Authors: Craig Spivek
“Keep
your head back, use the bottom of your shirt, hold it to your nose.” Her
coughing up blood began to subside. “I’ve gotta get you out of here.” His
tone was uncharacteristically calm. He knew better, however. It
wasn’t over, not yet.
“…Pudgie!!!!!!” Rick shouted out.
His voice carrying over the dusty parking lot.
“Pudgie, GET OVER HERE NOW!!!!!” Pudgie scrunched up his
mouth.
Angry that Rick was dictating the terms of
Lisa’s release.
He turned around. Backed
himself
out of the passenger seat. Lisa grabbed onto his wrist. “Pudgie!
Don’t go...oh God...she’ll kill you...they’ll kill us both...oh god...” She
began to shake a bit. Her body was going into shock.
“Lisa you need to stay calm. Stay calm.
Keep the door locked.” Pudgie wrapped a windbreaker around her up to her
neck. Lisa began to calm a bit. “Hurry back, Pudgie...oh God...
”
He shut Lisa’s
door very quietly, pushing on it just slightly so the door would latch on but
not slam. He made the “lock the door” motion with his hands. She
did as she was told. He swirled around. Standing firm.
His back against the door.
“You got the baby back, Rick, we’re
done.”
“We’re done when I say we’re done.
Now get over here. I wanna talk to you.” Rick was over by his
car.
There was about a hundred feet
between them. It was the longest walk of Pudgie’s life. Pudgie
began the strut, slowly, gunfighter pace. He officially did not like
Rick.
Randi even moreso.
Rick could have him
killed. He could set Randi on him and in two punches he’d be done.
Pudgie got within about ten feet and then halted.
“So what now, Rick?”
“What’s that bitch’s problem?”
“I don’t know, Rick, she’s lonely.
What’s Randi’s problem?”
“Some bitch stole her kid. Man, did
you see what Randi did to her? My girl’s got talent!”
“She beat her half to death, Rick.”
“She’s ready to do the other half.”
“Can we go now? I gotta get her to
a hospital.”
“Yeah, that brings us to our next point
of business, Pudge.”
“What business?”
Rick gave a crooked smile. He
walked over to Pudgie, gave a slap to Pudgie’s right shoulder. “Walk with
me, Pudgie.” There was nothing but open space.
A few
cars in the lot and a massive desert unfolding before them.
Where
the hell are we
gonna
walk to?
Wondered Pudgie.
LET’S TALK
Rick
and Pudgie continued their stroll along the quarried parking, as Randi cooed
with her baby in the backseat of her car, her knuckles bloody, her nails filled
with dirt, grit, blood and the skin of the entitled. Lisa sat in the
passenger seat of her Camry.
Her breath steadying, her
temperature warming, blood pressure stabilizing.
Sweat, blood and
dirt covered her floor as she had been washed somewhat clean by half a bottle
of Evian. She was clear-headed now. The shock of being beaten subsided.
Rick and Pudgie continued their stroll. Rick’s demeanor shifted.
He seemed to be going into sales mode, for some reason. Pudgie was
confused.
Rick started his pitch. “See, here’s the
deal. You know why Randi and I work so well together, Pudge? When
she talks. I listen. That’s it. Like E.F. Hutton, dude.
I just fucken shut up and let her roll. Learned that the night I
met her. God, it was magical. We talked for like three hours back
at The Big Pizza. She talked, I mean. Amazing. I only fingered her
that night, but still, it was awesome. Anyways, Randi thought up a pilot on the
way out here that is sure-fire. God that woman, she’s brilliant.
It’s why I love her. Truly. I mean the sex is great, and boy can
she cook, and kill people too, if I need them dead, but yeah...geez...anyway...
”
Pudgie’s expression was calm.
A great poker face.
Christ, if you’re
gonna
kill me, just kill me.
Rick continued.
He was worked up. “It’s one of those morning talk-show thingys like
that one Carin was on a while back, you know? Only Randi’s the host and she’s
half-naked, and she does home improvement projects ‘n’ shit like that.
But she’s totally in short-shorts the whole time, maybe some camel-toe
and all of her
Playboy
friends help her and shit, it’s awesome.” A
touch of sweat dotted Rick’s brow as he pitched. He loved the sound of
his own voice. “Randi would like to throw in a dash of Bible verse or
something, but I’m on the fence about that. I thought of one segment. It’s
called, ‘trim my bush’ where Randi goes to different people’s houses and helps
them trim back hedges and stuff. You get the idea. What do you
think?” Pudgie was in shock. He wasn’t sure if Rick was kidding or not.
He knew Rick to be a bit odd but this was one step beyond.
“You’re serious?”
“I’m very serious. You get Lisa to
get that Jew-agent of hers to shop our pilot or I hand Lisa over to the police
and she goes to jail for ten years.” Rick’s tone went from light and pitchy to
sinister in a heartbeat. He may have sounded shallow, but
he
was
all moves
when it came down
to it. “Or you know what?
fuck
the police, I go
over to my car and release my wife onto that bitch one more time, and let her
have at it, and Lisa doesn’t leave this parking lot alive. And you, my
friend, well you get lost in the desert, ya’ feel me, Moses?” Rick paused
for emphasis. “I’ve seen Randi beat people nearly to death for less,
Pudgie. I’m amazed she stopped when I told her to.”
Pudgie’s eyes sank. He knew Rick
had him. “Do what you gotta do to get her to go along. If you
don’t, I take Randi off the leash. Nobody knows we’re out here, and
what’s one more dead screenwriter and whatever the fuck you are? So get
your game face on and get to work.” Rick started to walk back to his car.
He turned around with a finger up in the air. “Oh… and cut yourself
in for ten-percent, Pudge. Call it a consulting fee.” Pudgie
nodded calmly at Rick and walked back cooly to Lisa’s car.
Rick walked back to his car with a
gingerly grace and tapped on the window. He made a wavey hand to his
baby. He leaned against his car and put his arms behind his head.
“Make it happen, Captain!” he shouted across the parking lot.
Pudgie kept walking back. Slow and deliberate.
He would not show any sense of urgency. Not to Rick, Randi, Lisa or
even himself. He was Pudgie. Pudgie never rushed. A rock was
in his left thong, wedged under the sole of his foot but he didn’t care about
it. Unsure of how to
proceed
he just sort of let
it all flow together in his mind. Like a piece of clay that he’d been
toying with his whole life was now about to be shaped, cast and molded in an
instant.
He walked over to the driver’s side of Lisa’s
car, tapped on the door to be let in, waited for the lock, stepped inside and
sat down in the driver’s seat. He had to move the seat back to
accommodate his frame. He took a moment and stared out blankly at the
desert in front of him. He thought about Long Island and Tommy Kramer and
cake. He thought about The
New York Post
and how cool David Bowie
looked coming out of a club wearing that suit he wore in that one video.
He saw himself walking next to white-toothed celebrities headed for a
nearby limo, the flash of paparazzi blinding them all…He wondered if the coffee
shop they were now parked in had any chocolate cake.
Lisa had a hand over her head and wasn’t
moving. Both of them remained quiet for a moment. He looked at Rick
through the rear-view who was staring at both of them. Pudgie then
noticed the back passenger door open and Randi emerge as well. She
crossed her arms and stood, blocking the exit. Rick took out a towel used for
baby Kevin and a bottle of water. He waved her over to the hood of the
car pushed himself onto the hood and wedged Randi in front of him
Cradling
her. She leaned back and took baby sips of
water from the water bottle he fed to her. She never took her eyes off of
Lisa’s car. Rick poured the rest over her shoulders and arms and massaged
her down. She shook herself out and let herself be massaged. Randi
was the only boxer Pudgie knew who could be her own ring card model. She
was ready to finish what she started. So was Pudgie.
Pudgie turned his head. He stared at Lisa.
She was quiet. He wanted one last image of her in his mind. So what
if she was all banged up. It would be how he remembered her. It was
time. He whispered to Lisa. “Lisa, are you awake?”
“…
are
we
leaving?”
“We will, sweety.” Pudgie looked in
the mirror at Randi again. She was staring at them, not blinking.
Shaking her arms out. Rick sat on the hood. His back arched
against the front window. “Listen, sit up for a second, let’s talk.”
Lisa struggled a bit and pulled her seat up. She took her arm off
from where it had been resting on top of her forehead, acting as a pressure
bandage, keeping the area from swelling up with blood.
“Let’s go already.”
“Rick and Randi have made a deal.”
“What deal? I gave them back their
kid, and she beat the shit out of me.”
“No, not exactly.”
“What?” Lisa turned her face to meet
Pudgie’s gaze.
“You need to agree to help them get a
talk show pilot made, otherwise Randi’s gonna come back and finish you off.”
Lisa’s eyes tried to widen, but couldn’t under the pain. They both
sat in silence for a moment. Letting it all wash over.
“What are you talking about?”
“Look in the mirror.” Pudgie angled the
rear-view towards her. Randi had moved up and was now standing behind
Lisa’s car, about seventy-five feet away, her arms folded, the towel around her
neck. Unblinking. Her eyes dead and hardened for battle.
It reminded Lisa of a zombie movie she had seen as a kid.
Rick had moved the car and was right next to the exit, and would be able
to pin Pudgie if he tried to make a break for it.
“What’s happening?”
“I told you. You need to listen to
me very closely; otherwise, we’re not going to get out of this parking lot
alive. Randi wants to kill you. In fact, Randi will kill you.
I’ve seen her beat the crap out of people, worse than you, for far less.
But if you agree to their terms, we can get out of here. Rick
pitched me an idea for a talk show starring her. He wants you to pitch it
to Steven and get it sold. You agree to this, otherwise he sets Randi
loose on the both of us. And don’t think about going back on it after we
get out of here, because they will come after us. You really pissed them
off and they ain’t gonna settle for anything else.”
“So what the hell am I supposed to do?”
“Say yes.”
“No.”
“Yes, or I’ll throw you out of this
fucking car.”
“No!”
“LOOK, I DON’T WANT TO DIE OVER BULLSHIT
YOU PULLED!! YOU MADE A MISTAKE!!” Pudgie was screaming. He’d
never screamed like this before at Lisa. He felt awful. He loved
her. He loved her so much. She was beaten-down, humbled, bloody and
unglamorous, and he loved her more than ever. He had only half-believed
in his love for her, or any kind of love for that matter.
That was how Pudgie was
,
everything was
half-assed
. Nothing was
fully-assed
except his
pursuance of celebrity. He had made the mistake of thinking Rick and
Randi were half-assed until he saw Randi turn Lisa’s face into taco meat.
He thought about lying his way through this whole thing and just getting
the hell out of there, but he knew better. He knew Rick and Randi
wouldn’t stand for it. He knew they were serious. And now he had to make
Lisa realize it too.