Desperate Chances (20 page)

Did that make me pathetic? Perhaps. But I really didn’t care.

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea,” Mitch finally agreed, giving me a smile that was a little less pained. I felt some relief in that.

He leaned back against the bench and appeared to relax marginally.

Find a neutral topic. Something to talk about. Keep him here. Keep him talking. Just for tonight.

“Have you been out to see your parents yet?” I asked.

Rebuild the connection. One brick at a time.

Mitch shook his head. “Not yet. My sister is coming down tomorrow with my niece. I’ll be expected to be there of course. Though honestly, I wouldn’t miss it.” He was grinning and that felt good.

“I didn’t realize your sister had a baby. So you’re an uncle now. That’s an awesome responsibility. You up for the task?” I teased. Yes, I was actually teasing him. And he wasn’t scowling or telling me to take a hike. Progress!

“Oh, I plan on being the uncle who lets her watch rated R movies when she’s thirteen and sneaks her sugar after bedtime. I’ll be the cool uncle,” he said, puffing his chest out with pride.

I laughed. “Oh I can see it now. You’ll be taking her to get her first tattoo in no time.”

“Hey,
I’ve
never even gotten a tattoo,” he pointed out.

“Oh, I know. No matter how much I tried to talk you into getting that rose on your butt cheek.”

Mitch let out a sharp bark of laughter that took me by surprise. It seemed to take him by surprise too. He scratched the back of his neck and gave me a wry look. “There were some things even
you,
Gracie Cook, couldn’t talk me into. No matter how persuasive you were. Or how much I wanted to give you whatever you asked for.”

And we took a detour back into awkward.

I cleared my throat and struggled to get us back to less uneasy territory. “So with all this free time, what will you be doing? Maybe you could take up shuffleboard. Hey how about archery?” I suggested with an insane little giggle. My voice sounded overly bright. I really needed to tone it down a bit. I came across as mildly manic.

Mitch cocked an eyebrow. “Uh, no I think I’ll pass on the shuffleboard.”

“Yeah, who likes shuffleboard? I mean except for my grandma. She’s a shuffleboard freak.”

Shut up, Gracie! Just shut the hell up!

“Huh. I’ll make sure not to challenge your grandma to a shuffleboard competition anytime soon. Is this the same grandma that pinched my butt while your parents grilled me about my lack of gainful employment?” he asked and I snorted.

“Crap, I forgot about that!” I exclaimed, covering my eyes with my hand in mortification.

Mitch had come by my parents’ house to pick me up from dinner once. I had sent him a frantic SOS asking him to save me from the horror that was my parents and extended family.

Mitch had come inside and attempted to make polite conversation with my mom and dad. My parents were cold and dismissive, nothing new there. They had asked him why he didn’t get a real job and I had wanted to slap them both.

My grandmother on the other hand had already downed a half a bottle of wine and proceeded to comment on his “tight bottom” and gave it a pinch in full view of my grandfather, who continued to smoke his cigar and talk about politics.

“I thought she was going to slip me her phone number. She gave me a wink as we were leaving if I remember correctly,” Mitch mused.

“Oh my god,” I groaned.

“I don’t know, maybe she was trying to get her grand-cougar on.”

“G—Grand-cougar?” I sputtered.

Mitch’s face split into a wide grin and he laughed loudly. “Your face is priceless!”

I smacked his knee with my hand, trying to ignore how good it felt to touch him. “I’m going to need more therapy just to erase the thought of my grandmother
grand-cougaring.”
I shuddered.

“Even grandmas need lovin’, G.”

He used the nickname again. My heart fluttered wildly and my stomach did a few somersaults.

“Okay, enough already! My poor brain can’t take the images!” I poked my fingers in my ears.

Mitch pulled my hands down. “I’ll stop scarring you. I promise,” he said and I realized instantly how close we were. His continued to lightly hold my hands in my lap where they had dropped after he had pulled them from my face. I wanted to curl my fingers and intertwine them with his.

But I couldn’t.

His hands weren’t mine to hold.

I pulled away and wiped my suddenly damp palms on my jeans. “So, I guess we should go back inside. The fire seems to be dying down.” I motioned towards the bonfire, which was barely smoldering.

“Yeah, it’s pretty cold out here. I should probably call Sophie back,” Mitch remarked blandly. Her name was said as though to make a point.

I get it, Mitch. I really do.

“Yeah, you don’t want her wondering where you are.” I realized I sounded as though I were chewing on broken glass. Brittle and bleeding.

Mitch got to his feet and tucked his hands into the pockets of his jacket. He started to walk away but then stopped, turning back to face me.

“I know things have been…well…bad between us. This past weekend got a little out of control, I think,” he said, not quite meeting my eyes.

“Yeah, it did. I guess we both had stuff that we wanted to say, but that wasn’t the place to do it,” I agreed, clenching my hands together in my lap—the hands that he had so briefly held between his own.

“We used to talk about everything,” Mitch said quietly.

“And now we don’t talk about anything,” I continued just as quietly.

We were both silent, the only noise was that of the crackling fire and the soft strains of laughter drifting down from the house.

“I’ve tried really hard not to think about you,” Mitch admitted, his chin tucked into his chest.

“I understand—” I started to say, but he cut me off.

“I go about my day. I live my life. And I push you so far from my thoughts that it’s easy to forget what it’s like just being around you,” he went on. He tilted his head back to stare up at the clear night sky.

“But then when you’re around, I remember. And it hurts, Gracie. It hurts a lot.” Mitch’s voice cracked and he stopped speaking. I wondered if he was going to finish.

God, I wanted him to finish.

After a few minutes he lowered his head and finally looked at me. It was too dark to see much of his face, but I could see the fire glinting in his eyes and that was enough.

“I remember how much fun we always had. I remember how you’d kick my ass playing X-Box and then rub it in my face for a good three days afterwards.”

“Only because it was richly deserved,” I interjected.

Mitch sort of smiled. A slight lifting of lips that quickly fell again. “I remember Chunky Monkey and you sleeping in my bed even when I couldn’t touch you. Not like I wanted to. I remember how you’d listen to me play my music and you made sure to be right up front, so I could see you from the stage. That meant a lot, Gracie. I don’t think you realize how much.”

“It meant a lot to me too. I love hearing you play. I always have.”

Mitch’s lips thinned and he glanced down at the ground. “Yeah, I remember all that great stuff and I get angry, Gracie. Really fucking angry. And resentful as hell. Because we don’t have that anymore. I can’t pick up my phone and call you when shit goes down with the label. I can’t text you after a show and tell you how it went. I lost my best friend. And that pisses me off.”

“I’m sor—”

“Please don’t apologize. I know you’re sorry. It’s on your face every time I see you,” he laughed bitterly. “I know you regret what happened. God, if I could go back, I’d do things differently. Maybe I wouldn’t have opened that damn door at all.”

Ouch. Okay, that really hurt. Mitch knew how to play rough.

I opened my mouth to explain I didn’t regret being with him. That I could never regret that. I just regretted how I behaved afterwards. It was important that he knew that. I needed to say it and he needed to hear it. But he was still talking. And his next words shut me up.

“I’m with Sophie now. That’s what I should be focused on. I need to be thinking about what the hell I’m going to do if the band falls apart. I have to have a plan. I can’t go through life without one. I’ve been drifting by for long enough.” He ran his hands through his hair. “So I have some shit to sort out. And I can’t be all tied up in knots over you anymore. I can’t worry about what I’ll do if I see you. I can’t spend my nights obsessing over everything you say and don’t say. It’s not fair to Soph. It’s not fair to
me.
That can’t be my life anymore.”

“This is okay,” he continued. “Us talking and being somewhat normal together. We have to be. My friends are your friends. My town is your town. We’re going to see each other. It’s inevitable. And with Jordan and Maysie getting married, we’re going to be in each other’s lives in one way or another for the foreseeable future. But that’s it. We’ll be old friends that used to be close but have drifted apart.”

“If that’s what you need, Mitch. I understand,” I told him, my voice rough and crushed.

Mitch’s shoulders sagged and he gave me a look that broke my heart all over again. Because I had done this.

I had ruined so much more than I had ever realized.

“It’s the only way it can be, Gracie.” He let out a breath and turned toward Garrett’s house. “I’ll see you later.”

And then he was gone.

“I’ll see ya,” I murmured after he had left.

D
ay one of my new life.

Wake up.

Get a shower.

Get dressed.

Eat breakfast.

Sit at the kitchen table and try not bang my head against the wood over and over and over again.

It was really fucking boring.

“You’ve been staring at that newspaper for over an hour. Do the words change if you look at it long enough?” Garrett asked, pouring a cup of coffee. He was already dressed, which was surprising considering the guy typically didn’t get out of bed until midday.

“What are you doing up already?” I asked him.

“I’m heading up to see Riley, remember. I’ll be gone until next week.” He dumped three spoonfuls of sugar into his cup and stirred. “No crazy parties until I get back. You can’t have that shit going on unless I’m here to enjoy it.”

“Yes, Dad,” I said, pushing the paper away from me.

“What’s with all the early morning angst? Girl trouble? I saw you out by the bonfire with Gracie last night. Is that what’s gotten your panties all in a bunch? I sincerely hope you two ironed out all your shit. It’s been going on long enough, don’t you think?” Garrett sat down across from me and grabbed a donut from the box Maysie had brought over earlier. She had already been by with groceries. I think she thought that we were going to either starve or resort to cannibalism if she didn’t take care of us. Though I wasn’t going to say anything to the contrary, because I really hated going grocery shopping.

“No, this has nothing to do with Gracie,” I told him, proud of myself for saying her name without wanting to vomit.

Garrett raised an eyebrow, clearly not believing me.

“So I just imagined all that unresolved tension between the two of you last night?”

“Dude, I have a girlfriend,” I reminded him.

Maybe I needed the reminder too.

I really hated that stupid inner voice.

“Yeah, well perhaps that’s the problem,” Garrett remarked dryly. I
did not
want to talk about Gracie. I had dealt with that shit last night. I had been proud of how I handled things. I had laid it all out there. I had told Gracie that I didn’t want to ignore her. That I wasn’t going to avoid her the way I knew she had been avoiding me. I wanted to be civil. Mature even.

We’ll be old friends that used to be close but have drifted apart.

Just maybe I could force myself to believe it.

Because hell if I could face her
apologies
from here to freaking eternity. I’d had enough of those.