Desired Affliction (6 page)

“Um sure…that’s fine,” Radley flopped down onto her bed.
“How are both of us going to fit in this little ass bed…you are just going to
have to sleep under me or on top of me,” his looked at Megan shaking his
eyebrows up and down. I laughed lightly, “Okay Rad keep junior in your pants
because if at any time throughout the night I hear moaning, panting or heavy
breathing…you are out of here naked or not. I will not be sharing a room with
you two while you ‘Bump uglies.” Kole laughed and Radley looked offended, “Hey
junior’s not ugly…is he babe?” Oh holy hell…no, “Enough about Junior…or the
nasty deed…go to bed Radley.” He laughed and we all got settled. I was a little
uneasy about sharing a bed with Kole but when I saw him grab a blanket and
pillow then toss them to the floor I felt relieved.

“Good Night Lex, sweet dreams,” Kole whispered up to me
from the floor right next to my bed. After a moment I whispered back, “Good
night Kole.”

(Lexi)

It had been almost two weeks since I got that last text
and things had been somewhat quiet. There was a sense of calm between Kole and
me. We were actually becoming friends and it felt nice. He never pushed me to
talk about what happened to me but I knew if I wanted to he would listen.

There was a Halloween party at the Fraternity on
Saturday. Megan had picked out our costumes and we were actually dressing as
angels. I made a comment when she told me what she chose saying mine should
have been the devil…she didn’t find the humor in it like I did. She hates it
when I tease myself. I was on my way to meet her at the dorm so we could try
them on before tomorrow night.

I left Henderson Hall where my class that afternoon was
and I found Hope waiting outside on the bench. I was really not in the mood for
her and her drama. I pretended to not see her as I walked by. “Hey Lexi, do you
have a minute?” She was running up behind me and I drug my feet as I hung my
head and turned to face her, “Listen I really don’t have time for this.” I grabbed
my phone from my bag as it rang with an incoming call. She started to say
something and I held up my finger telling here to wait as I looked down to see
Kole’s number on my screen.

Me: Yes…

Kole: Where are you?

Me: You don’t want to know…

I debated on telling him about Hope’s secret attack but
decided against it…

Kole: Uh…yes I do that’s why I asked you…

Me: Okay well at this very moment I am standing outside
of Henderson Hall talking to you.

Kole: I want to ask you something and I want you to wait
until I am completely finished before you say no…okay.

Me: I’m listening

I glanced at Hope…she appeared to be getting a little
impatient I actually thought it was funny that she looked frustrated because I
made her wait so I could take a call…and it was Kole which made it better. I
secretly was wishing she would just turn and walk away…but she stood there with
her arms crossed. I had to hold back the urge to laugh at her.

Kole: I was thinking that maybe you and I could go to
this party tomorrow night together…as in like together.

Me: Uh…Kole are you asking me as…like a date?

Hope’s eyes shot directly at me and she put her hands on
her hips…she looked a little pissed. Awesome!

Kole: Yeah…Sorry I’m not too good at the date thing…but I
really want us to hangout. What do you think?

I suddenly felt nervous we had been spending time
together but just as friends and it was comfortable. If we started dating and
he found out all of the horrible things I had done I would lose him. I took a
deep breath I didn’t want to talk about this in front of Hope…

Me: Can I call you in a little bit?

Kole: You don’t have too.

I turned when he echoed through the phone to find him
standing behind me. “Hey, what are you doing here?” I looked back to see if
Hope still was there…of course she was. He looked over my shoulder, “What are
you up to Hope?” A sweet smile spread across her face that almost made me throw
up, “I was just going to apologize to Lexi about being such a bitch at the
carwash. I just hadn’t gotten a chance yet.” Oh please that was so far from the
truth. That was not her intentions. She was playing little Miss innocent
because Kole was here. Seeing her standing there flipping her hair was really
just too much. I turned to face Kole, “I was supposed to meet Megan ten minutes
ago…can I call you later?” He nodded his head and as I walked away I took a
chance and glanced back. I shouldn’t have because the fact that Hope already
had herself draped around him just confirmed why I couldn’t date him.

I got to the dorm and explained to Megan why I was
running late. When we tried on the costumes they really were awesome. They had
tall white chunky boots that laced up the front with fishnet white tights.
There was a white mini skirt with a fishnet top that had a white built in tank
over it. The white angel wings were so realistic with a halo to finish it off.
We matched perfectly the costumes were sexy yet not to slutty.

Later that night I talked to Kole and told him we should
just meet at the party and hang out as a group he agreed but I could tell he
was hoping for a different answer.

We woke up late on Saturday after sleeping in. I had
gotten a text about midnight but decided not to say anything to anyone because
I was done letting everyone hover over me. It wasn’t as bad as the other’s it
just made me feel dirty…it was simple.

Lexi remember no means yes…

He really was a disgusting person. I just pushed it from
my mind and went back to sleep.

Radley had already called twice asking where we were. We
are always late and yes mainly because I am a pokey person. Megan and I stood
side by side in front of the mirror, “Girl we look hot…I love these costumes.
Kole is going to love you in it.” I turned to her, “Kole and I are friends
Meg…just friends.” She grabbed her keys saying ‘Okay whatever’ over her
shoulder as we left.

The party was in full swing when we got there it had been
going for about two hours already. The alcohol was flowing and the music was
blaring as people danced and laughed. We found Radley in the kitchen and he
whistled as we came closer, “Damn ladies you two are the hottest angels
here…and there are a lot of angels.” As I looked around I was shocked at how
many set of wings I found. Most of them resembled strippers more than angels
though. I found one that may as well have been wearing a bikini but then a
bikini would have covered more. When I looked a little closer I saw that the
half-dressed girl was Hope. What made it worse was the fact that she was
slobbering all over Kole. He didn’t really seem to mind either. I had to turn
away before I found myself binge drinking which I made a promise already that I
wouldn’t.

I made a deal with Megan…I was doing this party
completely sober…I knew at that moment that deal was going to prove to be one
of the hardest things I had ever agreed to do. Megan sensed my anxiety and
grabbed my arm to drag me to the dance floor, “Get your hot ass out here.”

The DJ really had the dance numbers falling one after the
other as Meg and I just cut lose. Sober dancing I had to admit was definitely
easier than my normal state.

I pushed Kole to the back of my mind and I enjoyed my
best friend as Radley laughed at us and stood guard while we continued to
dance. I wasn’t sure how long he had been watching but the next time I looked
up I found Kole now standing next to Radley with a beer in one hand and Hope
attached to the other. Our eyes locked and he never smiled he just stared
directly at me. My stomach immediately felt nauseous.

(Kole)

I hit the alcohol early before the party even started. I
was pissed that Lexi turned me down. I don’t date and I was willing to make an
exception for her. So fuck it…I don’t need her to have a good time. I have had
plenty of parties before her so fuck her.

But damn she looked hot as hell.  Watching her dance
was so fucking sexy. She had this thing where she bit her lower lip when she
was working her body to the music. I don’t even think she realizes just how
sexy she is. I fought the urge to go to her and kiss her right there in the middle
of everyone. Watching her rotate her hips and wiggle to the music was really a
turn on.

She looked at me and caught me staring but I never looked
away. Lexi grabbed Megan arm and they were now walking toward us. Her eyes
connected with mine once again and then I followed them as she looked to my
right. Fuck I forgot Hope was on my arm. I got so wrapped up in watching her
dance I had forgotten that I still had my arm thrown over Hope’s shoulders.

They continued passed me and Radley followed closely behind.
I moved my arm off Hope and I walked in the direction of the kitchen but she
stayed close behind me.

Lexi had a bottle of water and I have to admit it made me
feel good that she was choosing to stay sober. She wouldn’t look at me I was
watching when she walked toward the patio door. I moved quickly meeting her
before she could escape, “I thought we were hanging out tonight.” I leaned
toward her and watched her eyes. She slowly looked at me and then over at Hope
who still appeared to be glued to my side. When she brought her attention back
to me she looked cold which only pissed me off more. “That would be kind of
hard with your shadow never leaving your side…it appears to me that you have
had plenty of company. From the looks of it I can almost guarantee that you
won’t be lonely tonight.” I watched her for a second she was so withdrawn anger
overcame me, “No, I most definitely will not be alone tonight.” I reached out
and threw my arm over Hopes shoulders and drug her off. Fuck her she doesn’t
have the right to be jealous I wanted to be here with her but she declined. I
planned on having fun and Hope wasn’t the one I wanted but hell I was drunk so
I would get through it.

I noticed them leaving and I wanted to go after her but
decided against it…I wasn’t this pussy ass guy that was going to follow some
girl around. Fuck that…

(Lexi)

I avoided the calls that came from Kole the next morning.
I was glad I hadn’t let our relationship go any further I would have been
setting myself up for heartache. I couldn’t take heartache…who was I kidding my
heart did ache. I secretly wanted to say yes. I wanted to be the girl he
snuggled and kissed. I wanted to be the girl he woke up with this morning. That
was why I had to stay away. I was letting myself think of a happy ending. What
a joke there are no happy endings…not for me.

I was avoiding any place I knew he would be. I stayed hid
most of the time and I didn’t call him back or respond to his texts messages.

Over the next couple weeks the texts from Matt became
more frequent. He was using prepaid phones because it was always a different
number with things that made my skin crawl…

I loved when you put up a fight

No means yes…you know that right

You know it turned you on

You loved it…all of it

I could go another round what do you say…wait who
cares what you say

I tried to hide it all from Megan she deserved to live
her life not to worry about me because I am being weak. I dealt with it alone.
I never told anyone after it happened so now I had to live with it. Who would
believe me if I turned him in now it was my word against his. I should have
said something when it happened but I just ran instead…I guess it was time to
change my number.

It had been almost three weeks since the party and I
avoided Kole constantly. He still would randomly text or call but I never
responded. I found myself falling back into that familiar dark place, the one
where I just went through the daily motions without feeling anything. I acted
as if I only needed myself. I pushed everyone away. I was depressed and lonely.
I closed myself off.

I came home one day to find Radley, Megan and Kole
sitting in my dorm room waiting for me. I looked around at them slowly noticing
some pamphlets next to Kole on the bed. I picked them up, “What the fuck are
these?” I threw them on the floor when Radley spoke up, “I brought them…I just
thought maybe…” I was furious I was so tired of feeling the way I did, “You
thought what Radley….let me ask you something. Do you have any idea what it
feels like to be held down and to have someone rip your clothes off and then
force you to have sex…but you can’t scream…you can’t scream because they have
their hand on your mouth covering your face so tightly that you feel like you
might just pass out if they don’t let you breathe soon. (I was sobbing at this
point) Do you have any idea what it feels like to have that same person not
rape you once but after they are done the first time and they have just
stripped you of your innocence they flip you over shove your face into a pillow
and push your legs apart…to only rape you a second time. Do you Radley?” Megan
was now crying and if I wasn’t imagining things it appeared that both Radley
and Kole now were looking back at me with glossy eyes.

“You all can take your fucking intervention and shove
it…When you have went through that then call me and we can talk. You all sit
here and pretend you can fix me. You can’t fix me. I don’t exist anymore okay I
am a shell of my former self…just going through the motions. You want to know who
I am…fine (Megan hollered out for me to stop but I didn’t)…I’ll tell you who I
am. I was stupid I willingly followed Matt to that cabin. I went upstairs with
him because I was that stupid little virgin that thought the guy with the
college basketball scholarship actually liked me. When he was done with me he
told me no one would believe that he raped me. He could have had anyone. I
believed him so I hid out I never reported it I just went home. I tried to
forget but almost five weeks later…”