Dirty Little Murder (21 page)

Jane slumped. What future overseas? “Yes, of course.” She set her pencil down. “I’ve had a really long day. Do you mind if I buy a cup of coffee first?”

Paula chuckled. “Not at all. We’ll give you a minute to pull yourself together.”

Jane caught Kaitlyn’s eye. She tried to apologize with a smile, but didn’t feel like it translated well. She went to the line to order a drink.

The man behind the counter seemed to have more attention for her team than she did. But wasn’t that the way? He had every sign of being infatuated with Valerie, who had every intention of moving far, far away.

Jane ordered a mocha with whip cream on top. Comfort coffee.

When the barista handed her the coffee she stopped him. “Do you want to meet her?”

“What?” He smiled, innocently.

“Valerie, with the curly hair, do you want to meet her? I could introduce you.”

“Nah.” He glanced over to her table again and blushed.

“What’s your name?” Jane sipped her coffee. The sweet whip cream laced drink burned her tongue.

“Anders.”

“Okay, Anders, grab that plate of chocolate chip cookies—the one with four cookies on it—and come meet Valerie.”

Jane waited.

Anders hesitated. Then he picked up the plate and came around the side of the coffee bar.

“Sorry that took so long.” Jane sat down. “Paula, Kaitlyn, Valerie.” Jane indicated each woman. “This is Anders.”

“Hello.” Paula shook his hand.

Valerie first looked at Jane with a small scowl, but then looked at Anders. Her face pinked, but she smiled.

Anders looked at her with wide-eyed admiration. He pushed his glasses up his nose and smiled. “Let me know if there’s anything I can do for you.”

Jane looked at the three women at the table. She knew, without at doubt, that this was her last get-together with them, and her last chance to do anything about Anders’ obvious crush on Valerie. Her pulse had picked up, and she spun ideas of what to say next. “Hey, Anders, we all go to
Columbia River
Community
Church
. If you ever pop in say hey, okay?”

Anders stood up a little straighter. “Yeah, I know.” His eyes were glued on Valerie. “I go there, too, but I don’t think we’ve met.”

Valerie looked at her napkin, her smile spreading.

“Hey wait, I know you.” Kaitlyn beamed. “You run the sound booth at concerts.”

“Yeah.” Anders nodded, and looked down at the tray of cookies. “Well, see you around.”

“Just a sec.” Valerie sat up. She looked him straight in the eye. “Do you have a second?”

“Uh…” Anders turned back to the coffee bar. The other barista was poking at her phone. No one was in line. “Sure.”

“Then sit down. We’re trying to plan a new ministry, and since you’re a part of the CRCC family, maybe you can help us.” Valerie squared her shoulders and smiled at him, her eyes crinkling.

Anders sat down. “Sure. What are you trying to do?”

“Pogs.” Kaitlyn pushed her stack of cardboard circles to him. “We want to reach out to kids and Pogs are the perfect medium.”

Anders picked up a few Pogs and let them fall back to the table like a deck of cards.

“We’re trying to decide who to reach out to, actually. Single women or troubled kids.”

“There’s a pretty significant difference between those two groups.” Anders stacked the Pogs by color as Valerie had done.

Paula drummed her fingers on the table. “While I think there is value in asking for the opinions of other believers, I do think that it is important for you three to make this decision on your own.”

Jane raised her eyebrow.

Paula nodded. “Even you, Jane.” She folded her hands again. “If I can continue to meet with you despite my recent loss, I think you can keep working with us despite the complications in your work life.”

Complications in her work life! Jane’s hand moved up to her stitches again. Complications! A woman had tried to run her over. The police thought she had invented evidence. Someone was planting stolen things in her house. Complications! Jane opened her mouth to speak.

Anders stood up. “Hey, I really don’t have a break right now, but if I were you guys, I’d work your strengths. Reach out to the folks you relate to the best.” He pushed his chair in with a grating screech. “Sorry.” He patted the back of the chair.

“Wait!” Valerie stood up. Her face was beet red now.

Anders stopped, his mouth slightly open.

Valerie chuckled. “Uh… see you Sunday?”

Anders smiled and nodded his head, the way men do when they have headphones on. “Yeah. Sounds good.”

Valerie sat down and covered her face with her hands.

Kaitlyn giggled.

“May we get some of these issues sorted out now?” Paula’s voice was stern, but the corners of her mouth twitched and her eyes sparkled.

Jane’s phone buzzed in her pocket. She did not have time for Jake now, and as he seemed to be the only person who ever called her, she hesitated to check who the call was from.

But it kept buzzing, so, just in case it was important, she pulled it out.

Isaac.

It was Isaac.

Her heart flipped over.

Resolve her ministry situation to prove that she was serious about her future or take the call from her boyfriend?

Paula was still talking, but Jane couldn’t track it. Her phone had stopped buzzing. Isaac had given up.

Jane’s lips quivered. Had he given up on her entirely? Had she given up on him? What was God doing, making her want to go away forever, but letting her fall in love with Isaac?

“Earth to Jane, we are taking a vote.” Kaitlyn waved her hands in front of Jane’s face.

Jane flinched. “Sorry, guys. Important call just came in.” She pushed her chair away from the table; every muscle she moved felt like it was in slow motion.

She heard Valerie as though through a fog, distant and just as slow as her own fingers as they tried to call Isaac back. She wanted to run from the room to be alone with her phone, but her feet felt like they were made of wet clay, heavy and sticking to the ground.

Isaac answered the call right away.

Jane had made it as far as an upholstered armchair by the door. She slumped into it and covered her ear with her hand so all she could hear was Isaac’s voice.

“Hey, I just had to call.”

“I’m so glad.” Jane’s heart was beating so hard that her chest hurt. She closed her eyes so she couldn’t see if anyone was looking at her.

“It’s just that, I had the best offer ever, and every time I have good news, you are the only one I want to share it with.” His voice was slow; each word sounded thoughtful.

Hope flooded through Jane. If he had been offered a job at the seminary in
Costa Rica
, a full-time job… it wasn’t the
Kazak
Mountains
, but it was the mission field. Could she really have it all? She bit her lip to keep it from quivering.

“Jane?”

“What was the offer? I can’t wait to hear.”

“Full time, tenure track.”

Jane’s heart fell to her knees. Tenure track? That meant an American school. She pressed her cheek into the velvet chair back, the stitches stinging from the pressure. She didn’t want to say good-bye to Isaac. Not ever again. She swallowed. “Where?”

Isaac didn’t say anything. “First, can you be happy for me?”

“Of course.”

“It’s not a matter of course though, is it? You’ll only be happy for me if it fits into your plan for the world.”

“No, really. I will.” Jane peeked around the back of her chair. Paula, Kaitlyn, and Valerie had their heads together and were talking fast, by the looks of it. “I just… I might be happy for you and sad for me.”

“I wish we could have one conversation about the future that didn’t revolve around you making me follow your dream.”

Jane’s eyes smarted with tears.

“I wish you would have just dropped me a long time ago. You let me fall in love with you, but you had no intention of ever being mine.”

“That’s not true.” Her voice was a whisper. It was totally and completely true. She hadn’t intended to love him until he changed to fit into her plans. And yet, somewhere these last few weeks while he had been gone, out of reach, and absent from her life, she had realized it was too late.

She was completely in love with him. Absolutely. “It’s just that you had a plan, and I had a plan, and then we met. I didn’t mean to screw up your life.” Jane scrunched up as small as she could in her chair. She didn’t want the whole coffee shop to hear her crying, but she couldn’t move away. She could scarcely even breathe.

“If I said the new job was in
Afghanistan
, would you marry me?”

Jane pressed her lips together. This was not how he was supposed to propose. Not in the middle of a fight. Not like a challenge. “It’s not in
Afghanistan
, so it doesn’t matter.”

“If it was, though, what would you say then?” His voice cracked—from emotion or from the phone reception, she couldn’t tell.

Jane leaned forward, hoping it wasn’t the phone reception. Fear that the call would drop right now squeezed at her heart. “I would say yes.”

“You would say yes to
Afghanistan
, but would you say yes to
me
? Do you want to spend your life with me?”

Jane pictured the life she had always dreamed of: the imagined village full of people who had never heard of Jesus, the native clothes she would wear, the culture she would learn, the language. Her heart leapt to her throat. She wanted to learn their language. She could see herself in that life so clearly.

And she saw that she was lonely.

Then she pictured Isaac. Tall, dark, smart Isaac, and the lonely feeling in her heart intensified, because he wasn’t sitting with her in the coffee shop.

She took a deep breath. “What about you? Do you want me, or do you want an accessory who looks and talks like me but always goes along with whatever you want to do?”

Isaac was silent for a moment. “The job is in
Montreal
. I start in September. I am as sure of this job as I am of you. I need you both in my life.” Isaac cleared his throat. “But if you aren’t sure of me—”

“I am.” Jane interrupted him. She didn’t want to hear the alternative. She didn’t want to go to
Canada
, but she didn’t want to imagine Isaac going without her. “It doesn’t matter where. Not right now, not this minute. I am sure of you.”

Isaac exhaled. “You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“So…” Isaac cleared his throat again. “That wasn’t my proposal. Just so you know. I’d never propose to you like that.”

“Okay.” Jane’s head was spinning. He wanted her forever, but he wasn’t asking her to marry him. He was moving to
Canada
, but she still had to finish school. But he loved her. And, at the back of her mind, the question of the blonde lady at the Swanson house was begging to be answered.

“I’ve got to go, Jane. Class starts in three minutes.”

“Okay.”

“I love you.” He paused. “Don’t just say okay again.”

“Okay.” Jane sighed, her body relaxing with the released breath. “I mean, I love you, too.”

“I will call you the minute class is over, okay?”

“Yes! Please do.”

“I love you!” Isaac laughed as he hung up.

Jane stared at her phone. What had just happened, and what had just changed? She didn’t know, but she did know that she felt a thousand times happier than she had in weeks.

She turned to look at her team. Paula was speaking, but Kaitlyn was stealing glances at Jane. Jane made a tiny wave with her hand, and tilted her head to the exit door.

Kaitlyn frowned.

Jane shrugged. Then she left. The team needed to get on with it without her. She didn’t know what it would mean for her future, but she did know it was the right thing for her present.

Jane went straight home, downloaded her pictures, and enlarged them. They were pretty fuzzy, as she didn’t have any special software to use on them. But the blonde woman looked familiar. More than familiar. And yet, she couldn’t place where she knew her from. She tried to get the image clearer; if the cops were coming soon to look around her house, she wanted to have the pictures ready.

The woman in the picture—the almost-clear picture she had nabbed through the side window of the house, had big, round, familiar eyes. Pale and pretty, but kind of buggy at the same time.

Jane flipped over to the website for the Gresham Mayor’s office again, but Mary-Grace, the woman who wasn’t the blonde from the pictures in
Douglas
’s house, didn’t have eyes like these.

Jane shifted in her seat. She had a prickly feeling in the back of her neck like someone was watching her. She turned, but the curtains were drawn and the apartment was empty. The stolen bracelet weighed on her mind. Was she or was she not safe at home? And was she in any more danger at the Swanson house?

Amy Swanson seemed reasonable, like someone she could talk to. Especially since she had a restraining order against Joe the jeweler. She wouldn’t have stolen a bracelet from a man she went to the police to keep away from her. Jane tapped her foot on the rung of her chair. She could go talk to Amy right now, or she could wait until the following day and chat with her as she went about her regular cleaning duties.

After all, technically she hadn’t been fired from the job. Knocked about a bit, sure, but not fired.

Jane scrolled through her phone pictures one more time to make sure she hadn’t missed any. While doing so, it rang again.

It was Isaac.

“Hey.” She tried to sound casual, but a wave of heat started in her stomach and washed over her. Even her toes tingled.

“I called as soon as class was out.” Isaac sounded breathless. On the one hand, Jane wondered if he had fit in a quick game of soccer, but then again, maybe he had run out of class to call her. “I’ve been such a jerk all month.”

“No…” Jane bit her lip. This morning she would have agreed.

“Yes, I really have. But the thing is, the whole time I’ve been here, I’ve been having one frustrating argument with God.”

Jane frowned. “Really?” She moved to the sofa and curled up in the corner. She itched to have a conversation with Amy Swanson, but the urgency of the situation was fading.

“All month, He’s been saying that I have to want His will more than my own, even if that meant I couldn’t have you. I’ve been making a claim that the two of us could have it all, if God wanted us to.”

“That sounds familiar.”

“And I was getting mad about it—like God was on your side instead of mine—and I took it out on you. I’m sorry.”

Jane rubbed her eyes. She didn’t have the heart for a puzzle.

“I’m sorry I didn’t take some of your calls, or call you back when I could have.”

“Oh.” The memory of many anxious moments waiting for his calls was still fresh.

“Don’t say ‘Oh.’ Yell at me or something. I deserve it.”

“I am too tired to yell at you.” Her first flush of excitement was fading as the urgency to talk to Amy Swanson had. Maybe she did just need to go to bed. “I forgive you for not calling me back.” She did a heart check. Still just tired. Not mad. “I understand what you’ve been feeling. I’ve been hard at it, too. I keep wrestling with why God made me want to serve him overseas but hasn’t seen fit to use me yet.”

“And why did he let me fall in love with you when we don’t have the same plans for the future?” Isaac added. “I’ve been wondering for a long time if I was being a jerk dating you.”

“You know what I like the least in all of this?” Jane released her hair from her ponytail and let it fall around her face. “I don’t like that my mom will be right. She never believed I’d be a missionary.”

Isaac laughed. “I’m sorry. It’s not funny. But you’re right. She never believed you would.”

“So, what if I’ve been trying to be something God doesn’t want me to be just to show my mom I was right?”

“Or what if God planted the seeds in you so you could get the training you need for a job he has in mind for you—in the future.”

“That’s what I console myself with.” Jane combed through her hair with her fingers. “I scrub toilets now so I can spread the gospel later.”

“I think that’s pretty cool.” Isaac’s voice was relaxed, like life at his island seminary suited him.

“It’s easy to admire when you aren’t the one scrubbing.”

“You won’t have to scrub toilets in
Montreal
.”

Jane smiled.
Montreal
was better than joining her parents in their early retirement life in
Phoenix
. “And after
Montreal
?”

“Who knows? Professors get sabbaticals and long summers and research trips to far off lands. Who knows how God could use this for us.”

“You start this year?”

“Yup.”

Jane sighed.

“You can transfer your credits there.”

“One major conciliation at a time, okay? For the moment, let’s imagine that I finish what I start.” Jane rolled her neck from side to side. She was out of school for the summer, but that didn’t mean she wanted to abandon her program to follow her man.

“Whatever you say. Now listen, this is important.”

“Yes?” Jane sat up. It had better be life or death if it wanted to be considered important in light of her current goings on.

“You are in a crisis and I have been ignoring you. Please tell me everything that is going on with the Swanson situation and what I can do to help.”

His words flooded her heart with relief and put a smile on her face. She lay back on the sofa and told him every last detail. Before they said goodnight, he had confirmed her plan to talk to Amy in the morning, but added his advice to not go alone.

Jane went to bed and squeezed her eyes shut like a child pretending to sleep. Her heart was racing, her mind was spinning. There wasn’t one thing on her plate that made rational sense or fit into her own plan for her life. She tried to pray, to both calm her mind and to focus on what really mattered, but all she could say was “thank you” over and over again.