Dick by Law (23 page)

130 Million Years Ago

China

Grip knew he could make the jump.
The
killer
ebon dinosaur was ten feet away, maybe less. Even injured and exhausted as Grip was, he knew he could leap that distance.
He could
reach
the
killer
dinosaur and do what he'd come so far and fought so hard to do.

He could kill the last of the murderers who'd slaughtered
and eaten
his family.

Stuck
up to his waist
in the clinging black muc
k of the
tar
pit, the dinosaur
was severely limited in his
ability to fight back. His arms were already
restraine
d by the
black
stuff,
bound
by
straps of the
rubbery
, foul-smelling
ooze
. That left only his jaws completely free
...and with a little
quickness and agility, Grip could dodge them, too
.

He
thought t
his dinosaur would be the easiest kill of all
,
the easiest of the six killers.
He was helpless; it was
as
i
f someone had put him there as
a gift
for Grip
.

All Grip had to do was jump over, land on a shoulder, and tear open an artery.
When he was done, h
e could make the leap back to shore and walk away.

Unless he didn't. Unless he fell short and ended up sinking in the black muck
like the pups' father
. Unless the dinosaur made a lucky bite or slash
of his claws and killed Grip
before he could
jump
away
.

But that was the chance
Grip would
have to take if he chose that future. That was the sa
crifice he'd have to be ready
to make if he decided to
seize his chance at final
, up-close-and-
personal
revenge.

Or he could choose the other future at hand.

Turning his head from the pit, Grip looked down the
scrub-covered
bank at the
three pups huddled around their dead mother. When they saw him looking, the pups perked up their ears and yipped, hopping up and down on their forepaws.

They reminded Grip of his own dead pups. His heart beat faster just from looking at them.

Their father had already disappeared
into
the
stinking black
muck of the pit, never to return.
Without
someone new to take care of them
, they probably wouldn't last long in the danger-filled forest.

That was the other possible future Grip could choose.
He could help those pups survive. He could raise them as his own.
He could be a father again.

But if he did
that
, he would have to sacrifice
his personal revenge against the
killer
ebon dinosaur
in the pit
.
Instead of dealing the final death
blow, which he longed to do, he would have to walk away and be content that the pit would
finish the job
for him.
He wouldn't get the satisfaction of taking the dinosaur's life with his own fangs and claws.

It wasn't an easy decision.
If Grip went after the dinosaur, he might
get his full measure of revenge...but he might
have to
give up his life
if something went wrong
.
On the other hand, i
f he took care of the pups,
he might
replace his
dead family and
find
new
purpose in life
...
but he would have to give up on
the
revenge
he craved with every atom of his being
.

Perched atop the bank, Grip stared at the pups, then
at
the dinosaur. Everything
had led him to this--the murder of his family, the hunt for revenge--and now he had to make up his mind.

He had to sink his teeth into one future or the other and not let go.

 

*****

130 Million Years Later

Horseshoe Bay, Bermuda

"You know what?" said Mobai. "I changed my mind."

With that, he lowered the machete blade from Horne's throat. He released his handful of Horne's curly hair, and Horne slumped
.

"There's a better way, isn't there?" Mobai winked at Simon. "More than one way to skin a dick, eh?"

Simon didn't respond or move a muscle.
He felt like he was standing on a tiny ledge over
a lake of
bubbling lava; any way he moved would send him plunging to his death.

"I was so wrong
ly
, going to
murder-
kill him like that." Mobai shook his head. "What a huge mistake I almost made just now."

"Would you rather
I
kill 'im?"
Poppa Free
stepped forward, grinning wickedly
. "Or my soldiers can do it
, if you like
."

"That wouldn't be right either
," said Mobai. "Don't you see?
We're only hurting ourselves."

"All right then
.
"
Poppa Free
shrugged and folded his arms over his skeletal chest
. "Express your testimony, and we'll sing along."

"This man has shown me the
light
." Mobai threw a massive arm around Simon's shoulders. "I can never thank him enough
."

Simon stiffe
ned as Mobai tousled his hair.
Then came the kiss on the cheek.
Mobai planted one square on Simon's face,
wet and sloppy as the lick of a cow.
Simon shuddered; t
he last time
he'
d seen Mobai kiss someone, that person had ended up dead.

"I love you for being right," said Mobai. "Turning over a new leaf
is just what the doctor ordained.
"

Simon stood stock-still, waiting for the death blow that had to be coming.
Mobai's strong cologne and stronger body odor hung in a cloud around him, making him gag.

Simon looked at Horne, who was standing stock still
.
His
eyes met Horne's, but there was no
compassion to be found there...just animal fear shining straight from the back-brain
, the same shamele
ss terror pulsing on his sweaty
face.

"I understand now,
old pal
.
"
Mobai
squeezed Simon's shoulder
.
"I
f this Dick Lord is killed by
me
, I take his p
lace as World's Greatest Dick. That was my original thinking.
"

Mobai raised the machete, and Simon's eyes locked on
the blade. He saw his reflection in its polished surface as it drifted toward him, then away, then toward him again.

"But you made me realize
something." Suddenly, Mobai took hold of Simon's right hand and forced the handle of the machete into it. With crushing force, he wrapped Simon's fingers around the handle and clamped
both his
massive paw
s
around the
fingers
to hold them in place.
"If the Dick Lord is killed by the World's Biggest Fucking
Pussy
, I will humiliate him completely and
forever
."

Mobai effortlessly steered Simon's hand and the machete, swinging the blade up to point at Horne.

Horne's eyes widened, and he took a step back...right into the chest of one of Poppa Free's soldiers.
The soldier chuckled as he caught and held Horne's arms.

"Put that dick on his knees, my child," said Mobai.
"And does somebody have a fucking
camera phone
?"

Poppa Free whipped a cell phone out of
the front
pocket
of his jeans
and
waved it overhead. "Ready for anything in the name of Free Bermuda!"

"Film this historic
event
, my
stallion
.
"
Mobai
reached up and adjusted the
leopard-skin fez atop his enormous head
. "All the world will want this playing twen
ty-four seven on the
ir
interwebs and satellites."

"Consider me your
Hitchcock
Spielberg, you Emperor you." Poppa Free
held up
the cell phone and aimed the
camera lens on the
back
of its slim black body
at Simon.

"How does it feel?" Mobai made Simon sweep the machete
through the air
in a figure eight. "What's it like being the sword of a god?"

Simon
closed his eyes and
d
idn
't answer.

Suddenly, Horne spoke up.
"Emperor!" H
i
s voice shook. "I have a better way! Let
me
kill
him
.
"

Mobai clucked in Simon's ear. "How do you like that
, buckaroo
?"

"Please!" said Horne. "It will prove to the world you're my master! They'll all see you're the biggest dick!"

"Now doesn't that make you want to kill him?"
Mobai
whispered
in Simon's ear
.
"He'd do the same to you, wouldn't he?"

Simon opened his eyes and looked at Horne. Horne
looked away.

"Let
me
do it," said Horne. "Let
me
kill that fucking
pussy
."

Mobai
chuckled, then shouted
at the soldiers. "Let me see that pretty
neck
of hi
s!
"

One of the soldiers grabbed Horne by the hair and yanked his head back
. When Horne struggled, the other soldier jammed a rifle barrel against his
left
temple.

"You have never done this before, have you?"
Mobai
's voice was soft in Simon's ear
.

"No." Simon's own voice sounded strange to him. He felt leaden and light-headed all at once.

"I love a good baptism." Mobai laughed. "Don't worry. I will be gentle."

Mobai pushed Simon forward and drove the machete toward Horne
. Simon resisted, focusing all his strength on keeping his right arm from moving any further.
He barely succeeded.

"Don't fight me, my precious
pal
," said Mobai. "I know you can do this. I know your
secret
."

Simon
gritted his teeth and
continued to resist.
The machete held steady,
but he had a feeling Mobai was holding back. He had a feeling Mobai could overwhelm him and finish the job any time he chose.

"
Here's the secret:
I know you're as big a dick as anyone." Mobai
half-
whispered the words.
"How else could you do all the things you've done?"

The machete shook as Simon fought to pull it bac
k...and then, suddenly, Mobai pres
sed it forward again.
Simon was right to think he'd been holding back; it seemed to take no effort at all for
Mobai
to ease it toward Horne.

Simon kept fighting, but it made no difference. The machete moved as if it had a mind of its own, gliding irresistibly through the dim moonlight.

It stopped
a hair's breadth from the flesh of Horne's neck.

"There now." Mobai whispered so only Simon could hear. "Time for you to do your part
,
snow
flake."

Mobai let up the pressure on the machete. He kept his hands wrapped around Simon's fingers on the handle, but he
let t
he weapon float freely
.

"I can't do
all
the work," whispered Mobai. "Now make me proud,
pal
. Cut the cake."

Simon
tried to pull the machete back, but he couldn't. Mobai would let him make the next move, as long as it was forward.

"Do it," whispered Mobai. "This is your big chance.
"

Simon took slow, shallow breaths and tried to hold still. He didn't want to risk letting the blade cross that final hair's breadth to Horne's throat.

"No one will blame you," said Mobai. "
They will see that I'm forcing you. They will
think
they see that.

"Only you and I will know the truth."

Simon trembled, and the machete twitched forward. As he flicked it back, he saw the blade had nicked Horne's throat.
A
single
drop of blood ran toward
Horne's
shoulder, leaving a trail like a crimson tear.

"This is a
gift
,
" said Mobai. "I'm doing you a
favor
.
You can kill your
enemy
without any
conse
quenc
es
."

Simon watched the drop of blood trickle down Horne's neck. He wished Mobai would shut up and get it over with, just kill them both and be done with it.
And yet, at the same time, part of him considered the offer.
The crazy idea.
Considered it as idly as the human mind considers all possibilities.

And not so idly.

After all, the hated Horne Shaw was at his mercy.
The dick who'd ruined everything--and
offered to kill
Simon, don't forget--
could be easily done away with
, free of complications
.
So much for P.U.D. and the Dicklympics and
The Dick Life
.

Who could blame Simon, if Mobai
was caught on camera
forc
ing
him to do it?
If no one knew any better?

The truth was, Simon
did
w
ant to
do it
, deep down.
Part of him had wanted to
do it
since Horne had first denied his damage claim.
Everything
Simon had
done since--the lawsuit, the book, the legislation, the Dicklympics sabotage--had been a poor substitute. All that society allowed
. Everything he could do without going to prison or worse.

He'd never expected to have this chance.
The chance to get away with it.
He had to at least consider it, didn't he?

"Come on, cupcake
.
"
Mobai
's B.O./cologne combination wrapped around him like a boa constrictor
.
"Cut that dead weight loose. Set yourself free."

Simon tried again to pull back, but Mobai wouldn't let him. The
crazy
idea wouldn't let go of him, either. If anything, it grew stronger.

"Make it look good for the camera," said Mobai. "I'll give you a cue
, like in Hollywoods
."

Simon actually started to think he could
live with himself if he did it. After all, wasn't it self-defense in a way? If he refused to kill Horne, and Mobai gave Horne
the machete, would Horne hesitate to use it?

There was also the fact that killing Horne would be a public service. The world could stand to have one less dick, especially one so influential.

The more
Simon
thought it over, the more reasonable it seemed.

But he
couldn't
do it
, could he?
Killing Horne
would go against everything he believed in. It would make him worse than Horne, make him as bad as his...

"He
re comes
your cue,
you
big
star
," whispered Mobai...and then, s
uddenly,
he
yelled in
Simon's
ear.
"
Pussy
!
You are in my power!
I'm going to make you kill the World's Biggest Dick now!
"

A week ago--a day ago, even--if someone had told
Simon
he would have to face this decision, he wouldn
'
t have believed
it
. If someone had told him he would
struggle
with this deci
sion,
that he would even
consider
killing someone,
he would
'
ve believed
it
even less.