Diary of an Expat in Singapore (23 page)

That’s totally untrue. It’s not just one big mall… it’s more like many small malls next to each other. And, let’s not forget the side streets next to the malls. They’re just not as popular on account of there being no air con. Which is the reason people go to the malls in the first place. There is always a new mall being built, which means another mall to look forward to.

Gambling is discouraged.

The casinos in Singapore are mainly intended for foreigners. In fact, you need to bring your passport with you or you won’t get in. If you are Singaporean, you need to pay $100 just to get inside. It might seem discriminatory, but actually it is a tactic employed by the government to discourage gambling addiction amongst its citizens. Now, if they could only stop the online gaming…

Singlish is the dominant language.

The government may have adopted a new policy to make English more widespread but not everyone was told. Even my university students, who speak to me in English, turn around and speak to their classmates in Singlish.

Alarm clock goes off.

6:20 am. It’s still dark outside, but will be light by 7 am… all year round. And dark again at 7 pm. Unlike Italy where there is a huge difference between winter (dark by 4:30 pm) and summer (not dark until around 9:30 pm). Once you get used to the consistency of Singapore, it is hard to get kids (especially toddlers) during the summer holidays abroad to believe it’s bedtime when it’s still bright and sunny outside. Tip: Use cardboard sides of boxes to block out the light.

Before leaving the house for school, allow plenty of time. Even though it is compulsory to wear uniforms and simple black or white sneakers, they will still require extra time to style their hair.

Give Alexander a virtual hug.

If your son is in middle school and his friends are watching from the school bus, public display of affection is no longer allowed. Hence the virtual hug. Best of all, whether it’s spring or winter, there is no need to remind the kids of hats, gloves, or scarves. Just remember to pack their water bottle and snacks.

Get to Eliot’s school.

Unlike Alexander (who goes to a different school), Eliot doesn’t take the school bus. So, getting to her school involves treachery, devious antics, and luck. In other words, getting a taxi. It’s either that or walk to school. The walk itself is not so bad as long as you realize it will be a very hot and sweaty endeavour. Waiting for a taxi also has its pluses: your child can practise the latest hits on the radio, the multiplication table, and expand her knowledge of the capitals of the world. You don’t get to know the capital of Indonesia at seven years old if your taxi is punctual.

Nurse measures Eliot’s temperature.

After a recent outbreak of Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease, the school nurse thoroughly checks every pupil’s mouth and hands before they are allowed to enter the building. Dengue fever, swine flu, bird flu… never a dull moment. After the HFMD outbreak, it’s back to the basics. Just the temperature. And for those who think that is extreme, just think how much you like having your child at school with a feverish kid (the one time she doesn’t have a fever). Didn’t think so.

Speak to the
laoshi
(Chinese teacher).

Potential daily calamities for a kindergartener range from inability to participate in water play because of band-aids to forgetting homework. After yelling
zai jian
(goodbye), your child may run back for one last hug. Knowing that one last hug can rapidly progress to an iron-clad grip… make speedy retreat.

Speed-walk down Bukit Timah.

Only exercise of the day so better make it count regardless of car fumes and Bangladeshi workers on bikes trying to plough you down on the sidewalk. Never mind that the walk will leave you feeling about as refreshed as a french fry. Cute exercise gear is a must… or was that a water bottle?

Teach academic writing at the university.

After a quick shower and a review of students’ papers, off to meet the class. All hail the grammar cop. I learn more about Singapore in one 90-minute class with first-year students than if I read a stack of books on Singapore. How else would I have learned that the reason all the boys are exactly two years older than the girls is that they have to do their NS (military service) before they can go to college? Or that none of the students have tattoos because tattoos are associated with convicts? Or that even though technically 19 is the cut-off date, the 20-year-olds still consider themselves teenagers?

After school