Diary of Latoya Hunter (11 page)

S
chool is so boring now. There is nothing to do because all the textbooks have been collected and we only have to be present at each class. We could help clean up with the teachers but I’m too lazy for that. It is so funny when you look through the window because kids are just jumping the fence one by one. Some are running through the parking lots.

Anyhow, I did get one assignment today from my Home and Careers teacher. She never quits. Earlier in the year she had made the class write about the goals we have for this,
our first year in that school. Today she asked us to write about how it went. Well, to describe my essay I would say I was honest. I didn’t hesitate to tell how I felt about all my teachers whether it was good or bad.

What I learned from school was a combination of good and bad. I feel my teachers were excited about their power over students so they focused on that instead of getting through to us. I learned that life is like a garden of roses—roses are pretty to look at and you try to pick one but there’ll always be some thorns. School is the same in the sense that a good education that will bring you happiness is like looking at a pretty rose. But in getting to that education, the thorns will be the teachers you don’t like, the uninteresting classes, and the kids who want to give you a hard time.

So the good I got from this year is a greater understanding of life. The bad is I had to get pierced by some thorns to reach that understanding.

Dear Janice
,

M
y birthday is coming. In nine days I’ll be a teenager. My parents are actually looking for an apartment to move—that’s the greatest birthday present! I’ll miss my friends and everything, but I’ll be glad to be out of this
place. There’s so much about it that is so unattractive. Over the years we’ve really tried to fix it up but it always looks on the down side. I know wherever we go will be much better than here. I have a lot to look forward to now. I’m finishing school in a couple of weeks and I’m moving in probably the same amount of time. I’m really happy.

Dear Janice
,

I
never considered this before but when we move Rondah won’t be coming with us. The plan is that her and Phillip and the baby will be living together. This is a whole lot to take in. I’m going to miss Rondah acting silly around the house and coming home to see Devoy in his crib. It’ll only be me and my parents. What a scary thought! When I try to picture it, I see me alone in my room everyday because my mom is at work, and Daddy is sleeping because he has to rest and go to work later. I suppose I’ll see Devoy when I babysit but it won’t be the same. He will be picked up around 6 because Phillip gets off from work around that time.

I’ll miss them so much! I’m glad though that Rondah will have her independence and maybe they’ll even get married if living together works out.

Dear Janice
,

I
guess you could say it’s over between me and Derek! You can’t expect a great explanation because I hardly know how to explain. He’s changed so much! A little too much. All of a sudden he says I’m too young to be such a big part of his life. Remember, he never told me his age. Don’t take it like he dumped me—I was the one who said, “Don’t ever call me again.” He really did it! He treated me like dirt. We used to talk like such good friends, now he seems so self-righteous. He acts like he’s above everyone else including yours truly.

Well, it’s done with now! The worst thing is I came out of it feeling stupid for letting myself like him so much. I shouldn’t blame myself though. He was a nice person before. It’s maybe his teenage hormones that made him change like this. Whatever it was, him and it should get as far as they can out of this girl’s life. He made me feel like dirt and a wish of mine now is that one day I’ll be successful and rich and he’ll be just the opposite and he’ll come running back saying, “Please forgive me.” I’ll just look at him and laugh and call my butler to personally escort him out!

Dear Janice
,

T
oday I am a teenager. I don’t know what I’m feeling right now. I’m so happy though. I don’t think I’ve changed since yesterday when I was twelve but it feels good to be a number that ends in teen. I didn’t do anything special, I wore a really nice jeans outfit to school that Rondah got me as a present. Everybody is sweating it (meaning, everyone likes it). Rondah always has a present for me on my birthday. My mother and father try to too. But as for Dave and Courtney, they always say to wait until next week. Then when next week comes there is never a present. They’re not like that with everyone. They always have something for their girlfriends on their birthdays. This doesn’t make me feel that they don’t love me, it makes me feel that they don’t understand that the thought to buy a present really counts with family. I think they think they’ve got your love and it really doesn’t matter. They have to understand that you have to show it sometimes.

Dear Janice
,

T
oday I decided to have a little belated birthday party since it’s a Saturday and my birthday was this week. We just ordered a cake and got some refreshments. That’s not important in this entry though. What is important is that today I found out who my real friends are. I invited all of them, they all said they were coming. I even called up my best friend from last year. Remember the one who moved and went to another school?

Well it turns out that even though she lived the farthest, she was one of the only ones that showed up. I guess this all was short notice, but if all those other girls I call my friends were my friends, they would have made an effort to come.

Isabelle and Denise went to the movies. Their excuse was that they lost their money and had to walk home. They said they had planned to make it though, but by the time they reached home, everything was over. I’ll have to tell you more tomorrow.

Dear Janice
,

I
’ll have to finish this party story. I don’t know where Sandra was, but Deborah was seen walking with another girl, Stacy. They left around 6 and came back around 10. Deborah’s excuse is she thought the party would be going on when she came back. I suppose I could have made it go on for longer, but I was too pissed. I just wanted it over.

Well, I had a great time with Teniesha there. We went all around the neighborhood with the other girls there and these two guys, Andrew and Desmond. I’m not really close with the other girls, we just hang out together. I shouldn’t have expected so much from them and I’m not going to let them get me down. I’m just glad I found out how good friends they were in the midst of moving.

Dear Janice
,

T
hey (my mom and daddy) think they’ve found a place. It’s in the Bronx and they say it’s really nice. I’ll believe it when I see it. But they seem to really think so. They also say it’s in a really nice neighborhood. They’re going to bring me there on Friday to see it.

At school nobody is really doing anything. The teachers are giving work but kids have just been cutting and going off. It’s not like they just walk out, they have to climb the fence in the back. It’s really funny. Even girls are doing it.

Dear Janice
,

M
y parents were right, the apartment is really nice. The neighborhood is spotless and everything looks brand new. There was this little old lady who we are renting it from. She and her husband used to live in there themselves but he’s sick in the hospital and she’s moving downstairs. She looks really sweet.

Actually, I’ve fallen in love with this place. It’s just right. It’s roomy and has a gorgeous interior from the paint to the carpeting. My room is big too. It has a cozy balcony looking over the neighborhood which is full of big, gorgeous houses. It’s clean and bright. My parents say I could catch a bus from there to get to school easily. So I guess J.H.S. 80 will see my face again next year. I was kinda hoping that I didn’t have to go back. More accurately, I really wanted not to. My parents do because they don’t think it’s good to change schools a lot. I keep reminding myself that it would have been 3 years if I wasn’t in that 2 year program. It helps
somewhat to think of that. Well Janice, what can I do? I’m under 18 and under their roof! But I really love the house!

Dear Janice
,

H
ere comes very disappointing news. The old lady who’s the landlord wasn’t as sweet as I made her out to be. She wanted to raise up to rent a little too high. She said her sick husband said it would be best. Anyway, my parents said no and in a way I don’t blame them. When they told me, something sunk in my stomach. I’m trying now to think that there are others as good or even better than that one.

One thing is for sure, we’re still moving. For that I’m really glad. They’re going to start looking again. Meanwhile, Rondah and Phillip are still looking. Everyone is looking for a way out of Bainbridge Ave!

Dear Janice
,

T
oday Rondah found her apartment. Again I’m going to see it on Friday. The way she sounds, it’s not too hot. Well, if I know Rondah, I know she’ll have it looking like a palace in no time at all.

When I told my friends I was leaving everybody except Deborah was really nice about it. They asked me when and how far and everything. Deborah on the other hand was like “Good, I’m not going to miss you!” I would give anything if someone would tell me what her problem is. From the day I met her 5 years ago, she’s never had anything nice to say. I think it’s just her personality, but I hate it! Deep down, I know she doesn’t mean the things she says, but why say them?

Dear Janice
,

R
ondah’s apartment doesn’t look too pretty. It was really shabby! I pleaded with her not to take it but she claims it has possibilities. As I said before, she could make any place look like a palace. My parents heard about another place in Mt. Vernon. That’s not far from the Bronx. It’s where Derek
lives. I hope I don’t run into him if I move there. We’ll know next week. They’re going to look at it on Monday. That would mean if I move there, a change of schools. Yes!

Dear Janice
,

I
was thinking how after this year of being the little freshman how next year I’ll be a senior just like that. Freshmen are going to look up to me! It’s such a big change. Tomorrow Deborah is going to graduate. She got into John F. Kennedy High. Next year that will be me graduating. She has her cap and gown all ready. I’m happy for her even though she gets to me sometimes (most times). I won’t be seeing her too often next year but I think that will work out for the best. The less I see someone, the more I appreciate them.

Dear Janice
,

T
hey took the apartment. Mt. Vernon here I come! Wednesday is the last day of school. We’re also moving on that day—as soon as I get home. The apartment is definite this time. Everyone likes this new place, they’ve all seen it. They say it’s very roomy. I am so eager to see it. Two more days til the last day of school. I’m so glad! I’ll have to say goodbye to everyone and tell them they just might not see me again. I never made any really close friends this year. Everyone was just casual acquaintances. I guess I’ll remember this year as the year of casual acquaintances. As far as things at home, I’ll remember it as the year of mom troubles.

As for the move, I don’t know what to say. Where I’m living now isn’t the best place in New York, but it isn’t the worst either. I mean, I look across the street where the guy from the store was shot and I walk around the corner and I look at the banner hung in remembrance of George Gonzalez (he was kidnapped then killed)—he used to live right there. When I look at those things I’m with no hesitation ready to go. But then I have to hesitate when I look at the familiar faces walking up and down the blocks and I remember block parties. I remember how everyone pulled together to make them happen every year.

I understand we’ll be living in a bigger, nicer house in a quiet neighborhood. We, is me, and my parents. No
Rondah, no Devoy—that’s the biggest blow of it all. I’ll see them as often as everyday though because I have to babysit Devoy and but it won’t be the same though. I’ll be alone in the house, I mean completely alone, with my parents! Oh, man, I can’t imagine that. I’m going to miss them both and I know it’ll hurt sometimes, but growing up is like a roller coaster, you can only run smooth for a short time and by the time you feel adjusted, there’s this big fall. You knew it was coming but when it hits you it’s like it wasn’t expected.

Dear Janice
,

Y
ou’re coming to an end! Tomorrow will be the last day I will write on your pages! My first year of J.H. will be over and after Wednesday, a big part of it will be left behind.

As I said yesterday, I’ll remember this year of being a year of casual acquaintances. I didn’t get close to anyone outside of my family except Derek. He disappointed me and my heart full one minute, shattered the next. This year has been a not-so-good chapter in the life of myself. Next year I hope it will be one of the better ones. I had so many troubles with my mother. I’m hoping next year we’ll smooth it over even though I sincerely doubt it. The older I get, the more harder it gets.

Courtney is married, Dave is single and on his own, I hear
the faint sounds of wedding bells for Rondah and Phillip, I have a nephew; overall a lot has happened that’s good. In their lives that is. The only thing for me has been you. This is so much like you’re dying. I’ll miss you a lot. You know everything that’s happened to me since September 10th. I tried never to keep anything back from you but there was always that feeling that someone would be reading your pages not too long from now. I’ll miss the idea of you and just everything about this. I’ll talk to you tomorrow for the last time. I’ll miss you.