Dirty (15 page)

Paul wasn’t sure how to respond to this. It was as if he was in love with two different women. One was the smart, career-minded woman who had a kind heart and ready smile. The other was the temptress who only seemed to be interested in casual sex with little to no remorse if she hurt anyone in the process. Maybe the latter was real
and
he after all and he’d been living a fantasy.

“You know what Simone, you’re absolutely right. There’s absolutely no reason why we should continue this. In fact, let’s pretend it never happened and we’re strangers. The next time we see each other and I’m sure we will for Noelle’s sake, let’s just be cordial, nothing else.” He walked around her and out of the bathroom, not stopping until he made it to his car.

As he drove away, it felt like Simone had pulled his heart out of his chest and stomped all over it.

Chapter Sixteen

Simone didn’t realize how long she stood
there after
Paul left. When he walked away, she wanted to call him back and explain that it wasn’t
his fault and that it was hers
. He’d had her convinced that it would just be sex between the two of them. And though she was playing a dangerous game, Simone thought she’d be able to handle it. Instead
,
it had gone terribly wrong
and nothing
like she expected it would. She should have let Paul leave when he’d initially attempted to go but something made her call him back.

She wanted to show him that she did care, the only way she really knew how to. Just once
,
she wanted to pretend that what they shared was something special. She wanted to erase the fear she’d felt after being cornered by that cretin
,
Steve. Simone had wanted to take control of her own destiny and with Paul it was easy to believe they were so much more to each other than convenient sex partners.

“Are you okay?” Simone had been so deep in thought she didn’t hear anyone approach. Noelle stood in the doorway with a look of concern etched on her face.

Simone jumped in surprise. Placing her hand on her chest, she took a deep breath. “How long have you been standing there?”

“Just a few seconds. You and Paul were gone for quite a while so when I came back to look for you, I heard noises in the bathroom. I knocked but no one answered so I gave you some privacy. I wouldn’t have known that Paul left if he didn’t call to apologize for leaving in
such
a hurry.”

What exactly could she tell her cousin that didn’t make her seem like a total slut, that she was too busy giving Paul a blow job? And that she allowed him to fuck her raw on the sink. As far as her cousin knew
,
she didn’t see Paul in that light. Simone in fact had gone out of her way to make Noelle think she could never be interested in Paul when the actual opposite was true, partly because she didn’t want Simone to play matchmaker. But it was mostly because she knew that even if
she
and Paul were to get romantically involved, in the long run it would have to end. It always did when the truth came out. She’d learned to guard herself from that type of pain.

And sometimes
,
she just hurt no matter how much she attempted to mask the pain. And those were the times when she did things that made her ashamed to look in the mirror the next day. Paul could never understand that. She already knew what he thought about that random hook up he’d happened to catch her in. And the look on his face when he saw her and Steve was enough to nearly break her, even if she didn’t invite the other man’s attention beyond that one encounter.

“Oh, well, I wasn’t quite feeling well and Paul was helping me.”

Noelle shot her a look that made it obvious that she thought Simone was full of shit. “So you’re not going to tell me what happened in my bathroom with you and Paul and why he left without saying goodbye?” Noelle gave Simone a pointed stare.

“There’s really nothing to tell.”

“So I didn’t just hear moaning which sounded a lot like the two of you getting it on and there’s not a big ass handprint on my mirror?”

Simone turned around and sure enough there was her handprint firmly stamped on the mirror like a blatant sign of her debauchery. “Okay, so we got a little carried away. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disrespect your home like that.”

Noelle sighed. “Do you think I care about that? It’s not like James and I haven’t done things in inappropriate places before. That’s all part of the fun, but I get the distinct impression that there was no fun involved.” She narrowed her gaze. “He didn’t…hurt you
,
did he?”

Simone gasped. “Of course not! Why would you think that of Paul?”

“I didn’t think so but I had to make sure because, sweetie, you look awful. You don’t seem like someone who just had a secret rendezvous. Instead
,
you seem like you’re going to burst into tears at any second.”

It was as if Noelle had spoken some magic word because the next thing Simone knew, a sob tore from her lips followed by another and then another before she was crying hysterically. Noelle pulled Simone into her arms and held her as she cried like she’d never shed a single tear before. She couldn’t remember the last time she let it out like this before.

Simone broke from her cousin’s hold as she began to hyperventilate. She couldn’t breath and she didn’t know what else to do. She literally felt like she was losing her mind. Her body racking sobs soon became screams and she couldn’t stop. She could no longer hold back the demons. They all seemed to be closing in on her. She could see their laughing faces. These were the one
s
from her nightmares, the one that looked like her brothers and mother, her various stepfathers, and some even had the faces of few men she’d met on her encounters. There was one who looked a lot like Steve
,
t
he creep
,
and standing in the middle was eleven year old Simone.

That little girl had already known what it was like to be unloved and unwanted. She’s suffered the verbal and psychological abuse of a mother who constantly reminded her that she wished she wasn’t born. But still that little girl had hope. She held on to the belief that one day things would get better and if she prayed really hard someday someone would save her. But
,
no one ever did. In fact, it got worst. Worse than even she could have ever imagine. That was when
He
appeared. The devil himself, the one who rode her back every time she tried to take back the power he’d stole from her. He was there every time she made a stupid decision like allowing some random guy screw her in an alley or a crack motel.

He
was the one who made it impossible for her to have a normal relationship with any man and why she found it so hard to give her trust.
He
laughed in her face as she screamed for someone to help her. Eleven year old Simone held her hand out for anyone to help her. Her brothers laughed and pointed, while her mother gave her an angry glare before present
ing
her back to the desperate child.

Then as if someone had listened to her cries, Simone saw a halo of light and standing in the center was Paul. He reached his hand out to her and she ran to him, but the demons pulled her back. She cried and fought, attempting to get to her rescuer, but she couldn’t reach him. And suddenly, just as quickly as he’d come, he disappeared.

“No! No! No!”
She
screamed.

She felt herself being lifted but she fought and clawed and continued to scream but the arms tightened around her. After the sensation of floating through arm
s
, she switched between screaming and cries as she ran from the demons who were now on her heels. Her lungs burned and her throat was raw but she couldn’t stop. Something grabbed her arms and then her legs, holding her down. She registered a sharp prick before
feeling
like she was falling into the sweet bliss of oblivion and then
,
then
blessed
darkness.

<><><>

When Paul made it home, Orisa took one look at him and retreated to her room. It was a good thing, because he wasn’t in the mood for any company. Seeing his temporary roommate however reminded him that he needed to get in contact Misha who for some reason kept pushing back the time when he said he’d come get her.

He felt frustrated as he paced the living room that he walked over to the wall and slammed his fist against it, creating a large crack. He needed to unleash this tension he had in him or else he’d do something crazy. There was usually a fight on Saturday nights. He sent a quick text to his source to find the location. Within five minutes
,
he received a response.

After changing into appropriate attire, he headed out the door. As he drove to the location, he received a phone call. Paul noted from the caller id that it was his sister. Whatever she had to say would have to wait. He couldn’t deal with anything or anyone at the moment. Not
long
after ignoring his sister’s call
,
it rang again. This time it was Noelle who was probably pissed at him for fucking in her bathroom. He’d apologize for it later. By the time
,
he got to his destination there were six more calls. Three of them were from Alyssa, two from James and one from Craig. What the fuck? He realized he’d created a huge faux pas by leaving the dinner party without a word to his hosts, not to mention disappearing for a huge chunk of time to get his dick wet, but shit.
In
this instance
,
all
of
these calls were a bit much. He couldn’t deal with it.

All he could focus on at the moment was releasing some of the aggression that had built up in him. When he entered the abandoned warehouse, he could hear the cheers and boos of the crowd as they watched the fights and egged the fighters on.

Some of the crowd waved money in the air, laughing and jeering. This was the first time Paul actually had a chance to observe the crowd from the outside, because usually he was one of the first ones to arrive before everyone was there. As he stepped closer
,
he watched the opponents in the middle of the circle.
They
seemed pretty evenly
matched
as far as height and build, but one guy clearly
had
at least twenty years on the other. The younger of the two reminded him of himself when he was a young kid, fighting to pay his way through college.

Is this why that fresh-faced kid was here
?
How did he end up in a place where he could end up getting seriously hurt while a bunch of people who didn’t give a fuck about him watched
?
It made Paul wonder if his life had begun any differently would he have ended up here. Better yet, why was he here now
?
He had no reason to be anymore. And then he remembered
,
this was one of the only place where everything made sense to him at the moment.
When h
e fought, he was able to release some pent up aggression and in a way it was a salve to his bleeding soul.

“Ray is going to teach that young punk a lesson,” one of the spectators observed.

“No way. My money is on the kid,” the man beside him countered.

“Well here’s hoping you’re wrong, because I have a cool thousand
on
it. It’s my mortgage money for the month but fuck it, if Ray takes this then I won’t have to worry about the mortgage for several months.”

“Didn’t you learn your lesson the last time you bet your money on your tracks? Your old lady had to beg her parents for money
,
didn’t she? Bet she wasn’t happy about that,” the friend taunted.

“Tessa won’t say a word. I had to put her in her place when she got too mouthy the last time she made a big deal about how I spend the money I earn. All she does all day is sit on her fat lazy ass while I break my back at work.”

Paul didn’t normally listen in on other people’s conversations but it was clear what the asshole meant when he talked about putting his wife in her place. It was the same type of thing his father used to say. He quickly moved as far away from the conversation as he could before he ran his fist in
to
the other man’s face.

He noticed
a
man in the far corner taking a vile from the breast pocket of jacket and
pouring
a white powdered substance
on the counter
before inhaling it deeply into his nostrils. Looking away,
Paul
noticed a man who was had to be in his seventies flanked by two scantily clad women who had to be prostitutes. One of them women had visible track marks on her arms.

It never really mattered to him before the caliber of the crowd
at the fights
but for reasons he couldn’t explain, tonight it did. Headed to the box where other fighters were waiting their turn.

“Didn’t think you’d show up again.”

Paul looked to his right to see another fighter staring at him with an incredulous stare. Paul vaguely recognized him as someone he’d fought before. He couldn’t remember the name. Dylan maybe?

“And why wouldn’t I?”

Dylan sneered. “I don’t know. Maybe because you almost killed someone last time you were here. You could have jeopardized us all. Rumor had it that Misha fucked you up pretty good for what you did. Apparently not enough in my opinion.”

Paul could tell the other guy wanted to push his buttons and he was doing a pretty good job of it considering his fuse was already short. Before he beat the shit out of this twerp, Paul headed to the bookie running the fights to toss his name in for one of the upcoming round
s
. Unfortunately
,
that didn’t seem to deescalate the situation because Dylan followed him.

“You don’t belong here with the rest of us.”

Paul ignored him and kept walking but Dylan apparently wasn’t finished antagonizing him.

“I said you don’t belong here pretty boy. I’ve seen you drive up in that fancy car of yours and you walk around this place like your shit don’t stink like you think you’re better than us. Just because you’ve won a few matches doesn’t mean jack squat.”

Paul turned to face his tormenter. “But I beat you didn’t I? Is
that
what
this is
all about? You’re mad because I bruised your ego? Well get the fuck over it. I have as much right to be here as anyone else so I suggest you leave me alone.”

“Or what?”
The
other man challenged before walking over to Paul and
giving
him an aggressive chest bump.

“Hey man, you two need to lay off,” one of the other fighters standing around attempted to intervene.

“Tell this guy.” Paul attempted to walk away again. By now, he noticed that the crowd was paying less attention to the fight in the ring than the altercation between him and Dylan who seemed to have a vendetta against him.

This time Dylan gripped him by the shoulder and turned him around. “Don’t fucking walk away from me!”
He
shouted before punching Paul directly in his face. A blinding pain exploded in his head and the little bit of calm that he’d been holding on to dissipated. He gripped the other man by the neck and delivered a swift elbow to Dylan’s nose. The loud crunch that greeted him on impact wasn’t enough. As Dylan howled in pain, Paul swept his feet from under him and was on top of him in an instant. He wanted Dylan to suffer, not because the other man had taunted him. Not even because he’d been insulted, but he wanted him to go down for everything he represented.

He rained blows to Dylan’s head and body thinking about his father and all the other bullies in his life that he had to stand up to. Voices from his past filled his head.
Good for nothing piece of shit. You’ll never amount to anything. I’ll fucking kill you! Wimp. Paul is too nice, too soft.
The more he tried to shut the voices out, the louder they became.

“Shut the fuck up!”
He
screamed drilling his fists into Dylan who by now could only hold his hand up to protect himself. He gurgled as if choking on blood.

Before Paul deliver
ed
another blow, he was yanked off of the man but not before he could deliver a swift kick to Dylan’s ribs.

He fought and wiggled against the hands that locked around his arms as he was dragged away. For the first time
,
he noticed that the crowd was completely silent. The two fighters in the ring had stopped while everyone looked on at him in horror. At
him.

This place was full of criminals and degenerates, yet he was the monster?

And then he saw Dylan lying bloodied on the floor, not moving and a chill ran through his head. Sure the guy had been an asshole but that was no reason to kill him.

He’d dedicated most of his life trying to battle the demons from his upbringing that somewhere along the way, he’d become the very monster he hated.