“Maybe we should postpone it then. You two need to spend some time together.”
“Right. Your life is at stake and you want me to go home and try to make my relationship work. Sorry, pal, that’s not how it works. Megan understands.”
“Does she?”
“She’ll be fine.” Delta hesitated a moment before asking the question that had been preying on her mind all night long. “You don’t think he’d hurt them, do you?”
There was a discernible pause before Connie answered. “Megan and Gina?”
Delta swallowed hard. Just the thought nauseated her. “Yeah. You don’t think . . .”
“I really don’t know. I’ve thought and thought about it, but I haven’t a clue how distorted he is or might get.”
“Maybe we should get them out of here. You know, send them on a little vacation somewhere.”
“Sure. You try to move Gina from here, and she’ll rip your arms off and suck the blood from your body. Not a chance. She’s made it perfectly clear she’s not going anywhere without me. Believe me, Del, I already tried. She’s not budging.”
“Understandable. Who can blame her?”
“No one. So you go see Megan before hauling your tired ass over here, or I’m not letting you in.”
“I have a key.”
“I have two big dogs.”
“They’re pussycats.”
“I’ll change the locks.”
“I’ll climb in through the window.” Delta grinned. It felt good hearing Connie be herself.
“Fine. Have it your way. But when she dumps you like a road apple, you’re not staying with us. This inn is full.”
“She isn’t going to dump me.”
“She will, if you don’t start paying some attention to her.”
Delta threw her hands up, and the phone dropped from her ear and clanged against the phone booth. “Sorry. I dropped the phone.”
“Are you sorry enough to go see her?”
“Yes! For crying out loud, you don’t have to force me!”
Jan honked. Delta ignored her. “Did you get a hold of your computer pal in Arizona?”
“He’s in Europe. I have a few other calls out, but summer is an impossible time to get in touch with people. Consider us on our own for the time being.”
Delta had anticipated as much. It wouldn’t be the first time they faced hostile and uneven odds. “Well, I’ll be over after awhile. Save some java for me. In the meantime, take a break. Give your head a rest. We’ll pick up the pace when I get to your house.”
Connie sighed heavily into the phone. “You’re something, you know that?”
“Yeah, and when we figure out just what, then we’ll all know. See you later.”
Backing out of the phone booth, Delta slowly inhaled and looked up at the clear night sky. She felt like a time bomb with a sizzling fuse. She would have to do the one thing she was worst at; she would have to be patient. She would have to remind herself that every step she took, every corner she turned, brought her closer to the man-monster behind the wheel of this sick and twisted ride. She must remain patient, even though every tick of the clock brought them nearer to another level, nearer to another death. She would play his dangerous game and move like some mortal being steered by an insane god. Maybe that’s what irked her the most; he was using her. The bastard was watching her and pushing her to places of his own design. Delta knew she had no other choice but to do as he dictated. He was calling the shots and she hated him for it. She didn’t like being used. She didn’t like him thinking he could push her this way and that.
Ah, but when the tide turned and the time was right; when the second hand paused between the strokes and the final grain of sand suspended in the air, the soliloquy would be hers. Because, although he was capable of moving her like some puppet on a string, what he did not know was the strength of Delta’s character and her commitment to those she loved. What he could not possibly know was the grit and determination that sewed Delta’s soul together and weaved through her the strength of hundreds of women.
And that, Delta thought, as she moved toward the patrol car, would be his ruin.
When Delta finally let herself into Megan’s peach- and mint-colored apartment, she wasn’t the least bit surprised to find Megan asleep with an accounting book across her lap. At her feet lay a thick law book open face down. Bending down to pick up the law book, Delta smiled and shook her head. She never realized just how important college was to Megan. At first, she took business courses, believing that was her forte. Then, she took one criminal justice course and fell in love with law; not just the law she witnessed being a part of Delta’s life, but courtroom law. The kind of law criminal lawyers study. Megan had been bitten, and Delta was beginning to understand what was going on in her head. Sitting on the edge of the couch, Delta lightly touched Megan’s cheek with her fingertips.
She was the most incredible woman Delta had ever loved. Unlike anyone Delta knew, Megan had picked her life out of the gutter and was polishing it to a brilliant shine. She demanded more than life had previously given her and was carving out a life for herself in college.
Yet, where was Delta in all of this?
Looking down at the woman she loved resting peacefully, Delta slowly traced Megan’s thick eyebrow with her fingertip. Delta had to admit she’d neglected her relationship as soon as it got on stable ground; a pattern she had developed early on in her relationship career. It was the biggest criticism her ex-lovers had about her.
And it was true.
Somehow, she expected Megan to work on her own changing life and keep the relationship strong as well. Feeling her eyes start to water, Delta inhaled deeply and swallowed back the tears. How was it she was the best partner in the world when she was wearing a badge, but when that badge came off, she expected her personal life relationship to function on auto-pilot? Connie was right; Delta would lose this precious gift if she didn’t start participating as an equal member of the partnership.
The problem was she didn’t really know how to do it. She could give her career 110%, but she hadn’t ever really given that to a living, breathing being.
Tracing Megan’s face with her index finger, Delta bent over and gently kissed her cheek. If there was anyone who could help Delta love better, if there was anyone who could show her what it meant to give something besides her job everything she had, it was this woman right here.
Slowly taking her hand out from under the pillow, Megan made little sleepy noises. “What time is it?” Wrapping her arm around Delta, she stretched.
“Four-fifteen.”
Megan opened one eye. “You look beat.”
“I am.”
Stretching the length of the couch, Megan’s pink nightgown hung precariously off one shoulder. “How did it go tonight?”
“Do you mean my beat or the game?”
Sitting up, Megan took Delta’s hand in hers and kissed the back of it. “Both.”
“Connie’s been working on the game all night. I’m on my way over to help her out, but I wanted to stop by and see you first.” Delta did not let go of Megan’s hand.
Moving closer, so there was no space between them, Megan reached over and ran her fingers through Delta’s hair. “What’s the matter, baby?”
Delta closed her eyes and concentrated on Megan’s fingers in her hair. Megan knew her better than any lover ever had. She read right through Delta’s tough facades and knew when Delta needed to be held or stroked.
God, she loved Megan.
“Del? Talk to me.”
Slowly opening her eyes, Delta leaned over and kissed Megan’s lips. It was a soft kiss, the kind that said `I don’t know what I’d do without you.’The kind that shuts out the rest of the world so that all she felt was the warmth spreading from her lips to the rest of her body.
“Megan, I love you.” Delta breathed, as their lips barely moved apart. “I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone.”
Megan smiled and caressed Delta’s cheek with the back of her hand. “I know you do.”
“Do you? Do you know that I do care about the things you’re learning in school? Do you know that I am so very proud of you for your excellence in class?”
Megan nodded and held both of Delta’s hands. “Yes, I do.”
“But I don’t say it enough.”
“No, you don’t,” Megan softly concurred.
Delta bowed her head. “And that scares me.”
“It scares me, too.”
Shifting her weight so she could fully face Megan but still hold hands, Delta sighed. “I’m not the best partner in the world. I’m realizing that more and more.”
Megan started to reply but shook her head. “Go on.”
“I get wrapped up in my work and expect you to do all of the maintenance on the relationship. It’s not fair, I know, but I don’t know how else to be. Ever since I became a cop, I haven’t been able to give anything else the kind of energy I give my job.”
Megan squeezed Delta’s hand. “Able and willing are different, my love. The Storm I know is able to do anything her will desires. What hurts sometimes is I don’t know how much you
want
to give to me—to us.”
“I don’t want to lose you.” Delta’s voice was so quiet, Megan barely heard her. “But I don’t know how to keep you, either.”
Pulling Delta to her, Megan wrapped her arms around her and gently rocked her. “Oh, Delta. My brave, strong cop. I love you so very much.” Rocking Delta in her arms, Megan lightly kissed her neck. “You’ve just taken the first step towards keeping me.”
“Really? God, Megan, sometimes I get so scared.” Pulling back so she could see Megan’s face, Delta’s felt small. “Have you ever felt like you never really learned how to love someone? Like you keep trying to do what’s right, but you make the same stupid mistakes all the time?”
Megan grinned a warm smile. “More times than you’d know.”
“It scares me because I do so many things so well, but I feel like a beginner when it comes to making a relationship work. No matter what I do, I always get comfortable with the relationship and I stop working on it. I don’t know how to fix that.”
“Well, sweetheart, you have the first ingredient, and that’s caring enough to want to make it work. As long as we both talk and learn and fight to make it work, we’ll be okay.”
“I want to be better than okay. I want, no, I need to know that I am 50% of the relationship. Right now,” Delta pulled Megan back to her, “I feel like I’m about 10%.”
Kissing Delta’s cheek, Megan held her tightly. “Sometimes, you are.”
“But you deserve the best.”
“Yes, I do.”
Delta pulled back once more. “I want to be the best. I want to be your last. I just don’t know how to be that; how to get there.” Kissing both of Delta’s hands, Megan took Delta’s face in her hands and looked long and hard into her eyes. “We get there by working together. Delta, being too comfortable in a relationship usually means someone has stopped working or growing. You wouldn’t stop working or growing on the job, would you?”
Delta shook her head. “If I did, I might wind up dead.” Then it hit her. “Oh. That’s what will happen to our relationship.”
Megan nodded. “Are you willing to let that happen?”
Delta shook her head. “I’ll do anything to keep that from happening, Meg. But talk hasn’t helped me before. We can talk and talk and talk, and I’ll end up going back to coasting if we don’t find a way to get this relationship maintenance stuff through my thick head.”
Megan lightly touched Delta’s cheek. Her eyes were so loving and filled with understanding, Delta thought she might cry. “Del, I know this might be hard to hear, and you don’t have to answer me right now, but will you go to counseling with me?”
Delta hesitated for a moment. “Counseling?” She had always thought counseling was a fad; something rich housewives made up to have something to do. Sandy, her latest ex, had shelves filled with self-help manuals and did everything but read them aloud to Delta.
Then, Delta wasn’t interested enough to know what it was Sandy was trying to say.
But now, she was.
“Counseling. Honey, you’re a wonderful woman trapped behind that damned badge. If the badge always comes first, we won’t make it. Counseling will just help us sort through some of the feelings and fears we both have about the role that badge plays in both our lives. Maybe if we understand that, we can help you be the partner you want to be.”
Inhaling deeply, Delta nodded, her face still in Megan’s hands. There wasn’t a question. She would do whatever Megan wanted her to do, and if seeing a shrink would help, so be it. “I’ll do it. I’ll do whatever it takes to learn how to love you better. Best.”
“My love,” Megan whispered, bringing Delta’s mouth to hers. “You already love me better than anyone ever has.”
“But it isn’t good enough. Not for me, anyway.”
“Shh. It will be.” Megan’s lips barely touched Delta’s in a kiss searing with emotional energy. “Together, Delta, you and I can face anything. Trust me. Counseling will only make us stronger.”
“I do trust you.”
“Good. Because I know how hard it is for you to agree to counseling. I wouldn’t have offered it if I didn’t think it would help.”
Holding her tightly, Delta whispered, “I love you, Megan.”