Read Disastrously Fabulous: A Novel of Loves, Betrayals and New Beginnings Online

Authors: D.A. Prince

Disastrously Fabulous: A Novel of Loves, Betrayals and New Beginnings (10 page)

CHAPTER 18:
Going Home

“Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do... but how much love we put in that action.”

~ Mother Teresa ~

The door swung open in my old childhood home in Long Island, and I stepped inside. The familiar smells of mothballs, furniture polish and freshly baked bread wrapped around me. A hug from my mother, then another from my father greeted me. The twins were with their father, and so was James; for now! I was home.

My mother put on a pot of tea, and we settled around the dining room table. I left my luggage at the door, five brimming Dolce & Gabbana, leopard print suitcases. I had squeezed all of the possessions I could carry into these bags, along with my former life with Burt.

The tea felt warm in my hands. A cool certainty settled on me like a fine silk veil. I knew I was safe here, and that I could stay as long as I needed to get back on my feet.

“Strange being back here after all these years,” I mused.

My father eyed me anxiously. “Are you okay, daughter, what can we do to help you?”

“You’re already doing it.” I attempted a smile. “I’m sorry to barge in on you like this. I wasn’t planning to be back here…after everything.”

My mother reached out and took my hand. “Don’t you worry about any of that. You know you’re always welcome with us.” She shot a warning glance at my father.

As much as I loved him, I knew he wanted to ask me if I’d be contributing to the household finances.

Of course I couldn’t expect them to take on the expense of having me living with them, but now was not the time to discuss the details.

Both my mother and my father were acutely aware that I had just fallen from a life of economic changes— and not for the first time. After another quiet moment my father perked up. “When I get my hands on that husband of yours, I’m going to choke the fidelity back into him.”

“I appreciate that, Dad, but I don’t want him back. We are over now…for good.” My voice rang through the old linoleum kitchen. “I’ve asked for a divorce.”

My mother frowned for me. “Oh no, Crystal, is it that bad? No reconciliation at all?”

I drew in a deep, steadying breath. “Don’t think so. He has been cheating on me for longer than I want anyone to know. I can’t stay married to a man like that. Perhaps best for both of us if he is free to be with whomever he wants, and I am free to pursue my own happiness.”

It was a rehearsed answer, and it came out better than I expected. But I could see from my parents’ faces that I wasn’t fooling them. I finished my tea and said my excuses. It would be the first night back in my childhood home since I was a teenager, and as an adult I felt an exhaustion that comes from the inexplicable ache of age and regret.

“I’m off to bed now. Thank you for letting me stay here, I’m sure I will be better company in the morning.” It took me three trips to carry my luggage down into the basement, where my mother and father had made room for me.

It was clean and dry down there, with a single bed and some storage space—but the light was artificial. I felt like I was locked away in a dungeon, and that it was my own fault. Of all the men that I was in love with, Burt had come as the biggest surprise.

I had never been a naive adult. But I had believed Burt was different, perhaps for my own selfish reasons. He seemed so sincere. The truth was, that he had chosen to step out on the marriage at the beginning of the year already.

He had grown so distant from me since James was born. I looked after him all the time, and there were demands with the twins and their father too. I guess in the end…Burt always assumed the worst because of his insecurities and misbehaving. I remained faithful to our family.

Regardless of my circumstances, I knew that life had thrown yet another challenge at me. The fates were trying to tell me something important this time. I had to open my heart and listen, really listen—to end this cycle of heartache and abuse.

No, not the kind of abuse that came with a cheating husband – the kind that came when you didn’t etch out a life for yourself in the world, when you readily accepted the life of another and pretended it was your own.

It took some time unpacking a few things and reflecting on the mess I had gotten myself into. Today was the first day of the rest of my life. Aha! How cliché? What would I become? What would happen to me? Only I could decide my future.

“Dinner!” came a voice from upstairs. My stomach rumbled in response. I bounded up the many stairs to the landing above the basement, trying not to feel like a failure. When I reached the doorway and crossed into the kitchen, I froze.

There, was my entire family—my mother and father, and all nine of my siblings. My sisters with each of their husbands, and my brothers, with their spouses. They smiled as I entered. “Crystal! Thought we would get together for an excellent dinner,” mom said innocently.

I knew what mom was trying to do, and I appreciated it. My mom and Daisy had a relatively close relationship. Her mom and mine were long time church group friends. I suspected Daisy told my mom that I felt really alone since this tragic ordeal.

I hugged everyone and delighted in being offered a chair at the head of the table, a position reserved exclusively for my father. “You need it more than me today. And why sit when you can stand!” my dad exclaimed, “That chair kills my back.”

Thankfully no one brought up B-liar or the monstrous vagina pictures that I made so public. It was like it never happened. My siblings and family distracted me with news from their lives, good news—and they asked me what was on the cards for me in the coming months.

“Not a clue, haven’t figured it out just yet,” I admitted between mouthfuls of curry chicken. “Probably something on my own time. Rebuild. Research and utilize time and resources wisely.”

“Wise words.” My father lifted his glass. “And bear in mind that you can’t change other people, but you can change yourself.” I saw in his dark eyes something he would not say, but I understood the message nevertheless: it was time that I changed myself.

Together we feasted on a simple meal of chicken, rice and peas that gave me more strength than any I had eaten in a five-star restaurant. My family
would always be here for me, and that was something priceless. Once again, I felt like the feisty 18-year-old model with the world at my feet.

That night I retired to the charming basement full of wonder. I had been in love, out of love, up then down, then up again. I had felt passion and been on the wrong side of an affair, and I had felt the keen sting of betrayal.

All I could do sitting on the white cotton covers was smile. Hope bloomed in my heart like a mighty flower. It was funny how the men I loved taught me so many things. With Barry I believed that honesty was the key to a good relationship, with Tad I realized the importance of financial stability and ambition.

When I met Max all I wanted was closeness and someone to spend my life with—someone that wouldn't treat me like an extension of their wealth, like an object. The chaos of his love drove me into the arms of CJ, the control-freak.

Once again I was in love with a man who took something from me,
my freedom
. That was when I realized I couldn't live without my integrity and personal liberty intact. And then Burt quite suddenly, became another lesson.

For a long time, I believed that Burt was the culmination of the lessons I learned about men in my life. He was tactfully honest and dutiful, kept me close but allowed me my freedom and all the ambition I could ever want.

There was just one problem. Burt was loyal to himself first. He confessed it that day at Daisy’s apartment. When he felt his world crashing down around him, he broke his vows to regain his happiness. I could never imagine doing that to my husband. Yet, a part of me still loved him.

Sitting there with my piles of designer clothing on the bare tiled floor, I realized what a sharp change this would be for me. A necessary change. Some people figure out who they are when they are very young, others—like me, still a work in progress.

It took me five relationships to realize that the traits I valued most, I needed to cherish and nurture inside myself first. Of course I wanted to see them in the man I fell for. But mostly I wanted to be with someone who believed in trust the same as I believed. I needed time to heal.

EPILOGUE

I don't regret the things in life I can’t change.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with my marriage, and how it will affect the children, but I won’t ever let a man have such financial, emotional and spiritual control over me ever again.

As a first step, I’ll dust off my degree, licenses and skills, and look for a job in finance.

I’ll learn to be a better friend, and stop taking everyone’s attention and support for granted.

I’m capable of learning. After learning five lessons about five men, it’s time that I learn about myself.

Instead of pinning my hopes for happiness on one man after another, and despairing when he doesn’t measure up to what I want, I’ll grow into the person I’m meant to be.

The child Crystal, attention-seeking, superficial and chasing after everything that glittered, has gone. The real Crystal, the woman of depth and inner strength, is emerging from the dark. I can’t see her fully yet, but I think I’ll like her. Life with her will be different, but I know we will have fun.

DEAR READER

Did you enjoy this book? I’d love it if you could post a review on Amazon, saying which parts you liked best.

If you want to ask me a question, drop me a line. Also let me know if you’ve spotted any typos, so I can correct them in the next edition. I enjoy hearing from readers.

My email is
[email protected]
.

You can also follow me on Twitter
twitter.com/D_A_Prince_
and if you tweet me
@D_A_Prince_
that you’ve read this book, I’ll probably follow you back.

I look forward to hearing from you.

D.A. Prince

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

D.A. Prince has worked as a dept store cosmetic salesperson, fashion model, insurance agent and voice-over actor.

A native New Yorker, she now lives with her husband and sons in Palm Beach, Florida, close enough to the ocean to hear the waves at night. She is a soccer mum who enjoys travel, tennis, dancing, and listening to reggae, R&B and soul.

Her idea of bliss is dining with her husband in a restaurant where tuxedoed waiters attend to their every whim and silver cutlery clinks on bone china plates, savoring stone crabs, lobster tails, creamed asparagus and potato chips with a bottle of Benoit Gautier Vouvray.

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