Destined to Feel (25 page)

I know I must try calling Robert again, something I’ve been putting off for too long because it is just too hard to form the words in my head, much less say them out loud. I dial and try to temper the emotion welling up inside me. Knowing I can no longer avoid the inevitable, I take a deep breath as the phone rings.

‘Robert, hi, it’s Jeremy.’ My tone is flat, neutral.

‘Jeremy. Well, what a surprise. It seems to be the day for everyone to call.’

‘Everyone? What do you mean?’

‘I just spoke to Alex a while ago and now here you are, too.’ It takes a moment for his words to register.

‘What, are you serious? You just spoke to AB? How, when — she —’

‘Slow down, Jeremy, is everything all right over there? Alex sounded a little weird and I’ve never heard you like this, what’s going on?’

‘You are one hundred per cent sure you spoke to Alex?’

‘Sure, I —’

I interrupt him, my pulse racing. ‘Can you tell me exactly when?’

There is a pause, and there are little voices in the background. It sounds like one of the kids is talking to him. I struggle to contain my impatience. ‘Please, Robert, I can’t tell you how important this is.’

‘You’re not with her?’

‘It’s a long story that I can’t go into right now, but no, I’m not with her. How long ago?’

‘About an hour or so.’

‘And she was okay? You’re sure it was her?’

‘Who else would it be? Of course it was her.’ He sounds a little indignant, understandably so, I suppose. ‘She sounded tired but she was really just asking after the kids.’ Hope and relief and love flood through my body simultaneously.

‘Oh, my god, Robert. I can’t thank you enough. I need to go, I’m sorry, I’ll call you when I can.’ I hang up and race back to the cafe, interrupting Martin and Salina’s conversation.

‘Martin, what’s the latest on Alexa’s bracelet, any signal?’

‘Why, what’s happened?’ Sensing my urgency, he immediately flicks through the screens open on his laptop. ‘You know we haven’t had a signal for days.’

‘We might have a signal now. Robert just spoke to her an hour ago.’ I can’t keep the excitement out of my voice, it’s flooded with hope. ‘I don’t know if she’s still wearing it, but it sounds like she’s very much alive.’ I restlessly pace the room waiting for what feels like an eternity until the system finally kicks into gear.

‘You’re right, Jeremy. There, she is back on the grid, there she is…’

I can’t believe what I’m seeing and neither can Martin. We stare transfixed at the screen.

Salina lets out a loud sigh. The release of our pent-up stress and tension is as instantaneous as it is spontaneous and the three of us embrace with firm hugs and claps on the back. My lungs feel like they can breathe again, like my heart has been resuscitated. Martin returns his focus to the screen as the signal zones in on a more accurate location. She is in Croatia, heading towards Split. I’m so absorbed in staring at the map, I jump when my phone rings.

‘Quinn here.’

‘Dr Quinn? Dr Jeremy Quinn?’ A lightly-accented male voice.

‘Yes, speaking, who is this?’

‘My name is Dr Josef Votrubec.’ I become instantly suspicious. It only takes me a spilt second to recognise his name from the hospital in Bled.

‘Do you have Alexa?’

‘That is what I’m calling about. I do, I helped her escape —’

‘Is she okay, when can I see her?’ I’m so overwhelmed by sudden news, I’m shaking. Relief penetrates every pore in my skin. Martin insists I hand over the phone to him so he can make arrangements. I’ve lost the plot. I can only hope that Dr Votrubec is true to his word and that my Alexa is unharmed. The last thing we need now is another wild goose chase and by the serious tone of Martin’s voice on the phone, he’ll be taking no chances.

Alexa

When I wake, it’s still dark, but I sense the sun is not too far from creeping over the horizon. I glance toward Josef, who looks weary but content.

‘Where are we going, Josef? It looks like you’ve been driving for a while.’ I try to stretch out as much as possible in my seat.

‘I have, but I wanted to make sure we weren’t followed so I took the coast road. We’re heading towards Dubrovnik and we’ll stop there.’

‘Have you heard from anyone?’

‘I’ve heard that they have been searching for you all night. They can’t raise too many alarm bells, given your unusual arrival at the chateau and the facility.’ He glances toward me and hands me a bottle of water. ‘It wouldn’t have taken them too long to work out it was me who helped you escape.’

‘What will happen to you now?’

‘Well, I guess I’ll be looking for another job,’ he says with a nervous chuckle.

I take a sip of water and regard him thoughtfully. ‘Why did you do it? Why did you risk everything for me?’

‘There are a few bad people in Xsade. Plenty of good ones also, but the bad ones seem to have more power in the company at the moment and they are willing to do and risk anything to have their way. I cannot work for an organisation I no longer trust or for people who are willing to endanger the lives of others. I know you signed an agreement and that is what I think we should work with. But when they didn’t achieve the results they were hoping for the scientists wanted to do more tests, tests you hadn’t agreed to. This is totally against my personal values and was the end for me. I knew I had to resign, but my conscience wouldn’t allow me to leave you there. I could only hope that you would trust me enough to escape with me.’

I sit quietly for a while, trying to absorb his words and understand the risks he has taken on my behalf as I stare out toward the dramatic coastline becoming visible in the growing light.

‘Thank you, Josef. I’m not sure how I can repay you.’

‘After all you have been through, Alexandra, please don’t think you ever have to repay me. I only wish you never had to be involved in the first place.’

‘Josef, who were those people we saw on the way out of the facility?’ I ask gently, unsure as to how he’ll respond even though we are alone.

‘They are people from Eastern Europe who are willing to be paid to try the drugs Xsade is testing.’

‘Is it safe?’

‘Some are safer than others. They are willing to risk their bodies to try to improve their quality of life and the lives of their children. Xsade pays them and provides them with accommodation. Some testing is worse than others, but drugs do have to be tested on humans at some stage. How else would they get to market?’

I think about how we stumbled upon drugs for HIV, chemotherapy… Then more specifically for women, the contraceptive pill, the IUD and now hormone-infused implants, among other things; how readily we accept chemical solutions to manipulate our natural hormonal cycles.

Someone has to test them; indeed, many people trial new drugs. Now I’ve become one of those people. I can’t help but wonder whether the success of Xsade’s purple pill will depend on women’s willingness to alter their personal chemistry for the sake of a few sexually aroused hours or days? I suppose I just did exactly that. I physically shudder the thought away.

‘The people you saw were being sorted by their blood group. Hungarians have the highest proportion of AB blood in the world so they were called in as a back-up plan when you refused to give Xsade your blood.’

‘Oh, I see.’ Jeez, that has to be a little concerning doesn’t it? My brain can’t accommodate the different tangents that this conversation is triggering right at this moment. So I deliberately change topics.

‘What do you think you will do, Josef?’

‘First of all, I want to ensure your safety then I think I will return to my wife. I haven’t seen her for days.’

‘You’re married? I’m sorry, I had no idea, I should have asked.’ I feel awful; I’ve been so caught up in my own circumstances, I hadn’t even spared a thought for the person behind the title.

‘Do you have children?’

‘No, unfortunately we haven’t been blessed with children. My wife had an ectopic pregnancy and the prognosis isn’t good. But you never know what scientists will be developing next, so we don’t give up hope.’ He attempts to hide his emotion behind an empty smile.

‘I’m sorry, Josef, but as you say, you never know what will happen. The world is advancing so fast in so many ways.’ I feel sad for him and can’t help but remember my own intense desire to procreate all those years ago. We continue our journey in silence, lost in our own thoughts.

I’m a little surprised when he pulls the car smoothly to a stop. The scenery is breathtaking.

We are parked by the sea at a small marina tucked in behind a rather secluded coastal headland.

There’s probably fewer than thirty yachts and motor boats moored here. Josef rushes around to open my door and assist me out of the car and I stretch my legs. It feels great to be outside and I inhale the fresh saltiness of the air deeply into my lungs. I squint my eyes at the sun rising over the horizon.

Josef escorts me down a long jetty towards a sleek-looking speedboat. There are two figures sitting in the boat and for a brief second I pray that Josef really is on my side and not leading me into a trap. I attempt to calm my nerves and tell myself firmly that I am not that bad a judge of character. As my eyes adjust to the sunlight and shadows, one of the figures climbs out of the boat and starts walking in our direction, wearing a navy shirt and cream cargos. It takes me a second to realise it is Jeremy walking steadily towards me, arms open, as if appearing out of a mirage.

I tentatively take a step forward before rushing full force into his arms and he envelops me securely against his chest, as tight as he can. Tears pour down our faces as I hug him harder than I have anyone in my life. My heart feels like it could explode with love and relief as I continue to sob and bury my head into the warmth of his body.

Eventually, I look up into his gorgeous smoky green eyes and his soft lips find mine, kissing me lightly, carefully, as if assessing my fragility, but it isn’t long before his mouth is hungry for my own. His palms cup my face and we kiss deeply and passionately, our tears blending together. There is a franticness between us as though it could be the last time we have the opportunity to connect in this way. It feels as though Jeremy is making sure I’m real and tangible and not a figment of his imagination. I have never wanted or needed another human being so much in my life, and judging by his reciprocating urgency, neither has he. I can only hope like hell I’m not dreaming because I’ve never wanted a reality more than I have this one, right now.

We finally draw breath from our very public display of affection and I’m giddy from the intensity of it. Jeremy has his arm firmly anchored around my shoulders and it doesn’t feel like he will ever let go. My smile is wide as we step back to acknowledge Josef, who is patiently waiting.

‘You look happy, Alexandra.’

‘You didn’t tell me, Josef!’ He just shrugs innocently. ‘Jeremy, this is Josef. Obviously I don’t need to introduce you.’ The two men shake hands.

‘I can’t thank you enough. You don’t know what she means to me.’ Jeremy places the palm of his free hand over his heart as he says these words and tears well up in my eyes again.

‘I believe I just had a sneak preview,’ Josef says with a smile and I blush at his words. ‘I’m so sorry you had to endure any of this.’ Josef’s voice is apologetic as he takes both my hands in his and kisses them gently. ‘I wish you every happiness for your future.’ Jeremy reluctantly releases me so I can give him a proper hug goodbye.

‘Thank you again, Josef, for everything. I will be forever indebted to you.’ Jeremy and Josef do a quick man hug; full of meaning, but not sure exactly how to let each other know physically, type of thing.

‘Don’t keep her out here for too long, Dr Quinn. There is no need to take unnecessary risks.’

‘I won’t be letting her out of my sight, Dr Votrubec. We’ll be in touch.’ Just as we say our final goodbyes we hear a screech of tyres rounding the sharp hairpin bends on the road, speeding towards the marina.

‘Jeremy, get Alexa in here now,’ calls the man in the boat. The next thing I hear is the engine roaring into action and Jeremy pulls me to the edge of the jetty and hauls me into the speedboat.

He then jumps in and lands beside me. I’m a little speechless as the boat shifts to full throttle, pulling away from the marina and forcing me back into the cushioned seat. I’m left with the receding image of Josef’s aghast face and two men running up the jetty with guns pointed in his direction. He raises his hands to his head as they approach him. The boat I’m in is moving so fast out to sea and around a jagged rock face, I don’t have the opportunity to see what happens next.

Jeremy draws me into his embrace and we remain silent in each other’s arms until we are certain no one is chasing us. As we are the only visible boat in the safety of the otherwise empty ocean, the speed and noise finally slacken a little.

‘Oh my god, Alexa, I can’t believe what you’ve been through. Votrubec is right, we need to get you out of sight.’ Jeremy yells to the driver, ‘Let’s get out of here, Martin,’ and receives a nod in agreement. The speedboat changes course and we make our way along a dramatic headland. I am still in shock about everything that has happened in the last ten minutes and we can’t talk over the sound of the massive motor, so I remain silent and snuggled into Jeremy’s warm body as we continue to travel at rapid speed. Eventually, we slow down and I see an enormous luxury yacht tucked around a hidden outcrop. We are skilfully positioned alongside the magnificent vessel.

‘Oh my goodness, you mean out of sight on this boat?’ I’m in shock. ‘You certainly never do things by halves, Jeremy, do you?’ He holds my hand steady as I take a careful step onto the ramp.

‘Never when it comes to you, sweetheart.’ His words seem to cause him some anguish as his face looks strained. I know that I’ll feel safer when we are inside and out to sea and have some much-needed time to catch up on everything that life has thrown us recently.

PART EIGHT

We do not quit playing because we grow old, we grow old because we quit playing.