Dirty Baller: A Secret Baby Sports Romance (17 page)

But I know I need to do this for her.

A few minutes later, I’m holding the baby against my chest. We’re both resting in a soft, fabric-covered rocking chair. I feel her warm skin against mine, I smell her baby scent, and I see her perfect lips. She’s perfect. All of her is perfect. She coos against my chest and I nearly melt.

If the team were here to see this…you know what? Fuck their idea of masculinity. Nothing is manlier than what I’m doing right now.

I’m saving my daughter’s fucking life.

“I’ll leave you two here for an hour. There’s a call button right here if you need a nurse. Sometimes you have to hit it twice during the night shift. We’re a little understaffed right now.”

I nod. “We’ll be fine, just the two of us. I know it.”

He leaves me behind, the only sound the gentle motion of the rocker and that of the softly beeping monitors on the other babies.

“Lucy,” I breathe out loud. “Lucy. That’s what we’re calling you.”

She yawns at my pronouncement.

That’s good enough for me.

CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

HAYLEY

“I really just want to take a shower,” I say to Ryan while he helps me into sweatpants. “Ouch.”

“Am I hurting you?” he immediately stops putting me into real clothes. I’m finally getting out of hospital gowns after ten days here.

“No, no. I’m just a little sore and not used to moving this much.” I’m perched on the edge of the bed and using my hands to stabilize myself on his shoulders. He’s helping my legs into the pants. It’s a slow process.

“Then a shower you will get, my love,” Ryan says.

My bag is packed and we’re finally ready to leave this grim hospital room. I know I’m somewhat lucky; if I’d had Lucy in the States I wouldn’t have had such great treatment. And that’s to say nothing of the hospital bills I would have racked up over there.

“You heard from Sandra, yet?” Ryan asks as he pushes me down the hall.

“No, but I talked to Human Resources. I’m getting to cash in my ten days of sick leave and my two weeks of vacation. That gives me just long enough to get Lucy healthy for us to fly to New York and see where the dust has settled.”

“And to get
you
healthy enough,” Ryan points out. “I don’t like the idea of you flying commercially so soon after major surgery. And I really don’t like the idea of Lucy being exposed to all those strangers and germs. Will the doctor even allow it?”

I sigh dramatically. “Can we not talk about this right now?”

“Of course, anything you want,” Ryan says back to me.

We leave the hospital and I see he’s rented a town car. We pause at the door to the car.

“I don’t want to leave her either,” Ryan replies to my unsaid statement. “But she’s in good hands. We’ll be back here first thing tomorrow morning. You said it yourself: you need a shower. And you need a good night’s rest. You’re never going to get that in a hospital, are you?”

Ryan’s right.

The ride home takes us inches and feet and miles away from our baby. Every revolution of the tires makes me feel sicker and sicker.

“I feel like I left my heart back at the hospital,” I say to Ryan.

He squeezes me hand. “Me too.”

Ryan carries me up the stairs at his place. It feels like home to me. The smell of wood polish and Ryan’s cologne lingers in the air.

Ryan sets me on the bed. “You should walk to the tub when the water’s hot. I’ll help you in, okay?”

I groan. “I don’t want to walk.”

“Too bad. You have to. Doctor’s orders,” Ryan says, unpacking my bag for me and putting my clothes into drawers. I swallow hard. This feels so intimate. Such a big step.

“So you’re basically moving me in with you without consulting me?” I say half-jokingly.

Ryan stops. “Hayley Childs, will you move in with me?”

“For the next two weeks, yeah.”

He shakes his head. “You are so difficult, you know that?”

“I think that might be why you love me so much,” I reply. I peel off the sweatpants, inching them down my thighs slowly. Ryan has to take them off the rest of the way. He walks ahead of me to turn on the hot water. It’s steaming by the time I make my way to the bathroom; I’m totally naked. I catch a glimpse of my stitches and incision in the mirror and feel dizzy.

Ryan catches me before I fall over. “You okay?”

I nod. “Just wasn’t expecting to see my body looking the way it does.”

He kisses me on the mouth. “Does that revive you? Because honestly, I’d fuck you right now if it wouldn’t hurt you.”

I blush and bite my lip. “Maybe one more kiss and I’ll be well enough to go into the shower.”

He kisses me but not on the lips. He takes my breasts into his hands and kisses them both.

“Down, boy,” I say, but my nubs are standing at hard attention from his caressing.

“Mm, waiting six weeks for sex will be hard,” he says. He catches the warning look on my face. “But of course I will.” He runs his hands through my dirty hair. “You’re even sexier now that you’ve had my baby, you know that?”

I roll my eyes pretending not to be flattered by this. But I
am
flattered by it.

Ryan helps me into the shower, grabbing my ass while he does so. I feel a warmth between my legs. I wish we could have sex, but I can barely walk. I settle for Ryan washing my hair for me as I try to stand upright under the stream of water, his strong hands massaging soap into my scalp.

“This is better than sex,” I say as the grime runs off my body. “I mean seriously.”

Ryan laughs. “I think even
I
might agree with that after the week you’ve had.”

He helps me towel off, hands me fresh pajamas, and carries me into bed, tucking the covers around me. “I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep without Lucy here.”

Ryan brushes my hair back. “We haven’t really talked since…you know. You came back to London.”

I blink at him slowly. “I know.”

“I didn’t know if I could forgive you for what you wrote about me.” He tilts his head to the side. “I mean, what I
thought
you wrote about me.” He pauses. “But I did read your article. I loved it. Every word of it. I hope you can forgive me for not being there for you that night. The night you went to the hospital to give birth. I’m so sorry, Hayley.”

It’s my turn to squeeze his hand. “I forgive you.” I take a deep breath. “And I love you.”

The words are barely out of my mouth before I drift off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

CHAPTER FORTY

HAYLEY

“I wish we could come with you,” Ryan says to me the morning I leave for the States. He has five-week-old Lucy wrapped in a baby wrap around his chest.

I exhale. “I don’t want to think about leaving either one of you.” I zip up my suitcase. I’m finally feeling strong after walks around Hyde Park with Ryan and Lucy the last few days. She finally came home from the hospital. Ryan had a cake delivered in celebration.

He was so giddy to show it to me. It was covered in Star Wars ephemera including a miniature Millenium Falcon.

“Alright, I think that’s everything,” I say with false confidence. I’m honestly just trying to hold back tears.

“I called for a car to take all of us.”

“You’re coming with me to the airport?” I ask, shocked and happy.

Ryan kisses me on the lips. “I won’t let us be apart for a second longer than we have to.”

I’m so caught up during the taxi ride staring out at London that I realize we’re not headed to Heathrow.

“I think he missed a turn,” I say to Ryan.

Ryan grins. “Did he?”

My stomach flutters. “Do you know something that I don’t know?”

Ryan shrugs. “Maybe.”

“Tell me. Tell me now, I hate surprises.”

Ryan looks at Lucy strapped into her car seat. She’s sleeping peacefully with her hands pressed together. I stroke her peaches and cream cheek.

Ryan kisses her on the head. “Your mom hates surprises, Lucy. But she’ll just have to get over that.”

I groan and sit back with my arms crossed over my chest defiantly. “I can’t believe that you won’t tell me.”

But he does keep his mouth shut. We pull up to a private airfield and Ryan takes Lucy out, car seat and all. The driver opens up the trunk and I shiver in the wintry air. I look in the trunk. There are more bags in here than just mine.

“What…” I trail off as I see the private plane taxiing closer to us.

Ryan puts his arm around me, the car seat in his other hand. “We’re coming with you to the States, Hayley.”

I gape at him.

“Let’s go! What are you waiting for?”

“The doctor gave Lucy clearance?”

Ryan tilts his head in a “I can’t believe you’d even ask me that” kind of way. “Of course he did. Only because we’re flying private. It’s my friend’s plane. Come on. Seriously.”

I’m in a daze as I ensconce myself in the cream leather cocoon of the seats. A flight attendant brings me a fresh soda and snacks. Lucy makes it through takeoff while I breastfeed her to help with the pressure on her ears.

And Ryan looks like the cat who swallowed the canary.

“You have something else up your sleeve, don’t you?” I ask him.

He shrugs. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

I can pretend to be upset over all of these surprises. But I’m not. Not really.

I’m here with my man and my baby and I’m going home to see my sister. I couldn’t ask for much more than that.

***

The next day, I leave Ryan and Lucy in my Jersey tiny apartment. My business clothes don’t fit me that well because of the baby weight, but I manage to safety-pin my skirt together.

It’ll have to do for now.

I walk into the office feeling invincible. Not because I think I’m keeping my job. I know that I’m not. I know that I’m about to be fired.

I feel invincible because I just gave birth.

I’m basically superwoman.

I give Brenda a cheery smile. She’s gloating, I can tell. I don’t care.

I glance over at Jim’s desk and see it’s been completely cleared of all clutter. I make a mental note to call him later. He threw himself under the bus for me.

I owe him one. It was a worthy effort even if it didn’t work.

I don’t even knock on Sandra’s door. I just burst in unannounced. I never, ever would have done that before. But a lot has changed over the last few weeks.

I’m a different woman.

She’s inside on the phone. She holds up a finger to tell me to wait. I take a seat.

“Yeah, yeah. Right. Get the fucking copy done right or don’t do it at all.” She slams the receiver down on the hook. “Childs.”

“Sandra,” I say back. I’m sitting up straight and exuding confidence.

“You look different,” she says.

“Having a baby will do that to a woman,” I say.

She squints her eyes. “Right. Well. You know why you’re here.”

“I’m fired,” I say.

“Yes. Jim tried to take the fall for you, by the way. Cost him his job. If he’d been truthful I might’ve kept him on.”

I give her a shrewd look. “You would have fired him anyway. Don’t pretend otherwise.”

Sandra gives me a bemused look. “Motherhood looks good on you, Childs. Wish you would have had some of this spark when you still worked for me. Would have done you good as a journalist.”

I don’t respond to this. “Why didn’t you fire me when I called you from London saying I’d given birth?”

She shifts uneasily. “HR thought it’d look like I was firing you for becoming a mother and needing time off. Looks bad for the company.” She grabs a pencil and twirls it with her fingers. “Besides that, I felt like I owed it to your dad. I really did owe him one. He bailed me out once when I was in deep with a story.”

I don’t know what to say to this. “Thank you.” I stand up and hold out my hand.

Sandra gives it a firm shake. “What are you going to do now, Childs?”

I smile at her. “Anything I want.”

CHAPTER FORTY-ONE

RYAN

I lay Lucy down in her makeshift crib. Hayley’s New York apartment is so tiny the bassinet is shoved right next to the double bed frame. There isn’t any room to move around in here.

But it’ll do for the next week or so.

I tiptoe out of the bedroom and close the door behind me. I dial my phone. It rings six times before Alison answers.

“Hey,” I say to her. “You still up for babysitting tonight?”

“Is the Pope Catholic?” Alison replies. “Of course I’m up for babysitting. I need to get all of my baby time in while I can before you permanently whisk Hayley away to the motherland.”

I laugh. “The motherland?”

“Yeah. We got rid of you Brits a long time ago. But I guess that doesn’t apply to hot soccer stars, does it?”

“You’re a piece of work, Alison,” I say good-naturedly. “Did you get that other thing set up that I told you about?”

Alison pauses and shuffles papers. “Yep. All done.”

“And Hayley knows nothing?”

“That’s right. Oh, and the dress delivery should be there soon.”

“I owe you, Alison.”

“I know you do,” she replies and hangs up the phone.

I take a deep breath and look around the apartment. I’m tempted to start packing Hayley’s things but technically I haven’t
asked her
again if she even wants to move in with me in London. So I’d better wait on that until later tonight. I settle for taking a pile of dirty clothes down the stairs to the building’s laundry room. It’s musty and damp down here.

I can’t wait to get Hayley out of this place.

Back upstairs, I check on Lucy. She’s still sound asleep.

I think I hear someone shuffling up the steps outside and I sprint towards the door to open it before they wake up the baby with a knock or a doorbell.

The guy has his hand raised in midair to press the doorbell and nearly drops the box he’s holding from surprise.

“Uh, delivery for-“

“For me. Yeah. Thank you,” I say hurriedly. I shove a twenty-dollar bill into his gloved hand and shut the door.

I listen for Lucy.