Diet Rehab: 28 Days to Finally Stop Craving the Foods That Make You Fat (13 page)

Read Diet Rehab: 28 Days to Finally Stop Craving the Foods That Make You Fat Online

Authors: Mike Dow,Antonia Blyth

Here are a few simple examples. Do any of these speak to feelings that you recognize?
 
 
The power of actions and consequences to transform core beliefs is at the heart of Diet Rehab. Signing up for a class on a topic that always intrigued you, getting in touch with old friends, treating yourself to a massage or a manicure, joining a social or political group, reaching out to ensure you have support in your life—all of these are new booster actions that will improve your brain chemistry, open you to new consequences, and allow you to really start believing your new mantra. Now we’ve transformed a downward spiral into an upward spiral:
 
That’s the payoff of Diet Rehab. Transforming and maintaining your new mantra may take a while, and you may experience some ups and downs along the way. But you can make a significant change in only twenty-eight days, and after that, the momentum of the upward spiral will help keep you on your path. Just start by adding a few booster foods and activities. Supported by a new, more positive mantra, you may be amazed at what happens next.
That’s what Maya discovered. She changed the way she felt by changing her experience. After she realized that she was going to have to change her tactics to get what she wanted, she stopped being the well-dressed, funny, smart girl. Maya went to a high school party—and for once, she didn’t buy a new outfit for it. She took a risk and started chatting with a guy from her math class, and instead of trying to be the funniest person in the room, she just said what she was thinking. When she told him that these parties made her feel uncomfortable, this guy blew her away by telling her that these parties made him feel that way, too. Imagine that—she wasn’t the only one!
Maya was learning that what creates intimacy and connection isn’t being perfect—intimacy comes from being authentic and having experiences that others can relate to. Maya and this guy ended up chatting for most of the party, and when Maya got home, she didn’t feel alone. The box of cookies that she usually would have eaten stayed on the shelf.
The next day, choosing booster foods actually came pretty easily because Maya was getting more of what she was really craving in her life. When the guy from math class called to see if she wanted to hang out, she said yes. And the next night, she did something else for the first time—she ate in front of him. Maya was surprised that what she was actually hungry for was a grilled chicken salad, so that’s exactly what she ate. And just like that, sustainable and gradual weight loss became possible for Maya. It had nothing to do with dieting. It had to do with her adding boosters to her life—such as connecting with somebody.
The next week, that guy became the first guy she ever kissed. Maya saw that this young man liked her just as she was, extra weight and all. And that was the ultimate booster that helped her to steadily lose sixty pounds over the next ten months. At 140 pounds, Maya still wasn’t the skinniest girl in her class, but that no longer mattered to her. She had attained a healthy weight, and her life was filled with boosters like talking every day to that boy—who became her boyfriend.
Boosting Your Belief in Yourself
 
One of the mantra-related challenges I give my patients is the “Because . . .” exercise. I ask them to pick a positive statement about themselves that they know logically to be true and to come up with as many reasons as possible for
why
it is true. For example:
I
am
okay because:
 
. . . I love my mom.
. . . I’m a friendly person.
. . . My life has potential.
. . . I like where I live.
. . . My ability to sing makes me happy.
. . . I know I am a good person inside.
Sometimes I ask my patients to carry this list with them and to find at least three items to add to it throughout their day. I also ask them to reread it before every meal. These booster thoughts genuinely nourish the brain chemistry and affect how you feel and what you’re hungry for. Why not give it a try? It’s forcing you to put on what I call the “what’s right” glasses: You’re training yourself to look for the real and omnipresent evidence that supports your new mantra.
Do You Have the Happiness Gene?
 
Without even meeting you for a diagnosis, I can tell you the answer to this one: No.
Because there isn’t one.
Just as body weight isn’t determined solely by genetics, neither is happiness. In both cases, there is an interaction between genetics, life experience, and personal choices that helps to shape our outlook as well as our bodies.
True, some of our potential for happiness
might
be contained in the levels of serotonin, dopamine, and other brain chemicals for which we are coded. Some of us are born with naturally higher ranges of those chemicals than others, and this can make a difference in our personalities, outlook, and general sense of well-being.
It’s also true that our life experience affects our brain chemistry, especially during childhood. Those of us who grew up in anxious or angry households are likely to have gotten used to lower levels of key “feel-good” chemicals than people from calmer and more supportive households.
However, neither of these factors is enough to determine our destiny. As we’ve seen throughout this book, the decisions you make every day—choosing booster or pitfall foods, activities, and thoughts—have a profound effect on how you feel. Your biological or childhood inheritance may give you some bigger challenges to overcome, but it is absolutely within your power to create a happy, peaceful, and satisfying life.
 
How Cindy Changed Her Mantra
 
My patient Cindy had been abused since she was a child—first physically and sexually by her father, then emotionally by a series of men including two ex-husbands. Like many survivors of abuse, she had become overweight, perhaps in an effort to protect herself from unwanted attention, but also, perhaps, because her serotonin levels were low and she was almost literally starved for affection. Her mantra was “I don’t deserve love, and this is how I ought to be treated.”
I wanted to convince Cindy that she
did
deserve love, but I knew that this conviction could come only from within. What I could do, though, was to help strengthen the parts of Cindy that might be able to listen to and believe in this message.
When Cindy started Diet Rehab, we began by adding as many serotonin boosters as we could. Cindy knew she was free to indulge in all the sweets and starches she wanted—the sugary, soothing foods that helped her maintain her serotonin levels—but she added some new things to her diet: plain yogurt, whole-grain pasta, and chamomile tea.
I didn’t want Cindy’s entire focus to be on food, however, so I asked her what other treat she might give herself during Diet Rehab’s first week. She thought for a while and then smiled.
“A bubble bath,” she said. Cindy had loved bubble baths as a little girl, but as an adult, she’d gotten used to rushing through a morning shower. I thought that bubble baths sounded like a terrific way for Cindy to pamper herself, and the relaxing warmth of a bath sounded like a great serotonin booster as well. I suggested that Cindy splurge on seven different scents, one for each day of the week, so that she’d really commit to this nightly treat. I also asked her to take thirty seconds before and thirty seconds after each bath to say aloud the new mantra she had written for herself: “I deserve this treat, and I deserve to be loved.”
Cindy felt foolish, but she agreed. When we saw each other at the end of the first week, I asked her how it had gone.
“You know how stupid I felt saying that stuff,” Cindy said to me. “But by the end of the week, I don’t know. Something felt different.”
I thought of Cindy’s response almost in mathematical terms. Before, 100 percent of Cindy believed that she didn’t deserve love. Now, perhaps only 99 percent did. Cindy had accessed a tiny piece of herself—perhaps as small as 1 percent—that believed herself to be lovable and worthy. She had nurtured that part with serotonin boosters in the form of healthier foods and her special ritual. It was a small step—but it was a beginning.
During week two, Cindy added more serotonin booster activities to her life. She hated the idea of going to a gym, where she felt people would stare disapprovingly at her out-of-shape body, but she was willing to take a ten-minute walk around her neighborhood each evening. I asked her to use those walks to focus on the present moment—to notice the air on her skin, the smell of grass, the sounds of birds, the look of her neighbors’ trees and lawns and gardens. This mindful walking exercise helped Cindy to immerse herself in the present moment, allowing her to take a break from listening to that negative voice inside her head. Sometimes we need to argue with our negative voices, but sometimes we just need to increase the time we spend not listening to them. Giving herself the chance to be in the “now” was Cindy’s way of getting away from her pitfall mantra to just enjoy being alive.
Cindy continued adding serotonin booster foods—she was now eating fresh berries and brown rice, in addition to the yogurt, whole-grain pasta, and tea—and she continued with her nightly baths. I asked her to look at her mantra (“I deserve this treat and I deserve to be loved”) at least four times a day—before and after her walk and her bath—and to jot down reasons why it was true whenever they occurred to her.
At the end of the second week, Cindy brought in the following list:
I DESERVE THIS TREAT AND I DESERVE TO BE LOVED . . .
. . . because I try to be kind to everyone in my life.
. . . because I work hard and do my best.
. . . because I am fair and honest.
. . . because I don’t say mean things even when I am upset.
I was proud of Cindy for coming up with four reasons why she deserved to be loved. Just two weeks ago she couldn’t think of
any
.
“But Dr. Mike,” she said. “I still don’t
feel
like I deserve . . . anything. I wrote those things, but they were just reasons. I don’t really feel them.”
“I know,” I said sympathetically. “But your actions are changing, and so your thoughts are changing, and pretty soon your feelings will change, too.” In fact, they were already changing. Cindy looked forward to her baths and her walks. She enjoyed the taste of her new booster foods. She felt calmer and happier. Her serotonin levels were rising, and her body, mind, and spirit were feeling the difference. When I asked her how much of herself now believed her new mantra—“I deserve this treat and I deserve to be loved”—she shook her head and then said quietly, “Ten percent?”

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