Different Senses (69 page)

I had no entertainment other
than the media screen—I’d been instructed to bring nothing with me
other than the clothes I stood up in, not even my phone or ID—so
unless I wanted to die of boredom or spend the day sleeping, I’d
have to look over this stranger I was to become.

I read Kawildin’s
detailed biography, noting the uncanny similarities but also the
striking differences between our respective histories. Thinking
about how well I could pass myself off inevitably led to thoughts
of Shardul, and his reaction to all this. Just because he’d agreed
to cooperate for the good of the Nihani community wouldn’t stop him
despising me for exploiting our relationship and my knowledge of
the
udawathei
. In his position, I’d
likely feel the same. No one liked a spy, even those for your own
side. Even one who’d been a friend, or one for whom you still had
some loyalty. At least, if Captain Largosen had called it
right.

Could we really fix things
between us after this was over? Logic told me no, and so did my
empathy. Shardul had always been a confusing, difficult mind to
read, but in the brief, hurried encounters over the last few weeks,
I’d detected no hidden longing, no desire for me. Mine remained a
one-sided passion. The only shocking thing about it was that my
feelings hadn’t lessened at all in all this time. Seeing Shardul in
the flesh had only sharpened them to an agonising point. With Yashi
and the family gone and safe beyond where I could help them, there
was nothing to mask the pain with Shardul’s name on it.

An aide interrupted my
miserable thoughts to ask me about lunch. I agreed to his
suggestions and he went off to fetch the food. I supposed I
wouldn’t be allowed to eat in a canteen, if the captain wanted me
to lie low. This, more than anything that had happened since
Commander Reoda had made his offer, brought home the enormity of
what I’d undertaken. For the first time in my life, I had none of
the support systems I’d come to take for granted. Even when I’d
been estranged from Mum and Dad, even after I’d been forced to
leave the police force, Yashi and Tara had been there. Kirin had
been there, most of the time. Shardul too, for several years. My
grandfather, my friends, my partners, my assistants.

All beyond contact, except for
Shardul, and him only on very limited, infrequent terms. Captain
Largosen had set things up so that he and he alone was the only
person I could turn to. Yet I knew bugger all about him. Cursed
insanity, what had I let myself in for?

Lunch didn’t cheer me up
much—hospital food hadn’t improved in the years since I’d been shot
while on duty—and the meeting with the surgeon sent my mood
plummeting. She chattered cheerfully on about cheek and nose
implants, removing wrinkles and scars, and how a beautician would
reshape my eyebrows and hairline.

“They do a much better job,”
she assured me as I stared at the screen projection of the work
involved and wondered if it was too late to back out. All the talk
about implants and voice changers had unnerved me enough, but the
planned alteration of my appearance made my stomach launch up into
my throat. My unsuspected vain streak was apparently very wide and
deep. I didn’t want a stranger’s face. Yashi and Tara’s kids
wouldn’t recognise me.

“You can definitely put me back
the way I am now, right?” I asked when she stood to go.

“More or less. Not the wrinkles
and scars, but that’s a bonus, don’t you think? Now, no food or
drink except water after midnight, you know the drill, I’m sure.
Surgery lasts for three hours, and you won’t feel a thing.” She
winked as she left.

Bloody hell.

I’d
earned
those wrinkles
and those scars. I didn’t want to look ten years younger than I
was.

Javen, you’re
an idiot. Concentrate on the important stuff, will you?
What would Shardul do? Whatever it took, I knew.
What would Shardul say if I’d told him how I was feeling? Something
witty and biting to snap me out of my funk, and offering me no
sympathy for self-pity whatsoever, while reminding me what was at
stake and the importance of what I was doing. Wished he was there
to say it. I wished
anyone
was here.

The rest of the day passed very
slowly, and the dry material Captain Largosen had left wasn’t
distracting enough. I accepted the offer of a sedative after supper
to help me sleep, and went to bed early. Maybe once the surgery was
over, I’d be more positive about the plan.

~~~~~~~~

Feeling positive would have to
wait. Surgery was as smooth and swift as promised, but the ‘mild
discomfort’ the surgeon had mentioned was a bit more than that, and
my face felt three times its normal size. The medic attending me
after I emerged from the anaesthetic fog didn’t want to let me have
a mirror, but I insisted with my newly deepened voice, and since I
wasn’t supposed to talk, she gave in. The feeling of increased size
wasn’t an illusion—my face was swollen and bruised, resembling
nothing so much as a rotting hair-topped piece of alien fruit, and
any implants were hidden by the damage.

“It’ll settle down very fast,”
she assured me. “But you really mustn’t talk.”

“Reader,” I mouthed.

“I’ll find you one. Just relax,
sergeant. Doctor Hern said everything went very well. She should be
along later to talk to you.”

She let me have some juice, and
I could eat soup. Solid food had to wait a couple of days until the
swelling around the voice box implant went down. At least I hadn’t
needed a tracheostomy.

Now I really felt sorry for
myself. When I’d been in hospital before, I’d had plenty of people
to visit and console me. I had a sudden longing to see my mother,
and wondered if I was stable enough for this undercover gig. Some
hardnosed cop I was.

Though no one came to visit,
the medical personnel treated me well. I had no idea if they knew
what I was there for, but the lack of curiosity meant they probably
had suspicions at the very least. As the swelling went down, and so
did the ache in my face, I reconciled myself to the changing face
in the mirror, and could even think about the role I had to play
with a little of my old hunter’s instinct. I wanted to be up and
doing. Things were getting worse in Hegal and elsewhere in the
country.

And by some instinct that
bordered on the paranormal, Captain Largosen dropped by just when
my recovery had reached the point where I felt almost normal and I
had grown used to both face and voice, and when my frustration at
the lack of action was almost at screaming pitch.

“Ah, sergeant. That’s all gone
as well or better than I’d hoped.”

I fingered my new face. “Yeah.
Still give myself a fright in the morning when I shave, but other
than that, I don’t think about it. Except when I talk. Still sounds
wrong.”

“You’ll get used to it. I came
to let you know that you can expect a couple of visitors. Your
friend, Shardul, and Gafur Kawildin. Kawildin will be here for a
day or two, and will return to work after that.”

“Shardul?”

“Tomorrow morning, if you’re
ready, when Kawildin arrives. The governor has also asked to speak
to you, and we can arrange that this evening. How do you feel about
the mission?”

“Ready to go, sir. Does Sanjeev
trust Shardul?”

“Things are moving
satisfactorily. We want to move quickly once Sri Shardul creates an
interest in Sri Sanjeev meeting you, which could be any day now. So
work fast with Kawildin. We expect to move you from here to the
safe house by the end of this week, since you’re recovering so
quickly.”

“That soon?”

“We believe that further
wide-scale attacks could be imminent, based on chatter we’ve
monitored and movements of certain individuals around the country.
We need to stop them. Disorder is spreading.”

“Is my father talking to the
community leaders?”

He dismissed my question with a
wave of his hand. “I don’t deal in politics, sergeant. Frankly,
neither do terrorists. They have their own particular agenda which
will have very little to do with the lofty ideals spouted by Sri
Shardul and his friends.”

“Very likely. So you don’t
think the Nihan will surrender these criminals?”

“They may or may not. I intend
to catch them first, and then stop them from ever doing anything
like this again.” He gave me a rather creepy smile, exuding a
jarring satisfaction at odds with his usual cool emotional tenor.
“A permanent military solution, rather than a judicial one.”

I’d sworn to uphold the law,
and this was out of my experience as an ordinary cop. “Sir,” I
said, “I’d rather see my brother’s attackers jailed for life than
murdered out of hand.”

He didn’t even look at me as he
answered. “If I want your opinion, sergeant, you can be sure I’ll
ask for it. Can we concentrate on the actual task in hand,
please?”

He had more files for me to
read, more briefing about Sanjeev Uttan’s activities and my fake
persona. I could taste freedom now. It wouldn’t be long before all
these tiresome preparations were put to good use, so I hoped. Even
with the media feed, I was too cut off here from what was going
down in Hegal. People were being hurt, threatened, even killed
there. I had no idea how Prachi and Vik, Madan and Hamsa were
doing. I’d been forbidden from touching my personal account in case
anyone was monitoring it. So far as the world was concerned, I was
still on a space cruiser with my family, a day out from Kelon.

I looked forward to Dad’s call,
but when it came, his muted reaction to my new appearance worried
me. “Is Mum all right?” I asked, suddenly worried Largosen might
have been hiding something from me.

“Yes, she’s fine. We both miss
Yashi and the family. And you. I knew it would be hard...really,
it’s not like you’ve died, is it?”

I made myself grin cockily at
the screen. “No, Dad. I’m doing great, and Yashi’s in good hands.
You’ll be able to contact Tara any day now, and you can call me
when you need to.”

“Commander Reoda warned us that
the more we contacted you, the greater the risk for you.”

“If you need me, call me.
Bugger Commander Reoda. I’m not even in the field yet. It could be
weeks.”

He tried to smile. “Preparation
going well?”

“As well as it can. Just want
to get moving. Things still no good in the city?”

“
There was an
assassination attempt on the defence minister. We’ve kept it quiet
in hopes of not inflaming the situation.” He scowled suddenly. “I
don’t know what the
banis
hope to achieve. Do they
want me to cast aside the rule of law?”

“No, Dad. Most of them don’t,
not at all. Whoever these people are, their agenda isn’t peace. You
can’t give in.”

“I won’t. The council of
governors is convening in Mardinet in two days. I hope someone will
come up with a solution because I’ve tried everything. I met with
the community leaders and the conversation was very civil, but that
night another house was firebombed.”

“Keep talking,” I urged. “The
leaders are the future. Same as you are.”

“Does me good to hear you say
that, son. I’d better let you go. Your mother will call you next
time, if they allow it. Good luck, Javen.”

“You too. Love to you
both.”

He stared in surprise at the
screen, then smiled. “And to you, my dear boy. Good night.”

Maybe I didn’t say it often
enough. I’d have to do something about that.

~~~~~~~~

The late night call with Dad
didn’t make for an easy night’s sleep. He looked so tired and
beaten down. I wished I could see both my parents in person.
Captain Largosen said it wasn’t possible. I wasn’t entirely
convinced but I’d let him have his way for now. Dad was incredibly
strong, but he had his limits.

Gafur Kawildin arrived on time
the following morning. He blinked at me in shock. “Beloved reason,
that’s astonishing. Is this what it’s like to have a twin?”

I smiled, though I didn’t feel
like it. “A bit.” I shook his offered hand. “Nice to meet you. I
feel like I know you already.”

“I don’t know a damn thing
about you, unfortunately. But I’m proud to be part of trying to
sort this mess.”

I looked over at Captain
Largosen. “Where’s Shardul?”

“Cooling his heels. He’s our
first live test subject. Sergeant Kawildin spent some time talking
to him before I called him up here. Now you’re going to go in and
be Gafur Kawildin. If you can fool him....”

“...I can fool anyone. Bet I
can’t, though. He’s sharp.”

“For your sake, I hope you’re
wrong. Kawildin? Could you quickly brief the sergeant on what you
two spoke about, then swap clothes?”

Captain Largosen brimmed with
suppressed excitement, like someone about to play a clever
practical joke. I didn’t care for that. Shardul wasn’t a toy, and
had put himself at risk to cooperate with this plan. I’d have liked
to have seen a bit more appreciation of that.

Kawildin briefed me and gave me
his uniform, changing into a set of fatigues. A quick check that
our hair grooming matched, and then Captain Largosen showed me down
to the office where Shardul was waiting. “Tell him that you—that
is, the real you—aren’t quite ready for us. Talk to him, make him
look at you. Try to get him to recognise you. This is a chance to
safely work out where the flaws in your act are.”

I nodded, and entered the
office. Shardul looked up briefly, frowned, and went back to
studying his reader. Anyone but an empath would have been totally
fooled by his act, but I sensed his disdain, even anger. Particular
shades of emotions I hadn’t felt from him since our earliest
interactions. Shardul had dismissed me as a Kelon and an enemy—a
stranger, and an unwelcome one. I hadn’t expected that. I should
have. I’d grown used to his acceptance, forgetting how rarely he
extended it to one of my kind.