Diary of a Teenage Taxidermist (2 page)

Chapter 2

Every day, the swelling and bruises faded away just enough to uncover new, unknown bits of Ethan’s delicate face. Tiny birthmarks and new contours emerged out of nowhere, surprising Robert at each visit. Never before had he known a face so well, from the fair grown-out roots right over Ethan’s forehead, to the full pale lips slightly open now that the tube that had previously helped him breathe had been removed. The regular, soothing beep of the heart monitor was like a balm on Rob’s nerves, and in his own bed, he sometimes heard the phantom sound just before his mind shut down for the day. Ethan’s parents visited their son every day, and Rob always brought some snacks for them. Whenever he didn't get to see them, he simply left the food on the bedside table, right next to the flower vase that was always filled with a fresh bouquet.

He was shocked at how happy they were to learn that Rob was Ethan’s ‘friend’. To have Ethan’s own parents say that they thought their son didn’t have
any
friends was like a punch in the gut. Robert had never wanted any of this to happen, he had just been playing around, teasing the guy. They had all been drunk, having a bit of fun. All and any fun ended the moment Rob saw a branch sticking out of Ethan’s eye socket, and it was a sobering experience. He didn't remember much from the frantic run with the unconscious body in his arms. His breath still hitched at the memory of sitting in the backseat with his hand over Ethan’s chest, and the other holding the slim wrist to make sure the pulse was still there. Though he wasn’t sure what he would have done if it had disappeared. What can you possibly do when someone has a branch buried where an eye was just moments earlier? You don’t just pull it out—that’s what Rob’s mom always told him, worried that her son would eventually do something stupid. This time, she had actually been right.

Rob reached out and squeezed Ethan’s hand. It was oddly rough, like that of someone who didn’t take much care of their skin, but looking at the pristine face, Robert doubted that was the case. For the first few days, when the doctors weren’t sure if Ethan would make it, Rob was afraid to even touch him. It hadn't been about Ethan's parents being there all the time but because he became convinced the hand would be icy cold and stiff. Or that Ethan’s heart would suddenly stop. Now he was starting to recognize the patterns of shallow lines on the inner side of Ethan’s hand and considered clipping his nails. It seemed appropriate after putting him in this situation.

For the past few days, Ethan had been opening his eye now and then, and had even spoken a few times, but it wasn’t all that coherent. For someone who had a branch stuck into his brain though, it was impressive and reassuring. The doctors said Ethan had been incredibly lucky to survive, not to mention recover so well. There was a long way ahead of him, but with Ethan waking up for longer periods of time every day, the prognosis was that he’d be able to leave the hospital in a matter of weeks. Without  his second eye.

Robert bit his lip, squeezing the slim hand in his palms. It seemed so small and frail between his own long and thick fingers. He couldn’t believe he’d let himself go crazy like that and chased the poor guy down like the wolf he was pretending to be. It had all seemed like good fun, but Ethan was different, frequently picked on at school. Who knew what he was imagining during the chase? Maybe he really was afraid they’d beat him up. Didn’t stuff like that happen all over the place? Robert had never thought of himself as a bully, but now he was forced to face the facts.

His chest constricted as he chewed on his lip, playing with Ethan’s fingers. He had small scars on his hand, all looking a bit like paper cuts, but Rob had no idea how they got there. He hoped he could ask Ethan soon.

And there it was. That twitch of eyelid that Rob had come to know as a sign of Ethan opening his eye in a matter of moments. The first time it had happened, Rob had been so overwhelmed, his eyes had welled up.

He got up to have a better look at his victim but never let go of his hand. “Ethan?” he whispered, a tingle running down his spine. They’d never been alone when this happened so far. “Hi?”

The single blue eye opened, and unlike some of the times, there was a glint of recognition in there. Ethan stared at him, eye widening, as if he weren’t aware that he could speak.

“You’re in a hospital. Just a sec, I’ll get the nurse, yeah?” Rob whispered. He wanted to speak normally, but his voice was too choked up so he just pressed the button on the wall and gave Ethan a small smile. “They’ll call your mom and dad.”

Ethan nodded slowly but pulled his hand out of Robert’s. He’d lost so much weight in the last two weeks that all Robert wanted was to sit him down and feed him anything he’d want. Rob could start with the Oreos he got from Ethan’s mom.

His train of thought was interrupted by a nurse, who walked in with a serious face, but she relaxed when Rob smiled at her.

“He wants to speak,” uttered Rob, even though somewhere at the back of his mind was dread that he’d be taken away by police the moment Ethan told everyone what had happened.

Ethan frowned and closed his eye again when the nurse gently touched his forehead, chirping to him with a smile. Ethan took a few deep breaths and pressed his eyelid closed again. Everything seemed to take ages, but Robert would wait. Even though he could now speak, Ethan’s lips were sealed, opening only to cough. The nurse hurried to give him some water, and Rob didn’t even notice when he backed away to stand against the wall. The small room suddenly seemed eerie, like every piece of equipment was waiting for its chance to get him. It wasn’t the case, of course, but he still had the urge to just flee before Ethan’s only remaining eye settled on him again. He didn’t watch the nurse work, but she left with a promise of informing Ethan’s parents he was awake. The sound of the door sliding shut behind her felt like a guillotine smashing into Rob’s neck only to turn out blunt. With a sudden tightness in his throat, he watched Ethan, unsure if he should talk or stay quiet and wait for him to tell everyone what actually happened back there in the woods. The mere thought of it made Rob’s insides constrict and turn into a bundle of hardened wire.

“Why are you here?” Ethan finally rasped, slowly looking around, to the comforter, to his hands, to the machinery around him.

“I—” Robert’s shoulders were like screwed tight to the wall. “It’s my fault you’re here.”

“Are you here to finish the job and blind me or something?” whispered Ethan, gritting his teeth as he eyed Rob. “Where’s my mom? My head hurts.”

Walking over to the bed seemed like an almost impossible task, but Rob pushed himself and crossed the distance that kept Ethan safe from him. His mind went blank when he saw accusation in the fair eye.

“She... she said she needed to go to the bank, but she’s always here,” Rob assured him, shifting his weight from one leg to the other and back. His body was numb, with only his chest and throat aching like he had a noose strapped around them. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted for this to happen. I’d never do this intentionally,” he uttered, his voice less steady than he’d like it to be.

“I’ve woken up before, haven’t I? And… they know you did this and let you stay here?” Ethan frowned even harder but then hissed and put his hand on his forehead.

Rob’s face heated up. “Should I call the doctor? Oh, fuck, what do I do?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.” Ethan took a deep breath that sounded like he was trying to grasp at particles of air. “I just wanna scowl at you, but I can’t because my face feels like shit. And I can’t see properly,” he added in a broken whisper, his eye suddenly welling up.

Robert swallowed and pulled out a paper handkerchief, which he wet with the water from the plastic cup and put it on Ethan’s forehead. He had thought seeing him unconscious was bad, but in pain? He wasn’t sure what was worse. “I’m so sorry, it was an accident. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

Ethan took a deep breath but didn’t say no to the handkerchief. “Sure you didn’t. You just wanted to pull my pants off. Fuck. You. And now I’m feeling all weird, and probably have scars, and no one’s gonna want to see me without my pants. I’m probably gonna get some stupid nickname at school. Like Captain Edward.”

Robert’s face tingled as blood drained from his face. “No one’s gonna do that. I’m personally making sure of that. No one’s gonna be bothering you, I swear.”

“Why are my parents letting you be here?” Ethan tightened his fingers on the comforter. “Did you tell them you’re my boyfriend?” Robert wasn’t even sure if it was a joke or not, with Ethan’s face lacking much expression.

“N-no, everyone thinks you... fell,” uttered Rob in a small voice and hugged himself. “I carried you back and made Tina drive my car to the emergency room.” He didn’t dare look up, but the judgment was coming.

The long silence told him Ethan was processing this. It wasn’t fair. Wasn’t a jury supposed to be more than one person? But the moment he thought that, Ethan spoke again.

“You’re just feeling guilty. You don’t really care. For once, things didn’t go your way and now you want me to lie for you?”

“But it was an accident. I really didn’t want to hurt you.” Robert’s jaw tensed so hard that the sides of his face started hurting. “And I do care. You have no idea how sorry I am about what happened.” With a loud exhale, he raised his hands to cover his face. “I didn’t want this.”

“Well, if it was an accident, you shouldn’t be guilty, right? There will be no witnesses of you idiots chasing me into the forest. No witnesses of our animosity?”

“Ethan, I fucked up, I know.” Robert shook his head, his stomach knotting. “I will do anything to make it up to you.”

There it was. That spine-chilling silence again. Robert dared to look at to the slim fingers playing with the comforter. Squeezing it and letting go.

“Anything?”

Robert swallowed hard, hardly able to breathe from the tension. “Yeah. Don’t... tell anyone, please. I will do anything you ask.”

When Ethan started speaking, each word came out quieter than the one before it. “Would it disgust you if I asked for a blow job?”

Rob’s hands fell to his sides. “Say again?”

“You heard me the first time!” Ethan raised his voice but his throat was so dry he started coughing. “And actually, I don’t want just one. I want one every week until graduation, and I’ll let you off the hook. So there. Take it or leave it. I wouldn’t tell anyone, so you wouldn’t lose your reputation or anything.”

Robert stared at him, his heart hammering in his chest so hard he suspected Ethan could hear it. “Reputation? I don’t want to go to jail,” he whispered even as his mind started envisioning Ethan lowering his pants. Robert would feel the warm smell of his body and taste a cock for the first time. He would have been over the moon if the proposition came under different circumstances.

Ethan finally looked up at him again, with his eye slightly widened. As strange as it was, the bright blue iris radiated fear. “I mean… about the blow jobs. I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“Oh.” Robert’s head was pulsing like crazy, but he couldn’t look away from the bruised face. He would do it. Ethan deserved whatever he asked for, and Robert would lose his virginity in exchange for lack of a criminal record. It wasn’t the way he imagined it would happen, with his hypothetical first boyfriend in college, but there was no way around it. Ethan had every right to hate him, and it was time to pay up.

Ethan took a deep breath. “Have my parents been called? I wouldn’t want them to walk in on us.” His voice trembled slightly, but other than that, he was right to the point. Was this really happening?
Now
?

“Wh—” Rob’s face went aflame, and his stomach dropped at a rapid speed. “But... someone could walk in on us here...”

Ethan pouted, his pale face getting some color. “Yeah, I suppose so. But as soon as I get out, yeah? I woke up before, right?”
Didn’t he already ask about that?

Robert took a shaky breath. “Y-yeah. But you were out of it. I... and yeah.” He hung his head, too ashamed to look Ethan in the eye.

“How long have I been here for?” Ethan slowly tried to sit up but just fell back to the pillow with a hiss.

“Oh, God, don’t move, please.” Robert grasped his own hair. “Two weeks. But don’t move.”

“I just wanna check if I can.” Ethan slowly lifted up his feet under the comforter. “It would suck to get a promise of blow jobs from the handsome quarterback only to find out I have spinal cord injury or something. I wouldn’t feel it then, would I?”

“Then move your toes.” Robert hurried to the footboard and uncovered the pale feet.

The way Ethan wiggled his toes, watching them with a serious face, would be quite amusing if it weren’t for the situation.

“Can you get me a mirror? I probably look like shit.” Ethan reached up to the gauze over his eye, making Robert’s heart stop again.

“Don’t touch that!” Rob was next to him within seconds. “Ask the doctor first.” But the truth was, he himself was afraid what was underneath. What if Ethan not only lost the eye but was also scarred for life? How would they cope with
that
?

Ethan groaned. “Okay, okay. I’m not made of porcelain, you know. Just get me the mirror anyway.”

Robert spread his arms. “I don’t wear a pocket mirror... you okay with a photo?” he asked, hesitantly fishing out his cell phone.

“Yeah, go on.” Ethan clenched and unclenched his fist.