Diane R. Jewkes (24 page)

“Madame, you misheard me.” Alec put his hand upon his chest with mock dismay. “I would never dream of not paying you. You might shoot me with that gun you have strapped on.” He gave her a broad wink.

Kara laughed. “I’d have to get Bob’s shotgun and put a load of buckshot into you to make an impact on your thick hide.”

“Enough.” Hawke laughed. “I can assure you he is good for the money. Now that you have put us in our place, why don’t we return to the house for luncheon?”

It had been more than a week, and no one had spotted Black. Kara needed a break from being escorted everywhere she went. She wanted somewhere quiet to think. The events of the last few weeks were a swirl in her mind and her emotions were ricocheting like a bullet in a steel room. After telling Consuelo her destination, she walked to the barn to get her horse.

Pushing past the unease crawling along her skin, she entered the barn. Putting only a halter with a rope on the gelding, she led him out into the afternoon heat. Grabbing a handful of the horse’s mane she stepped back and swung herself onto his bare back. She saw Hawke standing on the porch as she was mounting.

“I can honestly say you are the first woman I have ever seen mount a horse in such a fashion.” He smiled as he walked over to her. “You never cease to amaze me.”

“Thank you.”

“Where are you off to without a saddle? I thought only the Indians rode without saddles.” His teasing voice coerced a smile from her. He stepped closer, resting his hand on her knee.

“Lass, we need to talk.” All traces of teasing had left his face.

“Hawke,” she pleaded softly, “I … I can’t yet. I know I can’t run away forever, but please, I need time, time to sort out all the confusion. Since you came to the ranch and into my life, I don’t know if I’m coming or going.” Tears of frustration welled up blurring her vision. “So many emotions are pulling me. I know that I am very attracted to you, and what happened between us is very special.” She dropped her head, trying to gain control. Taking a deep breath, she looked into the face of the man she knew she was in love with. “I just need more time to decide what I want, and need to do about us.”

“I respect your desire, lass.” Hawke lightly squeezed her thigh. “It’s torture for me to see you so unsettled. I can wait, but we will have to discuss it sooner rather than later. It may be a matter beyond our control.” He lowered his voice “You do not yet know if there is the possibility of a babe?”

Kara felt the blood run out of her head. So much had happened she had actually forgotten. Mentally counting the days, she replied, “I won’t know for sure for another week. Even so,” her voice was resolute. “If I were, it does not automatically mean we have to marry.”

“There is where you are wrong, lass. I take my responsibilities very seriously. Do you truly think I would allow you to bear my child without my name — alone?” He took a step back. “Now where are you off to in the heat of the day?”

“I have a place where I go to think. Consuelo and my father know where it is.”

“Are you sure you should be going anywhere unescorted?” Hawke’s concern was plain. “I know you are still armed, but if you wait a moment, I can escort you. I respect your need for solitude but your father wouldn’t want you to put yourself in harm’s way.”

How was she supposed to have time to sort this all out if she could never be alone?

Kara felt the warmth from his hand radiating throughout her body. Unwanted thoughts of how his hand felt sliding over her skin crowded her mind. Sensual heat began winding around her senses, and a desire to be in his arms again, to feel the heat of his bare flesh against her own overwhelmed her. The hooded look of desire in his eyes told her he was feeling the same way. She needed to break away from the spell he seemed to be casting over her. Lightly squeezing her legs she commanded Gally forward.

“I’ll be fine.” She assured him. “Really. It’s not far from here, and once I’m there, I’m practically invisible. No one will see me. Now I really must go.” Before he could say anything more, she dug her heels into the horse’s side and galloped away from the house.

• • •

Hawke watched her ride off. Admiration for her horsemanship was his first thought. His second was he couldn’t let her go out alone. Even though everyone believed Black had headed for Mexico, Hawke couldn’t shake a feeling that he had stayed close by, waiting for an opportunity for revenge.

Returning to the house, he quickly found Consuelo. Worried about Kara venturing out alone, she readily told him how to find her. He would follow to assure her safety, but he told himself he would let her have the space she needed.

• • •

Kara rode slowly, the relentless heat of the sun drawing all the breath from her. As the summer wore on there would be days that felt like living in a blast furnace. The air would shimmer with heat as the desert baked. The ground would crack like a cake left overlong in an oven. Tilting her head back, she watched a hawk riding lazy circles on the air currents. It almost looked like he was following her. Maybe Hawke had transformed himself, she thought whimsically. Laughing at her own silliness, Kara dropped the rope around Gally’s neck and lay back. She tried to organize her thoughts. The steady clop of hooves and the gentle sway of her mount relaxing her.

She reached a canyon stretched into the low hills. The sheer rock faces were barren of plants. When she was younger, her father had shown her the secret within the canyon walls.

He told her the Mescalero Apaches who lived in the region had known of this place, and used it to hide from the soldiers during raids. She slowly rode to a large boulder that looked flush to the canyon wall, until you got right up to it. She dismounted and led Gally around the rock. Hidden behind the boulder was a narrow slit in the canyon wall. It was wide enough for her to lead her horse through, but not tall enough to ride into. As they went in further, the cave widened, and she could hear the sound of water. This was the underground source of one of the streams running through the valley. Kara could see the shafts of sunlight piercing the darkness. The cavern widened as they approached the water.

Above the cave were breaks in the rock, where over the centuries rainwater had worn paths from the ground above, leaving natural skylights that allowed slender shafts of light to bounce off the water below. Kara loved coming here. It was the one place she could shut out the world completely. The only sounds came from the water gently running through the cave.

Dropping the lead rope and giving Gally a pat, she stepped around an outcropping of rock to an area with a small ledge in the rocks. On it was a towel. She usually brought a fresh towel each time she came here.

She loosened her hair from its braid, stripped off her gun belt and her clothes and stepped into the pool. The cool water felt good against her heated skin. She could feel her hair wet and heavy fanning about her in the water. Her troubles, like the desert dust washed away in the spring water. Swimming easily, she rolled over on her back and stared at the dust motes dancing in the sunlight above her.

That’s how I feel, like I have no control over anything happening to me. I just seem to be floating around at the whim of any breeze.

Hawke. What am I going to do about him? Or better yet, what am I going to do about my feelings for him?

She continued floating as she worked through her dilemma. Every time she came back to the same question. Was she in love with him?

I know he’s the most fascinating man I have ever met
, she thought. In spite of her desire to dislike him, she found she enjoyed talking with him. After he told her about his sister and the pain he felt for her, she was forced to look at him in a different light. There was none of the pampered soft aristocrat she thought him to be. At every turn he surprised her with his willingness not only to try something many in his position would consider beneath them, but to laugh at himself if he failed. His compassion to townspeople he didn’t even know during the fire forced her to see him as a whole man, not someone out to steal her ranch. He was not a shiftless remittance man. He was not some caricature, but a man of many depths. She desired him. His touch made her feel in ways she had never felt before. But did she love him? And did he love her?

She swam over to a rock outcropping illuminated by sunshine. Pulling herself out of the water, she stretched out on her stomach, the heat of the sun-warmed rock relaxing her. Her mind turned to the night at the hotel and her response to his touch. She lightly ran her tongue over her lips, remembering the feel of his mouth on hers. Heat suffused her body thinking how his hands felt on her skin. How the weight of his body pressing her into the mattress felt so right. The memory of his mouth skimming over her breasts was so vivid she felt her nipples pucker in response. The heat from the rocks made her long for the heat of his body. Need to feel him touching her, loving her, overtook her. Lying in the warmth of the sun she let her mind run free.

Her body ached for his touch. It was one thing she was sure of.

I wish he were here.

Whoa there, missy
, she reined in her wayward thoughts.
You are here to decide what you are going to do, not indulge in overheated fantasies.

With a mental shake she closed her eyes.

Admit it. You are in love with him.

She had known it for a long while, but her stubbornness refused to let her admit it, even to herself. What she needed to sort out in her own mind now was what she was going to do about it.

Rolling over to her back, she folded her arms behind her head. The heat of the sun caressed her skin, reminding her of Hawke’s incredibly warm hands. Once again she could feel his hands caressing her, arousing her. Desire heated her flesh and pooled low in her belly, between her thighs. She wanted him. She could no longer lie to herself. The thought rang clearly in her mind.
I love him, and I don’t know what I have been so afraid of.

It felt like she’d been in a dust storm, unable to see, and suddenly it stopped and the air was clear again. It all made sense to her.

I’ve been such a fool. Here I thought I was a modern woman not afraid of change. But change is what I feared most. I love him and I want to be with him. It doesn’t matter where.

Saying those words, even silently, brought comfort and she felt the tension leave her body. All she had to do was love him. That was the only important thing. The rest — her fears about change, her fears about leaving the ranch — weren’t important.

Deep in her thoughts, she did not hear the quiet nicker of greeting from Gally to the other horse.

• • •

Hawke stood transfixed by the vision in front of him.

The entrance to the cave had been difficult to find. He now understood Kara’s remark about being invisible. Once inside he was amazed at the size of the cavern.

Shafts of sunlight cut the gloom and illuminated Kara’s naked form on the rock. She lay with her head resting on her arms and one leg bent at the knee. He thought of the selkies in Scotland. Magical seals who turned into beautiful women to tempt human lovers. She lay on the smooth red rock, her skin gleaming in the sunlight, soft and golden, begging for his touch. Her lips were parted softly and her lashes lay dark against her cheek. Quietly, he removed his clothes and entered the cool water, swimming silently to the rock where she lay.

• • •

Kara opened her eyes with a start, sensing someone else in the cave. Turning her head, she saw Hawke coming towards her. She couldn’t tear her eyes away from him as he rose slowly out of the water. She wasn’t sure if he was real or just a figment of her overheated imaginings. Water sluiced down his body, drawing her eyes like a magnet. She watched the droplets run over the chiseled muscles of his chest and down over his belly into the water lapping at his hips. She yearned to trace those watery paths with her tongue. Looking into his eyes, she knew nothing was going to stop him from making love to her. Slowly, she smiled at him. She didn’t want anything to stop him.

She knew she would love him forever. Her heart was his. As he took her into his arms, the coolness of his wet skin against her sun-warmed body sent shivers coursing through her. Looking into eyes hot with desire, she felt the flame of her own arousal ignite. Reaching up she caressed his cheek and smiled softly.

“Make love to me, Hawke. I need to feel you. I love you.”

“I love you, Kara,” he whispered softly, lowering his head to kiss her. Their lips met softly, the newness of their feelings conveyed through their joined mouths. Kara slid her hands up his arms, around the smooth muscles at his back. Putting one hand behind his head, she deepened the kiss moaning softly against his lips.

Hawke groaned in response. Their tongues caressed as their hands roamed restlessly over each other’s bodies. Hawke cupped her breast and bent to capture the sensitive tip in his mouth. Kara arched against him. Acknowledging her need, Hawke slid his hand down across her belly to rest against her mound. Slowly he rubbed his hand back and forth, building the ache within her. She pushed herself into his hand pleading for release. He captured her mouth once more. His tongue echoed the movements of his finger as he slipped into the moist heat of her body.

Kara clung to him. Sensation swirled through her. Waves of desire shot from her breast to the apex of her thighs. The tingling ache made her wrap her legs around his body, tugging, trying to bring him closer to her.

She wanted to feel him buried deep within her. She slid her hand over his abdomen and began stroking his shaft.

“I need you inside me, Hawke,” she whispered against his lips, her hand sliding up and down the hardness of his erection. Opening her eyes, she stared into eyes stormy with desire. “I love you and I want you.”

• • •

Hawke groaned, fighting his own need to bury himself deep within her. He continued rubbing her sensitive nub while stroking her inside with his finger.