Dirty Nails (11 page)

              “Okay,” I hesitated.

              “I wish you didn’t have to use those.” He stated. He crossed one of his jean-clad legs over the other.

              “I need them.”

              “I could help you quit using them. I will if you want.”

              “Right now.” I freaked. My breathing picked up. “I need them.” I held the bag close to my chest.

              “Another time, okay. You don’t need them. You just think you do. Look at your arms.”

              I took a good look. They were scarred up so bad. They looked awful, but I didn’t care. It wasn’t going to make me change my mind about that fact that I had to have them. They kept me sane. Without them I’d be even more screwed up.

              I tucked my arms in tightly to my stomach. “I get it okay. I know they’re ugly, but I’m not ready to get rid of them.”

              “Whatever, that’s not what I meant. They’re not ugly.” He stated matter-of-factly. “If, or when you’re ready, I’ll be there to help you get over the need for them.”

              “Thank you.”

              Our tones were clipped at each other. I sort of wanted to laugh because; he and I were both so damn stubborn. I hadn’t realized how much so because with Max I’d always acted a certain way. It wasn’t until he came into my life that I started acting differently. He brought it out in me. Though he was huge and although sometimes he frightened me I couldn’t help speaking my mind around him.

              “Do you want something to drink?” He asked.

              “Could you stop diverting and tell me the story? I’m ready.”

              “Fine.”

              I wasn’t really ready but it was now or never.

Fifteen- Breakdown

              My fingernails were dug deeply into the mattress on each side of me. The pressure was making my knuckles turn white. My bag of nails was only inches away, but I wasn’t going to reach for them until I had to. I was expecting the worst. That uneasy feeling that you got when you knew something bad was about to happen. You know the one. I could feel it down to my bones.

              “I was only working for Max so that I could kill him. That was the plan”

              I found myself leaning farther away from him. “Why would you do that, and if that were the case then why haven’t you done it already?” I asked. He’d been working there for a while. There were plenty of opportunities to kill him if those were his intentions, and they were unsettling intentions.

              I’ve never seen him look so nervous before. As badly as I wanted to reach out and comfort him, I couldn’t. I was too afraid. Afraid of the unknown, afraid of my feelings, and most of all I was afraid that his words would break me. They could break what little piece of sanity I had left, and I didn’t think my heart was strong enough to withstand it.

              He stood up from the bed and started pacing the floor. I watched each step that he took.

              “He killed my mom and my sister.”

              My heart sunk all the way down to my feet.

              “Max killed them both.”

              “You can’t know that.” I shook my head.

              “I can and I do. I was there when he did it. I was supposed to have died too, but I didn’t.”

              No.

              No, no, no, no, no. He’s a fucking liar.

              I reached for my bag of nails, but Sketch caught my hand. He held it down against the bed. “I’m not lying.” His eyes were fixated on mine. “If it weren’t for Bram, I’d be dead.”

              He released my hand, but still kept his eyes on me. His hands went behind his back and he gracefully pulled his shirt up over his head in one swift movement. My breath caught in my throat as I stared at a bare chested Sketch.

              Scars.

              So many scars lined his chest.

              “I should have died.” His large hand ran down the length of his chest. “I didn’t. But I looked into his eyes as he tried to do it, and I watched him kill my mom and my sister. He’s going to die, Sadie. I will kill him.”

              I couldn’t believe it. My whole life I had lived with that man. I’d made love to him.

              Oh God.

              The emotions were flooding in.

              “And my parents,” I said and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking. “He’s responsible.” I stated. I didn’t have to ask. I already knew.

              As fast as I could, I emptied my bag of nails onto the bed. I gripped as many of them as I could in my hand.

              “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Ahhhhh,” I groaned as I dug them deep into my left arm.

              I couldn’t stop shaking. I switched hands and dug the nails into my other arm, hard and fast. I didn’t have the balls to look up at Sketch.

              The release came, but then it went. I needed more. I lifted up my pant leg and was just about to dig them in my legs when Sketch stopped me. He nearly tackled me to the bed in one quick movement.

              “Stop Sketch, stop. I need it. I fucking need it. Please.” I pleaded.

              “You’ve done enough.”

              I cried out, “No! It’s not enough. Get off me”

              The door to his bedroom flew open and someone barged in. “What’s going on?” The voice asked, but I couldn’t see his face. Sketch’s enormous body covered my own.

              “GET OUT!” Sketch yelled.

              “Cam what’s,” he started to say again. Calling him by his real name.

              “Get the fuck out now.” Sketch’s voice made my body tremble. He was holding my hands down, and I had no escape.

              I heard the door slam, and we were alone once again.

              “Let. Go. Of. Me.” I struggled underneath him. He never let me go. I could feel the warm blood running down my arms.

              “Stop fighting me.”

              The quick rise and fall of my chest wasn’t helping. It was making things worse.

              His mouth was slightly open and his breathing was heavy. The look in his eyes was familiar. It was that stare that stripped me bare. It left me feeling vulnerable, and defenseless.

              It was all too much. I broke. The tears sprung free and every coherent thought in my brain was gone. All the emotions had built a dam inside of me and I had finally had too much.

              He released my hands but I stayed frozen, still crying my eyes out. A few words were spoken but I didn’t hear what they were, and had no idea if he was even speaking to me.

              I felt his body lift off of me, and I curled myself up into a ball.

              These past few weeks had taken such a toll on me. It was more than I could handle.

              Out of nowhere I felt my body being lifted from the bed. I rested my head against Sketch’s bare chest not caring where he was taking me.

This was the lowest point in my life since I’d lost my parents. Lower than when Max had taken my virginity too roughly. It was lower than when he kicked the life out of me when I was sick and helpless.

I felt like scum. My whole life was a lie, and there was a part of me that just wanted it all to be over. Fourteen years were taken from me. Fourteen years of being locked away as Max’s play toy.

A whore. That’s what I was. I betrayed my parents on so many levels.

I just cried. That was all I could do.

He sat me down gently making sure that I was steady before releasing me. I could barely see through my swollen eyes. My eyes stayed fixated on the tile of the cold floor.

When I heard the shower turn on I realized I was in the bathroom.

“I’m going to help you out of these clothes.” He lifted my shirt up over my head. I wasn’t moving. He was doing it all. He said nothing else, just continued to undress me. It wasn’t until I was completely naked that I finally searched for his face.

His beautiful, scarred face.

The man that stood before me was no longer the beast I though he was. He was just angry, and sad.

My heart sped up, as I stood there naked under his gaze. He looked at me differently than anyone ever had.

Maybe it was differently, but it felt real.

He bit down on the side of his mouth as his eyes raked over my body. I’m not sure how long we stood there but it felt like a lifetime.

He mumbled something and I looked back at the floor. The shower curtain moved and when I looked over at him, he motioned for me to get in.

I shook my head no. I didn’t want to get in. I didn’t want to move, and more importantly I didn’t want to lose this moment that we were sharing.

“Come on,” he held out his hand.

“I don’t even have the strength, and I don’t care Sketch or Cam. Whatever your name is.”

“You’ll feel better. Come on.”

“No.”

Call me stubborn. I didn’t care. There were too many emotions going off like fireworks inside of me.

His mouth clenched and he looked mad. There was no way to be sure what he’d do.

He reached for the zipper of his pants and my eyes were glued.

I had no idea what the hell he was about to do.

His pants dropped to the floor. He had nothing on underneath.

WHOA.

There were no words. Just seeing him standing there in all his glory made me want to attack him. He was all man. Every muscle in his body was defined and his dick was hard and standing at attention. My clit was throbbing and I had done nothing but look at him.

“Sorry.” He said in his deep voice. I knew he was talking about his obvious erection, but he had nothing to be sorry for. “I’ll wash you up, now get in.”

Well, I couldn’t say no to that.

I wiped my tear-stained face, and stepped inside the shower. I was a little off balance, but his hands went straight to my hips to keep me upright.

He was nothing like I thought he was. I mean he did seem to be on edge all the time, but he was so attentive to me. He’d been more caring in these last few hours then Max had been in the last five years.

I still couldn’t get used to the idea of being free. Maybe because I still didn’t feel free.

I winced as the warm water ran across the cuts on my arms. It hurt like hell. I felt his hands rub my back, but couldn’t turn around.

“I did it for you.” He said.

My body stiffened. “What?”

“I ruined everything so that I could get you out of there. That wasn’t my plan. I was just supposed to kill him. That was my plan. I knew that he had you all along, but I didn’t care at first. I thought you were there because you chose to be, because you wanted to be.”

“Why’d you do it?” I turned around to face him.

“I saw how miserable you were. The way he treated you was wrong, and then when I realized you knew nothing I knew what I had to do. At first I thought you knew what he did and that you stayed anyway. I thought that you were just sort of this prisoner and you were okay with it.” His hands were waving all over the place. “That moment in your bedroom when you were sick almost blew everything for me. I wanted to kill him right then but couldn’t. Then he kicked you and that was the last straw. I couldn’t leave you there any longer. I had to get you out, or else he was going to kill you.”

I reached my hand out to his cheek. “He’s had plenty of chances to kill me Sketch. He hadn’t done it yet.” I gently moved my fingers across his cheek.

“You don’t know the things they said about you when you weren’t around. I wanted to punch him so many times. He was going to kill you eventually. I promise you.”

“So you ruined everything so that you could save me?”

“I’m still going to kill him Sadie. I just have to find a new way to do it.”

His face was stoic. If he were ever serious about anything, this was it.

“Who exactly is Bram?” I asked. “And why do him and Max hate each other so much.”

“It’s really complicated.” He lathered his hands up and started washing my body.

“I’ve got time.”

So he talked while he washed.

I wasn’t expecting it to feel so amazing. It was the most sensual experience of my whole life. His hands worked my body over slowly, and I was letting myself go. If he hadn’t been talking I’d have rushed him out of the shower and into the bed.

“Bram is a lot like Max. Not because he’s evil, but because they are in the same line of work. The drugs I mean. Bram was married to mom when Max killed her.”

I’m sure my eyes were as big as saucers. “Why did he do it?”

“Revenge.”

“Revenge for what?”

“Different things,” he said. His answer was vague.

“Why did he kill my parents?”

“Your dad was working for Bram and Max at the same time. Bram knew it. Your dad was the rat.”

“What do you mean? My dad was a good man.” I nearly yelled.

“That’s not what I meant. He was the leak or the mole. He was the one that would report back to Bram with inside information, and he got caught.”

“I can’t listen to anymore right now. I can’t.” I shook my head and raised my hand for him to stop.

“I need you to listen to me, Sadie.” He backed me up against the wall under the showerhead. “I don’t know what is about to happen and there is still a lot that you don’t know. I promise I will tell you everything. I won’t keep you in the dark. But I don’t know what’s about to happen. I took his prized possession and he’s going to come looking for you. Mark my words.” His hand brushed my neck. “We have to be prepared. Tomorrow we are meeting with Bram and all of his men. I need you to be there, and I need you to be strong. No nails tomorrow okay. They won’t understand it the way that I do. Promise me.”

He leaned his forehead down so that it lay softly against mine. I felt his strong arms on my hips and watched as he closed his eyes. “Promise me,” he said never opening them.

While his eyes remained closed I was able to look closely at him for the first time. I could see every scar, wrinkle, and perfect flaw on his face. As easily as I could, I rubbed my fingertips over his eyebrows, down his cheeks, and very lightly over his lips. Those beautiful lips parted just enough for him to exhale a deep breath. It felt warm against my fingertips. I desperately wanted to kiss him.

While his eyes were still closed I leaned in until I was close enough for my lips to barely graze his. It wasn’t a kiss, just a touch. An intoxicating touch, that made me want him more.

His eyes opened and I saw the beast in him. The man that took what he wanted and ravaged his prey. I wanted him to take me. To make me forget every bad memory I’d encountered.