“Ew!” Gracie gripped her temples as an image of her sister and the bishop filled her mind. “I’d appreciate it if you controlled your lascivious thoughts.”
The two of them giggled, then Anna said in a patronizing tone, “What’s the matter, Gracie, not feeling nosey?”
“No one wants to see what I just saw. He’s the bishop!”
“Oh, Eleazar isn’t that bad,” Anna defended. “He’s actually kind of handsome when he isn’t being crotchety.
“I’m glad you think so,” the bishop said, and the three females gasped and turned to the door in unison. Eleazar and Dane stood just inside the kitchen. The bishop’s eyes bore into Larissa’s. “What were you thinking, Larissa?”
Gracie squealed as her sister replayed the carnal thought. The bishop smiled wickedly and said in a husky voice, “Come, we have matters at home that need attending.”
The two newlyweds hurried off. Anna took little Cain and began bundling him up in his basket. Gracie busied herself with cleaning up and ignored Dane’s gaze which was fastened on her. When Annalise left, there was an awkward silence.
“Larissa says you found a journal that belonged to your mother.”
He appeared distracted and sat down without removing his coat. Taking pity on him, she brought him a cup of coffee.
“Did you read it?”
He nodded. “Oh, I read it.”
“Did you find anything interesting?”
He shrugged as if to disguise the frustration radiating from him. “Sure, I guess. It would be a lot more interesting if I could make sense of it.”
“What do you mean?”
“The dates from the year Cybil was born. She keeps talking about me, but I don’t live with her. I don’t remember ever living anywhere else.”
“Where did you live?”
“With some woman she calls Daphne.” He frowned.
“You don’t know who Daphne is?”
“I’ve never heard of her. Mom had a lot of friends, but never anyone by that name. That’s not all. She talks about my dad, but they’re not married yet. He lives in a dorm, and she lives with my grandmother. The entire thing’s like a work of fiction.”
Gracie sat, giving him her full attention. “Maybe that’s what it is.”
He shook his head. “No. There are numbers and stuff written here and there. Like for bank accounts and things. There’re also parts I know are true, like where my dad went to college and places my grandfather worked. There’s reference to a painting my grandmother did, and I know which one it is. Everything adds up except for where Cybil and I come in.”
“Do you think you could ask Cybil about it?”
He pursed his lips. “No. It would just upset her. It would be too difficult to have that kind of conversation with her anyway.”
“Why did you go back?”
“To find more journals. I found a few, but the dates are jumbled. I’m gonna read through them tonight and try to put them in order. When I opened one up on the ride back, I read the weirdest thing. My mom talks about me. She says I ‘came over to play.’ I’m starting to get this sick feeling.”
“Maybe you should just let it go, keep your memories the way they are,” she suggested softly.
“Why? Because they’re so pleasant? My mom was murdered, Grace. My sister and I saw him with her dead body, and Cybil hasn’t talked since. Less than a year later, and my grandmother dies because she doesn’t think we’re enough to live for. My dad died when I was six, and as much as it kills me to admit it, I can barely remember him. I can’t remember anything before the age of six. That’s not normal.”
“It’s okay, Dane. Calm down. We’ll figure it out. I’ll help you. Whatever you need, I’ll help you.”
His lips were taut, and Grace sensed he was on the verge of tears. Dane would hate to show such emotion in front of her, yet he seemed to be fighting a losing battle. She slid her chair closer and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. He was taller than her, but not by much.
His arms fit around her the moment she embraced him. He held her tightly and pressed his face into the curve of her neck. She thought she heard him quietly sob. He smelled nice, like Dane, and his skin was warm where it touched hers. She ran her hand over his soft hair.
“I can’t lose anymore, Gracie,” he whispered sadly against her neck, and the heat of his tears pressed into her skin. Her heart broke for him.
She held him. “You won’t, Dane. I’m sure there’s an explanation for all of it. We just have to find out what it is.”
Chapter 23
Destiny stood under the cool water waiting for her mind to snap out of whatever kind of haze she was in, but her stupid heart didn’t want to be rational at the moment. He loved her. Cain had told her he loved her, and Destiny knew she loved him back. However, there was no good that could come from all that emotion. He was Amish and, well, she was the furthest thing from Amish that there was.
Maybe it was better that she kept smiling. The moment she actually accepted what was happening here, she would have to accept the reality that she had no future with Cain. And then the tears and heartache would come even more than they already had. Ignoring the whispers of her common sense was never a wise choice, but her greedy libido and stupid heart had her brain outnumbered.
She dried herself off and smirked at the odd little washroom. Considering that they didn’t embrace technology, the Amish sure had some interesting ways of making up for the amenities they lacked.
Destiny tipped her head so that her hair fell over her shoulder and reached for the pitcher of water outside of the galvanized tub. She carefully poured the steaming water, rinsing the soap from her wet curls. As the heated liquid poured past her body and into the cooling bathwater, she shivered. She cupped water to her body, rinsing any remaining suds away as she stood. Once she dried herself with the large bath sheet, she quickly returned to Cain’s room.
Cain came in as she was combing out her hair. Her heart raced when the door shut with a quiet snick. He came up behind her and cupped his palms over the sides of her arms and placed a kiss on the top of her damp head. Slowly he turned her. They looked at each other, a thousand things to say but neither of them speaking a word.
Gently, he ran the back of his fingers down the side of her cheek. Slowly, he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Her towel fell away, and without words he lifted her and carried her to the bed.
The covers were cool against her back. She shivered, and he continued to kiss her, caressing her with unhurried hands. He had never touched her this way, soft, gently. It made her sad. It was as if he were saying good-bye.
She suddenly wanted to cry. When his mouth found hers again, she poured everything she felt for him into her kiss. He held her in his strong arms as she stripped away his clothes. When he entered her, there was no hurry, no urgent fire that needed stoking, only a slow-burning flame that never seemed to dim between the two of them.
She raised her hips to meet each slow thrust, and their hands never left the other. It finally struck her. He was making love to her.
They moved together as if they were one. As natural as the rhythmic push and pull of the earth when it meets the ocean in an endless kiss that strokes along the sand. Her heart raced for reasons having nothing to do with the intensity of their motions, but everything to do with the intensity of her love for this man.
Why had she allowed herself to get so involved? There would be no future for them. The idea of Cain marrying some sweet Amish girl nothing like herself created a crushing pain in her chest.
A sob escaped, and she suddenly realized she was crying. He kissed away her tears. “Do not weep, Destiny. Please do not cry.”
She tried to hold back her tears, but it hurt too much. She wanted him. She wanted Cain, not just any man, but him. Although they shared great chemistry, it was more than that.
He understood things about her that people who had known her all of her life didn’t get. He seemed able to see into her very soul. He looked at her and saw her as something beautiful and worthy when everyone else just passed her by.
“I love you, Cain.”
“I love you, too,” he said with equal sadness.
When they finished making love, they held each other in silence for quite some time. Cain was the first to break the moment with matters that needed to be discussed.
“Will you leave tomorrow?”
She sighed. “I don’t want to.”
“I don’t want you to either.”
“What if…What if you came with me?” That was asking a lot, but she needed to ask. Hearing him say no would crush her, and that was exactly what he would have to say.
It was unrealistic to ask an Amish man to give up everything he knew, his family, his home. When an Amish person left their order, they were leaving it permanently, shunning their beliefs and in turn exiling themselves from everything they were. Yet, there was still some foolish part of her that hoped he would do that for her, that expected him to love her enough to throw it all away.
“I’m sorry, Destiny.”
She nodded tightly and blinked back tears.
“There are just some things you don’t understand. If it were only a matter of giving up my culture, I would go with you in a heartbeat. You mean more to me than anything I have waiting for me on this farm.”
“Then why do you stay?”
“Because I can’t be with you like that. We are too different in ways I cannot explain right now. You’ll just have to trust me.”
His words made her angry. He was purposely not telling her something. “We don’t have to get married, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”
He shook his head. “You are meant to be a wife, Destiny. And you will live a full life and have lots of babies and grandbabies, and when you leave this world, you will leave behind more of a legacy than I could ever accomplish in all my years.”
“Is it because I’m younger than you?” She should let it go, but she needed to understand why. If it wasn’t leaving his Amish roots, then what?
“Please don’t do this. Tomorrow I’ll take Vito into town to get what he needs for his car, and you’ll return to your exciting life back home.”
He kissed her, but she felt like turning away. She wanted to be mad at him for not explaining things better, but at the same time she didn’t want to waste any of the last moments together.
They made love several times throughout the night, not falling asleep until the wee hours of the morning.
Chapter 24
The sound of voices coming from the kitchen had Cain opening his eyes. They had slept late. The clatter of dishes and the scent of breakfast cooking roused him, but he had no desire to get out of bed.
Destiny lay next to him, cuddled closely to his side. He gently kissed her awake, and she moaned.
“Good morning, beautiful.”
“Mmm, good morning.”
“Have I told you how gorgeous you are when you sleep? I love listening to your little snores and sometimes there is the cutest little bit of drool you leave upon my pillow.”
She smacked his arm and laughed. “Jerk! I don’t drool or snore.”
He laughed with her and pulled her into his arms. She straddled his hips, and he leaned forward to capture one of her nipples in his mouth. She moaned. Reaching down, he pooled the thin white sheet over them and spent a good few minutes kissing her.
She was softly moaning, but it was enough to miss the quiet sound of the door opening. She whispered that she loved him, and he pulled her closer. “I love you, too, Destiny.”
There was a sharp gasp, and he stilled. Destiny tensed, having heard the sound as well. Cain slowly pulled the covers back and regretfully cursed when he saw Cybil standing at his door.
“Cybil—”
The child’s face was pale, and she rapidly shook her head as if denying what she was seeing as being real. He knew the girl adored him. He felt the same, but the look on her face told Cain she may have fancied him as something more than an older-brother-type friend, which was ludicrous. The girl was a child. Still, the idea of hurting her tender little feelings didn’t sit well with him.
He gently put Destiny aside and carefully kept the sheet from slipping and shocking the child more. She was breathing fast, and Cain feared she would start to cry. A slip of paper slid out of her hand and coasted to the floor. It looked like a drawing of a father and daughter standing together, colored brightly, sitting in a field of flowers. Destiny shifted off his lap and ducked under the covers.
“Cybil, please listen to me—”
Rather than listen she turned sharply and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind her. “God damn it!” Cain growled as he climbed out of bed.
“Is she all right?”
“I don’t know,” he said as he slid his legs into his pants. The sound of the front door slamming echoed through the house. “I’m sorry, Destiny, I have to go after her.”
“Go!” Destiny said, obviously concerned for Cybil.
Cain threw a shirt over his shoulders, but didn’t bother closing it. Going without his shoes, he ran through the kitchen.
Dane scowled at him. “What’s going on?”