Discovering April (37 page)

“Ow!” she croaks, rolling off the shoulder she fell on. She doesn’t appear to be able to move it, as it lies limp against the hard ground.

“Apes, don’t move. Let me call my mom!”

“Help me up!” she orders, using my body to help herself climb up. I didn’t even notice that George was still taunting her until she stomps over to him.

“Nice fall, loser!” He begins a loud laugh as his other friends stand behind him.

I watch in awe as April walks straight up to him and, without further thought, punches him with the only arm she is able to move. George falls flat on his back, gripping his reddening cheek as his friends take a step back.

“Don’t you ever call anyone a geek when you are a loser, you turd licker!” she screams at him, waving her finger in his face for emphasis.

She turns when we see the principal storming her way across the schoolyard. April runs back over to me, her green eyes gleaming in pride.

“You okay?” she asks me.

She just fell what seemed like hundreds of feet down a tree and she’s asking me if I’m okay!

“Yea, your arm!” I reach out for her, but she shuffles out of my reach.

“Come on, Jare, let’s go home.”

HER PHONE CHIMES once again, breaking me out of my pleasant dream only to be reminded of the present. Ugh, I wish I wasn’t having this montage of happy memories right now. It only makes this that much harder. Again, the ringtone blares, echoing in what I can only assume is a tiny room. Next I hear the door click open, half expecting it to be him. But instead, I’m happily surprised to hear Tammie’s soft footsteps making their way to my bed. April stirs and I hear a soft yawn coming from the right of me.

“I was about to check your vitals, girl. You’ve been asleep all day!” Tammie jokes as she grabs my pulse to check my heartbeat.

“Mmm, all day?”

“Yeah! I’ve come in like three times already! Hun, can I talk to you?”

“You know you can, Tams.”

“There is someone here for you again…” she begins hesitantly.

Oh no.

“Who?”

“Mr. Grey.”

I know who she is talking about; these little code names hide nothing. I mean, who else would it possibly be?

“Get rid of him.”

I want to jump up and down in victory.

“Maybe you should just speak to him. He looks… worried.”

“Tammie, I can’t!”

“You know, I worry about you, April. He might not wake up. You have to face that fact. He might be like this forever. What will you do?”

My heart freezes, waiting for her answer, but it never comes.

“You should at least meet this kid to see what he wants. Keep your options open. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, especially if it is hanging on a thin tightrope.”

She’s right. Keep your options open, but not with
him
. Not with that loser that broke you! NOT HIM, APRIL! I hear the soft footsteps walk away from us and the door clicks behind her.

It’s just me and April again. I want to scream. I want to get up and hold her and tell her I’m here and don’t go to him. I struggle against all hope once again. I feel as though I’m convulsing again, heading for that light. I need to get to that light. I need to get to it for April. My April.

Hands are holding mine, lips brush my cheek, but it’s the words that make my heart stop and beat crazy at the same time.

“Jared, I understand. I get it if you can’t hold on.”
No, she’s giving up
. “Don’t stay here in limbo just for me. Just make a decision! I can’t take this anymore. I love you.” There is a long pause, like she’s choosing her next words carefully. “I know you are stronger than this! I know you didn’t wait all these years to finally tell me how you feel just to fucking die on me! So you fight, you break through! You fucking wake up Jared! You wake up for me! You wake up for me.”

She must kiss me because I feel pressure on my lips. It’s wet, too wet. I think she might be crying. No, I’m just like all the rest of them. I’ve broken her heart. I’ve made her cry. I promised her I would never do that. I’ve failed her. No. That’s not how this is going to end. She is right. I’m stronger than this. I’ve got to break through. Suddenly, the pressure lingering on my lips spreads a tingling sensation everywhere that turns into a burning feeling. Once again, I see the light ahead of me and I run. I sprint towards the light with everything I have in me. But, it’s still just out of reach. That’s when I get the idea—I lunge forward, diving towards the light. My fingers just reach out and skim the surface… it’s right there. As my fingertips touch the light, my whole body becomes sucked in and enveloped. I’m blinded by the power of the light. I’ve been in the dark for so long that I’m once again blind.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep
. A steady beeping is the first thing that my mind registers. Only this time, my eyes flutter open. I blink, once, then twice making sure this is real and not another dream. Slowly, my eyes scan from side to side. April?

Only she isn’t here. I’m alone in the small hospital room. Her suitcase is situated against the wall beside me, the chair next to the bed has a deep impression of a rear still in it, but April is nowhere to be seen.

She left me. She finally left me. I wiggle my fingers slowly. Spreading them out, I reach for the nurse call button. With all the strength that I have, I push it. Repeatedly.

Footsteps are rushing down the hall. The door swings open and my heart drops when I see a nurse in scrubs and not my April. She stands there, staring at me in disbelief. Her deep brown eyes stare at me for a few seconds longer than usual.

“Son, do you know your name?” her soft voice asks me and I know her immediately.

“Wh—” I start before breaking into a mucous-filled cough. Tammie is at my side in seconds. “Where is April?” I finally get out before she’s pushing my shoulders back onto the bed. “April! April!” I try calling out for her.

“She’ll be right back… she just stepped out to get some lunch.” Her cheerfulness is almost misleading. I almost want to believe her.

“You’re lying… she’s with
him
? Isn’t she?” I cough out again.

“I don’t know who you are talking about, dear.” Her fingers are against my wrist, checking my pulse like she has done a million times since the accident.

“You know exactly who I’m talking about, Tammie.” I lean my head against the pillows, almost too exhausted to move. Not physically. I feel like I’ve slept for years, but I’m mentally drained at the effort I exhausted finally waking up. Her eyes widen at the sound of her name before looking down to see she’s wearing her nametag.

“Mr. Grey.” I correct her thoughts with the name. The name she had called him while I was in a coma. Now, she knows.

“Oh, dear,” she whispers to herself. “Did you hear all of that?”

“Every word.” My head jostles back and forth against the pillow, trying to shake the tears forming behind my eyes. It took everything in me to wake up, and for what? April isn’t even here? April is so quick to leave my dying side to go see her ex boyfriend, the one that treated her like crap? It’s like the past couple of months meant nothing to her. Did I mean nothing to her? Was she just staying by my side for attention? Will I ever be enough for her? The only thing keeping the tears at bay is the anger, the rage building up inside me. I did everything for her. I gave her her independence back and she is so quick to throw it all away! To throw
me
away! No!

“I want to leave,” I mutter to Tammie.

“You have just woken up, you have a healing head wound we need to monitor, and your broken leg will need physical therapy.”

Her soft eyes are trying to calm me, but I’m past that point now. I don’t know if I will ever be calm again. All my life I’ve wanted April, and now it seems all I want to do is forget her. Her glazed over eyes pop into my head – the day I found her on the porch steps with vomit on her lips. She was so hurt, so lost. I understand that feeling now.

“No, I’m leaving!” I reiterate, ripping the needles out of my arm.

Tammie reaches for the call button and presses it. Throwing off the covers, I maneuver myself out of bed. My feet have a little tingling feeling but once the blood begins circulating again, I lift myself onto them. My left leg is weak. It’s slightly painful and I lean against the edge of the bed.

“Jared, dear, you can’t go anywhere like this. You’re still recovering, for Christ’s sake! Let me help you!”

“Move me! I don’t want her to know where I am!” I point to her suitcase behind me.

“April?” Tammie practically gasps her name.

“Yes! She is never to see me again!”

“But I don’t understand. She was here for you this whole time. She’s still here for you, she just went to grab lunch—”

“To grab lunch with
him
! The guy who ruined her! And where is she now? Now that I’ve finally woken up! Where is she? She has stuck around for this long – why leave now? Why leave me now?” I look to Tammie for answers but her own brown eyes are tearing along with mine. “No, Tammie I need to be moved. She will never find me. I need time to think.”

“But—”

“NO!” I scream loud enough for her to hear as a few other nurses file into the room behind her. “You will all help me move to a different corridor and if you even think about telling her where I am against my will, I will sue the entire hospital for HIPPA violation! Then each of you individually!”

Tammie takes a deep breath before responding. “Jared Hoffman, I will do as you wish. I just have one question and you make sure you think about your answer.” She pauses, her eyes inspecting mine. For what I couldn’t say. Sanity? Clarity? Pain? Maybe all of the above. “Are you sure this is what you want? No chance for her to explain herself? You are just going to up and leave? Are you sure?”

Am I sure? Hell no – nothing about love is certain. Everything about it screams to me that I’m insane. My mind gets completely overridden with emotion and common sense takes a back seat. But here in this moment, my emotion once again rears its ugly head and states, “Yes, get me out of here.”

I HEARD THE SCREAMING even down through the floor. I would know her voice anywhere; it reeked of pain and I had to cover my head with a pillow. I pressed the call button and a new nurse comes waltzing in.

“Mr. Hoffman, what can I do you for?” the nurse asks, looking over her little reading glasses.

“Can I have something to help me sleep?”

The scream comes again, and this time I hear my name. “The strongest crap you have!”

She nods before sneaking back out to grab it.

JARED.

I’m just like all the rest of them. I left her.

A few months later
…

WEEKS HAVE PASSED and everyone is telling me my progress is greatly improving. I don’t think they ever expected me to wake up, let alone be able to walk again. I wake up in my room at Caudry Rehabilitation. The blue walls with clouds on them look like we are in a baby nursery or something, but I’ve gotten used to them over the passing days. The good thing about not having visitors is that I can concentrate completely on my recovery.

I’ve developed quite a routine. I start off with a few sets of push-ups before breakfast to get my blood pumping. I think it is because I feel like I was just lying stagnant for so long; I want to make sure my heart still works. Breakfast is usually boring and drab, and that’s when I head off to physical therapy for a few hours, followed by aquatic therapy where I’ve graduated to just swimming laps around the pool. Lunch is the same drab tuna sandwich; if I’m lucky, maybe some luncheon meat sneaks in. Then I go for a walk around the grounds. It’s a beautiful facility, it really is. I hate to see what the medical bills are going to cost. But it’s worth it… for my sanity, at least.

I haven’t thought about April. Okay, that’s a lie. I think about her all the time. I can’t help it. There are two questions that haunt my mind. ‘Why?’ and ‘Did I do the right thing?’ I don’t know if I will ever know.

I’m being discharged tomorrow. I have to head back home. What if I see her? What will I do? Fall back into old habits? She has been my everything for so long; what will I do without her?
No
. I promised myself not to think about that. They had me see a psychiatrist when I first admitted myself. Mrs. Fontaine. She asked me all kinds of questions. Apparently, they think my mental state is going to inhibit my recovery. What kind of boloney is that? If anything, it drives my recovery. I never want to be so weak ever again. I never want to be so vulnerable, so…