Desolate (Desolation) (27 page)

“Eleon gave this to me before he-he did what he did to Mir—Mrs. Carr.” She opened her palm and showed me the heavy ring that sat there. I looked at it. Looked at her.

I didn’t say anything, but I’m pretty sure my expression said,
So? Get the hell on with it.
I said, “Where’s Eleon now?”

Taige closed her fist around the ring and presumed to sit beside me. Like I said, she had balls. But I was beyond caring, so I guess it didn’t matter anymore.

“Father Cornelius exorcised him.”

I stared at her, uncomprehending. “Exorcised him?”

“Yep.” Her face broke into a smile—the first one I’d ever seen on her face. If it hadn’t been for the sharpened teeth and over-abundant use of pale powder and kohl, she’d be beautiful. “It was pretty freakin’ awesome.

“His boyfriend—you know? The one with the sexy scars on his face? He held Mrs. Carr down while Father Cornelius sprinkled Holy Water on her, gesticulated and said some stuff in Latin or something. You shoulda seen it. Mrs. Carr came off the grass—like,
levitated
—just like in that movie. You know,
The Exorcist?
”

I stared at her, saying nothing. Giving nothing away.

“Anyway, her mouth opened like way bigger than it should have—like her jaw dislocated, ya know?”

My stomach churned and I thought of Miri. She’d been there. She’d seen all of that. She’d felt it all.

“And out of her mouth flew this huge bird-like thing! Father Cornelius threw some more Holy Water on it—that was Eleon, wasn’t it?” She stopped and waited a beat for me to confirm her suspicion, but I didn’t answer and she didn’t wait for it, after all.

“He threw the water on Eleon—the giant bird thing—in the shape of the cross and it just just
burst
into a million spiders. Oh man, everyone was freaking out! They went crazy—screaming and crying and—it was freakin’ awesome.”

She finally stopped talking, her dark eyes sparkling in the twilight.

“You shoulda been there.”

Yep. I should have been there. But I wasn’t. I’d been doing nothing. I’d been nowhere. I didn’t save Mir’s mom. I didn’t save Michael. I’d abandoned them both.

“Anyway.” Taige cleared her throat.

“This was Eleon’s—though he never wore it. I mean, he had it in this little pouch. He said I was supposed to give this to you if I saw you before he had a chance to get it back from me.” She held the ring between her thumb and forefinger.

I stared at it; sure it meant death to me. Sure it came from Father, the gift he had promised, and therefore was not any kind of good. Sure I didn’t want it.

But I found myself reaching for it anyway. I plucked it from between her fingers and gasped at the firey cold that bit my fingers and climbed up my skin, promising delicious destruction.

My hand began to shake, desire rising in me like a tide, like an overwhelming need to
wear
that
ring.
I turned it so I could see its face as I drew it toward my left ring finger. It was made of a heavy metal, so tarnished it looked nearly black. It was old, the etchings carved into the inside of the band—probably words in the Old Tongue—were illegible. On its face, a six-pointed star with six dots stared back at me. While I watched, it seemed as though the star turned. 

I felt the mark over my heart flare to life, sending shivers of cold racing through my veins. It felt wonderful.

I slipped the ring onto my finger. For a moment it hung there, far too big for me. The mark over my heart turned faster, spinning faster and faster as it came to life sending a ribbon of ice-fire straight into my heart. While I watched, the star on the ring spun in time with the mark. The band became a serpent, stretching out, binding itself around my finger until it had wrapped itself around six times.

And then it stopped.

And I felt . . . Fantastic.

For the first time in all my life I felt whole. Undivided. I could leave the old me behind and with relief embrace the demon I
am
.

I am of one purpose.

I look at the girl, Taige, and see myself reflected in her eyes. My Shadow stretches behind me, barely shy of being fully corporeal. Taige sees it all and I know she glories in my presence.

She falls to her knees before me and it is perfect.

Because I am perfection.

I am Desolation.

chapter forty-three

Michael

Jagged shards of rock grazed me, cut me as I landed on the boulder, clinging to the peak with all my strength. The rock was slick with ice and much smaller than I thought it to be. The next boulder—easily another ten feet away—seemed an impossible task. There’d be no way I could leap from this rock to the next—there was simply no footing. I would have to swim.

Across from me, more of the damned had entered the water, undaunted from their need to reach me, for what purpose I could not guess. Horror filled my heart pushing out all other thought, making me a “needer” as surely as any of them. I needed to be free of this fear, free of this place, this place of no hope. I suppose that was what any of them needed, too.

The soul eaters devoured every soul that entered the water—the river riled with their frantic efforts to claim the next one. While I clung to the rock, feeling my energy slipping away, I watched a soul eater attack one of its kind, digging its double row of teeth into its flesh until it let go of the damned it had clung to. The attacker took its brother’s place and devoured what was left of the sorry soul.

A wave of four damned entered the water, rushing toward the soul eater and I wondered—perhaps the eaters were a source of relief for these sad souls. For certainly they were now free of their current endless torment.

I determined this moment to be the best chance I would have to cross the river. I could only hope there were no more soul eaters in these waters than those distracted by the coming flow of damned. I prayed that it would be so.

I pulled myself around the rock so I was on the side closest to my target. With great care I turned myself so my back was to the obelisk, my feet finding unsure purchase among the jagged peaks. With a prayer to Odin, and a plea of forgiveness to my friend Heimdall, I filled my mind’s eye with Desi’s face and plunged as far out in the water as I could.

I crashed through what felt like liquid fire—after a moment my body registered it wasn’t fire, but ice that stole my breath and attacked my limbs. I dove eight or so feet out, leaving only about two feet to reach my goal—but every stroke felt like swimming through molasses with the very water conspiring to drag me down. I fought for every inch of distance, oblivious to all else but my goal.

At long last my fingertips grazed the cold, icy surface of the boulder. If I hadn’t still been fighting for every gain, I’d have cried out with relief. But I wasn’t safe yet. Each stroke felt like it took all of me. Each stroke left me feeling like I could not move one more arm’s length. But then my fingers grasped the edge of the stone. And then I had my elbows on the relatively flat surface and I was hoisting myself up—so great was my joy that it wasn’t until I had hauled myself out of the water that I realized a soul eater clung to my leg.

I stared at it in disbelief, watching as it ate through my jeans, the fabric dissolving beneath its hungry teeth. My skin, pale from my sojourn in Hell gave away easily. I found myself strangely removed. I felt nothing but a faint waning of my strength—but I was already so exhausted. I found the idea of lying back and letting myself fall asleep to be a welcome relief.

And so I did.

I lay on my back and stared up at the burnished orange sky of Helheimer and thought of the one thing that was important enough to occupy my last thoughts. I thought of Desi. How she had grown up seeing this sky—never Remembering the golden sun of Asgard, the vibrant greens, the tiny blossoms of Lily of the Valley. I Remembered the first time I met her in our garden. Remembered her laugh and the way her dark eyes sparkled when she looked on me. Her smile had been my only source of joy long before I gained the courage to greet her. And the feel of her hand in mine, of her lips on mine . . . I had beautiful memories to carry me into oblivion and I was not sorry for them.

I closed my eyes and felt myself melt away.

It surprised me when someone hoisted me onto their shoulder. Surprised me more when searing pain ripped through my leg. I think I screamed—from pain or regret, I couldn’t say.

I opened my eyes and found myself staring upside down at a wide black-jacketed back.

“Knowles?” I whispered, barely forcing the word through my burning throat. “Where’s Desi?”

He grimaced as he manhandled me into a standing position, his pale blue eyes alight with fierce determination.

“She is not here. We don’t have time. Can you stand?” He stared at me, urgency radiating from him in palpable waves. I tested my weight and found my right leg could withstand most of it. I could not feel my left leg and I did not care to think about it at that moment.

Knowles nodded, then turned me about. “Now, go!” He grabbed my shoulders and gave me a small shake, followed by a push. I stumbled forward, my arms wheeling—did he intend me to dive back into the water?

But on my second step, as I teetered on the very edge of the boulder, the air seemed to shred apart and a portal opened, revealing the many vibrant colors of the Bifrost. And there, standing before me, was my old friend Heimdall, reaching his giant hand toward me, beckoning me. And so I did. I fell into his arms, feeling relief wash through me anew, except this time it was not the false relief of being rid of my life, of my soul, but the true joy in discovering I wanted to live, after all. And that I would.

“Knowles!” I turned, pushing myself out of Heimdall’s embrace to reach for the man who had saved me, only to find him wrestling with a soul eater—wrestling, and losing. The creature already had a grasp on his shoulder, and though Knowles fought to remove it, I knew he would not succeed.

“We must help him—” I took a step back to Hell, but found myself trapped by an invisible barrier that prohibited me from reaching Knowles. Heimdall put a beefy hand on my shoulder and applied a little pressure. I wobbled beneath the weight of it, pain suddenly coming alive in my leg.

“We cannot help him now,” Heimdall said. When I looked up at him, he nodded toward Knowles who was already fading. Even while I watched, Knowles disappeared in a flash of shadow and smoke until there was nothing left of him at all.

Heimdall and I stood and watched, marking the moment a brother had given his life for another. There should have been some reward, some token of the good he had done, some way to acknowledge the choices he’d made—the good choices, the ones to return, to redeem himself when no other redemption was available to him.

Instead, Heimdall shut away the view and in a moment delivered me to the foot of Valhalla. I fell to my side on the golden stones and stared up at the blue sky streaked with golden rays of sunlight. The tears that slid down my cheek were warm against my cold skin.

chapter forty-four

Desi

I stand on the roof of the crypt and spread my arms wide.
Father,
I call.

Instantly, he is with me. I feel him within me, beside me. I feel him everywhere. He is me. I am he. We are one.

I spread my arms wide and welcome my Second, Taige, who leads all of Eleon’s followers, and many more besides, to the base of my makeshift dais. She kneels and they follow suit.

Daughter. You have truly become desolation. As I always knew you would,
Father hisses in my mind.
All that I have is at your command.