Devoted (16 page)

“Those are two of my suppliers, and Ryan’s teacher.” Russ’s agitation was clear, and when Jake gave his hand another squeeze, it wasn’t returned immediately. “I talk to my suppliers once a month, at most, and Ryan’s teacher… I don’t know, every time they send home a progress report? They don’t need to know what’s going on in my personal life.”

“Does the same hold true for your parents, then?”

That was obviously Walters’ angle; distracting Russ and then hitting him with his real evidence. Jake was beginning to think Walters was older than he looked. Either that, or he took a certain amount of pleasure in upholding the paper-thin morality of his company.

Jake glanced at Russ, finding him utterly stunned. His mouth was open and his face was a bit paler than it should have been. If he didn’t do something soon, this interrogation was as good as over.

“Russ’s parents don’t really approve,” he said, hoping to God Russ wouldn’t hate him for it later. He knew Russ wasn’t exactly tight with his parents, but it was one thing to avoid them, and another entirely to accuse them of being raging homophobes. “It’s a sore subject.”

Thankfully, Russ was quick to play along. He gave Jake a grateful look before adding to the illusion.

“I know it was probably the coward’s way out, but I didn’t want to hurt them if it came down to a choice. I’d choose Jake every time.”

Russ was still looking at him when he said it, and Jake’s breath caught in his throat. It was a false scenario. A story Jake had conjured to cover an already fake wedding. But the way Russ was looking at him…

It felt all too real.

“I’ll be blunt with you, gentlemen: Your wedding looks suspicious. I suspect you already know that.”

Jake was prepared to grovel; to tell Walters that they would cooperate with anything he needed, though he had no idea how they were going to counter the evidence the insurance company had stacked against them now.

But Russ apparently wasn’t having any of it.

“What I ‘know’ is that you’ve come into our house and called our marriage and our entire life together fake. We may not have taken the traditional route to get there, but nothing about us is fake.”

Russ had that look in his eyes; the one that meant a storm was brewing. Jake wasn’t sure he could stop it even if he tried.

“I’ve had feelings for Jake since college. And yeah, I loved my wife. But marrying Jake doesn’t mean I’m confused or just putting on a show. It means I’ve finally moved on; that I’ve gotten to the point where I can love somebody again. You know why nobody else in my life knows, Mr. Walters? Because it took me way too long to realize it myself. You can criticize me for moving too fast, but don’t tell me what I do and don’t feel. I love my husband, and your decision isn’t going to change a damn thing between us.”

The entire world stopped. Everything faded from Jake’s consciousness until only Russ was left. Sweet, beautiful Russ, speaking with such passion and conviction that he couldn’t help but believe it was true.

His heart clenched in his chest, and he felt the shimmer of moisture in his eyes. How long had he dreamed of those words? And still his dreams didn’t compare to the reality of it. God, please let this not be a dream. Let this not be one last, desperate act. He wasn’t sure his heart could take it.

Not now.

J
ake was staring
at him as if he’d just said the craziest thing possible.

True, this wasn’t how he wanted it to come out. But the moment the words left his mouth, Russ realized how
true
they were.

He loved Jake. A part of him had always loved Jake.

And saying it now wasn’t some bold move on his part. It was just simple honesty; admitting the fact that their friendship—a friendship that was already built on strong emotion—had turned into love along the way. Russ wasn’t sure when exactly it had happened, but he had no trouble admitting it. It felt right in a way that so few things ever did.

Maybe it would have been better if he’d professed it over a candlelit dinner or some shit like that, but that just wasn’t who he was. His realizations had come on the heels of a near-breakdown, apparently, when he and Jake had been facing odds that, just a couple of weeks ago, had seemed insurmountable.

But he was starting to realize that, with Jake by his side, nothing was insurmountable.

“I’ll present what you’ve said today to the agency. Blue Ridge will be in contact within the next week. I must warn you, though, that if your claims
are
false, I will make sure you are punished to the full extent the law allows.”

When Walters had first shown up at their doorstep, he’d seemed nice enough. Charismatic. Agreeable. Russ realized now that it was an act, and he’d never wanted to throw someone out of his house as much as he did Walters.

“If you had proof, we’d already be handcuffed,” he said.

Walters didn’t respond to that, of course. He snapped his briefcase shut, dipped his head to them both, and saw himself out after wishing them an all-too-false “good day.”

When the front door closed, Jake was still just staring at him.

“What?”

He was allowed to be deliberately obtuse sometimes. It was part of his charm.

“I…”

Jake was quiet; he always had been. But Russ had never really seen him at a loss for words. Was this really so unexpected? Jake had to know how he felt, right? After everything they’d shared, Russ didn’t really think there was any possibility for doubt.

“What you said back there… That was… really convincing.”

Apparently not. Jake trod so cautiously that it was clear he wasn’t at all certain about the sincerity of Russ’s words.

Time to change that.

“It was the truth.”

He heard Jake suck in a breath, saw his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed. “Russ, I don’t…”

“Hey.” His hands came up to rest on either side of Jake’s face, his thumbs tracing the definition of his cheekbones. “I love you. I’m just sorry it took this long for me to realize it.”

He didn’t regret the choices he’d made in the past. He wouldn’t have Ryan without them. But he still had to wonder what would have happened if he’d given into his feelings all those years ago.

Jake’s mouth worked, his beautiful lips moving in a tantalizing rhythm, but no sound came from him.

“This is the part where you say you love me, too, and then we celebrate on this table until Ryan gets home,” he teased.

Jake laughed at that, the sound filled with relief. Russ smiled, his fingers stroking over Jake’s skin. He’d always enjoyed his laugh, but to hear it laden with such emotion was something else entirely.

Jake returned his smile, and Russ couldn’t wait anymore. He closed the distance between them, pressing his lips to Jake’s in a tender kiss. It wasn’t anywhere near as frantic as their previous kisses had been, but it still had his heart hammering away in his chest.

When the kiss broke, Jake cupped Russ’s face in his hands, too. “I do, though. I love you, Russ. I’ve always loved you.”

On some level, Russ knew that. Even if Lynn hadn’t told him as much—even if he hadn’t identified it as love—he’d felt it in everything Jake did for him. Every ounce of devotion he gave without ever asking for anything in return. But hearing him say it now was that much sweeter; it solidified the bond between them, tying them even tighter together.

The next kiss was more thorough, Russ’s lips melding to Jake’s. He tasted him, and reveled in the soft little moan he managed to earn when he touched his tongue to Jake’s.

“I was serious about the table thing,” he said, his voice pitched into a low rumble. “Ryan doesn’t get home ’till three.”

Jake glanced up toward the clock, letting out a breathy laugh. “Not on the table, though. I don’t want my ass anywhere near where Walters was.”

Russ grinned. “Good point.”

He tugged Jake up with him, and they managed to stumble toward the stairs, stopping there in a tangle of limbs. He pulled Jake’s shirt free from his pants and discarded it before they made their way up the stairs, a few at a time. Russ couldn’t seem to stop kissing him or touching him, his hands running up and down Jake’s bare chest.

They made it to the landing, and Russ’s shirt was discarded somewhere along the way. Jake was the one to finally pull him toward the bedroom, but Russ stopped, breathless just before they entered.

“Hold on. We have to do this right.”

Hooking one arm behind Jake, he bent and got his other arm underneath him, lifting him up in the air. Jake let out a surprised laugh and twined his arms around Russ’s neck. It wasn’t the easiest thing Russ had ever done, but he was going to carry his husband over one threshold, damn it.

Halfway into the room, Jake started nipping at his lips, completely destroying his concentration. They fell onto the bed, and Russ rested atop Jake, pulling soft, needy moans and whimpers from him with his lips, tongue, and hands. Jake’s pants and underwear didn’t last long, and Russ eagerly took the chance to show him everything he’d learned over the last couple of weeks.

He took Jake’s dick in hand with a firm grip, working him in slow, confident strokes. His tongue traced a hot, wet path down Jake’s body, and he kissed the soft, sensitive flesh of his thighs. He’d learned to build up to this; learned that as much as Jake squirmed and begged, he got off on the teasing.

And Russ was a pretty good tease, when he wanted to be.

By the time he finally took Jake’s cock into his mouth, he was lifting his hips up off of the bed, his hands fisting in the sheets. Russ didn’t worry about taking him all the way anymore. Instead, he paid special mind to the sensitive spots, giving special attention to the head and using his hand to work the shaft at the same time.

He’d learned, too, that Jake really liked having his balls played with, and Russ pressed the flat of his tongue between them, traced along the seam, and then drew them into his mouth, one after the other.

By that point, Jake pulled him back up, then pushed him back into the bed, yanking his pants and boxers off. Every time Jake touched him, he felt like he was going to come undone. And feeling the wet heat of Jake’s mouth enveloping him was the sweetest torture. He loved just giving himself over, letting Jake draw an endless string of moans from him as tension coiled tighter and tighter in his body.

But realistically, there was only so much he could stand, and though they’d gotten each other off this way before, Russ wanted more.

In fact, as he reached for the condoms, he realized this time he wanted something he’d never experienced before.

His hand went to Jake’s wrist, stopping him from his normal preparations. He didn’t really know how to ask for what he wanted, but this was Jake. He knew he wouldn’t be judged for his desires.

“I want you to fuck me,” he said, cutting straight to the point.

Jake let out a shaky breath, his gaze meeting Russ’s. Pure desire burned in those blue eyes, and Russ felt that deep ache for him that he didn’t think was ever going to go away.

“Are you sure?”

He nodded, handing over the condom packet and taking the lube from Jake.

“Let me help with that,” Jake said, and reached around behind Russ.

They were both on their knees on the bed, and Jake sought out his lips, entangling him in a hungry kiss. Jake caressed him, his fingers skimming over his cheeks, before he slowly started to tease his hole. He used one finger first, getting Russ used to the idea. With the lube and his own excitement, it went in without much trouble, and Jake eventually added a second finger.

At first, he mostly felt the pressure of it. An odd sensation that didn’t register as pleasure or pain. But then Jake crooked his fingers and stroked inside of him, and he found himself crying out, clutching Jake’s shoulders just to stay upright. Fuck, that felt amazing. And the way Jake watched it as he did it so expertly—like he couldn’t get enough of Russ’s reaction—made the sensation that much stronger, pleasure lighting up every nerve in his body.

When he couldn’t take it anymore, he all but begged Jake to fuck him.

Jake took his time, making sure he was ready, giving him inch after inch and letting him adjust to every motion. It took him a few minutes to take Jake completely, but once they were skin to skin, with Jake staring down at him, Russ was lost. That feeling of fullness was something he’d never experienced before; something he never imagined could feel as insanely good as it did.

And when Jake started to move, it was that much better.

Russ clutched at him, moaning with every thrust. Jake settled into a slow rhythm, building it over time. But when their eyes met, it was just too much. He’d never put much stock in the idea that two people could ever become one, but in that moment, he felt so connected to Jake that he when the last of that tension finally broke, he felt it in every cell of his body, his heart swelling with it, his release as emotional as it was physical.

When Jake joined him shortly after, he was sure he’d felt the same thing.

They lay tangled together afterward, hearts beating in time, breaths labored with the intensity of what they’d just shared. Jake was a welcome weight against him, and Russ held him close, committing every detail of the moment to memory.

So much was still in flux. The insurance agency could deny their claim. His parents could cause trouble for their family. The wolves could be at his door any moment, calling in the many debts Russ still owed.

But wrapped up with Jake, he felt untouchable. Safe. Loved.

Happy.

Jake gave him that. All of it. If he somehow hadn’t realized it before, it would have been unavoidably clear now.

“I love you,” he whispered, brushing Jake’s hair back from his sweat-slicked forehead.

Never had three simple words meant so much to him.

R
uss’s parents
waited a full day to call.

Jake, Russ, and Ryan had been sitting on the couch, watching TV when the phone rang. Russ had almost ignored it after seeing who it was, but Jake encouraged him to have that conversation sooner rather than later. He’d only spent a few brief dinners with Russ’s parents during their college years, but they seemed like the type to just show up at his door if he didn’t answer his phone.

Sitting close to Russ, he’d been able to hear part of his mother’s tirade, though, and he’d instantly felt guilty over making Russ talk to her. He didn’t catch all of the conversation, especially once Russ got up and took the phone into the kitchen, but it seemed painfully one-sided.

Russ came back into the living room looking a bit dazed. After a few moments, he oh-so-casually announced that his parents would be by the house tomorrow.

Ryan was excited, but he was the only one. The entire time, Jake just kept thinking about the fact that Russ’s parents seemed to barely tolerate him back and college, and that was when they were friends, not… married. He could only imagine the sort of cutting double-speak he’d be subjected to tomorrow.

But he tried to make things as painless as possible. He put a roast together in the crockpot, and he and Russ tidied up the house. They still hadn’t managed to do anything about the mismatched furniture, but there was no helping that.

B
y the time
Mr. and Mrs. Callaghan arrived the next day, their home looked less like a bachelor pad and more like a livable family space, but Jake imagined they would still take issue with it. He couldn’t do much about that. He could only be a gracious host and try to treat them better than they treated him.

“They’re here!” Ryan called from the living room.

Jake couldn’t help but smile. Ryan loved his grandparents, and it seemed that, despite their issues with Russ, they’d always loved him.

Popping some bread into the oven, Jake padded into the living room, taking a look out the window with Ryan. The black Rolls Royce that was now parked in their driveway stood out like a sore thumb against the backdrop of brightly-colored economy cars that were so prominently featured in the neighborhood.

The Callaghans, too, seemed completely out of place. Edward wore a custom-tailored suit, complete with bow tie. Margaret wore a dress that looked like it came straight out of the TV show
Dallas
. When the porch light flicked on, it sparkled, and Jake had to stifle a laugh.

God, it was going to be a long night.

“Why don’t you go open the door for your grandma and grandpa,” Jake said.

Ryan ran to do so, and Jake stopped by the stairs, calling up to Russ. His friend—his husband—came down looking completely disoriented. Jake could smell a hint of aftershave when he approached.

“You think they’ll buy it if you say I came down with the flu or something?”

Jake smiled at him. “Probably not.”

He rubbed Russ’s arm, then took it and led him to the door before he could change his mind. He heard Mr. Callaghan’s deep, booming voice as he greeted Ryan, and the vibe he got from them seemed oddly calm and content. That was, of course, before Mrs. Callaghan lifted her head and took in the sight of her son arm-in-arm with his new husband.

Russ tensed beside him, seeming to sense the storm that was about to be unleashed.

“Why don’t you go get washed up for dinner, bud?”

After a moment of hesitation, Ryan did so. Russ’s parents had the grace to wait until they heard his footsteps retreat upstairs, but as soon as Ryan was out of earshot, the dam broke.

“I can’t believe you boys,” Margaret said, her voice gaining a shrill edge that hadn’t been there before.

“Is this your idea of a joke?” And this was where it started. “You could have come to us if you needed money, instead of pulling some stunt like this.”

Russ let go of his arm, and Jake saw his fist clench at his side. Russ had never been the type to become even remotely violent, but when he dealt with his parents, every part of him tensed up.

“Seriously, Dad? If I’d come to you for money, you would’ve held it over my head for the rest of my life.”

“You’re our son, Russell.”

“Then you should be happy for me!” Russ shot back. He looked at Jake, seeming to calm a bit. Jake offered him a smile. “You
know
Jake. He’s a great guy.”

“You’re a little too old to be acting out,” his mother said.

Jake’s brow furrowed. He knew it wasn’t his place to interject; this was mostly between Russ and his folks. But even he was curious to know just what his mother was getting at with that comment. Though he suspected he had a pretty good idea.

“What the hell does that mean?” Russ asked.

“You’re not gay, Russell,” she said, clearly exasperated. “You have a child, for God’s sake.”

That one hurt. The pain of it must have registered on his face, because Margaret turned to him quickly.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with being gay, dear.”

Right. It was good enough for the likes of him, but certainly not good enough for their son. He understood perfectly. And now he had a very good idea of why Russ only kept in contact with his parents for Ryan’s sake.

“I’m bi, Mom. I’ve always been bi.”

Russ spoke through gritted teeth, and Jake reached out and took his hand, unclenching Russ’s fingers and twining his own through them. Jake gave him a little squeeze to say he was here to support him, no matter what.

But Russ’s father had a look on his face that clearly said he was not going to accept that as an answer.

“If you’re gay, just say you’re gay.”

Russ stared at them both, his jaw seeming so close to going completely slack before it tightened in anger.

“And what, that would make everything okay? You’d magically accept Jake as your son-in-law if I was gay?”

“It would be an easier pill to swallow than you lying to us,” his father said.

“Jesus Christ…”

Margaret was about to make some retort when a voice rang out from the stairs.

“Is dinner ready yet?”

Oh, thank God. Finally something he could
do
, instead of just standing under the Callaghans’ scrutiny.

“It should be. If everyone’s ready, that is.”

Edward, Margaret, and Russ were locked in some silent battle of wills. Finally Russ looked away from them, giving Ryan a smile.

“Dinner sounds like a great idea.” On the way to the dining room, he heard Russ mutter under his breath, “At least they won’t talk with their mouths full.”

Jake hid his smirk, and occupied himself with getting plates ready. The roast smelled amazing, and was fork tender, to boot. At least he, Russ, and Ryan would get a good meal out of this ordeal.

Ryan helped him bring everything to the table, and the five of them ate in cordial near-silence, with the occasional interruption to proclaim how good the dish was—a comment that came from Russ, of course—and some light discussion of Ryan’s schoolwork and what he was most enjoying this year.

Jake had brought out a cheesecake for dessert when Margaret decided to break what had obviously been a temporary truce.

“Marriage is sacred, you know. Not something you jump into on a lark.”

Jake paused mid-serve. How many times had he heard the argument? Not just directed at him personally, but at every person out there who wanted to marry a partner who didn’t fit some closed-minded ideal of what a union should be. He wondered if Margaret realized how she sounded, or if she even cared.

“Mom, can we not do this right now?”

Russ had a plate held up to help him with the cheesecake. Jake finally transferred the piece he’d cut, trying to decide whether or not it was worth saying anything.

Once again, Margaret made the choice for him.

“I just don’t understand. You and Carrie were so good together.”

The blood drained from Jake’s face. If he’d been shocked before, he was completely floored now. Somehow, Russ’s mother managed to voice the one fear that had always lingered in Jake’s mind; the fear that he wouldn’t be good enough. That he couldn’t even begin to fill the void Russ’s wife had left.

Beside him, Russ put his fork down forcefully. “Carrie’s gone. She’s gone, and she isn’t coming back.”

Jake’s attention immediately flew to Ryan. He had his head down, and was pushing the last of his potatoes around on the plate. Jake’s heart ached for him, and the flicker of anger he’d suppressed all evening was fanned into a flame.

“If you want to question the decision Russ and I made, that’s fine. If you want to imply I’m not good enough for your son, go right ahead. But I’m drawing the line here.”

“I’m sorry, bud,” Russ said, his voice filled with regret.

Ryan just shrugged. “I’m not a little kid. I know what happened.”

Edward and Margaret were finally quiet. For a long moment, the only sound was that of Ryan’s fork scraping against the plate.

“You know I loved your mom, just as much as I love you,” Russ said to Ryan, his hand on his son’s shoulder. He turned to look at his parents as he continued, “but I love Jake, too.”

Neither of them had an immediate answer to that. Jake felt warmth bloom in his heart; tentative, but still there, overcoming the coldness that had taken root in response to Russ’s parents.

But the silence only lasted so long before Margaret evidently gathered her thoughts.

“Are you worried about what his friends will say? What his teachers will think of him having two fathers?”

Jake’s fingers curled tightly around his fork. He drew in a breath through his nose, prepared to tell her that he wouldn’t let Ryan be hurt by anyone’s bigoted views. But Ryan beat him to it.

“Stop it!” Everyone’s attention turned toward Ryan. Jake had never seen him look so upset. “Stop acting like Uncle Jake isn’t part of the family.”

Jake was sure his surprise was clearly registered on his face. Russ, too, seemed shocked at his son’s choice of outburst.

“I don’t care what people say. I like having him here. He’s fun to hang out with. He helps me with my homework. He’s a really good cook. And now that he’s here, Dad isn’t sad anymore.”

The warmth from earlier spread from Jake’s heart and practically to his soul. Anything he might have said in response was choked with emotion; caught in his throat and completely incapable of being spoken in that moment. He’d spent so much time worrying about how this might affect Ryan. Even once he and Russ had settled into an actual relationship, he still worried. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Ryan, in any way.

But to hear Ryan defend him in front of his grandparents—who he obviously adored—was more than Jake would have ever expected, and far more than he would have asked for.

“I love you, too,” Jake said to him with a warm smile.

It was the only sentiment worthy of such high praise, and it seemed to go over well, because Ryan beamed at him.

Edward and Margaret seemed to take the hint. He couldn’t say much for Russ’s parents, but they cared for their grandson. That was plain to see, as the rest of the meal passed without incident.

Of course, it would have been better if they’d offered some kind of apology, considering they’d come into Russ’s home and had insulted him and his family. But Jake didn’t expect that. It was too much to hope for, when the fact that they weren’t at each other’s throats by the end of it was already monumental.

After dinner, Jake and Russ walked his parents to their car. The night was a little cool, and Edward had given his wife his jacket. He opened the door for her, then came around to the driver’s side. He and Russ stood awkwardly in front of one another. There was a pause, and it seemed as if Edward was trying to find his words.

Eventually, he said, “Your mother and I just want what’s best for you. If this is it, then…” He looked toward Jake.

“This is it,” Russ said.

Edward gave a single nod. “If the agency tries to deny your claim, call me. I’ll get my lawyer on it. They won’t get a cent from you.”

It wasn’t the “I love you, no matter what” that Russ probably needed to hear. But Russ regarded his father with such surprise that Jake could tell it was significant.

“I will. Thanks, Dad.”

Edward just nodded again, then got into his car. No hug or pat on the arm or any sign of affection, but then Jake hadn’t expected it. The fact that he’d offered to defend Russ’s choice was affection enough, maybe.

When they drove away, he heard Russ let out a breath. “Sorry. Everything with them is always such a fucking ordeal.”

Jake smiled at him. “It went better than I thought it might.”

“Only because Ryan told them off,” he said with a laugh.

He grinned at that, sliding an arm around Russ’s shoulders. “Come on. I think it’s time to break out the board games.”

They went back inside and enjoyed the rest of the night as a family. Ryan was allowed to stay up way too late for a school night, but Russ didn’t say anything about it. This was a time to enjoy what they had; a time for Jake to marvel at the fact that they were almost home free.

They only had the decision from the insurance company to fear now. And Jake was starting to think even that wouldn’t destroy what they’d managed to create together.