Deserving of Luke (10 page)

He got in her face then. “Don't even think about keeping my son from me.”

“I don't respond well to threats. You keep that in mind.”

“Neither do I. You might keep that in mind, as well.”

She refused to give him the satisfaction of retreating, so she stayed where she was. Breathing the same air Logan was. Looking into eyes that were so like their son's it made her heart catch in her chest.

Was she being unreasonable? she wondered for the first time as she saw the pain and confusion in his expression. Was her desire to protect her son making her see phantoms where there weren't any?

She didn't know how long they stood that way, the past yawning between them like an abyss. But as the seconds turned into minutes, she became aware of a new charge in the air—one that had nothing to do with sorrow and anger and everything to do with the connection between them.

Logan leaned in a little closer and she knew she wasn't the only one affected by their proximity. He was breathing fast and hard and the heat pouring off him warmed her, despite the wind from the ocean.
He bent his head, his face getting even closer to hers, and for one, wild heartbeat, she thought he was going to kiss her.

Her heart jumped, her blood pounded faster, her eyes tried to close. And she waited—for the feel of his lips brushing hers, for the heat of his body resting against hers. She arched her back, leaned toward him. Held her breath as she felt desire bloom deep inside her.

And that reaction, that sudden craving for his touch, jolted her to reality the way nothing else could. With a strangled gasp, she scrambled backward until her spine rested against his car door. She didn't want this, would never want this. Not with Logan—not after everything that had passed between them. She would do well to remember that. The past was dead and she was never,
never
going back there again.

“You're right.” The words emerged stilted and abrupt, but she was proud of herself for squeezing sound through her suddenly tight throat. “You're right. We're not going to agree on the past—our versions of what happened are too different. But we don't have to. All we have to do is work together to make sure that Luke is happy and well-adjusted.”

Logan didn't answer right away. Instead, he looked out at the dark ocean as it crashed against the rocks. Were they destined to end up like that? Forever crash
ing against each other until one of them completely eroded the other?

She hoped not—she didn't want to disappear any more than she wanted Logan to.

“So, what do you suggest?” he finally asked, his voice as husky as hers.

“What's wrong with taking it slow?” He started to interrupt, but she held up a hand. “I'm not saying you need to wait until next week to see Luke, but let's take this thing day by day. See how it goes.”

“I'm not going to change my mind, Paige.”

“Maybe not,” she acknowledged in what she figured was a big concession for her. “But that doesn't mean Luke won't get overwhelmed if you're always in his face. You've been absent until now. Too much, too soon might upset him.”

“Maybe you're right. I don't want to push too hard and you know him better than I do, obviously. I can let you set the limits for him for now.”

Not exactly thrilled with the
for now
part of his comment, but happy that they were at least making progress, Paige bit her tongue to hold back the sarcastic comment that was right there, waiting to come out. Logan was trying to see her side of the argument, to acknowledge that his wasn't the only position, and that had to be good enough for her.
For now.

“Thank you for that,” she said with a small smile. “So, why don't we meet somewhere in the middle on
this? We can start with lunch at Prospector's tomorrow, see how that goes. If it works out, maybe you can take him to a movie this weekend. There are a couple out right now that he's dying to see.”

“That sounds really good, actually.” He seemed surprised, and she wondered, again, if she'd been too vehement in her protection of Luke. She had a hard time understanding that not every change in their lives was a threat to Luke.

“All right then.” She nodded, blew out a breath. “So we'll see you tomorrow. Does twelve-thirty sound okay?”

It did, and as she watched him drive away a couple of minutes later, Paige was aware that she was heading down a path from which there was no return. All she could do now was hope that both she and her son made it to the finish line unscathed.

“D
ON'T WORRY SO MUCH,”
Penny said to Paige five days later as she coated her roller in yellow paint. The electricians and drywall guys had finished in the bedroom this morning and the two of them were attacking the walls with gusto. “I'm sure they're doing fine together.”

“I know you're right,” Paige answered, glancing out the window for what had to be the fifteenth time in as many minutes. There was still no red truck pulling into the driveway, still no sign of her son and his father. It wasn't that she was worried. It was just that— “They were due back from the movie at six o'clock.”

“And it's not even six-thirty. Maybe they stopped for a hamburger or something.”

Paige nodded, because she'd already thought of that. In the days since Logan and Luke had officially met, the two had become thick as thieves and Luke was always conspiring for a way to spend more time with his dad.

After their lunch date at Prospector's last
Wednesday, the three of them had gone to the park, where she had sat on the grass and watched as Luke and Logan threw a football around. She'd enjoyed the afternoon quite a bit—and only part of that enjoyment had stemmed from the fact that she wasn't the one having to catch the ball.

Since then, they'd met at the beach once, where Luke and Logan had had a great time combing the sand for shells, hermit crabs and other sea life. Logan's ease and patience with their son was why she'd decided to okay the solo movie adventure this afternoon.

She'd thought it would be good for them to spend some time together without her. Being around Logan so much lately, seeing how he was with Luke, kept reminding her of all the things she had once loved about him. His patience. His intelligence. The innate sense of kindness that had him pausing from his own activities to talk to lonely old ladies or help someone look for a lost puppy. And since she couldn't afford to go there she'd figured a movie would be a low-key way for them to do that. After all, conversation wasn't required while a superhero was going head to head with his archnemesis.

But the movie had let out at 5:30 p.m. and they still weren't home. It was ridiculous to worry, but a part of her felt physically ill. What if there had been an accident? What if Logan had upset Luke and he'd
run away from him? What if Logan had grabbed their son and fled the jurisdiction? Sure, it was a crazy idea, but crazier things had been known to happen.

“I wish I'd gone with them,” she said as she painted her side of room.

“You can't be with them all the time, you know. Besides, if you went with them, who'd help me finish this room? The furniture you ordered is coming on Wednesday.”

Paige let her sister distract her, as she knew Penny was trying to do. “I know. I can't wait to see the bed in here. It's going to be gorgeous with these wood floors, and that area rug I picked up the other day.”

“I can't believe how good you are at this sort of thing,” Penny said. “I could study catalogs for weeks and still not come up with the perfect combination the way you do. These rooms are going to be gorgeous when they're done.”

“It's practice, no big deal.”

“It's a huge deal. You left here with nothing and put yourself through school as well as taking care of a baby and work.”

“You make me sound like an after-school special.”

“No. I make you sound like an inspiration, which is why you're uncomfortable. You can't stand it when anyone notices how awesome you are.”

Paige laughed, pretended to buff her fingernails on her shirt. “What can I say? Some people have it—”

“And some people don't!” chimed in Penny. “And it doesn't even count as bragging if it's true.”

“Sure it does. But since only my sister is around to hear me—”

“Only your sister? I'm hurt.” Paige pouted.

Paige coated her roller with paint before moving along the wall. “No, you're not. You're pretending to be so I'll feel bad.”

“Maybe a little. But only because—”

“It keeps my mind off the fact that Luke is now over half an hour late.”

“Exactly.” Penny paused as if gathering her courage. “You know, Paige, I'm no fan of Logan's. I mean, what he did to you can't exactly be taken back with a few playdates—”

“I don't care about what he did to me anymore. That was over a long time ago. I care that he turned his back on Luke without so much as a backward glance. That's what he can't take back.”

“I know. I agree. But at the same time, he's making Luke incredibly happy. That has to count for something, doesn't it?”

“I know, and it does. Why do you think I decided not to fight this thing? My only concern is what's going to happen when Luke gets to be old hat? When
he isn't a novelty and it isn't as exciting to have a son around anymore.”

“Who says Logan is going to get bored? Luke's not exactly a football position, you know. You've been around him for eight years, and from what I can tell, you've never been bored.”

“Yeah, but—” Paige thought over what her sister was saying, and what she wasn't. “Are you trying to tell me I need to prepare myself, for Logan wanting to be in Luke's life long-term?”

Penny shrugged. “It's not like I'm exactly a fount of information on men. I mean, if I had a clue, I wouldn't have bought this rundown old place with a guy who was clearly, in retrospect, not committed to it or to me.”

The bitterness in Penny's voice instigated a whole new set of worries in Paige. What would she do if Logan didn't bail at the end of the summer, or before? How was she supposed to deal with this whole father-son thing long term? Luke was her son, her baby, and she wasn't sure how cool she was with sharing him for the rest of his life—particularly with the man she wasn't ready to forgive for abandoning him in the first place.

“Do you really regret it, Penny? Sinking your money into this place?”

Her sister snorted. “What's not to regret? It's a be
hemoth with bad plumbing and even worse electrical. Not to mention the fact that it's an eyesore.”

“You know you don't have to stay here, don't you?” Paige paused in rolling—and eyeing the driveway—to look straight into her sister's eyes. “Not in this house and not in this town. We could do the cosmetics on this place, flip it and you could take the money and go anywhere you want to in the world.”

“Mmm, that sounds nice. I hear Greece is great this time of year.”

“Do you want to go to Greece?”

“No, silly. I don't. I mean, I do, but not at the expense of selling this place.” Penny glanced around the room. “I complain about it a lot, but I have to admit, it's growing on me. Besides, I'm not like you. I couldn't take off and wander the globe until I found a place to fit in.”

“You wouldn't have to wander the globe. You could come to L.A. You know Luke and I would love to have you move in with us.”

“And do what?”

“And be an accountant in L.A. That's what you're trained for and God knows, I could use a good CPA.”

“I'll tell you what. You send me your stuff and I'll be
your
CPA. But I think I'm going to stay here.”

“Why? What's so special about this town?”

Penny bit her lip, and this time it was she who
looked out the window. “Mom and Dad are here. I know you hate them—and you have every right to. The way they treated you growing up was—” She shook her head. “It was bad. But they were always good parents to me and now that Dad's getting older and is needing help around the house more often, I don't feel comfortable leaving.”

Paige hated the resentment that rose at her sister's words, the pain that told her that her relationship with her parents was yet another bit of unfinished business. She should be glad that Penny was on good terms with their mom and dad, especially since it meant Paige didn't have to worry about stepping in to help out.

But her dad was pushing seventy, though her mom was younger, and logically she knew the time to reconcile was limited. This summer might be her best opportunity to change the dynamic with her parents…or to let the relationship languish as it had. It was her call, but she wasn't sure what she wanted. It was stupid to long for an emotional closeness she'd never had, but then again, wasn't that what she'd found herself suddenly doing with Logan as well? Trying to rewrite history when she should be focusing on the here and now?

Nice to know age and responsibility weren't enough to stop her from being a complete idiot. Not wanting to deal with her masochistic tendencies, she
resumed painting, concentrating on rolling the yellow gloss over the walls as though it was the most important task she'd ever done.

As the minutes passed, she knew she needed to say something, knew that Penny was waiting anxiously for her to respond. But what to say? Most of the words that crawled through her were ugly, and, if she voiced them, would put Penny in an untenable position.

Or maybe not so untenable, she realized with dawning horror. Maybe Penny would tell her to get out. Would choose her parents the way everyone always had and leave Paige out in the cold.

She didn't want that to happen, couldn't let that happen. For the first time in recent memory, she craved the closeness and connection of family. Maybe it was too many years standing on her own. Maybe it was confronting Logan and this town and the ensuing changes to her life. Or maybe it didn't matter why. It was sufficient to acknowledge she wanted—needed—her sister. So Paige had to suck things up. Again. Keep her mouth shut when what she really wanted to do was ask what it was about her that was so damn unlovable that no one ever chose her. No one ever stayed with her. Even Luke was drifting away, spellbound by his newfound father.

Her breathing sawed in and out, a little harsher than before.

“Paige? Are you okay?”

She tried to speak around the lump that had taken up residence there yet couldn't. She cleared her throat. “I'm fine. Just worried about Luke.”

“Paige, I didn't mean to upset—”

“I'm not upset. At least not with you. But if Logan doesn't get my kid here soon, I'm going to lose my mind.”

There was a long silence, and Paige knew her sister was deciding whether or not to believe her. “Why don't you call him?”

“I should. But I was trying to be good, trying to show him that I trust him with Luke.”

“Even though you don't.”

“Exactly. But doubt and suspicion don't exactly foster a decent relationship, so I'm trying, right?”

Penny shook her head. “You know you're warped, don't you?”

She meant it as a joke—or at least Paige thought she did—but that didn't keep the words from hitting a little close to home. She felt like a freak here in Prospect, Oregon. Had always felt like one.

From the time she was young and realized that the way her parents treated her was very different than how they treated Penny, she'd known something was wrong with her. The way people whispered behind their hands when her mom took the two of them into town. The way she would catch her mother looking at
her sometimes, as if she wanted to cry just because Paige existed.

It wasn't exactly an idyllic way to grow up. And if it left her with trust issues, even after all this time, then she figured she was entitled to them.

It wasn't until years later, when Penny was peeking at their mother's diary—Paige would never have dared for fear of serious retaliation—that the two of them pieced together what had made Paige different. She was the daughter of an affair her mother had had while her father was serving overseas in the army. Her parents hated her because she was a tangible reminder of her mother's infidelity, her brief relationship with a man who wasn't her husband.

That was the day Paige had realized that no matter how good she was, no matter how many awards she won or how many A's she brought home, she would never be good enough for her parents. And from that moment forward, her life had gone into a downward spiral that hadn't ended until she was working as a waitress in L.A., going to night school and waiting for Luke to be born.

Her life had turned out all right—better than all right, thanks to her neighbor, Lucas, and his connections in the film industry—so maybe it was selfish of Paige to resent Penny's good relationship with their parents. But she couldn't help it.

She didn't wish the same kind of childhood she
had on Penny—she wouldn't wish the verbal, emotional and sometimes physical abuse on anyone—but she did resent that her sister had seen it and still managed to maintain a relationship with their parents. Almost as if it was okay for them to hurt Paige, as long as they didn't hurt Penny as well.

Hating the way she was feeling, Paige tried to shove all the negative emotions deep down inside, where she wouldn't be forced to examine them anymore. It was hard, but she refused to waste her time being bitter over things she couldn't change. It wasn't as though she needed their approval to be happy.

“So, which bedroom are we painting next?” she asked Penny, determined not to drown in her own self-pity party.

Her sister latched on to the question like the conversational lifeboat it was. “I think we should do the blue room. The electricians finished in there yesterday, and I want to start pulling up the tile in the bathroom. If we can get the room painted, they can get in there and refinish the floor and we'll actually have two fully complete guest rooms.”

“Minus furniture.”

“Well, yes, but I'll take care of that when I'm in Portland tomorrow.”

“Woo-hoo. We are definitely making progress.”

Paige bent to load her roller with more paint, and as she did, she glanced outside for what had to be the
three thousandth time. This time, however, Logan's truck was making the trek up the long and winding road to the house.