Desire In His Eyes (12 page)

If she had stayed in London and had done what society expected of her, she would have perished from unhappiness. If she had dutifully married one of those staid, proper gentlemen her uncle Randall had forced upon her and had settled down in some dull country estate in the middle of nowhere to have babies, she surely would have died of suffocation. Or she would have gone stark, raving mad.

Was it really that dreadful of her to have wanted something different, something exciting? Was she appallingly selfish and greedy to want to go after it? Was she that odd, that freakish or that unusual in her desire to live life on her own terms, that no one could possibly fathom her need for a different life?

If a man had done this, he would have been applauded for his resourcefulness and initiative, while she was chastised for hurting the feelings of her sisters and being reckless. Juliette did not understand this vast discrepancy in judgment and it angered her.

She glanced up from her seat to find Jeffrey staring at her with a sharp intensity. They looked at each other for a quiet moment. He finally moved to sit beside her. He took her hand in his.

“I apologize, Juliette. I’m an idiot to think that you did not consider the feelings of your sisters and your mother before you left. I know how much you love them.”

She still could not speak.

Jeffrey continued. “My real concern, and theirs, was for your safety. What you did was incredibly dangerous, Juliette. Anything might have happened to you.”

“But it didn’t,” she could not help but point out.

“Don’t fool yourself. You were extremely fortunate.”

“Yes,” she nodded slowly. “I realize that now.”

“You could have been killed.” He paused, before adding ominously. “Or worse.”

“There is no need to go on in that vein,” she protested. “As you can see, I am perfectly fine.”

“Why would you take such a risk with your life?”

Juliette sighed with a weariness she had not felt since she was in London. “Because, my darling Jeffrey, that is what makes life worth living. I thought you above everyone else would understand that. Understand why I had to get away from all that.” She waved her hand to indicate to her life back in London. “And if I had asked permission, I would have been categorically denied and you know it.”

He became thoughtful at her explanation. “I do see your point, but I hate to have such a beautiful woman I care about put herself in unnecessary danger. It would be a pity to lose you.”

The sparkle in his eyes lightened the mood and Juliette gave him a halfhearted smile. If Jeffrey was flirting with her again, he could not still be upset or angry with her.

“Why didn’t you tell me what you were planning to do?” he questioned softly.

She could sense the hurt in his voice. “Because you would have tried to talk me out of it. Or worse you would have told Lucien or Colette and I would have been watched like a hawk and would not have been allowed to leave the house alone. You would have seen to it that my plan was put to an end. I never would have gotten away.”

He could not refute her claims. So he grinned at her, in a way that only Jeffrey could. “That’s not entirely true. I know you’ve wanted to come to New York since I’ve met you. I might have tried to assist you. I could have at least made sure that you were welcome on Harrison’s ship before you tried to sneak on board.”

Juliette laughed aloud at his outrageous claim. “That is completely untrue! You would not have lifted a finger to help me. You are only saying that now because it’s too late to help me and I have no need of you.”

He ignored her accurate assessment and changed tactics. “Would it really have been so terrible if you had stayed?”

A sudden lump in Juliette’s throat made it hard for her to speak. If she had stayed she would have been pressured into another dreary London Season, while a parade of dull and straitlaced men who possessed nothing in common with her vied for her attention. She had dutifully experienced the social season the year before in order to secure a wealthy marriage to assist her family out of their dire financial situation. Fortunately Collette had successfully managed that feat, while Juliette had only earned herself a reputation for being outrageous and unmanageable. However, Juliette could not and would not fake her way through the niceties of a season again. She could not stomach the hypocrisy of pretending she wanted to marry, when she knew she could never live the life of a proper wife of an English gentleman without doing something scandalous or losing her mind from boredom.

“More than you can imagine,” she said. “And you, Jeffrey should know that better than anyone else.”

“Well, I cannot say that I understand it entirely, although I must admit I admire your courage. There is not a single woman of my acquaintance who would have done what you did. But Juliette, we can’t have you taking risks like this anymore.”

“Oh, no?”

“No.”

She considered him evenly. Dark-haired with intense blue eyes and a classically handsome face, his easy smile and charming manner only added to his winning personality. Everyone loved Jeffrey, including the countless women who vied for his attention and his bed. Aware that he kept a string of lovely mistresses, Juliette had never held that against him. They had become fast friends last year from the moment they met at Lady Hayvenhurst’s ball. It had been Juliette’s first foray into the London Season and she had danced with him. Jeffrey sported a scandalous reputation and Juliette had taken an instant liking to him. The two had spent the entire evening laughing and teasing each other while surreptitiously poking fun at most of the guests. She adored Jeffrey and knew he only had her best interests at heart. Didn’t he just cross an ocean to make sure she was safe and sound?

She squeezed his hand. “You are a wonderful man, Jeffrey.”

“Let’s get married, Juliette,” he said in a voice that almost trembled, his eyes on hers. “I can look after you properly and give you the freedom you desire.”

Her first instinct was to laugh at the absurdity of his offer, but she would never dare wound him in that manner. Jeffrey meant what he said. As flippant and carefree as he could be, deep down he was a true gentleman. Amazed by her second marriage proposal within mere days, she smiled at him, and again squeezed his hand. “That is a very tempting offer and I am honored that you would ask me to be your wife. But you know as well as I do that it would never work between us. I would make you miserable.”

“Why wouldn’t it work? We are good friends. I find you attractive and I know you must find me quite handsome in a rakish way.” He gave her a quick wink.

She did laugh then. “Oh, Jeffrey.”

“Is it because I am the bastard son of a duke?”

“Of course not! Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Then let’s get married.” He stood beside her, but still held her hand. He gave her his most charming smile. “We would have a grand time together. Your family already loves me and my illustrious father would be thrilled with you. We could travel the world and host outrageous parties. We’d never have to settle into a boring routine. What fun we could have together, Juliette!”

“Yes, we would have a grand time. But I don’t love you and you don’t love me.”

He let go of her hand and remained oddly silent at her words.

“That is, I love you as a dear friend, but I don’t love you the right way. As a wife should love her husband…” Juliette’s words faltered. “Besides, I don’t wish to get married.”

He turned his back on her, moving to face the tall windows, which overlooked Fifth Avenue. “It was just an idea. A suggestion. Your escapade may make it difficult for you to return home.”

Good heavens! He was trying to save her reputation! Juliette rose from her seat and went to him. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “Thank you, Jeffrey. But you truly don’t wish to marry me. When you marry, and you will, it shall be to a woman who loves you more than life itself. Besides we are too much alike and would get into all sorts of mischief and scandalize our poor families.”

“I daresay you are right.” Jeffrey turned around to face her. “But what type of man will you marry now?”

“I already told you, I don’t wish to get married. Do you think I’d ever let a man have control over me?”

He laughed, the smile reaching to the corners of his blue eyes. “Oh, but you will. I predict that one day you’ll fall in love, Juliette, and I will laugh harder than anyone when I watch you obey the man you love…and see you bending to his will in order to please him. Now that will be something to see!”

She shook her head in protest. “You’ll not see me wed.”

He gave her a pointed look. “You’re still looking for your highwayman, aren’t you?”

Her brows drew together in puzzlement. “What are you talking about?”

“I remember one time at the bookshop you told me you wanted to marry a man who was adventurous and dangerous. Someone like a pirate or a highwayman.”

“I never said such a thing,” she paused. “Did I?”

“You did. In fact you said you would know him when you saw him.”

An unbidden image of Harrison Fleming standing at the wheel of the
Sea Minx
, his blond hair glinting in the sun and his powerful arms moving the massive wheel, flashed in her mind. Was a sea captain like a pirate? Suddenly annoyed by Jeffrey’s teasing, she changed the subject. “What a funny thing for you to remember. Enough about marriage now.”

He sighed in resignation. “Honestly, Juliette, what are you planning to do? Will you stay in New York?”

“I am not entirely sure.”

“Your sisters want me to bring you home as soon as possible.”

“I know they do,” she nodded reluctantly. “But I just arrived. I can’t leave yet. I need more time to think.”

“Well, I do need to return at some point in the near future. I do have other obligations in my life. I will give you a week to figure out your next move. I would like to escort you back home safely. In the meantime, I’ll be at Harrison Fleming’s house. It’s just down the block—”

“You are staying with Harrison?” She could not control the high-pitched sound her voice suddenly made.

“Yes.”

“Harrison lives a few houses from here? From Christina’s?”

Jeffrey immediately gave her a suspicious glance. “Yes.”

Her heart hammered erratically. She attempted to ignore it. “Is he there now?”

Jeffrey’s eyes narrowed at her. “Yes, he’s there until tomorrow. Then he is going to New Jersey. Wherever the hell that is.”

“Oh.” Juliette turned away from him. Harrison lived just down the street and had not yet come to see her. She felt guilty about leaving him. And she had been somewhat surprised that he had not come looking for her. She had half-expected him to, but was also relieved that he had not. He must be very angry with her. She did not understand why that bothered her, but there was much about her feelings for Harrison that she did not understand.

“Juliette?”

The tone in Jeffrey’s voice caused alarm to rush through her. Afraid to turn around where he could see her expression, she remained still. “Yes?”

“What happened between you and Harrison on the ship?”

She said nothing.

“Juliette…”

She was incapable of describing what had happened between her and Harrison on the
Sea Minx
because she was not entirely sure what
had
happened. She could not speak. Jeffrey would never understand and would most likely be upset with his friend for taking advantage of her, but she knew Harrison had in no way taken advantage of her. If anything she had been the one who seduced him, if the truth were told, but Jeffrey would not see it that way.

After an uncomfortably long silence, Jeffrey finally said, “Your avoidance of the question leaves little doubt in my mind what might have transpired between the two of you.”

Still Juliette remained quiet, her cheeks heated.

“And your continued silence only confirms my worst suspicions, Juliette.”

Slowly she turned around, but she said nothing.

“Well, you Hamilton sisters certainly have a way of sweeping men off their feet and causing them to lose their heads, do you not?” He gave her a wry look.

She knew he referred to Colette’s tempestuous courtship with Lucien. She and Jeffrey had been instrumental in bringing the love-struck pair together. And Jeffrey had been privy to some information of a highly personal nature. His teasing remark told her he had a pretty good guess as to how far her relationship with Harrison had progressed.

Jeffrey continued, “Well, now I don’t feel so insulted at your refusal of my proposal, but he has to do right by you. If he doesn’t, by God, I will see to it that—”

“I turned him down.”

The shock was plain on his face. He looked completely baffled. “Why?”

Juliette remained silent.

“Do you love him?”

Jeffrey’s question caused a knot of conflict in her stomach and she felt flustered. “It is not a question of love.”

“Why not? He’s a good man.”

“Yes, I agree with you. Harrison is a wonderful man, but I don’t wish to get married,” she said for what felt like the hundredth time that evening.

“He hurt you.”

“No,” she protested. The last thing she needed was for Jeffrey to become righteously outraged at Harrison for something he did not do to her. “He did nothing in the least to hurt me. He was exceptionally caring and kind to me—”

Juliette stopped as the door to the parlor opened and Maxwell Dunbar entered, signaling the end of their private moment. Maxwell’s glittering eyes took in the intimate scene between her and Jeffrey. “Would you care to join me for a cigar, Lord Eddington?”

Jeffrey responded with a breezy calm. “Thank you for the offer, Mr. Dunbar, but I am afraid I must decline. I need to be on my way.” He turned to Juliette, his expression one of sympathy. “I shall call upon you tomorrow. We still have much left to discuss. Perhaps we can tour some of the city.”

“That would be lovely,” she said. “I shall look forward to it.”

Jeffrey bid them all farewell, and Juliette retired for the evening, too emotionally drained to make pleasant conversation with the Dunbars.