“I’m all yours, Bastian. You never have to ask.” Her breathing was heavy and I could tell from the way she laid there that she was just waiting for my touch. I took two fingers and ran them over her lips. She separated them for me, licking them as they passed.
Now wet with her saliva, I slid them down between her breasts until I reached her navel.
"God, I don't want to lose you." I kissed her again, this time in a more desperate way, letting my emotions overwhelm every inch of me. I nibbled my way down her neck before finding her sweet lips again.
"You won't lose me," she whispered.
If only she knew what I came to tell her. This was so selfish of me, but I had to go through with it. I had to touch her, to taste her, to love her, just one more time.
I stood up and removed my clothes while she watched my every move. As I climbed back onto the bed, I positioned myself between her legs. I grabbed one of her legs and kissed her ankle. She giggled when my lips brushed against a ticklish
spot. Her skin smelled of soap and her favorite lotion. I breathed it in, taking in the scent so I would never forget it when she was gone. I took my time, exploring every single piece of skin with my lips. My hand slid down and rubbed the lower part of her ass. I squeezed her cheeks while slowly letting her leg come down beside me.
My dick was rock hard, but I wasn't ready to be inside of her. Of course it was all I wanted, but I needed this to be just as perfect for her as it was for me. At least when she hated me, she could remember this one time when I made her feel completely alive.
I leaned down and kissed her navel, letting the saliva trail down to the base of her pussy. I could already smell the musky scent of her own arousal. It made me crazy just knowing she was so ready for me.
I had to taste her; to drag my tongue roughly over her little clit. With the first stroke, she moaned in pleasure. Her hand dug into my hair and she gripped it as I rocked my
tongue up and down her sweet pussy. I reached up and separated those lips to lick a straight line up to her swollen bud. Each time my tongue made contact with it, she let out little cries. Her legs wrapped around my neck, locking me in the position I was currently in. I sucked that little clit right in between my lips and I felt her body tightening. She used her hand on my hair as I continued to suck. When she fell still, I licked on it several more times, lapping up her essence.
I kissed my way back up to her face. Our legs locked together and without any effort at all, I slid right inside of her, like I was meant to be there. As wet as she was, I could still feel her tight walls trying to push me out after each thrust. I knew I was giving her pleasure and knowing that pleased me. I lifted Karrie's legs up to my shoulders and kissed them as I pounded harder inside of her. Since she was on the pill, I knew I didn't have to worry about where I finished. My release came fast and when I finally stopped seeing stars, I collapsed down on the bed next to her.
She rolled over and laid half of her body over mine. Her fingers tickled as they made circle motions over my chest. "Did you come all this way to have sex with me?"
I cleared my throat and kissed the top of her head. This was the moment that could change everything. This was when I could let her go on thinking that my visit was strictly just a surprise. I could take my chances and call Alex on her bluff. Or, I could do the right thing and be honest about everything. "Kar...I...we need to talk and it's something I couldn't tell you on the phone."
Chapter 17
I could tell from the look in her eyes that she was already scared. I didn't blame her. Knowing that I was about to break her heart filled me with pain. The one person that I never wanted to hurt was going to have it the most. It wasn’t fair and it was all my fault. I leaned up on my elbow and considered getting dressed. I guess in retrospect I should have done that before telling her the truth, but my mind wasn’t exactly thinking clearly. “You know I love you, right?”
Wasn’t that the most common question after you fucked up?
She reached over and touched my arm. “Of course I do. Just tell me. We can work through whatever it is.”
I smiled and hoped that was going to be the case for us. “I have to tell you something and you aren’t going to like it. In fact, you may never want to see me again.”
She rolled her eyes, like I was exaggerating. “Will you just tell me?”
I laced our hands together and stared down at her fingers. My stomach was in knots and I could feel a burning in my throat like I was fighting back tears. Since I’d done this to myself, letting my dick decide my actions, I had no one to blame but me. It was so hard to say it; to tell the person that I loved so much the heart wrenching truth. “Kar, I fucked up.”
She kept holding my hand, except I could tell she was starting to get a sense of where my conversation was going. “What do you mean? I just saw you a couple days ago.”
“Just promise me that you’ll hear me out. Just let me tell the whole story before you say anything. No matter what I say, I need you to promise me that.” It was wrong of me to ask her that, but she needed to know everything.
“Bastian, you’re really scaring me.”
“There’s no easy way to say this, Kar. When you left, I was just trying to keep myself busy with work and school. I
mean, there was enough going on in my life that it wasn’t that hard to let you go so you could go off and pursue this dream. I was so proud of you. I’d never want you to give up your dream because of me, babe. You should know that by now. That’s why when you left, I honestly believed that you were going to move on and find someone there that could offer you more than I could. I had no idea you were waiting for me, you have to believe that.”
She pulled her hand away. “Spit it out, Bastian. I know you didn’t drive out here to beat around the bush. Please, my heart can’t take anymore.”
The more I hesitated, the more I reconsidered telling her the truth. I had to do this. I couldn’t be that asshole who could live his whole life with that type of secret. Before I even knew it, I was up pacing around her room, completely naked. Karrie sat up and turned on the light. I kneeled down in front of her side of the bed. When she leaned over and kissed my head, I just lost it. I laid my head in between her knees and
refused to look up into those beautiful eyes of hers. The thought of her hating me forever was stripping my every bit of self-composure. She’d never heard me cry before and initially she seemed sympathetic. She played with my hair while I let everything out. Finally, I sat up and looked right at her. “I was with other people, Kar. It happened after you were already here. It was only a few times and it meant nothing, I swear.”
Tears welled in her eyes and I could tell that this wasn’t what she expected to hear. She shook her head and started to cry. “No…no, you told me there wasn’t anyone else. I asked you before. Why would you lie to me if it meant nothing? Why would you lie to me at all about this? I can’t believe I thought we could really make this work. Why would you give me false hope when I came to visit? Why not just tell me that we couldn’t get back together?”
I held my finger up to motion for her to give me a minute to answer. “I do want to be with you, Kar. I swear I do. Look, I get why you’re mad, but…”
“No! I don’t think you do get it. Do you have any idea how happy I was thinking that you hadn’t been with anyone else? I actually believed that you were waiting for me just like I was waiting for you. All along, you were hooking up with some random person or people. Do I know who it was? Tell me I don’t know them, Bastian.”
I covered my face with one of my hands and just shook my head. “It wasn’t planned, you have to know that.”
She pushed my hand away from my face. Even with a face full of tears, I could tell she was losing her cool. “Who was it then? If it was nothing, then why lie?” I tried to touch her leg, but she shoved it away. “No! You don’t get to touch me right now.” She pushed me down on the floor. “Start talking!”
I held my hand up in the air again, this time praying she didn’t throw a remote or cell phone at my face. Jesus, I hadn’t even told her the worst part yet. How could I have thought this
was going to end decently? “I slept with Mrs. Smith. She seduced me one day after I was done cleaning. I swear I said no. I kept saying no, but she wouldn’t back off. You were gone and I just, I just did it. Kar, please…”
“You slept with a married woman that I introduced you to? How could you do that? How many times? How many times have you slept with her?”
“Do you really want the details?” I knew she didn’t and they weren’t even important. She fell down onto her pillow and began to sob. Reluctantly, I climbed on the bed beside Karrie and put my arm around her. “Babe, I know you hate me right now, but…”
“I trusted you,” she sobbed something else but I couldn’t make out her words.
“I’m so, so sorry. I had no clue you were going to come back to me the way you did. I never would have done that if we were together, you have to believe me.”
She pulled her body away from me and sat up. I watched her wipe the tears from her eyes, before looking directly at me. “You drove all this way to tell me that you slept with your client? I’m not an idiot, Bastian. So what happened? Did her husband come in and catch you? Are you in some kind of trouble? God, I sat in the same room with that bitch and all the while, she had fucked my boyfriend. What a common whore. I feel like such an idiot!”
I tried to touch her, but she pulled away again. “You’re right, Kar. I didn’t just come here to tell you that. I came here to tell you that I slept with other women and now I’m being blackmailed because of it. If I didn’t tell you, she was going to. I couldn’t have that happen. I can’t let you go on thinking that I’m being this great boyfriend, when I have this huge secret I am keeping from you. If I could take it back I would, but I know it isn’t possible. I came here so you could break up with me in person. I couldn’t tell you over the phone, like some loser
would. I needed to be able to explain. I needed to tell you face to face how much I love you. I…”
“Shut up! Just shut up! How could you come in here, sleep with me, and then tell me all of this. You didn’t want to be a loser, but the only loser I know right now is you. Get the fuck out of my apartment and stay the fuck out of my life, Bastian.”
I stood up and started getting my clothes on. She had her hands over her face as she began to cry again. Once I got my shoes on, I climbed over the bed again and got close to her ear. “You are the only woman I have ever loved, Karrie. I know I fucked up, but I need you to know that. I slept with you tonight because I knew I would never be able to make love to you again. I wish you never left to come to New York. None of this would have ever happened.”
She jumped up off the other side of the bed and pointed right at me. “Don’t you dare blame this on me. Get out right now! Get the fuck out of here.”
It hurt so bad to see how much I had hurt her, but in the long run I knew it was the right thing to do. At least my mother would be proud of me, when I was old and fat and living back at home because I never could find anyone that was as great as Karrie. Don’t get me wrong, I understood that with the exception of Mrs. Jones giving me head, I never cheated on my girlfriend. My friends were going to call me a pussy, but as I made my way back to my Jeep, the only thing on my mind was finding a way out of this mess and somehow figuring out a way to win back my devastated girlfriend. Now that she was out of harm’s way, I could focus on the next part of my plan.
I’d never been pissed at my dick before. I was pretty pissed now, though. When people tell you to keep your dick in your pants, do it!
I sat in my Jeep for a while watching the sun come up. I wanted to see Karrie heading out to her job, but she never came out of her apartment. I wondered if she saw my vehicle and refused to go near me. Just as I started to pull away, I heard a knock on the passenger side window.
Karrie stood there, wrapped in a robe. Her hair was pulled back and her eyes were still swollen. I reached over and opened the Jeep right before I turned off the ignition. She climbed inside, but said nothing at first. I leaned my head against the steering wheel, knowing damn well it was best for me to wait for her to speak.
“I came back to visit you because I was feeling guilty about hooking up with a guy I’d just met. I figured you were out doing the same thing and I wanted to clear my conscience. I should have told you, but Mark told me to keep my mouth shut and I listened to him. As hurt as I am about what you did, I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t give you the benefit of the doubt. Bastian the thing is, I love you and being
with that other guy made me realize just how much. I felt sick to my stomach and just wanted to forget about it. I called work and told them I was sick and my roommate just left for work. Why don’t you come inside and we can talk about what happens now.”
I wanted to be pissed at her, but how could I be? I’d done so much worse. Hell, I fucked a chick in her ass on her front lawn. If that wasn’t some seriously fucked up shit, then I didn’t know what was.
As messed up as it was, her sleeping with some random guy was the only reason she was sitting in my Jeep. Sure, it hurt, but it also gave me hope.