Desire Unleashed (33 page)

“Are you okay?” The concern in his voice was comforting.

“I don’t know how I feel at this moment. It’s all too much to take in.”

When he brushed her forehead with his lips she melted against him.

“Would you like me to make you a hot cup of tea?”

“What I’d like is for you to take me to bed and make me forget everything but us.”

“You got it, babe.”

Shane closed the door and, not even bothering to turn on a light, led her across the living room and into the haven of his bedroom. Her hunger for him needed no encouragement. She was the aggressor and regardless of the fragile fabric, pulled the dress over her head and threw it in a heap on the floor. She unclasped her bra, it too followed the dress to the floor, and she stood there in just a black thong.

*

Ice moved toward her. “It’s okay Kat, everything is going to be okay,” he soothed, cupping her full breasts with his hands. She moaned low in her throat as he caressed and kissed her feverishly. Before he could blink, she was on him like there was no tomorrow, tearing at his clothes until he was naked and primed.

His hand slipped under her thong, dragging it down her silky white thighs. He knelt before her, trailing hot wet kisses over her soft belly to the thatch of copper curls that shielded her pussy.

“Shane…” Kathy panted as she writhed and gasped with pleasure when his tongue found her hard little nub. “I’m going to fall.”

“Okay babe, on the bed.” He tumbled her onto the mattress and tried to be gentle, but she didn’t want gentle. This was her show, and he loved it when she took the initiative.

Her arms locked around his neck as she pulled him toward her. “Now,” she commanded. The preliminaries were over, and she urged him to take her hard and fast.

“Easy,” he cautioned as he reached into his bedside drawer and pulled out a condom, sheathing himself with the latex. “I don’t want to rush this, I want to make you ready,” he soothed.

“It’s not what I want,” she moaned and made jerky little movements with her hips. “I want you to take me now.”

Covering her with his big body, he pumped rhythmically, hard and deep into her hot pussy. She keened loudly, igniting a fire in his gut. The pace he set was fast and furious, she lifted her legs and wrapped them around his waist using her feet to anchor herself to him and forcing him to thrust harder. She begged for as much as he could give her, and he was going to give her everything he had.

Her eyes beseeched him, and he covered her mouth with his own, delving into the velvety sweetness with his tongue. Something stirred in his core. It was like a connection of souls, a coming together as one. He forced that thought from his mind.

Her thighs tightened around his flanks as she climaxed, the sound of his name on her lips spurred him on, and he came with her in a mind-blowing rush. It was cataclysmic. The earth had moved, the residual tremors filtered through to every nerve ending in his body right down to his toes, and it scared the hell out of him. They fell together sated. It was always like that for them. Kathy nestled into his neck, planting little kisses along the line of his jaw. She wiggled into his arms and ran her finger through his hair, her other hand traced the outline of his lips. “I love you Shane,” she burst out. “I love you so much it hurts.”

Ice stilled in her arms. Just when he’d had orgasmic, melt-your-bones, it-doesn’t-get-any-better-than-this sex, she blindsided him. Totally blew his fucking mind.

“Don’t. Don’t say that.” He threw back the covers intent on putting some space between them before this got way out of hand. But she reached out and touched his arm, freaking seared it with her fingertips, and it had the effect she was after, he stopped moving and turned to look at her.

“But it’s true. I do love you, more than anything, more than life.”

“Stop Kathy, you don’t know what you’re saying.”

“Of course I know what I’m saying; I’m not stupid. I love you.”

“That wasn’t the deal.” His eyes burned into hers accusingly.

“Wasn’t the deal?”

“Casual, no strings attached, remember?”

“Are you saying you don’t love me? That you don’t have feelings for me?”

“Of course I have feelings for you, how can you ask that after the sex we’ve just had?”

“Sex,” she hissed, like it was a dirty word. “That’s all this is to you? Sex?”

Kathy snapped her mouth shut and slid naked from the bed. Before he could say Sweet-Home-Alabama, she’d snatched up her dress and pulled it over her head.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Quietly gathering up her underwear, she turned and gave him the full measure of her gaze. She looked like a whipped puppy. Something inside of him, close to where his heart would be if he’d had one, flipped over.

“I’m going home.”

Straight to the point and calm, no ranting, no raving, no throwing things, despite what she must be feeling. She looked too docile, too composed, except for the slight tremor of her lip and the slump of her shoulders. It totally fazed him. He couldn’t bear it, couldn’t bear that he’d totally shattered her. “Call me an asshole, a goddamned bastard, anything.”

For a minute, he didn’t think she was going to speak. She bent over and meticulously picked up her handbag and stilettos from the floor then turned to face him, examining him like a bug on a slide. Well at least that’s how it felt, but she looked every bit as bad as he felt, worse even, she looked broken. Then straightening up, she slam-dunked him with the coup de grace.

“I could never call you those names Shane. I love you. I don’t ever want to hurt you. You never lied to me or misled me. ‘Casual’ you said, ‘and when this thing’s run its course, you’ll walk away, make no mistake.’ I guess I lost sight of that and broke our agreement. I have no one to blame but myself.”

Her voice was tight as she leaned across the bed and stroked the side of his jaw, her final words before she turned and walked out of his bedroom, out of his apartment, and out of his life were—“Good-bye Shane, be happy.”

He couldn’t have felt worse if she’d kicked him in the nuts.

Chapter 20

Kathy woke feeling wretched. Her world had collapsed. When she’d voiced those three words, she’d gone from Heaven to zip and was still on a downward spiral. Butterflies were playing baseball in her stomach, her eyes were red and puffy, and she had the mother of all headaches. Most of last night had been spent crying into her pillow while the words of an old Meatloaf song, “Two Out Of Three Ain’t Bad”, played incessantly in her head.

But two out of three was bad, very, very bad. She’d been kidding herself from the beginning. For her it had to be all or nothing there was no in-between, she knew that now.

Liz was right, there were no fairytale endings, and she’d foolishly shot for the stars, gambled everything in the love stakes on one roll of the dice, and lost. Sure, she’d agreed to casual, but that was in the beginning. She loved Shane so much, and after all they’d been through, it never occurred to her that those feelings weren’t reciprocated. But they weren’t, and the bottom line was she could not compromise, could not continue the relationship, no matter how much her heart and body ached for him.

No, she couldn’t do casual. Couldn’t go back and live a lie, pretend that he loved her, in the end, they’d both only wind up being hurt and miserable. She had to move on. This was the first day of the rest of her life, and she was going to face it head on, no more tears, no regrets.

Determinedly Kathy stood up but was forced to sit back on the edge of the bed. The movement had made her head spin and her stomach lurch. Deep breaths, she told herself. It didn’t help; she was going to be sick. Dashing for the bathroom she only just made it in time.

After rinsing her mouth, she took her usual morning shower. The warm water flowed over her and helped revive her somewhat. She didn’t know if she felt fully recovered, but her tummy seemed to have settled slightly by the time she’d finished.

She dressed and made herself hot tea, but skipped breakfast and went straight to her appointment. There hardly seemed reason now that she was not going to be having sex, but it was too late to cancel.

Halfheartedly, Kathy walked to the doctor’s office, hoping the fresh air would do her good.

An hour later, silent tears ran down her face unchecked and splashed onto her blouse as she sat alone on her little piece of secluded beach. She’d come here to think, couldn’t face going home in case she ran into Shane, and she was not prepared for that. Not after the shock she’d just received—who knew what she might blurt out.

The morning sun did little to warm her, and despite her heavy sweater, she was chilled to the bones. What a difference a day makes. Twenty-four hours ago, she’d have been elated by the news, confident and secure in her world. Today, she was brokenhearted, afraid, and alone. She stared at the horizon in a daze.

She didn’t see the trainee SEALs performing their calisthenics, didn’t see the happy couple strolling hand in hand along the water’s edge, or the children building castles in the sand. Her mind was elsewhere. She didn’t know how to react; she was numb inside. How could this have happened? Shane had always used protection, was always so careful. Except for that one time in the surf, but he didn’t come inside her he withdrew. What was it he’d said? Oh yeah, “…couldn’t wait for you babe, the consequences weren’t worth the risk.”

Weren’t worth the risk. The words trumpeted in her confused mind. That’s why he’d been so careful, not wanting any nasty little accidents cramping his lifestyle, but they hadn’t been careful enough, otherwise she wouldn’t be in this predicament.

But the timing didn’t fit.

The doctor said she was further along than that, at least ten weeks. When she’d protested that it had to be a mistake, he informed her in that patronizing voice of his, “Condoms were not one hundred percent foolproof.” Well, she knew that—but still she’d felt so naïve. How could she be ten weeks pregnant and not have a clue, she’d asked him.

He explained endometriosis did not prevent conception, and as she was irregular, she may have also missed the other obvious symptoms. Then he’d floored her by asking whether she intended keeping the baby or was adoption a consideration. “Take time to think about it, talk it over with the father,” he’d advised.

Discuss it with Shane? No way—this was her decision and hers alone now. He gave up any say when he effectively called a halt to their relationship last night. She still couldn’t fathom his attitude. After all, he was the one who insisted they be together every spare moment.

He took her grocery shopping. They shared the cooking, and had meals together. Heck they had slept together, and made love every night unless he was away. Ever since her ordeal with that psychopath Baker, Shane had been overprotective. It was as if he couldn’t bear for her to be out of his sight. She genuinely believed they’d move beyond casual. She loved having him around, loved spending all her down time with him. Loved him unconditionally, and thought he felt the same.

Fresh tears at the injustice of it all free rained down her cheeks and slid from her chin unchecked. Was Shane as indifferent as he made out, or was he just scared to admit his feelings? It didn’t matter now, all that was important was her baby, and by golly, she was not going to give it up. She was quite capable of raising a child by herself. Countless single moms out there managed—so would she.

Kathy flinched at the unexpected contact of warm hands on her shoulders.

“I thought it was you.” Wolf dropped on the sand beside her. “I was running along the beach when I spotted you alone in the dunes and thought I’d stop and say hi.”

She glanced over, a faltering smile tugged at her mouth then her eyes skidded away under his unwavering gaze.

“What’s up, why are you crying?” Wolf demanded, draping his arm across her shoulder. The contact was encouraging, but she was reluctant to speak.

“Come on honey, it can’t be as bad as all that.” Voice warm and coaxing, he tilted her chin and brushed the fresh tears from her cheeks with his fingertips. “Tell Uncle Wolfie what’s wrong.”

“Uncle Wolfie?” She laughed without humor at his nonsense, and didn’t resist when he pulled her against him, drawing comfort from his strong body.

Kathy weighed the cost of confiding in him. Lord knew, she needed to talk to someone, and she liked him a lot. They got on well together—he was a good listener and would be understanding not judgmental. But somewhere in a remote corner of her brain, sanity still reigned. She couldn’t ask him for confidentiality, and then drop something this monumental in his lap. It wouldn’t be fair. He was Shane’s friend first and foremost; his loyalty was to him. He would be torn between breaking her confidence and feeling honor-bound to tell Shane about his child.

“Shane and I broke up,” she blurted out instead, the words spoken aloud a harsh reality. Fresh sobs wracked her body at the downturn her life had taken.

“Phew, is that all? I thought someone had died or something.” Wolf blew out an audible breath and wiped his forehead in an exaggerated demonstration of relief before giving her shoulder a squeeze. “You know the best part of a fight is the making up afterward,” he smiled and winked. “If you get my meaning.”

“You’re incorrigible.” Her lips spontaneously curved upward, but it felt more like a grimace than a smile. “Ordinarily I’d agree with you, but not this time. It’s final, there’s no going back.”

“I don’t believe it. I’m not going to ask the details Kathy, but it can’t be as bad as all that. You two are great together and you’ve been through so much. I’m sure you’ll work it out.”

Kathy shrugged out of his arms and shot to her feet. Glaring down at him, she snapped. “Believe it Wolf, it’s over, finished. There is no going back. Not now, not ever.”

Wolf’s face registered shock at her vehemence. He gave her a shrewd look and then stood. “Okay, I believe you. If it’s over, then I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you guys. But if you need anything, anything at all, a night on the town, a shoulder to cry on, skiing lessons, you can count on me. You only have to say the word.”