Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health (43 page)

comes about. The mother, at the beginning of the engram, when pressure began to build up and stiffen out the unborn child, was weeping. She was by herself. “Oh, how am I ever going to get out of it. Everything looks so drab and colorless to me. Oh, why did I ever start it; I can’t possibly go through with it. But I have to, I have to.

I would be sick if I didn’t. Oh,

Lord, everything comes in on me at once. I am utterly trapped. But there, I will go through with it, I’ll feel better. I’ll be brave and do it. I’ve got to be brave. I am brave. I am the bravest person in the world. I have to be and I am.” The pressure receded.

Exactly what this was about will remain a mystery to the auditor who reduced it, the patient who had it, the auditor and the reader: such is often the case with an engram. They are conceived in misunderstanding and they aren’t to be understood, save mechanically, and only deleted from the engram bank.

This is a particularly dangerous engram to have for it contains a manic in the words,

“bravest person in the world.” “I,” of course, is ordinarily used by the unborn child to be himself, when the engram is at last able to affect an analyzer in which there is speech. Before that moment, of course, there is just a recording without word meaning, although even before the words are given meaning, the engram can be aberrative. This is further dangerous because it says, “I’m trapped,” and because it says, “Everything comes in on me at once.” “Trapped” is our enemy, the holder. But “everything comes in on me at once” is a grouper. Further, the remainder of the content, as an engram, will not compute in the analyzer. It says one “must go through with it,” but that one “cannot go through with it,” that one “would get sick if I didn’t go through with it” but that “it is impossible.” Everything being equal to everything, as our 168

moronic enemy, the reactive mind computes, this engram both repels and attracts therapy: it brings about a condition of indecision in the analytical mind which is insufferable.

The individual holding this engram might find himself -- as it acted as aberration -- first in the manic portion of being the bravest person in the world and then, regressed a trifle by a slight change of restimulators such as his migraine headache getting bad, find himself utterly undecided about any course of action and with the telegraphed emotion, contained in the tears, of being very depressed. But this is pro-survival because it apparently dictates a way out of a situation. As an additional factor, it brings, with its phrase about “everything being drab and colorless” color blindness at least in recall so that the recalled images of the past are “seen” in the mind as having no color. It can bring about, if added to by enough subsequent dramatizations, actual perceptic color blindness. The whole engram is very likely, when combined with other factors, to place the individual in an institution with all of his somatic turned on (migraine) and, because of the grouper, all other pain he felt in his life turned on as well. This grouper bunches the track of the engram bank all into one place and then puts the individual squarely in that place.

In therapy, when this was contacted, a case which had been classified as “insane” came into a release state of “normal.” The patient had been institutionalized, was in the foetal position and had regressed physically. That she kept screaming these exact words and weeping had been placed on her record as the manifestation of a childhood delusion. The case was opened by repeater technique, using the words she kept screaming, after she had had her attention fixed upon the auditor by loud, monotonous noise. There were some former incidents containing these words which had to be reached before the incident in dramatization would ease. However, engrams like this are commonly contacted in more or less “normal” people and are relieved as routine. A very high degree of restimulation had been experienced by this patient and several severe “loss” engrams had occurred which had kept earlier content keyed-in.

It might also be remarked in re all these “trapped,” “caught,” “can’t get out of it” cases (which is to say where there are several holders and also a high quantity of painful emotion) that certain foetal aspects are visible even when the case is “normal.” A shiny skin, a spinal curvature, only partial development of the gonads, all are common and one or many such signs may be present.

SYMPATHY ENGRAM

The first example is an illness suffered by a patient when he was a small boy. At two years and a half he was taken ill with pneumonia. He had a considerable background of attempted abortion and the usual engram cargo received from aberrated parents. He was extremely worried about the quarrels and upsets od his own home; numbers of his engrams had been keyed-in and amongst them was his pneumonia. His grandmother came and took him to her home because, whenever he was ill, his mother would go away and leave him. The incident was extremely occluded and was only reached after several late life painful emotion engrams had been discharged and after almost a hundred prenatal physical pain engrams had been released. The grandmother, when he was crying in delirium, mistook his activity as demonstrating that he was “conscious,” which he was not, and she sought to reason with him.

She said, “Those people don’t really mean to be so bad to you, honey. I know they have good hearts really. You just do what they say and believe what they tell you and you’ll be all right.

Now promise you’ll do that, won’t you, honey.” The child, in the last depths of reaction, responded and promised her he would believe them and do what they said. “I love you very much,” the grandmother continued, “and I will take care of you. Now don’t worry, honey.

Forget it now. Just get a little rest.”

The phrases contained in this engram, because they were on a trance level and because they could be held in place by his fever and pain, produced a very profound effect on the child.

He had to believe whatever was said. This means literal belief and cost him, for one thing, much of his sense of humor. Because he wanted to be all right, he had to believe what his 169

parents said; the things they had said, prenatally, contained every kind of a bad datum possible about who was the boss and how much fun it was to beat the mother and so forth. All this, then, was made into “true data” which, because his sympathy engram said so, he had to believe. No more horrible curse could ever be laid on anyone than those in sympathy engrams which say “Believe what is said,” “Believe what is read,” “Believe people,” because that engram means literally that the poor old analyzer will now never be able to evaluate its own data unless, by utter rebellion, the individual negates against the whole world, which can occasionally be done. Let this individual, however, as this one did, marry a woman who has characteristics similar to his grandmother’s (a pseudo-grandmother) and he becomes prey to: (a) the pain and illness, chronic, which he experienced in his grandmother sympathy engrams (necessary to get and keep her sympathy); and (b) all his prenatals, since the pseudo-grandmother throws him into his own valence: This makes him quarrel, which makes his wife fight back, and suddenly this woman is not pseudo-grandmother but pseudo-mother. Exit sanity.

In therapy, when we encounter this sympathy engram at last, it is discovered to have been buried in two ways: (a) it was aligned with purpose; and (b) it had a forgetter mechanism on it.

Because of (a) the self-protection of the mind permitted it to give up the engram only when enough tension was taken off the case to permit the mind to get along without this engram.

In (b) we have a device which is common in engrams. Whenever we try to run an engram which has somatics enough even to make the pre-clear roll around on the couch but which contains no word content, we suspect a forgetter mechanism. There are evidently people in this world who think that the panacea for all mental discomfort is to forget: “Put it out of my mind,” “If I remembered it I would go mad,” “Junior, you never remember a thing I tell you,”

“Nobody can remember anything,” “Can’t remember,” and just plain “I don’t know,” as well as the master of the family of phrases, “Forget it!” all bar information from the analyzer. A whole case, freshly opened, may keep answering everything with one of these denyers (there are many other kinds of denyers, if you recall). Repeater technique will eventually begin to release the phrase from various engrams and begin to show up incidents. To have a grandmother who says, “Forget it” continually every time a child gets hurt is to be cursed beyond Macbeth. A forgetter, used by an ally, all by itself and with practically no pain or emotion present will submerge data which, in recall, would not be aberrative but which, so buried -- by a forgetter -- makes things said just before it aberrative and literal.

Hence this engram remained utterly out of sight until the case was almost finished and as soon as it was contacted, the already de-intensified reactive bank collapsed and the patient was cleared.

The second example of the sympathy engram concerns a childhood experience of a patient who, at the beginning of therapy, was a remarkably confused individual. Here is an example of sympathy engram which is not uncommon. (It will not be primary in any ally computation but because it is often repeated in the same case, becomes aberrative.) This incident occurred when the child had been badly hurt in an accident. He had received a fractured skull and concussion and was for many days in a coma. He had never learned that such an incident happened to him although examination afterwards disclosed evidence of the fracture and disclosed also that while he had known there was a ridge in his skull he had never wondered about it for an instant. His father and mother were, at the time, on the verge of divorce and, in the presence of the only partly conscious child, quarreled several times in these few days, evidently upset by his accident and recriminative as to whose fault it was. The first part of the series of engrams within this one large engram are unimportant as an example save that they brought about a condition where the mother put herself forward as a defender of the child who was not under attack by the father. The mother’s conversation aberratively indictated that the father was attacking the child, and the words in an engram rather than the action are important as aberrative factors. Finally the father left the house and home. The 170

mother sat down by the boy’s trundle bed and, weeping, told him she would keep him from dying, that she would “work and slave and wear her fingers to the bone” to keep him alive and

“I am the only reason you are alive. I have defended you against that beast and monster. If it were not for me, you would have died long ago and I am going to care for you and protect you. So don’t pay any attention to anything people tell you. I am a good mother. I have always been a good mother. Don’t listen to them. Please, baby, stay here and get well, please!”

This remarkable piece of nonsense came, of course, straight out of her reactive mind.

She did not feel guilty about the way she was taking care of the baby, though she had done her cyclic worst for this child since conception. (There is no such thing as guilt nor a guilt complex that is not straight out of an engram that says, “I am guilty” or some such similar phrase.) Here is ambivalence at work. By ambivalent is meant power on two sides. It had better be called multivalence, for it is demonstrable that people have many valences, twenty or thirty not being unusual for a “normal.” This mother, with her wild pleas and her mawkish sentimentality, shifted around in valences like a whirling dervish. She was capable of being viciously cruel, torturing her child with, as the Navy calls them, “capricious and unusual punishments”: yet one of these valences which, unfortunately for the patient, only turned on when he was ill, was one of savage protection for the child and assurances to him that she loved him and would never leave him to starve, etc. She formed, in this child, because of her own reactive pattern and her inabilities, close to a thousand engrams before he was ten. This particular specimen given was fairly standard.

The aberrative aspect of this engram was a “conviction” that if one’s mother were not around and if one were not on good terms with her, one would starve, die or suffer generally.

Also it meant, because of the time it was given, having a bad headache if one wanted to live.

The whole series of these engrams made a highly complex pattern of psycho-somatic ills including sinusitis, a chronic rash, allergies and numerous other actual physical ills, despite the fact that the patient had always tried to be as forthright in his physical being as possible and was not in any way a hypochondriac.

In therapy the entire chain of fights in this area, much of the prenatal area and most late life painful emotion engrams were relieved before this sympathy engram displayed itself.

As a note on the subject of sympathy engrams, these are in nowise exclusively found in childhood: they exist prenatally and postnatally -- and sometimes late in life. Any persons who defend the child against further abortion attempts become part of the sympathy engram chains and, of course, they are allies whose loss is something to be dreaded. Late sympathy engrams have been discovered at fifty years of age. One, discovered at thirty, consisted of a nymphomaniac nurse who, during the period when the patient was still under ether and still in pain, talked to him obscenely, played with his genitals and still managed, by the content of her remarks, to plant a sympathy engram which produced a very serious psychic condition in the patient. (It is in nowise true that many cases of sexual play exist while the patient is under anesthetic or drugged but because this is a standard psychotic reaction of delusion is no reason to rule that the incident cannot occasionally happen.) The sympathy engram only has to sound like a sympathy engram to become one: there is no evaluation of actual intent by the reactive mind.

PAINFUL EMOTION ENGRAM

Three of these are given to illustrate a type of each. They can happen at any period, including prenatally, but are most easily tapped in more recent life, when they will then lead back to early incidents of physical pain, sympathy engrams and the like. The first example is a case of loss by death of an ally. A girl, at the age of eighteen, was given a painful emotion engram by being told by her parents that her aunt was dead. The aunt was a prime ally. The patient, treated at the age of thirty-one, recalled the death of her aunt but attributed her sorrow 171