[Desert Roses 02] - Across the Years (21 page)

The anticipation of that moment was enough to keep E. J. focused and energized on the journey west. For over an hour he contemplated what he would say.

Ashley, there was a mistake about your husband dying in the war.

Ashley, I didn’t know until I saw you that you were still alive.

Ashley, the government makes mistakes, and I’m not dead like you thought.

Nothing sounded exactly right, but he was certain the words would come when the time was right.

Upon finally arriving without mishap, Natalie’s chatter caught up with his thoughts. “I’ve wanted to come here forever. We learned all about this place in school. Did you know they were trying to mine the crater for iron ore? They stopped because they couldn’t find very much and they just kept striking water or having other problems. They just stopped work this year.”

E. J. smiled as he parked the car. There were only two other cars at the location, probably belonging to whoever might remain on-site to answer questions, he figured.

“My teacher said the meteorite probably weighed three hundred thousand tons but that it probably broke apart and smashed into little dust pieces when it came to earth. Isn’t that hard to imagine?”

“Indeed it is,” E. J. replied.

“This is all she has been able to talk about since yesterday,” Ashley told him.

“It’s just that it’s the most amazing thing in the world, and it’s not very far from home. People are going to start coming
here more and more to see it, and that’s going to make this area very popular.”

E. J. laughed and opened the car door. “And that’s important to you?”

“Sure,” Natalie said, jumping from the car. “The more people who come and want to live here, the more they’re going to need architects to draw the plans for houses and businesses. That will give me a job.”

E. J. shook his head. She certainly had it in mind to stick to her guns regarding her dream.

The meteor crater proved to be fascinating, but E. J.’s mind couldn’t completely appreciate the phenomenon. He wandered around for a time with Natalie and Ashley, listening to his daughter marvel at the impact indentation nearly a mile across in size. All the while the words of his explanation to Ashley ran through his mind.

“See down there?” Natalie questioned E. J., pointing to the floor of the crater. “My teacher said that some of those rocks that just look like little stones to us from here are actually boulders. Isn’t that amazing?”

“Indeed it is.” He found great delight in her reactions. “Say, are you ready to eat yet?” he asked Natalie. “I’m starving.”

“You and Mama can go ahead and eat, but I just want to explore. Please?” She looked at her mother first and then E. J.

“I think that’s perfectly acceptable,” E. J. said, then looked at Ashley and added, “If it’s all right with your mother.”

Ashley nodded and Natalie took off without another word.

“Her energy level is daunting,” E. J. said, still watching Natalie skitter over the rocks.

“She never wears out. She’s on the go constantly.” Ashley looked up at him, her face shaded by the brim of her hat. She seemed to study him, especially his eyes. Could it be she already suspected the truth?

They walked back to the picnic basket and blankets. Ashley had placed the covers atop the basket, but before E. J. could
take hold of it, she grabbed it. “We’ll need to shake these out just in case something has crawled in.”

E. J. took up the other blanket and followed her example, snapping it open. Once assured they were safe, they spread them on the ground. As they sat down, E. J. decided to get his confession out of the way. There was simply no telling when Natalie would return.

“Ashley, there’s something I need to talk to you about.”

She looked up, rather startled. Cocking her head to one side, she seemed to contemplate his expression and waited for him to speak—seeking understanding in the silence.

“Well, that is . . .” Why did this have to be so hard? She was his wife—she needed to know the truth. “Something happened a long time ago,” he began again. “Something that forever changed my life.”

“Ashley! Hey, Ashley!”

E. J. looked up to find a tall, slender blond woman waving. At her side, a beefy-looking man studied him with an arched brow.

“Glenda, hello!” Ashley called back and waved.

E. J. held his breath, hoping—even praying—that this would be the end of the matter. The woman moved forward, however, dashing his hopes.

“I thought that was you. How are you? Where’s Natalie?”

Ashley put her hand to the brim of her hat as if to further shield the sun. “She’s exploring. There she is, over there.” She pointed to the north and the couple turned in unison.

“Oh, sure. I see her. Goodness, but that girl can climb like a mountain goat.”

Ashley smiled and nodded. “Glenda, this is E. J. Carson. He’s actually become a good friend of Natalie’s and thus mine. He’s working with the new Harvey House construction.” She turned back to E. J. “This is Glenda and her fiancé, Marvin.”

“Nice to meet you both,” E. J. said, not really meaning it.
It wasn’t that he minded meeting Ashley’s friends, but now wasn’t the time.

“I see you’re having a picnic. We brought some food too,” Glenda said, motioning to Marvin and the basket he held.

E. J. held his breath.
Please don’t ask them to join us,
he thought over and over.
I need the time to tell you the truth, Ashley.

“Why don’t you join us?” Ashley moved closer to E. J. “There’s plenty of room.”

“Are you sure?” Glenda asked, then looked at Marvin. “Would you like to join them?”

“You bet,” he said, pushing back a rowdy shock of red hair. “I’ll go anywhere you go.”

Glenda laughed. “You’d better.”

They joined E. J. and Ashley, laughing and talking about people they knew at the Harvey restaurant or on the railroad. Glenda asked about Grandpa Whitman, and Ashley made comments about how quickly he was fading. She also mentioned that her mother was due in town on Tuesday.

By the time Natalie was completely satisfied with her rock expedition, it was time to go. In frustrated silence, E. J. drove back to Winslow. Natalie dozed in the backseat, completely spent from her day of running and climbing. Ashley stared absentmindedly out her window, then suddenly turned to him.

“You were going to say something to me back there. You’d started to tell me something about the past.”

He considered for a moment that he might break the news to her before Natalie woke up, then decided against it. There was always a chance she might awaken in the middle of his explanation. No, he’d just have to wait until another day.

She’d gone eleven years without knowing the truth. He supposed she could wait another day or two.

“It wasn’t important. We’ll save it for another time,” he replied good-naturedly. But inside, E. J. knew a building frustration that refused to be ignored. He had to tell her—and it needed to be soon.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Monday. That dreaded day.

Ashley looked out her bedroom window, then turned to face the room itself. She’d tried to arrange it perfectly, but no doubt her mother would take displeasure with something. How was it that a person could live thousands of miles away and still heavily influence the heart and mind of another?

Ashley smoothed the chenille spread on the bed. The white ridges were dotted with tiny pink flowers and green leaves. Her mother would probably say it was too feminine or too childish. The pillows would probably be too flat and the temperature of the room too cool at night.

Checking the freshly washed and ironed curtains, Ashley inspected the material for any holes or snags. She just wanted to give her mother as little reason for criticism as possible.

Sighing, Ashley took a handful of her clothes and moved them to Natalie’s closet. Hanging her dresses on the bar beside her daughter’s, Ashley bit her lip to keep it from trembling.

“I’m absolutely terrified of her coming here.”

Once the words were spoken, it was almost a relief. It was as if by speaking them, Ashley could finally accept them.

“She will criticize and cause me grief. Of that I can be sure.”

And that was perhaps more troubling than anything else. If her mother were the same woman she’d been eleven years earlier, Ashley knew there wouldn’t be a moment’s peace. And that was what this house had always represented to her. Peace.

This house—this home—had been a respite and a comfort. She’d sought sanctuary here and felt warm and loved within these walls. Now her mother would come and all that would change. The house would become a battleground—no different from the other places Leticia Murphy had stormed.

“I have to get ahold of myself,” Ashley said, speaking into
the mirror over her daughter’s desk. She saw her expression in the reflection there and it only served to further discourage her. She looked scared, and her mother would feed upon that like vultures to carrion.

****

“I know she’s afraid,” Russell told his daughter. “She believes her mother will come here and wreak havoc on her life. And she may have a point.”

Lavelle nodded. “If Letty is the same woman she used to be, then Ashley has good reason to believe that.”

Russell fought against the waves of nausea and pain. “I know, but I want her to have hope. Ashley can’t change her mother, but she can change herself.” His words were barely audible, but Lavelle apparently heard, for she nodded as she got to her feet.

“Papa, if I find Leticia to be as she’s been in the past, I’ll speak to her sternly before we arrive. She must understand that she cannot come in here and turn everything upside down. She may not like it, but she will hear me out.”

Russell nodded. “I’m glad you’re going for her and not Ashley.”

Lavelle glanced at her watch. “The pastor will be here momentarily to escort me.”

“You go ahead. I’ll be praying,” Russell said, shifting only the tiniest bit to see if the pain decreased. It didn’t.

Lavelle had only been gone a few moments before a knock sounded on his open bedroom door. Glancing up, Russell smiled weakly and motioned Pastor McGuire to come in.

“I see you’re still taking life easy,” the pastor teased. “How are things today?”

“Difficult.”

“A lot of pain?” Pastor questioned.

“Yes. And I find myself just wishing to slip from this body into heaven.”

McGuire reached over and touched Russell’s shoulder.
“The time will come, my friend, soon enough. I don’t desire you to live out your days in pain, but I do cherish your existence. You’ll be sorely missed when you’re gone.”

“You’re one of only a few folks I know who can talk so openly about my dying. It’s a relief, you know, to be able to say the words out loud. It’s not as if it is a secret.”

McGuire nodded. “I know. My mom and dad both said the same thing when they were dying. People avoid speaking of it when they’re with you because they’re afraid of causing you more grief. Yet what they don’t realize is that some things need to be said.”

“Exactly.”

Russell looked up to find Ashley standing in the doorway. He figured she’d heard their discussion, and he quite frankly hoped it might make a difference. Ashley was one of those people who avoided speaking the truth—as if in keeping silent, she might stave off death. It only got worse the closer he came to actually dying.

“Ashley, come on in, child.”

Pastor McGuire looked over his shoulder and nodded. “Yes, do. We aren’t speaking of anything that you can’t be a part of.”

Ashley looked most uncomfortable. “I . . . uh . . . just wanted to let you know that Aunt Lavelle is ready to go. The train is due ten minutes from now.”

“Well, I suppose we should head out, then,” Pastor McGuire said. He offered a quick prayer of hope and comfort, then headed to the door. “Ashley, we’ve certainly enjoyed having you in church when you’re able to be there. I hope you know that.”

Ashley smiled tentatively. “I’ve . . . well . . . I’ve enjoyed it too.”

Smiling, the tall pastor nodded. “That’s music to a minister’s ears. I’ll look forward to seeing you Sunday.”

Russell could see his granddaughter’s uneasiness. It was
something akin to embarrassment. “Ashley, would you sit with me for a moment?”

“Sure, Grandpa.” She came to his bedside and pulled a chair close.

“I wanted to talk to you before your mother got here.” He bit back a cry as his side exploded in pain. The shock of it left him gasping for breath.

“Are you all right, Grandpa?”

He opened his eyes and noted her concern. “It’s just this momentary trouble. Soon I’ll be right as rain.”

Ashley frowned. “I heard what Pastor McGuire said. I didn’t know that you needed to talk about dying.”

“It’s not so much the actual dying, but there are things I want to say before I slip away. It’s one of the reasons I don’t want to take the medicine.” She nodded and he continued. “You’re afraid . . . aren’t you?”

Ashley laughed bitterly. “I’m terrified. Of so many things.”

“Tell me.”

She looked toward the wall, avoiding his eyes. “I’m just not that confident of being able to handle things once you’re gone. I’m afraid Mother will come in here and make a mess of everything and demand her way, and I won’t have the strength to stand up to her.”

“I know those things worry you, but God is with you. You’ve only got to reach out to Him.”

“Will God keep my mother under control?” Ashley asked seriously. “If so, why didn’t God do that for you all those years ago?”

Russell knew she desperately needed answers, but he had none. “God is not in the habit of explaining himself to me.” He smiled and it took all his energy. “You’ve got to have trust, Ashley. You can trust Him to be faithful. Let your Mother rant and rave if that’s why she’s come. Let her talk of what money she expects to get after I’m dead. She can only hurt you if you let her. Her words may be caustic, her temperament harsh. But she cannot change the fact that this house is
yours and the bank account is yours. She can’t reach into your soul and separate you from what’s most important—God.”