in the year above me – Flynn’s year – at college. He was so unlikely a choice as a proper boyfriend that
he hadn’t even featured on Grace’s list. Still, he would be the perfect partner for a long day out when I needed someone attractive and easy-going on my arm. Michael wasn’t the
smartest student academically but he was one of the nicest boys I’d ever met. He wanted to work with animals and already spent a lot of his spare time volunteering with the RSPCA. He knew
that Leo and I lived on a commune with hens and sheep and had already asked me many times about the animals and how we cared for them, so after considering how to approach him for a few days, I
invited him round to check out the new baby lamb.

He was over the moon, really excited to see the lamb, overawed by the fact that I’d helped deliver it and full of questions for Dad, which Dad was only too delighted to answer. I explained
carefully to Michael that I was looking for someone to come with me to the wedding . . . not as a date, but as a friend.

Michael frowned, confusion in his soft brown eyes. ‘What about Leo?’ he said, in his deep, slow voice.

I gulped. Clearly Michael, like most of our sixth form college, assumed that Leo and I were an item. I explained that it was Flynn’s sister getting married and that Flynn himself would be
present. Michael, who knew Flynn from the time he’d spent with us at college last year, understood straight away.

And so I was sorted. I’d cancelled my normal Saturday shift at the Rainbow Café, I’d got my dress and I had tall, hunky Michael Greene to stand beside me. Michael had even
promised to wear a suit.

The closer the wedding got, the calmer I felt. After all, I hadn’t seen Flynn for five months. We hadn’t spoken or written to each other in all that time. This meeting was simply
going to be the final sign-off. I would probably never see him again afterwards. It would give me the only thing I still needed, something that the counsellor I saw last year had even suggested I
should try to find, the ‘full stop’ at the end of the relationship.

Of course I couldn’t help but feel a bit nervous on the morning of the wedding. Leo saw I was anxious and tried to talk to me, but I brushed aside his question, saying my nerves had
nothing to do with seeing Flynn later, that I was just fretting about my exams starting at the end of the following week.

It was another sunny day – crisp and cooler than we’d been having recently. I washed and dried my hair carefully, taking far more trouble than usual. Well, it was a wedding. I put on
a dab of make-up, even applying some of the dark red lipstick which I’d bought to go with my new dress. I was wearing high heels and one of Gemma’s little black jackets over the
dress.

I checked myself out in the full-length bathroom mirror once I was ready. Not too bad. At least the dress suited my curvy shape, the shape of the skirt plus the heels definitely made my legs
look longer – and there was a flush in my cheeks that gave my skin a glow I knew it hadn’t had for months.

Dad raised his eyebrows as I walked into the kitchen.

‘Very sophisticated,’ he said with a smile. ‘I hope Michael knows how glamorous he needs to be to keep up with you.’

I rolled my eyes. Since Michael’s visit a few weeks ago, Dad appeared to think we were now dating. I had decided not to correct this assumption. It would, surely, help Dad to face the idea
of me seeing Flynn if he believed I was interested in another boy.

The doorbell rang. Leo shouted out to say he’d let Michael in. Leo, of course, knew exactly why I’d asked Michael to be my date.

The two of them appeared in the kitchen a few seconds later. They both stared at me.

‘Bit of a change from sweatpants,’ I said, feeling my face flush.

‘You look amazing,’ Michael said. He was, as he’d promised, dressed in a suit with a crisp white shirt and carefully waxed hair.

‘Looking good yourself,’ I grinned.

Leo cleared his throat. ‘Nice dress, River,’ he said. He was smiling, but I could see the unhappiness in his eyes. Was he upset because I was going to see Flynn? Or because he
thought I might be seriously interested in Michael Greene? Either way, it wasn’t the reaction of a person content just to be my friend.

My heart sank. ‘Er, thanks,’ I said.

‘Time to go.’ Dad stood up. He’d offered a while back to drive Michael and me to the wedding.

Leo disappeared upstairs. I watched him go, feeling concerned. A few minutes later, however, we were in the car and my thoughts turned to the wedding ahead. I took a few deep breaths, trying to
calm the butterflies suddenly zooming around my stomach. It was just the prospect of meeting a bunch of strangers that was making me so nervous, I told myself. Nothing to do with seeing Flynn
again. I remembered Siobhan’s note about Flynn bringing a friend and felt relieved to have Michael at my side. I was sure it would be easy enough to be friendly with whoever Flynn was now
going out with but the situation was definitely helped by my having my own date present.