Deviant (31 page)

Pressing the button on the lift about a hundred times, I impatiently waited for the doors to open. After what seemed like an age, I, along with a couple others, stepped in. I pressed the button for the third floor and stood there tapping my foot, still with that stupid grin on my face.

As the lift doors opened, I inhaled a deep breath and rushed out with the immense relief of being close enough to tell him. But once I got through the door, I froze. Jeremy was lying in bed, looking very stressed and upset. Around him were a half-dozen reporters firing questions at him about Julie and what it was like being raised in foster homes. The nurses were there and trying to round them all up so they could get him out of there. Jeremy looked up, saw me, and the look on his face nearly killed me. “How could you?” he asked, tears in his eyes. “I thought you were my friend.”

I walked forward, but he put out his hand to stop me. “I swear. I didn’t know anything about this.”

The reporters were all looking from me to Jeremy with an air of apprehension. This was what I hated about the job. Some of them fed off of other people’s grief. They just itched for gossip, any story that they knew would sell. They started trying to fire questions at me, but the three security guards came rushing in to help the nurses clear the reporters away.

“How could you?” he whispered, tears pooling in his eyes. “I trusted you. You told me you wouldn’t breathe a word to anyone.”

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling down my face. I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong, but seeing Jeremy looking so betrayed cut me deeper than anything I’d ever known. This pain was worse than when Dean left.

“I swear to you, Jeremy. I didn’t have anything to do with this.”

All was quiet now as the reporters were sent away. One security guard came back in. He looked at Jeremy and me with an uneasy expression on his face.

“Can you please take her away, too? I don’t want to see her.” He motioned towards the security guard and completely ignored me.

The guard grabbed my arm, but I yanked it away. “Jeremy, you have to believe me. I would never do this.”

Jeremy turned his face away and I could tell he was crying. I wanted nothing more than to scoop him in my arms and convince him beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was not behind any of this. The only people I told so far were my parents. I just couldn’t believe they would do such a cruel thing as this.

“Miss, you need to go before you get arrested.” The guard looked sternly at me and I knew there was just no way I was going to be able to sort this out today.

Nodding, I dejectedly turned around and walked towards the door. As I neared it, Rachael came over to me a sympathetic smile on her face.

“I swear I never did this,” I whispered. I was feeling panicked. My heart was racing a million miles an hour and the tears wouldn’t stop.

“I know,” she answered, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Don’t be too upset. Jeremy has been so used to people letting him down that he’s been finding it hard to trust anybody. Give him a couple days. I’m sure he’ll come round. I’ll have a word with him once he calms down and I’ll call you tomorrow morning.”

I felt slight relief, but it still cut me to the bone to think that Jeremy thought I had done this. The look on his face was something I’d never forget.

Nodding, I grabbed Rachael for a hug and thanked her. She was always one of the few nurses here that took their job seriously. She cared deeply for her patients and it was a joy to see her at work.

“Don’t worry,” Rachael smiled, patting my face. “Everything will be fine in the morning. He just needs to calm down a little.”

“Thank you,” I said, taking her hand. Rachael smiled and I knew that was my cue to leave. Jeremy needed some space and time to think things through. I didn’t know whether he would ever believe me, but it just didn’t make sense I would go to all this trouble setting up a home for us just to turn around and betray him.

Grabbing some tissues from my bag, I wandered to the lift aimlessly, then towards my car. The tears kept coming, but I didn’t care. People were probably so used to seeing people cry at hospitals anyway. What difference does it make to see one more poor, dejected soul.

As I fumbled with my keys, I opened the door, threw my bag in, and took a seat. All I could see was Jeremy’s face and how broken he looked. The pain in his eyes was unbearable.

It was then that the floodgates opened. It was then that the immeasurable pain of not knowing if we would get through this took over. Burying my head in my hands, I sobbed. By the time I was finished, night had fallen. Lights were twinkling overhead, and people were leaving to go to dinner or meet their friends and family. Music was playing in bars and clubs, girls were scantily dressed and ready for their night out of booze and dancing.

And I was left feeling completely and utterly heartbroken.

Chapter 36

Dean

Heat not a furnace for your foe so hot that it do singe yourself.

William Shakespeare

I was at the mansion waiting on a call from Jimmy. I couldn’t understand what was taking him so long. I was contemplating whether to call him when Humphrey walked in.

“Aidan Carmichael is waiting for you in the lounge, and he doesn’t look happy.”

Fuck, I didn’t need this shit. I had more important things to be worrying about right now. “Fine. I’ll be there in a minute.” Humphrey nodded and walked out the door. I was completely unsure of myself now. I have never felt that way in my entire life, but now? Now I was doubting every single fucking thing I said or did, and I put it all down to that witch in fucking sexy high heels.

Staring at my clock, I noticed it was after eight. Maybe Carmichael would be a good distraction to get me out of this funk. Once I’m done with him, I’ll give Jimmy a call.

Getting up from my seat, I went towards the lounge where Carmichael was waiting with a drink in his hand. He looked pissed off about something, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let him be pissed off with me. He’s caught me on a bad day.

“Scozzari, why is it I’m being told my wife is visiting you? What the fuck are you doing with her?”

Carmichael virtually catapulted towards me, but I was faster. Moving swiftly, I got behind him and gripped my arm around his neck. “First of all, don’t you
ever
fucking come into my house and shout at me like that again. Second of all, your wife visited
me
, not the other way around. And third of all, if you don’t get your shit together, you’re going to lose the most important thing in your life.”

Carmichael’s face turned red as he cowered beneath me. This was the first time he had ever seen me this angry and in control.

“I-I don’t know what you mean,” he spluttered.

I let him go.“Sit your ass down. I need to talk to you.” Remarkably, he did as he was told and sat down, a confused look on his face.

“Did Cynthia tell you she came to visit me?” I had to know. I was suddenly getting paranoid that he was having me tailed. I didn’t
think
I was being followed, but from now on, I would certainly be on higher alert than normal.

Carmichael shook his head. “No, it was one of her bitchy friends. She was coming back from playing tennis at the club and passed by your mansion. She was just fucking itching to tell me she saw her going in.” He had a look of disgust on his face and, for the first time, I could agree with him there. If that story’s true, Cynthia didn’t need friends like that.

“Cynthia loves you very much, although I can’t understand why.”

Carmichael’s posture straightened as he glared at me. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

I could almost feel myself rolling my eyes. “Oh, come on, Carmichael. For fuck’s sake, you have a beautiful wife and kids at home who adore you, but all you’re concerned about is screwing around.”

“Well, you were the one who introduced me to those girls.”

He had me there, but he didn’t need much encouragement. “Aidan, you’ve been screwing around long before Samantha and Katie. Don’t try and act like you’re innocent in all this. You’re far from it. Yes, I placed the temptation there, but you certainly didn’t need any persuading.”

He suddenly looked panicked. “Does she know? Did you fucking tell her?” he asked, a hint of spit forming in his mouth.

“No, I didn’t! Now calm the fuck down! I’ve already told you that whatever is said or done between us here, stays here, and I’m a man of my word, Carmichael. I don’t fuck about. I would say the same for your wife, but considering her fucking so-called bitchy friend told you about her visit, I guess I’m going to have to tell you. Cynthia is worried about you. She says you’ve been different around her lately and she thinks you may be having an affair. In fact, she fucking
knows
you’ve screwed around on her. She feels upset and let down but, most of all, she feels lonely. When was the last time you told your wife how beautiful she looks, Carmichael? When was the last time you took her out for a romantic meal, whisked her away to somewhere nice for the weekend, and held her in your arms? When?”

I couldn’t believe I actually saw remorse in Carmichael. I didn’t think he had it in him. “She came to you and told you she felt this way?” I nodded. “Shit. Why has she never said anything to me about it?”

Sitting down opposite him, I sighed. “Maybe she has tried, but you’ve just ignored her. I’ve got to say, Carmichael. Cynthia is one very attractive woman. If you don’t start taking care of her, she will look for someone who will.”

Carmichael glared up at me with a hint of murder in his eyes. “Don’t you fucking go near my wife, Dean. I swear I’ll fucking kill you.”

I started laughing. Firstly, because he even thought it possible that he could ever get near me. I’d fucking snap his neck quicker than he could register. Secondly, because it seemed he actually did care about his wife.

“What’s so fucking funny? You think I’m not serious?”

Still laughing, I nodded. “You’re deadly serious. I just didn’t think you had it in you. See, you
do
care about your wife. You do feel that pent-up anger at the thought of another man finding her attractive, or another man touching her.”

“Of course I fucking do!” he shouted, a vein nearly popping out of his neck.

Leaning in closer to him, I grabbed the collar of his shirt. “Then don’t you think it’s high time you fucking told
her
? I’ve noticed just how sexy she is, and if I’ve noticed, other men have noticed, too. But guess what, Carmichael? For some unknown fucking reason, she loves you. It’s so hard to comprehend, but it’s true, but all you want to do is screw around while she stays at home taking care of your beautiful daughters. Show her some fucking respect.” I forced Carmichael away and let go of his collar. I was mad. I was mad at him, mad at myself, mad at Tyler, mad at the fucking world we lived in.

Once Carmichael adjusted himself, he looked at me with shock in his eyes. “You’re right. You’re fucking right. I’ve been a fucking terrible husband. I need to fix this. How am I going to fix this?”

Feeling myself calm a little, I looked at Carmichael. I actually even felt a little sorry for him, despite the fact he was a dumb fuck who only acted with his dick.

“Listen,” I sighed. “I’ve just bought a few properties on the Costa Del Sol and Costa De La Luz. Properties are going for next to nothing down there. I’ve recently acquired a villa with a pool. It has five bedrooms and is situated on a mountain, overlooking the Mediterranean. Why don’t you take some time off and surprise Cynthia and the kids to a nice holiday? I can get you the keys, and it’s yours for however long you need it.”

I only offered because I wanted to do it more for Cynthia than this selfish prick in front of me. She was lonely and needed the man in her life to show her how special she really was.

“You’d do that for me?” he asked, dumbfounded.

I shook my head. “No. I’m doing it for your wife.”

Carmichael smiled resolutely and I knew he understood. With a deep breath, he placed the glass on the counter and stood up. “I appreciate everything you do for me, Dean. I really do.” He held out his hand and I accepted the gesture.

Tapping his hand, I winked. “No problem. What are you going to do now?”

Buttoning up his suit, Carmichael sighed. “Well, the first thing I’m going to do is pop into work and see about taking some time off. The second thing I’m going to do is buy my wife some flowers and take her out for a nice meal. Then the third thing I would like to do after all that is take you up on that offer.”

I smiled at him and tapped his shoulder. “You go do that. Remind Cynthia of the man she married, then let me know when you want to go away. I can give you the details and have someone meet you at the airport with the keys.”

Carmichael closed his eyes. “I’ve been a dick.”

I laughed. “Yes, but we’ve all been one of those from time to time.”

Carmichael looked to be in deep thought for a moment. “Hey, why aren’t you married yet? You obviously seem to care about what happens with my wife, so what gives?”

I shook my head with a sigh. “I guess I just haven’t found my Cynthia yet, Aidan.” I gave him a cheeky smile and he aimed another back at me.

“I better be off,” he said, marching towards the door. “I have a lot to plan. I’ll speak to you later?”

I nodded. “Of course. Now, go have a nice time with Cynthia. Take her to Angels. I’ll make sure there’s a good bottle of champagne on ice for the two of you.”

Carmichael smiled widely and patted my back. “I will. Thanks, my friend.” With a final pat, Carmichael left.

Humphrey came up behind me. “You’re really making sure you keep that fucker sweet after he got you out of the shit a few weeks back.”

I shrugged. “I guess I’m warming to the little fuck after all.” I smiled and Humphrey laughed.

“Jimmy called about five minutes ago. He said he would call back.”

Just as he said this, the phone rang. With not a moment to lose, I ran straight into my office and saw it was Jimmy calling. “Jimmy, is it done?”

“Yes,” he answered, sounding pissed off. “I don’t know what the fuck that girl’s done to you, but it better be good because I had to witness her face today. She looked fucking broken, Dean.”

My heart twisted with the news. I wanted to cause her pain, I wanted to get her back, but why did it fill me with such despair then? What was this gut-wrenching, stomach-churning feeling I had inside me? Could it possibly be guilt? I don’t ever feel guilt. I shouldn’t have to feel guilt. But, for some reason, I felt it nonetheless.

“Where is she now?” I asked, sounding just as dejected as Jimmy did.

“She’s back at home.” Jimmy sighed and, for some reason, the sound made my head pound. “Listen, I’ve always liked working for you, and I’m willing to do anything, you know that. I took this on because you promised me you wouldn’t hurt her. I know I meant it in the physical sense, but you should have seen her, Dean. You didn’t see the pain in her eyes. I never want to see that again. I’ll kidnap a guy, torture him for you if I have to, but don’t
ever
ask me to do that again.”

Pinching the end of my nose, I sighed. “You have my word.”

“Thanks,” he answered before hanging up.

All I could do after that was sink down in my chair and stare at the walls. I had gotten what I came for, so why was it I felt so fucking small right now? Why did I feel like the biggest shit on earth? I preached to Carmichael, but I was just as bad—worse, in fact. I sent Jimmy to that hospital pretending to be a reporter just so he could witness for me the pain she would be in. I was such a coward that I couldn’t even do it myself. Deep down, I knew I wouldn’t be able to take it. I knew it would end up breaking me as much as it did her. So why did I do it? I had to convince myself it was necessary. She had betrayed me and she needed to know what that felt like. It was what I had been planning all along.

So why is it that I was planning to visit Jeremy tomorrow and tell him it was all one big mistake? That what happened was just one big misunderstanding, and that Tyler was completely innocent?

Maybe it’s because, deep down, you really care
, my inner voice seethed
.
Even my subconscious thinks I’m a fucking asshole.

“I don’t fucking care!” I shouted, getting out of my seat.

“You don’t fucking care about what?” Humphrey asked at the door.

“Nothing, old man. You just get back to getting ready for your lady. I’ve got other shit to deal with.” I tossed the phone I still had in my hand and sat back down with a huff.

Sensing my frustration, Humphrey sat down opposite me. “Have you ever heard of the saying ‘Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves’?”

I sighed, knowing exactly where this was heading. “Yes, but I can’t see how this has anything to do with me.”

Humphrey laughed and shook his head. “Deany boy, you dug your grave a long time ago when you started this thing. Now all you’ve done is bury yourself in it. You’re up to your neck in it, Dean, and pretty soon, if you carry on the way you are, it will swallow you up and you’ll suffocate in it. The sickest part about all this is you’ve ended up falling in love with her again. The one person who hurt you the most is breaking you without her even knowing it.”

“I’m not in love with her, Humphrey, and she hasn’t broken me.” I was angry, so fucking angry. I didn’t let her in. I couldn’t fucking let her in.

Humphrey shook his head. “You’re so blind that you can’t even see what’s right in front of you. Dean, please, you have to stop this. I’m thinking of you, as well as her. You will make her fall, and you will only come tumbling down after her.”

I shook my head. “No, I won’t believe what you say is true. She did what she did and she had to pay.”

Humphrey sighed and got up from his chair, shaking of his head. “And now she has, Dean. Leave it the fuck alone. You seek havoc, but all you’ll end up finding is despair. Let it go.” Reaching for the handle of the front door, Humphrey left with a silent click of the door, and I was left with his parting words whirling around in my head.