Dirty Little Secrets: A Stepbrother Romance (8 page)

“No, he doesn’t know I’m in here. He enjoys long showers, you know; it helps him relax.”

I nodded, only somewhat surprised. “You’ve known Kade a long time, I take it.”

“We went to high school together,” she said simply, “but despite what you saw, he and I have never had a deep emotional relationship. We’ve offered each other a different type of support and comfort over the years as we need it.”

“You’re his FWB,” I replied. “I’d heard of that sort of thing before, but never met anyone like that.”

“We’re a bit more than that, but it’s better to show you than tell you,” Rita replied. She turned and lifted the hem of her robe, showing me a very pert and very pink backside. “When we play over at my place it can be quite a bit more, but he was so shaken after yesterday I had to come to him. He’s a good Dom though, and I had no problems about it. This is the first time in the Laguna house. Last time I had to come to him was when you all lived in Beverly Hills.”

“You’re . . . you and him are into . . . ?” I asked, trying to get my mind wrapped around everything.

“We prefer to say Dom and sub, but some people use BDSM,” Rita informed me. “And yes, I love to sub to Kade. I’m a switch though, I don’t sub to just anyone. But Kade . . . from the beginning I’ve subbed for him. He’s not strong enough to sub yet.”

“Wait . . . what?” I asked. “Explain, please.”

Rita shook her head, smiling. “I don’t have time. Maybe if you give me your phone number we can talk sometime. What I’m telling you, Alix, is that Kade only calls me when you’re around. Sweetheart, that man has you on the mind constantly, and despite everything he says to himself or to anyone else, he’s head over heels for you.”

“You mean . . . but why’d he run away yesterday?” I said. “His face said he was disgusted with me.”

“He was disgusted with himself,” Rita replied. “Kade Prescott is only happy when he’s controlling himself. I’ve never known a man, even back when we went to high school together, who kept himself under such iron-willed control. How do you think he’s been able to get through law school and then get established in law so quickly? He’s twenty-six and has a law office like someone who’s ten years his senior. It’s his strength and his weakness.”

“So when he asked ‘what the fuck were you thinking’ . . . he was talking to himself?” I asked, surprised. It made sense.

Rita nodded and came over, sitting next to me on the bed. She reached out and cupped my face, stroking a thumb over my still fading bruise. “You have so much potential, Alix. You’re a natural sub too, you know. But you have to be strong enough to sub for a man like Kade. I can see in your eyes that you feel for him too.”

There was no denying it. “How?”

“We can talk later, not now. I need to get back to Kade’s room and change to go home. Besides, you two need to talk, I know that for sure. But it was good meeting you this time. If you ever do want to talk, I’ll leave my phone number by the door. I assume the sound I heard when you came in was a bag being tossed to the side.” Rita got off my bed and checked the knot on her robe before smiling sadly. “It’s going to hurt losing him.”

“What do you mean?” I said.

She chuckled and looked at me. “I know the way he feels about you, and I think you’re coming around too. That sort of relationship, it’s exclusive. There was a time I thought I might have been able to bring Kade around to becoming my exclusive Master, but that’s not going to happen, I can see that now. But damn, am I going to miss subbing for that man, he really pushed me to my limits at times.”

She paused at the door and looked back. “Please don’t tell Kade I told you though. It’s part of his personality—he needs to show you first. Remember, he needs control to feel safe.”

Rita disappeared through the door, closing it quietly behind her, and I listened as her soft footsteps disappeared down the hall. I could hear Kade’s shower still running, and I sat there, pondering what the hell I’d just heard.

I
came
out of the shower and made sure to change clothes into something that would in no way show myself off to Alix.

I noticed that Rita was gone when I came out, a note on my pillow.

Hey Kade. Had to go, I understand that you have family issues to deal with. If you need me again, I’ll be happy to serve. Rita

I smiled lightly and folded the piece of paper in half. Rita and I had found each other at a strange time in my life. We were one year apart in high school. I was a junior when she was a sophomore, and yet she was in many ways the more mature one. What started off as a friendship grew more sexual, and from the beginning she allowed me to vent the darker side of my passions without judgment, without anything other than acceptance and enjoyment. We never had feelings more than just friendship, however, and had willingly gone on and off as we tried other relationships. She and I both had times when we turned the other down sexually due to that, and it never hurt our ability to just hang out and chill when we wanted to.

It took me a while that day, however, to get over what Rita had done. She had heard, even before I did, Alix come into the house. She said nothing as I hurriedly pulled on a set of shorts I had lying on the floor, and only sat quietly as I left the room. While I hadn’t specifically asked her not to leave the room, she knew that I didn’t want Alix to see her. Yet there she was, not a minute after I’d left, walking out with little more than a silk bathrobe on and sashaying down the hallway.

Thankfully, the place had one hell of a hot water tank, so I was able to wash the tension away. By the time I got out, I was in control of myself again, and I felt my control reestablish itself more and more as I put on my clothes. By the time I had my shirt tucked in and my belt buckled, I was ready to face Alix.

I knocked softly on Alix’s door, hoping she was still there. “Alix? Can I come in?”

“Come on in, Kade,” she called, and I opened her door to find her sitting on her bed, a novel open face-down on the covers. “Nice change of clothes.”

“Thanks,” I replied. “Uhm, I suppose you’d like to talk about Rita?”

“Another time, actually,” Alix said, giving me a smile. “Kade, I don’t understand it all, and maybe there will come a time that I might. But for now, let’s just say that it confirmed quite blatantly something you and I joked about yesterday. You are most certainly not gay.”

I grinned in relief. Maybe I could get out of this without being embarrassed too much after all. “Yeah, but after yesterday, I thought you might have questions.”

“Oh, I do,” Alix said, picking up her novel and putting it on her bedside table before getting up. “Like how you and I are going to enjoy spending a little time together this evening. I was kind of thinking that maybe we could forget about what happened and have some fun. Before our little incident yesterday, I was having the best time with you that I’d ever had.”

Her words were like cool water to a parched man, and I grinned. “How about we just stay in tonight? As much as going back down to the ocean would be nice, I’d feel more secure just hanging out here. Would you happen to know if there are any Indian delivery places around here? I’m still looking for naan bread and some butter chicken curry.”

Alix laughed and came over. “I don’t know, but I’ll find out. Give me a few minutes to find the yellow pages, if they still have one around here.”

For the rest of the night, I felt like I was in Wonderland. When we found the yellow pages, she used her greater knowledge of the area to help me pick out the closest restaurant, while still giving me the choice on foods. As we waited for the delivery, we sat outside on the back patio, enjoying the late reddish purple of the sunset.

“Alix,” I asked as we sat, “why didn’t you ever go to college?”

“I haven’t yet,” Alix said, “mainly because I knew I had to devote my time to my modeling career. Now that I’m three years removed from high school, though, I guess the idea of going back scares me a little. I wasn’t the student you were from what I remember, and besides, I’ve really gotten a lot of personal education just through my experiences.”

“Still,” I replied, “I’m just saying that you have all the smarts needed to get through college. Honestly the biggest challenge is just working hard. If you can get through what modeling has put you through, college isn’t any more difficult. Maybe a different type of difficult if you want to think about it.”

Alix smiled and looked over at me. “Maybe I could, but I know I couldn’t do it down here in Los Angeles. Way too many people who know me, I’d feel too out of place. When the time’s right, maybe I could go to school up in Oregon. Do you know any universities I could go to?”

“Lots,” I laughed. “Besides OU and OSU, there’s a pretty decent university just half a mile from my place, Portland State. It’s small, and it won’t be winning any NCAA titles in anything, but it’s a good school. They’ve got lots you could study there, and Portland is a super relaxed sort of place. You serious about it?”

“On one condition,” Alix said. “I’d need your help. I’m not saying we have to be roomies or anything, but it’d be nice to be close to someone I know. What do you say?”

I knew my answer even before the words left my mouth. “When you’re ready to retire from modeling, I’ll be there for you.”

The food arrived, and we shared our meal out on the back porch, just enjoying the sounds of what little nature still lived in the Los Angeles area. “This is delicious,” I commented, dipping my naan into my bowl of curry. “How about yours?”

“It’s good,” Alix replied. “I think I like the curry from this place better, but the bread is far superior where I would have wanted to go yesterday.”

“We’ll have to try it another time,” I replied. “Listen, Alix, are you serious about coming to Portland, or are you just jerking my chain?”

Alix shook her head. “I’m not saying I’m packing up and leaving tomorrow. But yeah, when I’m done with modeling I want to get out of Los Angeles. Portland sounds perfect, at least from what Derek says about it. I regret to say I’ve never gotten up there. Been to a dozen different states on shoots and modeling jobs, and five different countries, but not Oregon. It’s pretty far from the centers of the fashion and modeling world, which sounds like just what I’d want.”

I could understand. “And what would you study?”

“Who knows? I don’t really know right now,” Alix replied. “I mean, business, real estate, general studies, all of those sound interesting to me. Do they have a business school?”

“A good one,” I replied. “Also a respected course on urban planning and development, which should be real estate heavy. I’ll be honest though, I’m not an expert on PSU.”

“That’s okay,” Alix said as she finished the last of her curry. “Thank you, Kade.”

“For what?” I asked, curious. “You paid for the curry, remember?”

“For everything, I guess. For not slamming the door in my face when I came in today. For being a pretty awesome guy that I can trust. I know, I know, you’ve got a dark side, you’ve got secrets, yada yada yada. We all do, I’m pretty sure. Still . . . I trust you.”

“You shouldn’t,” I warned her, but I could see in her eyes that she did. And despite it all, despite my misgivings about it, that look warmed me inside.

“Kade, I hate to just eat and run, but I have an early day tomorrow. I should go. When are you heading back to Portland?”

“Tomorrow,” I said. “I’ve got paperwork piling up for me, and a secretary and paralegal that need a boss. It’s actually one of the strangest things about my work right now. Most of my clients and both of my employees are older than I am.”

“Yet they respect you,” Alix commented as she got up, gathering her takeout dishes and putting them in the plastic bag. I went to take it from her, and she shook her head. “No, it’s okay. Let me serve you tonight.”

I couldn’t help it, seeing that angel smiling down at me and saying those words. I shivered, wondering if Alix knew what she was saying to me, but decided that she didn’t. There was no way my little stepsister could know what she was saying to a man like me. Still, I enjoyed the fantasy and smiled back. “Okay. Despite the frustrations and missteps, this has been the best couple of days I’ve spent with you in a long time, Alix.”

“You too, Kade. You too.”

I
hadn’t told
Kade the total truth. I didn’t really have a lot to do the next day. However, when I went to get the delivery from the front door, I found Rita’s note sitting on my bag. I tucked the paper deeper into my bag just in case, and through all of dinner I thought about what she’d told me. I was thrilled at the things she said, and I had to admit it made me warm inside to think of being able to make Kade happy.

On more mundane matters though, I wanted to take care of Sydney’s bribe. I thought there might be a way I could ensure I could get the files back, but I didn’t know for certain. Still, it was worth a try, and I had to make preparations.

The next morning, the first thing I did was go to an electronics store. I found what I wanted at the third store I tried, which actually didn’t involve buying anything at all. Instead, by downloading an app to my phone, I could then with a simple tap of a button record a dialogue and upload it to the Internet as a file that I could then access later. The only challenge was that I had to keep my phone out of sight. Thankfully, the guy at the electronics store showed me a Bluetooth headset that I could get that would allow me to tap a button on the headset and it would set up the microphone. Best of all, it was small enough that if I wore my hair over my ear, Sydney wouldn’t see it at all.

My new device set up and checked out, I gave Rita a call. “Hello?”

“Hello Rita, it’s Alix Nova. Uhm, I know it’s the middle of the morning and you’re probably at work, but I was kind of hoping that you might be able to find time to talk.”

“Sure,” Rita said, and I could hear real surprise as well as happiness in her voice. “I work from home, actually. I’ll text you the address. When can I expect you?”

“How about an hour? Unless you live out in Ventura County or something.”

Rita chuckled. “Nope, I live in Torrance, actually. You should be familiar with the neighborhood, right? It’s the fashion district and all for Los Angeles, I think.”

“I sure am. I’ll be there,” I said, hanging up after she’d given me the address. The drive to Torrance was easy, and I parked in front of the little fourplex that Rita lived in. I went up to the second floor, looking for apartment 2B.

Rita answered me only a few seconds after I knocked, looking vastly different than she had the night before. First of all, her hair was black. Secondly, she was wearing the ridiculous combination of a business suit top and basketball shorts. “Hey, good to see you,” she said, inviting me in. “Guess you’re wondering where the blonde hair went.”

“That and jealous of you for having a hair stylist that can do such a great dye job on short notice,” I said. “Seriously, whether you’re a natural blonde who went black or the other way around, that is impressive. But your sense of style can be called . . . original I guess.”

“Why thank you,” Rita said with a chuckle before reaching up and pulling the long black wig off her head, “but I can’t take credit for it. I wear it for work only, and I’m on lunch break right now.”

“Whoa,” I said, “that is even more impressive. I wouldn’t have guessed at all. How’d you pull that off?”

“Lots and lots of practice,” she replied, leading me into her living room. She unbuttoned her suit coat top and shrugged it off, leaving just a sleeveless blouse that, while still jarring with the pink shorts, was less so than the black jacket. She took a seat on a comfortable looking, bubbly styled chair, offering me one on the other side of the room. I saw an impressive computer setup in the corner, which she nodded to. “I do freelance work for various companies in Asia, and it helps to look the part, so I wear the suit top for video conferences along with the wig, and sometimes I even do my makeup to accentuate the Asian-ness of my features. Say what you want, most of the old men who run those companies are racist as all hell, and they barely trust me as it is with my American passport. If I didn’t have the wig, I’d lose at least a quarter of my business.”

“What about your name?” I asked.

Rita chuckled. “I have another, in fact. I’m half-Korean, although the math is weird. Both Mom and Dad were half Korean too, so I’m not sure how the DNA works out, but I have a Korean name, Kim Areum. The Chinese and Korean groups I work for go with that, and for the Japanese I go with Rita. They hate the Koreans more than they distrust Americans I think. But you didn’t come by for my insight on the racial politics of East Asia. Relax and let me tell you what I can, or at least answer what questions you’re ready for.”

“Ready for?” I said. “Okay, I guess we can start there. What do you mean?”

Rita lounged back, and I realized that the confident look that she had worn in the hallway as she sashayed away the day before was really her and not an act. She was powerful and strong, compelling in her own way. “Just asking that tells me you have a long way to go. First off, the world of BDSM is deep. There are a lot of couples—I’d say most couples, most likely—who have played around with it a bit. A bit of light spanking, stuff like that. Then on the other end are people who are not happy unless they’re dominating or submitting to the point of stuff that would make most people nauseous. And so many people have a misconception of what it is anyway.
Fifty Shades
and such. Tell me, from what you know, who’s in charge in a BDSM relationship?”

Rita filled me in with all the details, about the exchange of power and the use of safe words if I ever wanted to end the experience.

I thought deeply. “If I do this, what sort of things can I expect? I mean, what do you two do?”

Rita leaned back and laughed again, and I felt both shy and drawn to her. Despite the fact we were talking about Kade and their sexual history, I thought I’d like to get to know Rita better, make her a friend, even. “Kiss and tell, huh? Listen, he’s not going to yank your hair or arm lock you, and he’s definitely not into erotic asphyxiation. For him, it’s more about the control than the pain, although he’s pushed my pain buttons a few times, but only when I’ve asked him to.”

“You . . . you ask for the pain?” I said, astounded.

“To test my limits, to see if I can take it, of course. It’s an endorphin rush, like the guy who decided it would be fun to do Ironman triathlons, or the first weightlifter who said it might be a good idea to put half a ton of iron on their back and see if they could stand up with it or if it would break them in half. There are times, and Kade knows that line better than any person I sub for, that I’m quivering on the edge, pain and pleasure and everything mixing, and it’s powerful, more powerful than any drug you can think of. I’m like this far from saying our safe word, and then he rides that line right up until the point that my body explodes in the biggest orgasm I’ve ever had. I guess that isn’t quite what you want to hear, but I think you deserve honesty. But you’ll have the power, and he has his control. If you’re strong enough, you’ll see what I mean. I will tell you one thing, though.”

“What’s that?”

“Who knows, Alix? Maybe you can be the one who can show him the levels that he’s shown me.”

I shook my head in wonderment. “I have a lot to think about. I mean, I haven’t even seen him naked yet, and we’ve only kissed once.”

A
fter leaving Rita
, I went to the bank, and after showing them two forms of picture ID as well as signing a document declaring that I understood I was taking out such a large sum in pure cash, I walked away just before the close of business with sixty thousand dollars in cash. The bank was nice enough to give me a complimentary tote bag to carry it in, but still a guard walked me all the way to my car from the door, which I did appreciate.

As I drove toward Sydney’s place, an irrational hope filled my chest. I kept thinking that with the payment, I could have a new life, one that was free of the stress of terrible boyfriends, exploitative clients, and the like. I realized that it meant leaving the modeling industry, but the idea of showing my body to just one person filled me with more anticipation than posing for a camera.

For one of the most sought after photographers in the Los Angeles area, Sydney lived in a pretty crappy apartment in North Hollywood, just on the edge between it and Burbank. When we first dated, I had wondered about it. As time went on and I learned more about him, I realized why he lived where he did.

Sydney Hale was born in what a politician might politely call a lower working-class family. What this meant in real terms was that his parents both worked jobs, his father sometimes working two, along with taking government assistance in order to make ends meet as their son grew up along with his two sisters and brother in what the locals called ‘The 209’ portion near Stockton. While his eye for photography, good looks, and ability to smooth talk people had gotten him out of the tiny, two-bedroom house that he’d grown up in, he was still marked by the neighborhood and its culture.

Syd was a hustler, as it was often called on the street, always looking for an angle or an advantage. I realized after he’d hit me that he was always looking to take advantage of people and situations. If a normal situation said you could gain five dollars, he’d look for an unfair advantage to get ten.

It was this attitude that attracted me to Sydney at first. He was dangerous, cocky, the bad boy type. And of course, Mom disapproved of him from the start, saying he wasn’t deserving of me, which only spurred me on to be with him even more. Looking back, Mom was right, at least on that subject if nothing else.

Moving to the Los Angeles area to further his photography career, Sydney settled in the North Hollywood/Burbank area because it was close to the movie studios. He was constantly trying to get in with them, doing test shoots and trying to work some angle. He thought that if he could, he’d be able to work his way into some sort of fame and security, I think. After a few years of being so-called stuck in the fashion photography world, I think he stayed in the same area because he was the top dog in a low area, the big fish in a small pond.

Knocking on Sydney’s door, I held the bag tight against my chest, looking around carefully—it was that sort of neighborhood. Sydney lived and worked out of the same studio apartment a lot of the time, and I assumed he’d be home.

“Who is it?” Sydney called from inside.

“It’s Alix. I have what you asked for,” I replied, unwilling to even say the word ‘money’ anywhere someone might overhear. I reached behind my ear and tapped the button on my new Bluetooth headset, starting the record function on my phone. According to what the app said, for the next ten minutes it would record continuously, or longer if I kept up a string of conversation.

Sydney’s door rattled as he undid the three locks that he kept on the door, and he opened it, turning and walking down the narrow hallway to his living room without even a greeting. “Come on,” he said instead, knowing that he was drawing me inside. “I want to count it.”

Feeling that I had no choice, I followed him, closing the door behind me. He sat down on his couch, pointing to the low coffee table in front of him. “Go ahead, show me.”

I unzipped the tote bag, laying the cash on the table. “There it is, all sixty thousand. Fresh from the bank this afternoon.”

“You were quicker than I anticipated,” Sydney commented as he counted the stacks. “That’s good.”

“I just want you out of my life,” I replied. “I’m not into blackmail as a form of communication in a relationship.”

“It still doesn’t answer the question though. Alix, I want you back,” Sydney said as he finished counting the money. “You were the best girl I’ve ever had.”

“And you spent time after time going behind my back, having sex with other women,” I retorted. “I mean, what about that girl at the UFC party? Did you even know her name?”

Sydney shrugged and sat back. “No, but it doesn’t matter. That was just fucking. What we had, Alix, that was a real relationship.”

“I honestly don’t even know how to respond to that,” I said. “If you actually think that, then you’re more screwed up than I thought. So good-bye, Sydney. I’m not playing your games anymore.”

I turned when Syd spoke from behind me. “So I guess this means that you’ll be bringing me another payment in say . . . two weeks? I think twenty thousand should be more than enough. I don’t want to take all your money, you know.”

I turned back, shocked. “I can’t pay you more. I had to borrow this much just to pay you this time.”

“Well, you could always pay in other ways,” Sydney replied, his eyes roaming over me. “Say, twice a week? I mean, I know you’d hate to see those videos and photos on the web for everyone, including Derek Prescott himself, to see live and uncensored.”

I shuddered, repulsed by the idea. “No. You’re not going to whore me out.”

I turned to go when Sydney sprang from his seat on the sofa. He ran toward me and grabbed my arm from behind to stop me. “You don’t get it, do you, bitch?” Sydney asked, looking down at me with hatred and anger in his eyes. “Nobody says no to me. Nobody.”