Desperate Chances (14 page)

I
shouldn’t be here.

I really,
really
shouldn’t be here.

My head was pounding and I wanted a drink. It would be so easy too seeing that we were in a bar and all.

I could just go up to the cute bartender and flirt a little. Smile and show him some cleavage. Then I could order a gin and tonic, my favorite. Maybe ask him to put an extra lime in it. I could be finished with it before anyone realized I was gone.

“Earth to G, where’d you go?” A hand waved in front of my face and I clamped down my mind on all thoughts having to do with drinking binges.

I gave Vivian a smile. “Sorry. My mind just wandered a bit.”

She wrapped her arm around my waist and bumping my hip with hers. “How can you think about anything else when they’re up there? I mean, look at him,” she breathed dreamily, staring up at her boyfriend who was currently dry humping the mic stand.

I chuckled. “Yeah, he’s a sight to behold.”

“I just wish more people were here to see them,” Maysie said sadly, coming up beside me.

I looked around at the half-empty room and it made my heart hurt. Because Maysie was right, Generation Rejects were an amazing band and the room should be full of fans.

The room may be only half-full but at least the people who were listening seemed to be enjoying themselves.

“Well, that just means more room for us to do our
thang
,” I yelled over the music, grabbing Vivian and Maysie’s hands and pulling them towards the stage. “Come on, Ri, show your man that you’re having a good time!”

The four of us stood in a group just in front of the stage shaking our asses with everything we had. Riley bobbed on the balls of her feet, pumping her arms above her head. Viv and I moved our bodies together and I noticed how Cole watched her the entire time. She grinned up at him and pulled down her dress just enough to give him an eyeful of what he’d be getting later.

Cole dropped to his knees on the stage and crawled to the edge. Women around us started to squeal and shriek and Vivian glared at each and every one of them.

“I swear to God if they touch him, I will cut a bitch,” she growled.

I shook my head. “I don’t think he’s bothered about anyone else, Viv. Chill out.”

And it was true. Cole’s eyes were fastened on his girlfriend, sweat dripping from his face. He leaned down and cupped his hand around the back of her head, pulling her forward.

During a break in the music he planted his lips on Viv’s and kissed her like they were all alone. Or in public. They kissed the same either way.

“Get a room!” Riley yelled once they had parted and Cole was back on his feet, singing to the crowd.

Vivian made a show of licking her lips and casted some serious stink eye in the groupies’ direction.

“Hey, there’s Sophie, maybe we should go over and say hello,” Maysie said, indicating the petite woman standing just to the right of the stage.

“She could always come over here, you know,” Vivian pointed out.

“Yeah, but maybe we should make more of an effort to include her. It’s got to be hard hanging out with a group of people that have already been friends for years,” Maysie pointed out.

“It’s not like she tries to get to know anyone, though, Mays. Garrett says she’s glued to Mitch’s side and that’s it. No one really knows much about her, even after all this time,” Riley added.

Maysie scowled at the three of us. “Show some compassion, guys. If you don’t want to do it for Sophie, do it for Mitch, our friend. She’s his girlfriend after all.”

Damn. That hurt.

Vivian glanced at me and I tried to smile. I failed miserably.

“Okay. Yeah, let’s go talk to her,” I piped up. Talking to Sophie was the last thing I wanted to do. I’d rather walk over broken glass barefoot. Or swallow a mouthful of wasps. Or shave my legs with a dull razor.

But it seemed I was a glutton for punishment.

And Maysie was right. She was Mitch’s girlfriend. And if he was happy,
I
was happy.

I just had to keep reminding myself of that.

Vivian’s eyes widened in surprise at my suggestion and I quickly walked towards Sophie before my roommate could make any comments.

“Hey Sophie,” I said once I reached her.

Sophie looked my way with a smile on her face. When she realized it was me, the smile froze in place and then slowly disappeared. Huh. Interesting.

“Hi, Gracie,” she said after a few minutes.

“Hey, Sophie! Great show, right?” Maysie asked, joining me a few seconds later. Riley and Vivian soon followed.

Sophie tucked her hands into the pockets of her jeans. “Yeah, it’s not bad.”

Vivian frowned. “Not bad? They’re amazing!”

Sophie shrugged. “If this is your type of thing, sure.”

Riley and I shared a look. What was this girl’s deal?

“Yeah, I wasn’t a big fan of their music when I first met them, but it definitely grows on you,” Riley remarked, being uncharacteristically nice.

Sophie gave her a tight smile but didn’t respond as she once again turned her attention to the stage.

We all stood there, not speaking. It became very apparent that Sophie wasn’t planning to resume conversation.

“Are you and Mitch planning to come to the club with us after the show?” Maysie asked.

Please say no,
I thought.

Sophie nodded. “Mitch wants to go.”

I wanted to make a face but refrained.

“Oh, that’s great. It should be fun,” Maysie chirped, trying to be polite, which was hard when Sophie wasn’t giving her much to work with.

“She’s a real winner,” Riley muttered in my ear. I covered my mouth so that I wouldn’t laugh.

“Okay guys, let’s drop this down a notch. Let me make you feel
oh so good
,” Cole purred into the microphone.

The stage lights dimmed and there were four individual spotlights, each trained on one of the guys. Jordan started slowly beating on his drums and was soon joined by Mitch strumming a low, steady rhythm on his bass.

His dark head was bent forward, hair falling in his face. My throat felt tight as I watched him play the music that I loved.

There was something dizzying about listening to Mitch Abrams play. Something intoxicating about watching his fingers glide along the strings of his well-loved instrument. The passion and joy on his face made my lady parts tremble. And I wasn’t overly prone to trembling lady parts.

But it was more than jittery genitalia that made me stare at him like a crazy stalker.

It was more than sexual attraction. It was more than the memory of amazing sex that we had shared.

It was something deeper. Something indescribable. It was the way he lost himself in his music. How he kept his eyes closed and his head lowered, as though blocking out everything and everyone around him.

Staring up at him on the stage, I felt a painful ache in the center of my chest that was impossible to ignore, no matter how much I wanted to.

It was an agonizing reminder of lost chances.

Once upon a time he would have found me in the crowd, given me his crooked smile, and we would have shared a moment of connection that was only for us. The fans didn’t matter. The crowd would have faded away and we would’ve shared in something that only ever happened when we looked at each other.

I wish I could go back in time and slap the shit out of the old me who had never seen what was right in front of her. She really was a narcissistic jackass.

But most of all I wanted him to look at me like he used to. I wanted to feel the buzz in my blood. I wanted the twist in my belly when his eyes met mine.

How had I been so blind to my feelings for so damn long? How could I think this flutter in my heart was anything but true and honest affection?

And then it happened. Just for a second. Mitch’s eyes flashed in my direction and I went completely still. I felt it all. The buzzing. The twisting. The fluttering.

I started to smile.

It was beautiful. It was amazing. It was perfect.

But then his face darkened and the buzzing died. The twisting faded. And the fluttering became a horrible sort of shattering.

Mitch looked away, finding that connection in the girl he had chosen to be with. The woman who had caught him after I threw him away.

Yuck. What a crappy feeling.

Then Cole started to sing a song that I couldn’t remember hearing before.

One that seemed all too appropriate. Did Mitch hear it too? I stared at him long and hard, willing him to look at me again, but he kept his eyes trained on the rest of the crowd.

On Sophie.

You promised me lies

I swallowed them whole

You said we had a future

It was just a tale to be told.

I gave you my heart

You threw it on the ground,

I screamed your name,

But never made a sound.

I was broken.

You were bleeding.

I was dead.

You were leaving.

You’re my nightmare come true

What can I do?

Love ruins and maims

I knew you’d never stay.

You’re my nightmare!

Who wrote this?

It sounded so angry. So bitter. It wasn’t Jordan or Garrett’s style and they were the ones who usually wrote the Rejects’ music.

Mitch closed his eyes, his mouth pinched as Cole sang the lyrics. His lips moved along with the words and I wished I could hear him sing. I had always loved his voice.

His eyes flashed open and settled on me again and this time he didn’t look away.

But I wished he would. Because the pain I saw there made me want to scream.

It was a pain that I was responsible for.

“T
his club is so lame!” I yelled into Riley’s ear. I stood beside her trying to dance in time to the beat. It was hard though because the music was bad. As in John Tesh on acid bad.

After the show the nine of us had loaded up the gear into the bus, most of us—minus Mitch and Sophie, who said they’d meet us there—had walked a few blocks away to a small basement club that was teeming with people. I didn’t catch the name as we had paid our cover and gone inside.

It smelled like body odor and weed. The music was of the crappy house variety. Lots of thumping bass and not much else.

People were drunkenly hooking up all around me and I had walked in on three girls going at it in the bathroom just twenty minutes ago.

This was definitely not my scene. Not anymore anyway. Once upon a time I would have been drinking it up and dancing my ass off. Now I just stood in the corner and tried to avoid having beer dumped down my back.

“Whose bright idea was it to come here?” I asked Garrett who was standing beside his girlfriend.

“I think Cole saw a flyer or something. We need to remember to do the opposite of whatever he suggests,” he answered, shaking his head.

“You haven’t figured that out by now?” Riley laughed, kissing him on the mouth. Garrett pulled her into his arms and wrapped her hair around his hand.

“Don’t get smart with me, woman,” he growled as he bent her low and kissed her senseless.

I turned away from them and sipped on my lime and soda. I could almost pretend it was a G&T. Almost.

Maysie and Jordan were dancing and god knew where Vivian and Cole had disappeared to.

Mitch and Sophie hadn’t shown up yet. I wondered what they were doing. Had they gone somewhere to be alone? I was pretty sure Mitch would have gotten a hotel room if everyone else had gotten one. Were he and Sophie there?

I tried not to imagine what they were doing. But it became all mixed up with memories of what Mitch and I had done in a hotel room a year before.

And then, as if I had summoned him, Mitch appeared.