Devil in My Arms (16 page)

“My balance is in question after what you just did,” she said doubtfully, “but I’m willing to give this my best effort.” She scooted down a bit until she was satisfied with her position. She got a grin on her face that reminded him of a cat who found the cream. “Ah, there you are,” she murmured.

“If I haven’t seen your best effort before,” he said, his breathing becoming fast and shallow with a desperate need for her, “then I fear for my sanity if you unveil it now.”

She laughed and straightened on her knees. “Perhaps you should recite some mathematical equations in your head, then,” she suggested as she slid down onto him. “To protect your sanity,” she finished with a relieved and satisfied sigh.

“Damn my sanity.” He grabbed her hips and held on tightly. “Take me, I’m yours.”

“That sounded suspiciously like a declaration,” she accused him with a teasing note in her voice. She leaned one elbow on his chest and rested her chin in her open palm. Her expression was more mischievous than he’d ever seen it. She traced a pattern on his
chest with one lazy finger. “Remember, this is a temporary thing, you and I. There are no declarations allowed here.”

Her absolute refusal to put a name to this thing between them was frustrating to Hil. There was something inside him that needed to identify it, to categorize it and neatly label it. “No declarations,” he practically growled as she began to move. “Only heartfelt thanks.”

She leaned down and unerringly found his ear. “I trust you to always be a gentleman,” she whispered.

Wrapping his arms around her, he whispered back, “I will never hurt you.”

“I know.”

He knew she didn’t understand what that really meant. Not yet. But she would. As soon as he figured it out himself, that is.

Chapter Eleven

“And just where do you think you’re going?” Roger’s voice slid through the dark kitchen. Eleanor froze with her hand still reaching for the doorknob. She’d gotten lazy. She hadn’t checked to see if anyone was about before hurrying over to the back door.

“Going for a walk?” she tried, but she could tell it was a weak response. She was on her way to Hilary’s, of course, and her heart sank because she knew she wasn’t going to get there. She’d been tempted to try his headache story earlier and slip out of this evening’s supper party for an early tryst. After all, the only reason she went to half of the entertainments she attended was to see Hilary. Instead they had decided she would go to him tonight. He’d sent his carriage, which was likely waiting on the other side of the park in the center of the square. She’d been positively vibrating with need for him ever since she’d left the party with Roger and Harry, and in her frustration she nearly cursed Roger aloud. Mrs. Deeds and her investigations had Eleanor as jumpy as a cat. She hadn’t been with Hilary for days, not since his lesson in trust, abstaining in order to throw off the hounds.

A match flared and she turned her head to see Roger lighting a candle, Harry standing behind him with an apologetic expression, mouthing “I’m sorry.” Harry had known about her trysts with Hil for quite some time, and had covered for her once or twice. It really had been too much to ask, she supposed.

“Number Five Saville Street is a little far to roam, isn’t it?” Roger asked. At her guilty look he banged the table next to him with a fist. “I knew you’d been slipping out at night to see him. That’s where you’re going, isn’t it?”

Eleanor turned completely and took a deep breath, facing him squarely. “I was unaware that my movements here were restricted, Mr. Templeton. In future I will seek permission to take a walk. Shall I also ask if I need to use the necessary? Or sneeze?” She went on the attack. Really, it was her only defense here.

“Don’t ‘Mr. Templeton’ me,” he said angrily. “Damn it, Eleanor, do you not understand the risk you’re taking?”

“I understand risk perfectly well, Roger,” she told him as she crossed her arms. “I would not be here if I didn’t.”

He sighed and sat down at the kitchen table. “Eleanor, not only is it dangerous to be out on the streets of London at this hour, but there is your reputation to think of. And believe me, considering my past, I never imagined in my wildest dreams that I would be saying that to anyone, least of all you. But there it is.”

“Hilary sends his carriage for me,” she said defensively. “And the men he has watching the house accompany me, Mr. Billing and Mr. Snowden.” But she could see by Roger’s thunderous expression that might not have been the best thing.

“He does, does he?” he growled. “And strange men escort you. How considerate of him.”

“Now, Roger,” Harry said soothingly as she put her hands on his shoulders and massaged gently, “don’t yell.”

“I’m not yelling.” He took a deep breath through his nose and then let it out. “See? I’m quite calm. Eleanor, I forbid you to sneak out and see that blackguard again.”

“What?” she asked incredulously. “You forbid me? I am not a child.”

“You are family,” he said firmly, “and as such, you are my responsibility. This is for your own good.”

“You introduced me to him,” she reminded him, stomping over and glaring at him as she put her hands on her hips. “You sought his help in finding me.”

“Yes, I did,” he told her. “Because he used to be trustworthy. Now, apparently, he’s taken leave of his senses.”

“I want him.” Eleanor couldn’t believe she’d said that out loud. She bit her lip.

“Apparently,” was Roger’s dry rejoinder. “But the fact remains that you are in hiding. We are in a perilous position. We want you here with us, Eleanor. It means a great deal to Harry to finally have her sister here with her. The children adore you. I’m quite fond of you, too. None of us want to have to deal with the consequences should your ruse be discovered. Each time you step out of line, you put yourself at risk. Can’t you see that?”

Eleanor looked at Harry’s worried face and the fight left her. She slumped down at the table. “Yes, I can. These are all arguments I’ve made to myself. It’s utter
foolishness, this … this situation with Hilary. Neither of us is comfortable with it. Neither of us wants to be involved with someone. And yet, we can’t help ourselves.”

“Oh, my dear, we understand,” Harry cried, sitting down and reaching across the table to hold her hands. “Really we do. But, Eleanor, you don’t want to have to go back, do you? Or to be sent to jail or transported or whatever it is they would do to someone who’s pretending to be dead. Oh, Roger told me. I just want you here, safe. Can’t you let us keep you safe?”

It was then Eleanor realized she was going to have to do something with her life. She couldn’t just stay here, worrying Harry and Roger day in and day out, her predicament becoming the center of their lives. “Of course,” she lied with a smile. “You’re right. I’m not in love with him, you know,” she said, but she wasn’t sure if it was for their benefit or hers. “It’s just, I’ve been locked up in Derbyshire for so long, and he’s so … amazing. I never thought I’d meet anyone like him. And”—she paused, looking for a polite way to phrase it—“this is all just so foreign to me. I never had a season, or beaus, or anything like that. I just wanted to have it. Just once.”

Roger looked down at the table where he had his hands clasped together. “I know,” he said quietly. “I want you to have that, too, Eleanor.” He looked up with a bleak expression. “But we can’t risk it. At least, not yet. Give it time.”

“I’ve been here almost a year, Roger,” she said sadly. “How much more time?” He was such a dear and she hated that she’d worried him like this. She stood up. “Excuse me. I’m suddenly exhausted.” And she was. She was exhausted at the prospect of finding a new life, somewhere else, by herself, alone. She’d traded one kind of prison for another it seemed.

* * *

“What the bloody hell do you think you’re doing?” Roger said as he stormed into Hil’s bedroom.

Hil was dressed, though it was two o’clock in the morning. Eleanor had never arrived at the carriage. She’d never missed one of their assignations before, and he’d been worried. No word had come from the men watching the Templeton residence, but he was
going to check on her just the same. His guards were only human and quite fallible. What if they had relaxed their vigilance once she was in the carriage? At Roger’s arrival he breathed a deep sigh of relief.

“She’s all right, then?” he asked. “When she didn’t come, I was afraid.”

“Oh, now you’re afraid?” Roger asked sarcastically. “You didn’t worry about her before, did you? Letting her wander the streets of London for illicit trysts with you in the middle of the bloody night, risking her life and her reputation and the freedom she’s worked so hard for. None of that bothered you. Only when she doesn’t show up do you start to worry. You randy, worthless bastard. I ought to shoot you.”

Hil sat down, rather despondent that their trysts were discovered. He didn’t suppose they’d have anymore now, which was affecting him more than he’d thought. He was heartbroken, which was certainly not a word he’d ever thought to use in relation to himself. “I worried every time she came here.”

“Then why did you let her?” Roger demanded.

“I’ve been having her watched since she made her debut as Elizabeth Fairchild,” he reminded Roger.

“I know,” Roger growled. “But that doesn’t make it right, Hil. Damn it, you can’t control everything. What if something had gone wrong? They can’t see everything, everywhere, all the time. Neither they nor you can predict what might happen. Why didn’t you at least come to get her yourself?”

“She never asked me to,” he said, and even he could hear how inadequate an explanation that was. “She came to me the first time. I think she liked the freedom of that, the independence it gave her. I wasn’t escorting her like a child. Instead, she was a woman making a choice, every time. I didn’t want to pressure her, or make her run from me.”

Roger’s expression was thunderous. Before he could respond, Hil assured him, “If she was not at your side, she had bodyguards who were instructed to protect her at all costs. She was never in any real danger. But the truth is I let her come because she wanted to. I will deny her nothing.”

“You damn well will deny her,” Roger told him, pointing a finger in his face. “It’s for her own good, and you know it. If you care for her at all, you’ll see that.”

“I care for her deeply,” Hil said quietly. “It is unfair of you to suggest otherwise. You’ve witnessed the attentions I’ve given her over the last few weeks, the men I have assigned to protect her. She has affected me as no one before.”

“I find that hard to believe,” Roger said. “You’ve never given much thought to any woman once you’ve bedded her.”

“It would seem I have more regard for your sister-in-law than you do,” Hil said coldly. “You will speak of her with respect.”

“I will?” Roger asked incredulously. “You are the one who seeks to sully her reputation. Do you know why I suspected you two were carrying on? Because of the talk this evening at the supper party. I very nearly called out an old woman for referring to Eleanor as ‘a strumpet who’s no better than she ought to be.’ I’m not really sure what that means other than the strumpet part, but I know it isn’t good.”

“Who?” Hil said standing up. “Who said it? I shall deal with her.”

“You don’t get to defend her when you’re the one dragging her down!” Roger yelled.

“What the hell are you two arguing about in the middle of the night?” Wiley complained from the open doorway. He yawned loudly and scratched his bare chest. He’d pulled on a pair of pants, barely, and leaned against the doorframe as he regarded them. “Nancy boy, aren’t you supposed to be at home with the gorgeous wife you don’t deserve?”

Roger pointed a shaking finger at Hil. “He is … is … sullying my sister-in-law.”

Wiley laughed outright. “Eleanor? Well, laddie, she’s been doing a bit of sullying herself.”

Both Hil and Roger turned to him angrily. “Shut up, Wiley,” Hil said.

“Now I shall have to shoot you both.” Roger went over and began rifling through Hil’s dresser. “Where’s your pistol?”

“You couldn’t even be bothered to bring your own pistol?” Wiley asked. “That’s some defender of virtue you are.”

“I have not sullied her,” Hil angrily declared. “We are adults in a mutually satisfying relationship.”

Roger covered his ears. “I do not want to hear satisfied in relation to you and
Eleanor again.”

“See here, Rog,” Wiley told him, “he’s right. She’s all grown up. Widowed and all, sort of. Anyway, she knows what she’s doing. Let her alone. It isn’t as if Hil and I haven’t been keeping an eye on her.”

“He’s had more than an eye on her,” Roger huffed. “That’s the problem.”

“Roger,” Hil pleaded. He stopped short. He was pleading? Yes, yes he was. “Roger, don’t stop this. She’s had nothing, don’t you realize that? Nothing but hate and punishment and torture. Please let me give her this.”

“What do you mean?” Roger asked, spinning to face him. “What has she told you?”

He sat back down slowly. “She hasn’t told you about her marriage?”

“No. She’ll only say that it was horrible and she won’t go back. She won’t tell Harry, either. We know she tried to get to Harry before and Mercer sent her back to Enderby. And, of course, we know she ran and went to great lengths to get away.”

“She won’t tell you because she’s afraid of what you’ll do.” Wiley sounded serious for once.

“Do you know, too?” Roger asked, as if it were an accusation.

Wiley put his hands in the air in a gesture of peace. “She wouldn’t tell me a thing. But I know the look of a woman on the run from a bad man. I see it every day, and she’s got it.” He nodded. “The open windows, you know.”

“Tell me,” Roger told Hil, sitting down on the end of Hil’s bed, looking defeated.

“He didn’t beat her,” Hil assured him. “But he starved her until she complied with what he wanted. He tortured her mentally with lies about Harry dying, for one thing. He locked her up in that house and wouldn’t let her go outside for weeks and months at a time. Often locked in her room.”

“Jesus,” Wiley whispered.

“That explains the night terrors just after she came to us. She insisted on leaving her bedroom door open. The maids kept closing it after she was asleep. She’d wake up screaming, until the maids learned not to do it.” Roger shook his head in bewilderment. “What makes a man do that to a woman? Mercer was just as awful to Harry. And the two of them are …” He just shook his head sadly.