Chapter 10
The rest of the day was virtually uneventful. Two or three straggling customers made their way to the shop and I faked the ability to handle communicating with them. Truth was, I needed to leave and deal with the blend of emotions that I was feeling.
Throughout the afternoon my head continued spinning. Evan was Nick. How could that have even been possible?
I thought back through the conversations with Nick, trying to find anything that would have given me a clue. There really wasn’t any. We’d talked about a lot, but not enough personal info had been shared to piece the two together.
I remembered the conversation about people that were making our lives hell at work. He had been talking about me. Attractive and bat shit crazy. He had called me crazy. I had basically said he was an egocentric asshole. I had been talking about him.
None of it made any sense and it all made me feel weird. I had been attracted to and disgusted by the same man at the same time. The one making my days feel like shit was the one making my nights feel a little less lonely. The one that was winking and asking me to dinner to get his way was imagining me naked as I bathed.
I felt chills go down my body. I wasn’t sure if I was happy or mad at the turn of events. I just knew that I felt odd and wished I knew what to say or do about it.
Nick’s life crisis had been real. It had been Evan being booed out of the church. He had realized that he didn’t like where he stood in life. I felt bad for him, but I wasn’t sure if I was okay with them being the same person.
A part of me felt violated. Realizing that a man I hadn’t wanted to know personal details about me and now had found out made me feel deceived. But it wasn’t legitimate and I knew that. I had voluntarily shared that information with Nick, knowing that we had never met. I was aware that he could have been anyone that I’d run into on the street. So I had no right to feel like he’d done something wrong.
But it was Evan Monroe. The one man I had found myself despising. How was I supposed to reconcile that in my mind?
I decided it was a good day to have a drink with Kendall. The minute I asked her to meet me she knew something was up. She hoped that the coffee date had gone well and was eager to hear details so she agreed easily. I closed up the shop and headed towards the bar we’d decided on.
“Are you serious?” she was laughing uncontrollably. “This is the best thing I think I have ever heard!”
“How can you say that?” I cried out. “This is horrible!”
“Are you kidding? The man you have been attached to turns out to be a super hot rich guy? How the hell is that horrible?”
“I hate Evan Monroe!” I squealed trying to make sure no one heard me.
“Do you? Or do you hate what he was doing? Because seems to me when you took away the name and the retail center, you liked him a hell of a lot!” she argued.
I had to think about what she was saying. Truth was she was right. I had liked Nick more than I should have. And Nick was Evan without all of the things I didn’t like about Evan.
“This is just too weird,” I admitted. “I don’t know what to think.”
“What does he think about it?” she asked sincerely and it was in that moment that I realized I didn’t know.
“I’m not sure,” I shrugged. “I made him leave.”
“What? You didn’t even hear his side?”
I shook my head. I felt bad once I thought about it. I was busy dealing with my own reaction and unaware that he was having his own. Nick or Evan or whoever he was had to deal with the same sudden realization that I’d had. I’m sure it was just as hard.
“He will contact me,” I stated. “I have no doubt about that.”
“And what will you say?” she asked as we finished up the drink and I dug in my purse for money.
“I’m not sure yet,” I threw the bills down onto the countertop. “I’ll figure that out when the time comes I guess.”
“Lexi,” she spoke softly as we stood up to leave. “Don’t fuck this one up. You have it all in one package. Hear him out.”
I nodded and turned to walk towards the parking lot. I didn’t have any more words. More like I didn’t know what words to say. I knew that Kendall understood the position I was in and how I felt. She wouldn’t assume I was being rude to her.
My bath that night felt better than usual, but I found myself missing Nick and his teasing and flirting. Then I remembered that Nick was Evan and I wasn’t sure if I missed him or not.
I didn’t stay in and soak like I normally would. Instead, I made it out quick and then went to the kitchen to fix something for dinner. Nothing sounded good and I ended up grabbing some chips and heading to the sofa to veg out and watch TV.
When I heard my phone chirp I wanted to ignore it. It was him. That I knew and I was almost afraid to see what he had to say. But the curiosity killed me. And if I was honest, I missed him, and this made me grab the phone. Before I looked at it I thought about the situation. What was I hoping he’d say? Did I want him to be okay with it? Did I want him to end it?
I realized the thought of that scared me. I didn’t want to think that Nick, or Evan or whoever he was, would disappear. So I said a quick prayer as I unlocked my screen and pulled up the message.
Do you hate me? You certainly seemed like you hated me.
No. I don’t hate you. I was just….surprised. And confused. And I don’t know.
You don’t think I was?
I wasn’t thinking of that when I found out. I was too overwhelmed.
You made me leave Lexi. You wouldn’t even listen to me. You wouldn’t look at me. It was like being in that church all over again. Only worse.
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel like that. I just didn’t know what to think or what to say.
So what do you think?
I don’t know Nick….Evan. I don’t know.
You realize I’m the same person, right?
Yes. I also realize we had a deal. No meeting. We would never know each other.
Did you really plan to stick with that?
Yes. I did.
Why Lexi? What is so bad about us knowing each other? Do you not enjoy this?
I do. I like it a lot. But nothing works out like that. Now that we know each other, we know the bad. The things we dislike. That’s where it gets ruined.
Is it?
Is it what?
Ruined? Is it that bad? I mean we were getting along fine before the realization, right?
Yes, but….you are the one that I’ve been fighting all this time. And I believe you think I’m bat shit crazy!
No I don’t. I think you are beautiful. And I think you are passionate. And after seeing the community, I think you are respected and loved.
Thank you. But, you fought hard. And we could end up there again.
I doubt that. I’m quitting my job.
What? Why?
Because I want a home and a life. I want what you have.
Well you need a job.
I know. I’m working on that. But Lexi, maybe this is a good thing. We have something special. Maybe we can really make life less lonely.
How did you feel? When you found out…
Happy
Really? You were happy?
Yes. I wished all the time that you could be her and she could be you.
Why?
Because physically I was attracted to you…her…Alexis. I wanted to be around her. When the community stood behind her, I wanted her even more. But she was so cold and distant. I’d talk to you and wish that she could be like you. Guess I got my wish.
Evan…..
You didn’t feel it?
What? Feel what?
The attraction. The connection between us. All of it.
Here? Yes. In the world….I don’t know. I was so busy being angry. I found you attractive, yes. But was I connected to that? I’m not sure.
But now you aren’t angry. Do you find me attractive? Do you want to see how this goes?
I said I didn’t want a relationship.
Okay. Then let’s be friends. Maybe friends that date occasionally. Friends that are seeing what happens. Maybe friends that get naked sometimes.
Stop! LOL
Can’t blame a guy for trying. Look, can we try a real date? Can we see if there is something? Please?
Yes. One. But if it flops, we lost this. And we go back to being lonely.
It won’t flop Lexi. Trust me.
Okay, but I warned you.
I’ll pick you up tomorrow at the shop when it closes. Sound like a plan?
Okay. See you then.
Good night Lexi.
Night whoever you are. LOL
I lay in bed that night with my head spinning worse than it had been. I had a real date. With Nick. With Evan. It was a bit too much. He seemed like a decent guy without the battle between us. But that didn’t change my fears and feelings. I wasn’t sure this would work and I knew that I was going to lose everything that mattered if it didn’t. But if I didn’t try, I’d lose it anyway.
*****
Chapter 11
“So, this is it,” I stated as I watched Evan press the shovel into the ground. “This is the day we say goodbye.”
“This is it,” he said solemnly. “But Lexi, this isn’t a day of mourning.” He looked up at me, laying the shovel to the side and reaching his hand out. “We aren’t mourning the loss of something. We are celebrating what has come from that loss. We are celebrating what we have found.”
“That is just cheesy,” I rolled my eyes, handing him the small tree to plant. “You couldn’t do a little better than that?”
I watched Evan slip the roots of the small pine tree into the ground and pick the shovel back up to bury them.
“Okay,” he stood straight and looked at me. “Several months ago we began a fight over this very land. I wanted to see a shopping center here that would evolve the town. You wanted to keep it as it was- a nice piece of land that added to the landscape.” He took a breath. “It was a long and hard fight. Sides were taken, mostly yours. People were divided. Not really, but it makes it sound like I had a chance in hell. A town came together for a common purpose- hating me. Over the course of that fight, you and I saw the very worst of each other.”
“Nice,” I commented.
“I lost that fight. But during the process, I learned that I wanted something more in my life. I wanted to have a community and home that I saw here. I wanted the respect that I saw you receive. I wanted something that meant something. I had what will forever be known as my third of a life crisis,” I laughed at the term. “And it changed me. I became a better man. I became someone that others could look up to for more reasons than my towering height. And I earned the respect of someone that meant a great deal to me”
“Hmmm,” I mumbled.
“Today we stand here, a full two weeks after the end of that battle, as friends who still haven’t gotten naked, but who are seeing where this road takes us. I find myself thinking of you far too much. I have a new job, a home I love and a woman in my life that makes me want all of the things I wasn’t sure that I would ever want again.”
“This is better,” I admitted.
“Today we are planting a pine tree in the very spot we spent so much time fighting over. But that tree isn’t there to symbolize the loss of a battle. Or the victory of a battle in your case. It is there to show what we found. A person that we could be with. Someone that cared about us and wanted the best for us. Someone we could talk to about Reckless and the fact that it’s going to suck now. Someone that we could picture in the tub. Someone that we could tease and joke with. Mostly, someone that would face the world with us. So as this tree grows through the years, so will we. As it matures and becomes what it is supposed to be, so will our relationship. We will rise alongside our baby tree. And every year we will come here and see this tree and remember that the loss we experienced is nothing compared to the love we have found.”
I felt the tears fall from my eyes. It seemed so unreal. The way the whole situation had played out. It was what Kendall would have referred to as fate.