Authors: Michelle A. Valentine
Alicia is the only one in my entire family that gets me and says I’m the reason she wants to be a psychologist, to learn to help people like me. She actually tries to understand.
I smile. “Thanks.”
Alicia studies me as she leans her slender body against the doorframe. When I make eye contact with her, I notice her blue eyes twinkle because of her smirky smile. We have the same eyes people say, like our father, clear, piercing blue ones that appear to see into people’s soul.
“What?” I ask.
She flips her long brown hair over her shoulder then studies her nails. “Oh, nothing.”
It’s impossible to hide things from her. She knows something is going on with me and I have to find out what she knows. “That look isn’t
nothing
.”
Her eyes meet mine and she grins, like she knows she’s about to win. “Okay, so spill. Who
is
he?”
Quickly, I look away. Damn it. How did she figure out there is a he? Maybe she really doesn’t know. “Who is what?”
She steps into the bathroom and stares at me in the mirror. “Don’t play dumb with me, Nat. Who’s the guy you’re breaking out of your emo shell for?”
Dang it. I roll my eyes to throw her off the scent. “There has to be a guy involved for me to wear a blue shirt?”
She laughs. “Yes. Why else would you care about how you look all of the sudden? Not saying you don’t always look cute in your ‘I’m so sad I wear black’ thing. But that blue top looks awesome with that black skirt and boots. I might have to take that outfit to school with me, actually.” She studies my clothes. “I’d look fierce in a club wearing that.”
My face heats up, and I know my blush is giving away my embarrassment at her gushing.
“I knew it!” she squeals. “Who is it? Tell me, tell me,
tell me
.”
I sigh and figure she’s going to find out anyway. We’re going public tonight, after all. “Promise not to tell anyone? Including, Mom or Dad.”
She crosses her heart with her finger.
A deep breath fills my lungs. “Stewart Masterson.”
Her eyes grow a mile wide. “Dean’s little brother? As in our neighbors?”
I nod.
“Oh. My. God. The Masterson boys are hot! I had the biggest crush on Dean until he moved out of state. Good job, sis.” She walks in my room, mimics fainting, and falls on my bed, only to quickly prop herself up on her elbows. “Since when? And why didn’t you tell me?”
I pick at my black nail polish. “Not long, just over the summer. And we’ve kind of been keeping it secret.”
She cocks her head to the side. “From who?”
I shrug. “Everyone.”
Alicia sits up on the bed and crosses her arms while she glares at me. “And you let him get away with that shit?”
“You know how his dad is. He thinks he’s all high and mighty since he became a big time judge. Stew and I didn’t want his dad to find out.”
That did it. That totally pissed her off because she furrows her brow and twitches her lips. I know that look. The look that says someone is about to go down. “Who the hell cares about his crotchety dad? It’s not like he’s better than us. We’re neighbors for God’s sake, and our dad is a freaking doctor.” She pauses for a minute, like things are sinking in. “Maybe it’s just him. You know, Nat, if Stewart isn’t willing to tell his dad about you, he doesn’t deserve you.”
My lips pull down into a frown. Deep down I knew this is how she would react and it’s one of the reasons why I didn’t tell her about sneaking around with Stew. We usually share everything, but this wasn’t only my secret to tell. “I know, believe me, I’ve told him I’m tired of sneaking around and either he tells everyone we’re together or we’re done.”
She smiles, pleased with my answer. “Good. So you guys are going out tonight?”
I nod. “Kind of.”
Alicia rolls her eyes. “What the hell, Nat? Kind of? I thought you were a tough, kick-ass chick? Why the hell do you let him get away with that?”
“We’re meeting at a fraternity party tonight.” I try to redeem our relationship.
She shakes her head and gets up from my bed. “You know college parties get crazy.” She steps toward me and puts her hands on my shoulders. “Do you want me to go with you?”
I know what she’s thinking. I probably won’t be too welcomed at the party since all the jock crowd hangs there and the connected sorority’s queen bee, Taylor, and I have this unfriendly rivalry. Actually, now that I think about it, showing up with Alicia may not be a bad idea. She might be able to keep me safe from the prep crowd jerks until Stew finds me and shows everyone I’m with him.
I shrug, but hope she’ll say yes. “If you want.”
She claps her hands. “Great. Give me twenty minutes,” she says, before she scurries out the door.
****
We pull up to the big white frat house in Alicia’s college graduation present, a little red sports car. The place looks packed, and people have actually parked on the grass. Bodies are everywhere, and for a minute I hesitate as she puts the car in park.
“You ready for this?” she asks.
There’s a lump in my throat that’s about the size of a baseball and I struggle to swallow it down. “Yeah.”
We step out of her car, and Alicia flashes me her pearly whites. No surprise a party would be fun for her. She was very popular on campus her entire four years here. I think that’s why I got into the prep crowd so easily back in high school, before my psycho status was revealed. Everyone was envious of her and expected her little sister would follow in the most popular girl role. Goes to show how stereotyping and profiling people are totally bad ideas.
My beautiful sister is greeted with smiles and waves and is fully accepted back into the fold. People clear a path for her like she’s royalty back to rule her kingdom. Suddenly, in her shadow, a tinge of self-consciousness creeps into my body. I fold my arms across my chest. Why did I have to pick tonight to step away from my comforting all black ensemble?
“I see nothing’s changed,” Alicia says to me. “I still feel like an undergrad student here.”
I grin. “I’m sure you’ll feel different once you’re all settled into your apartment in Texas. You’ll probably rule there, too.”
She throws her arm around me and leads me into the house. “Oh, Nat. I’m so going to miss you.”
Once inside, Alicia grabs a couple red plastic cups, fills them from the keg, and hands one to me. “Let’s go be seen in the living room.”
I follow her obediently toward the brick fireplace, which is the focal point of the room. She always tells me “you should always stand in the best location to get guys to notice you.” I could learn a lot from her if I was interested in picking up any old loser from this party. She always gets noticed. Her strategy must work for her. But me? I only have one guy on my mind.
Stewart.
Bodies fill every inch of the house and they all seem to acknowledge my sister. Most of these people never speak to me and tonight is no exception.
I’m living proof popularity isn’t genetic.
People clamor all around Alicia, practically pushing me out of the way to get to her. I was once told by a geeky, science nerd that when Alicia touched his shoulder and said “excuse me” was the best moment in his life. Pathetic, right?
I fight to stay involved in her social circle for a few minutes, but finally, I give up and sit on the hearth and sip my bitter beer. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she sold her soul to a demon for popularity while I sold mine to save a mother who practically hates me.
I study my watch. It’s nearly midnight. Where the hell is Stew? He’s the one who wanted to meet here, and it’s not like I’m early or anything. As I scan the room, the warmth of someone’s arm next to mine sends a rush of excitement through me. I can’t help but grin. Stew.
“Who ya lookin’ for?” My grin immediately fades when I hear the voice. My stomach drops. This is not the voice I expected to hear. Sitting next to me is Stew’s best friend, Trevor Humphreys. Trevor looks good as usual, with his dark hair and eyes. He’s kind of a big man on campus around here, too. Kind of comes with being a college ball player.
Seeing Trevor is a good thing though, because it means Stew’s somewhere close. But I’m not about to spill the beans to Trevor that I’m looking for him.
I bite my lip. “No one.”
He raises his brow. “Well, if you’re lookin’ for Stew…he’s not in the living room.”
I shake my head. “I wasn’t—”
He laughs. “Relax, Sugarman. I know…
everything
.”
My eyes grow wide. “Everything?”
He nods and smiles. “Come on. I’ll take you to him.”
Trevor stands, and I follow suit. I risk a glance over at Alicia. She’s laughing and having a great time. Not wanting to interrupt her fun, I don’t bother telling her where I’m going. I follow behind Trevor through the crowd and then up the stairs. The stairway is crowed and a heavy smell of pot wafts around me. This is some party. Maybe the heavy partiers hang out upstairs, although Stew never said he was into the whole drug scene.
Trevor goes to a door once we’re on the second floor and knocks. When no one answers, he opens it and motions me through. Trevor is creeping me out a little with the way he’s grinning like a baboon, but if this is what it takes to see Stew, I’ll trust him.
I step into the darkness of what I can only guess is a bedroom and turn toward Trevor as my eyes adjust a little to the darkness. “Well?” I ask, after looking around the empty room.
A deep, coarse laugh from Trevor reverberates around me. “Well, what?” My palms start to sweat as he closes the door and locks us both inside. Alone.
My heart pounds with a nervous flutter as I ask, “Where is he?”
“Where is who?” He steps close enough for me to smell the bitter-sweet odor of hard liquor on his breath.
I swallow the building bile in my throat down as Trevor fingers a loose strand of my black hair. “Where’s Stew?”
He shrugs his shoulders indifferently. “He’s not here.” I take a step away but he moves in even closer. “But I’m here, and I know everything, Sugarman.”
Taking another step back, I bump into what I imagine is the bed in the room. “Why did you tell me he was up here?”
He drinks down the last of his beer and tosses his cup on the floor before he wipes his chin. “I wanted to get you alone because I want to be
secret friends
, too.”
That’s it! I’m out of here. The way he’s looking at me with lust filled eyes tells me he’s not just talking friendship here. I try to make my way past him, but he blocks my path. His massive frame towers like a brick wall. “I’m not having sex with you.”
He pushes his dark brows over his dark eyes, which makes him look evil and menacing. “Why? You think you’re too good for me? You little Goth freak. You gave it up to Stew, now how about me? We share you know.”
I
so
don’t need this crap right now. What I need to do is find Stewart and ask him why the hell he told Trevor Humphrey’s I’m an easy lay. “Fuck you, Trevor.”
The next few seconds play in slow motion and my brain kind of detaches itself from my body. As I attempt to leave again, Trevor grabs my wrists and pulls my body against his. I struggle to break free from his steel grip, but the more I fight, the angrier he gets.
“Come on. Don’t fight it,” he slurs before he grinds his mouth against mine.
My teeth pulverize the meaty flesh of my bottom lip and a metallic taste covers my tongue. I need to get away from him, so I try to worm my hands away from his grasp. Finally, my right hand breaks free from his tentacle-like hold. Instinct takes over and my palm makes contact with his face. My body lunges forward as I smack with all my might.
“You bitch!” he shouts.
The back of his hand flies across my cheek, knocking me off guard. I stumble back and cover my face with my hands. Before I have a chance to fully recover, he shoves me onto the bed. The springs coil under my weight, and my head bounces back, rattling my teeth inside my skull. I push myself up with shaky arms. I need to get my bearings because I need to get the hell out of this room.
Trevor’s face contorts in anger when I make eye contact with him. I open my mouth to tell him to calm down, but before I can get anything out, he tackles me with the full force of his body and knocks the wind from my lungs.
His two hundred pound frame crushes me into the mattress, and I gasp for breath. He pins my arms above my head with his massive grip, even though I’m fighting against him with all my strength, virtually rendering me helpless. His hands burn against my skin and I twist to get away from him.
Sheer panic stings my stomach as I struggle to free myself from his clutches. My legs pump wildly as I try to buck him off me. It’s no use. He’s just too damn big. A scream rips up from my throat out of sheer frustration and panic. A growl reverberates in Trevor’s chest, and he uses his free hand to slap me again. The force of his blow knocks my face to the side. Pain shocks my core and my cheek throbs instantly. Blood drips into my mouth from a gash in my lip. The fight from inside of me starts to fade.
I squeeze my eyes shut. Trevor Humphreys is about to rape me. I always thought I would be tough enough to fight off an attacker if I was ever in this position, but I was dead wrong. My only option now is to beg. Maybe it will make him realize what he’s doing.
Bile rises up in my throat as I think about what he has planned. “Please, Trevor,” I whimper. “Please. No.”
Warm tears flow into my hair, and I attempt to get Trevor’s bloodshot brown eyes to focus on me, to realize he’s doing something wrong. No such luck. His eyes burn with unfathomable rage—rage he’s ready to take out on me.
His hand runs roughly up my thigh and reaches under my skirt. My breath catches. His fingers turn into claws as his nails scratch my skin in attempts to pull my panties down.
“See, Sugarman, I can be just as nice as Masterson,” he says between ragged breaths. He leans in for a kiss, but I whip my face away from him, so instead he kisses my neck.
His cologne overpowers me, and I grow light headed from the strong stench of spicy musk that crams my nostrils. I breathe through my mouth and shut my eyes. I just want him to stop and go away.