Dirty Thoughts (21 page)

Brent turned to him, eyebrows raised. “What?”

“You know, stubborn. Set in my ways. That kind of thing.”

Brent blinked. “Yes.”

“Yes? No hesitation or explanation, just yes?”

Brent turned and leaned his hip on the railing, turning his body to face Cal. “I’m not gonna lie. The only time in the last ten years you haven’t acted like Dad is when you were with Jenna. Then you fucked that up somehow, like the moron you are, and now you’re Jack 2.0 all over again.”

“Shit.”

“I don’t get it. Honestly. You didn’t punch Dylan. You told me she didn’t believe you did. So how the hell she isn’t here, or in your bed, or living in your house like she’d practically been for the last month is a mystery.”

“I told her I didn’t have anything else to give. I was tapped out, drained dry. I got you and Max and Dad and Asher, and that takes up all my energy. I like my iron circle. I can handle what happens in it, so I don’t have to deal with things out of my control.”

“Out of your control?”

“With Jenna and her brother. And then Asher in the hospital. I hate how this all makes me feel. It hurts, Brent. It hurts like hell.”

Brent’s eyebrows were dipped, his lips pressed in a thin line. He stood close to Cal, so close that Cal had to crane his neck to look up at him. Brent ran his tongue over his teeth before he spoke. “It’s okay that it hurts. Fuck, man, so you feel shit? That’s what makes you human. If you don’t feel pain, then you don’t feel the opposite either.”

The opposite of pain.

Jenna’s laughter in his ear. Her head on his bare chest, hair tickling his skin. Kissing her while she squirmed in his lap. Holding her hand in his truck.

Brent’s hand rested on his shoulder. “This last month, it kinda felt like I got my brother back, the one I used to have.”

Laughing at Brent’s singing at the garage. Playing video games while Brent narrated in different voices. Drinking beer on his deck.

But this pain right now . . . it fucking hurt. Was it all worth it? Cal squeezed his eyes shut as Brent’s palm warmed his skin.

“I know it’s hard to care, Cal. I fucking know. But where would Max and I be if you didn’t? Where would Asher be? And where would you be?”

Cal’s world was tilting. As soon as he thought he had it down on lock, someone took a finger and spun the globe, and everything was a blur all over again.

Brent sighed. “You have more to give. You always will, Cal. That’s who you are. You thought you were done before Asher showed up, and you dug deep and gave that kid everything you had. So maybe Jenna took that bullshit that you’re done, but I don’t. You’re not. You’ll never be.”

The blur was slowing down. Cal was able to focus again, and when he did, it was on his brother’s face, so like his own. “What do you think I should do?”

“If you want to keep living like you’ve been, then I guess you do nothing. And you keep to yourself, until you look in the mirror one day and see Jack.”

Cal’s stomach rolled.

“Or,” Brent said, “you get outside that iron circle you’ve made for yourself, and you apologize to Jenna for being a dick.”

Cal hugged him, just reached up and wrapped his brother in his arms. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d done that. “Thanks, man. Appreciate the advice.”

Brent squeezed the back of Cal’s neck. “Learned from the best.”

Chapter Twenty-Seven

J
ENNA OPENED UP
all the windows in her house and let the August breeze blow through. That’s exactly what she needed. Some airing out. She wished she could do the same thing for her heart.

She shook her head as she stuck the vacuum back in the closet. Nope, not going there. She wiped her hands and looked around. It was a Saturday, and she probably could have spent all day working, but she needed a break.

Instead of letting her quit MacMillan Industries, her father had fired Dylan and begged her to stay. He’d finally admitted the damage his son was doing to the company, and his actions at the country club had been the last straw.

It had been a tough decision, because leaving this town might have been what was best for her, but she’d enjoyed reconnecting with Delilah. She’d come to know the employees of MacMillan Industries and cared about them. So she’d said yes.

And she vowed to remain single for a long time to come.

She wore a loose tank top and a pair of shorts and pulled her hair back into a ponytail. She planned to barricade herself in her home all weekend. If she needed food, she’d call out.

She walked into the kitchen to begin assembling dinner when there was a knock at her door.

She frowned and kept still. Maybe whoever it was would go away if she waited it out. She had patience.

But the knock came again. And again.

And then the doorbell started ringing.

With a groan of frustration, Jenna padded to the front door in her bare feet and threw it open.

Asher and Brent stood on the front porch. The teenager held a bouquet of flowers in his casted arm. She hadn’t seen him since the day he got home from the hospital. And that’d been a week ago. “Asher.”

He smiled and held out the flowers. “Hi, Jenna.”

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m good.”

Her gaze shifted to Brent and then back to Asher. “And what are you guys doing here?”

Brent nodded to the flowers. “You’re supposed to take those, and then you’re supposed to get into my truck.”

Jenna glanced at the huge black monster in her driveway. “Excuse me?”

Brent grinned, but it seemed a little forced. “Will you please come with us?”

Jenna blinked, because she knew who was behind this, and she wanted no part of that. “I’m sorry, but I think it’s best if I stay here. Away from all Paytons.”

Asher took a step forward. “Please? It’s really important, Jenna.”

Shit.
He’d sent the kid. If that wasn’t the most effective weapon to get her to do his bidding, then she didn’t know what was. He must have trained the kid too, because she’d never seen Asher go to quite this length with those puppy-dog eyes.

Brent was biting his lip, for once not making a joke. Asher’s body was vibrating.

And so that’s why she sighed, grabbed her purse and a thin sweatshirt, slipped on her Converse sneakers, and walked out to the truck.

The boys climbed inside, Asher in the middle. And no one talked. Not a word. Jenna didn’t know what to say. The whole cab of the truck was loaded with words, and if she vocalized one, it might have suffocated them all.

She figured out where they were going about halfway there, but she didn’t let herself believe it until Brent pulled into the parking lot and shifted the truck into park. “He said to take Carson Trail.”

That was the one they’d always used in high school. She stared at her hands fisted on her lap. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

Silence. Only the humming and vibration of the truck. Until Asher said, “I think you can.”

So she hopped out of the truck, waved at Brent and Asher, and made her way down the easiest trail, not the one she’d traveled with Cal weeks ago. That had been the safe trail that day, the one with no memories, so they could create their own. Being on Carson Trail felt like rewriting history a little bit. How it ended was still to be determined.

Back in high school, the paths were overgrown, the paint on the trees marking the trail faded. Now, the brush had been cleaned up and swept back, the dirt leveled. The splashes of paint leading the way was fresh and bright on the tree trunks. Even if it hadn’t been, she still knew where to go.

There was still that old fallen log off the side as she rounded the first bend. It was more decayed now, but the gnarled roots still stretched out, grasping at nothing.

Even the smell was the same, dirt and moisture and everything that made River’s Edge her and Cal’s sanctuary.

She ran her fingers over the bushes lining the trails. She jogged over a small bridge that was raised over a mostly dried-out creek bed.

When she reached the area of the trail where she had to go off path to reach their spot, there was a clump of wildflowers tied to the tree. She pulled them out with shaky fingers, burying her nose in the petals.

And then, with careful steps, she went off path and wove her way among the trees and rocks by memory in the direction that would lead her to Cal. The sound of rushing water drew closer, and with one more hop over a fallen log, she pushed aside a branch.

Cal sat on a blanket with his back to her, his wrists propped on his bent knees.

Her mind blipped back ten years. To when Cal had shorter hair. To when his shoulders weren’t quite as broad, his skin not as weathered. She took another step forward, a fallen branch cracking under her sneaker, and Cal looked over his shoulder. He stood slowly, hands in his pockets, as she approached.

It was then she saw the difference in his eyes, in his expression. Since she’d been back to town, Cal had done nothing but brace himself, constantly preparing for what would knock him down next.

But this Cal, he faced her head on, his expression open and no longer guarded.

She stopped five feet away from him and waited.

“Thanks for coming,” he said.

“You sent the kid. You knew what you were doing to get me here.”

A ghost of a smile crossed his lips, and then he looked away, his tongue slipping out to wet his lip. “So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

She pursed her lips to keep from talking.

“I thought that eighteen-year-old kid who wanted the wife and family and you was an idiot. I thought he was full of dreams that in reality, I couldn’t fulfill. I spent ten years telling myself I wanted nothing to do with him and everything he wanted.” He shook his head and looked down at his boots. “And now, I’m finally starting to realize he was the one who had it right all along.”

Her breath stuttered. The sound of the river now mixed with the pounding of her heart in her ears.

He lifted his head. “I know I messed up, Jenna. You were patient with me while I figured this out, and then I messed up, kinda like I knew I would. When we talked the day Asher got home from the hospital . . . well, I thought he was going back to his mom. She left her dumb-ass husband, and all I could do was feel sorry for myself. I wanted it all gone, everything that reminded me of how great this summer has been.” He took a step forward. “And then Asher asked to stay. He said I gave him a family.” Cal thumped his fist on his chest, and a bright smile came over his face. God, he was beautiful like this, pouring his heart out to her in a way he never did, in a way the eighteen-year-old Cal hadn’t known how. “I was so focused on whether I was doing everything right and that one setback threw me. But when I looked in the mirror and realized that if I kept going the way I’d been before you and Asher . . . well, I was turning into my father.” Another step forward, and Jenna held her ground. “I’ll always be a stubborn bastard, Sunshine. But I want to be that with you. And I’m standing here now, telling you that I’m done trying. No more trying. I’m just doing. I’ll be your man if you’ll be my woman again.”

She wasn’t sure Cal had ever said that many words at one time in his life. But he had now, and he’d said them to her. She’d seen Cal without his clothes on, yet he’d never been this naked in front of her. He still wore that bright open smile, and his eyes were bluer than she’d ever seen them, reflecting the sunlight filtering through the trees.

This was what she’d wanted to hear for weeks, this conversation where they laid it all out on the table. But she had one question, which had been niggling in the back of her head ever since that night at the country club. “Before you got that call, those words you said to me . . . did you mean them?”

His brows furrowed. “When we were dancing?”

She nodded, breathless.

He smiled slowly, a slight flush staining his cheeks. “I meant them then, Jenna. And I mean them again now. I love you.”

She didn’t want to be stubborn. She didn’t want to punish him for the week of hell he’d put her through, because that wasn’t who she was. She trusted Cal, deep in her heart, and trusted that he was telling the truth now. He was decisive, and she had to allow him a couple of speed bumps to get over the decision he’d made recklessly ten years ago. She was just glad he finally came around.

Jenna took a step forward, until their chests brushed, and she looked up into his eyes. “I don’t think I ever stopped being your woman, not for ten years.”

“I love you, Sunshine,” he growled, and then his big hands gripped her face, and his body slammed into hers, and his mouth attacked her, demanding, hot, needy, pressing her lips open so he could taste her.

She moaned into his mouth, circling his wrists with her fingers, digging in her nails. They sealed this moment with a kiss.

Then they were stumbling back to the blanket, and Cal’s fingers were undoing her jean shorts. Her mind raised a tiny red flag, because they were in public, but that flag wilted because in this moment, she didn’t care. In fact, it turned her on a little. Their first time had been here, right at River’s Edge. So this was only fitting.

Cal lowered her to the blanket, shoving her shorts down over her hips. His lips were fused to hers, and she was fine with that, unwilling to part. Her hands had slipped under his T-shirt to touch as much of his hot skin as she could.

She heard the lowering of his zipper and the crinkle of a condom wrapper. She bucked her hips when she felt his erection between her legs.

“This okay?” he panted against her mouth.

“More than okay.”

“I love you,” he said, struggling to roll the condom onto his hardness. It was like he couldn’t say it enough.

She laughed against his lips. “I love you too, you stubborn bastard.”

And then he was inside of her, his hands gripping her hips, his face shoved into her neck. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and then kicked off her shorts and underwear so she could wrap her legs around him.

“I missed you,” he said against her skin. “I’m sorry.” And he muttered other words that didn’t matter anymore; they truly didn’t. Because she was staring at the sky, with Cal’s hard body on top of hers. The sun beat down on her face, on Cal’s back, and she was full, so full to bursting with Cal, with love, for the future she’d only dreamed about as a teenager.

He was bringing her to the edge with his words and his fingers between her legs, and she let it happen, let the orgasm begin at her center and spread throughout her limbs until the tips of her fingers and toes tingled. She gasped into Cal’s ear, his hair catching on her lips. And then Cal was coming too, pulsing inside of her, his hips stuttering between her thighs.

And then . . . there was his hot breath misting on her skin, his weight on top of her. And the world kept turning. The water kept flowing. The trees kept growing. And she loved Cal Payton with everything that she was.

C
AL HAD BROUGHT
sandwiches, with the hope that Jenna would stay. By the time they’d gone another round again and dug into the food, the sun was beginning to set.

They were dressed now, although if they hadn’t seen anyone yet, they probably wouldn’t. It’d always been a stellar make-out spot.

Jenna sat across from him, dropping blueberries in her mouth. Her lips were red and swollen from his kisses; her cheeks were flushed. He knew her inner thighs probably felt the remnants of his beard.

His cock gave a half-hearted jerk, but he knew he was done for now. He wasn’t eighteen anymore.

“So Asher is here to stay?” Jenna asked.

“Yeah, he said he wants to go to school here. He asked Jill, and she said okay. She went back to Virginia for now, but she’s making noises about moving up here again.” Jenna widened her eyes, and Cal chuckled. “Yeah, I know.” He leaned back on his hands. “Good news too. Dad agreed I can work on bikes.”

Jenna’s mouth dropped open, and she crawled across the blanket to kiss him. “That’s amazing! How did that happen?”

“It took Asher’s getting hurt for him to realize how badly this town needs a certified mechanic, which sucked that’s what it had to take, but there ya go.”

Her eyes shone. “I’m happy for you.”

“Me too.”

“Well, news on my side is that Dylan got fired.”

Cal nearly swallowed his tongue. “What?”

“My dad saw what was going on. He got Dylan a job with a friend out in Denver. So Dylan’s gone. Out of our lives.”

Cal looked to the water. “Huh.”

“I’m sorry that happened, Cal. I hope you know that.”

“I’m sorry too. But it’s done.”

Once they finished eating, Jenna lay with her head on Cal’s lap. He stroked her hair, knowing they needed to go before it got dark but neither wanting to leave.

“We’ll come back here, right?” Jenna asked quietly.

“ ’Course,” he answered. “This is our spot.”

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. “Now that I know you’re so good at communicating, I’ll hold you to a higher standard.”

“Shit,” he muttered.

She laughed. “It’s okay. Change is good.”

He smiled and bent over to give her a kiss. “I’ll deal with any change, as long as you’re there.”