Discovering Dalton (Manchester Menage Collection #2) (13 page)

“I have?” Troy didn’t do that. Liam had to be pissing about. “I have not.”

“Oh, no, you have. You were all mad at someone. You had a real slagging match.”

“Who was I talking to?”

“I dunno, but he peed you off.” Liam flicked his nose, changing the subject when he saw how wide Troy’s eyes became. “Thanks for sharing your tent.”

“Yeah, well, I'm not a total bastard. I wouldn’t wish the flu on anyone. Not even you.”

“Aww, fanks.”

Troy turned away, his back now to Liam as he woke up and thought about his sleep talking. He had things on his mind, and it could’ve been his dad who he was shouting at.

“Troy…” Liam was right there behind him again, large hand holding his shoulder as he scooted closer. “You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

Liam slapped his back and Troy smiled.

“Tell me about the guy you met.”

“No.” Liam sighed heavily.

“Why?”

He fell silent and Troy looked over his shoulder, watching as Liam thought hard about something.

“What’s up with him? He got a hump or something?” Troy elbowed him in the ribs, but Liam just looked down at him, blank expression on his face and nothing in his body language to give him away. “Liam… Oh, fine. It’s okay. Don’t tell me about him.”

“Why are you worried about him and me?”

Troy opened his mouth, then paused. “I'm not worried. Why would you think that?”

“It’s just…” Liam fell back on the sleeping bag and looked up at the roof of the tent. “It seems to be on your mind, that’s all.”

“It’s not on my mind. I'm just curious about him.” Troy spun around, facing him again. “It’s no big deal.”

Liam slid his eyes to him, lifting a brow, lazy smile curling on his lips. “Right.” There was a long pause where Troy became even more confused and Liam smiled even more. “Look, let’s just say unconscious you're a lot more honest.”

Troy’s eyes opened wider, his lips parting in shock, then he threw a punch at Liam's arm. “What the fuck did I say?”

“Not much, just a mixture of random shit. You got upset.” Liam turned on his side, holding Troy's hip in his warm hold. “If I ever meet anyone who I want more from, that doesn’t mean I'm going to forget about you or leave you out, T.”

“I know that.” Troy shrugged off his touch and slipped further backwards. “I don’t know why you think I’d be worried.”

Liam looked into his eyes, that uncommon seriousness in them which always spooked Troy up. “Same reason I hate you seeing anyone, I guess.”

“And that is?”

“We don’t want to be separated.”

Troy didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t want to lose Liam, but he wanted more from life. He wanted a relationship, and at least he tried to meet someone, but Liam didn’t even bother. He was happy as they were. “It’s gonna happen eventually. We’re both going to meet someone and go our separate ways.” He stopped speaking, watching the scowl quickly appear on Liam's face. “What! We are, Liam. We’re not going to grow old in each other’s company. Well, not as we are right now at least. This is just…” Short term? No, there wasn’t anything short term about the two of them. They’d been through hell and back and still clung onto each other. “We’re going to meet other people and move on. We’ll still be family, still see each other. It will just be different, that’s all.”

Liam reached down, pulling his jeans from the ground and thrusting both legs in them. “That’s fine with me. Just don’t go giving me shit about my new guy then.”

New guy?

Troy watched Liam’s hips rise off the ground, buttoning up his jeans and making his way outside “Since when do I give you shit about meeting men? I’ve never given you shit about that. You do what you want. Do
anyone
you want.”

Liam leaned down, poking his head back in the tent and glaring at him. “You give me shit every fucking day, Troy.
Every day,
and don’t you lie.”

“That’s random hook-ups and you fucking anything that moves. If any of them were going to be special, I'm all for that.”

“Right, fine. Then Dee’s special, okay. Happy now, fucktard?”

Dee? Special? W.T.F

Chapter
14

L
iam had half an hour to calm down in the shower—another shite one with no pressure. After that, he spent longer than was really necessary getting dressed, then hesitantly made his way back into the bar where lunch was waiting for him.

Troy was already there, eating with a few of the other guys from the night before. Not once did he look up as Liam sat at the table. Maybe because he’d guessed by how far Liam sat from him they still needed space. Well, he’d give Troy all the fucking space he needed.

Liam wasn’t stupid, despite how some people judged him by his looks as some muscle bound jerk. Troy had always been picky over who got close to Liam. It started when they were sixteen and it’d continued ever since.

Troy was okay while Liam was single and messing around, but bring a guy home more than once and there’d be trouble brewing in his green eyes. He was the most jealous guy Liam ever met. Even when they were at school, Liam had to make sure Troy felt like number one with his other mates or there would be full on moody strops for a week.

Troy internalized a lot. Liam didn’t see how he felt at the time, but growing up and digging into Troy’s hidden thoughts over the years had given Liam a clear picture of what went on his head. There were men Liam had dated, okay, wrong word, let’s say messed around with a few times. He’d stopped doing it years and years ago, and one of the reasons why was because Troy would be so messed up over the fact he had someone.

At first, Liam thought it was insecurities about Troy not being in a relationship, but then when Troy found someone, he was just the same. He hid behind the fact he thought Liam was a slag, fucking anything that moved, telling him he should settle down and find someone, but they both knew they had that relationship with each other and not with who they fucked. Liam saw that four years ago, and he thought Troy had too. Maybe he did and refused to admit it.

As he ate his fried breakfast, runny eggs and thick slices of bread, he kept his gaze off Troy. He just couldn’t even begin to have this conversation with him.

The thing was, it was beginning to get… unhealthy? Liam didn’t know another word, maybe complicated, but it still wasn’t right because really they had the perfectly healthy uncomplicated lives anyone would want, it was just when others came into the mix things got fucked up. Liam hated every single guy Troy saw for one reason or another, and Troy was the same with him. His little sleep chat made that one hundred percent obvious.

During the times they’d shared a bed, Liam had heard him mutter a few things, even call out or cry. He’d never mentioned it, and to be honest, the words he said at the time didn’t make much sense, but that morning, as Liam laid awake, considering shifting out of Troy’s grasp to go pee, he’d been concerned by how upset Troy was over even the thought of Liam thinking about a guy as more than one night stand.

Liam hadn’t even said much about Dalton. He was pretty sure him and Dalton weren’t going to be an item. Yeah, he wanted it to continue. He wanted to fulfill his promise to own every first from Dalton, and that would take time. He wasn’t going to rush the guy, but a relationship other than fuck buddy? Well, no.

Dalton was so far in the closet he still had the snow on his shoes from Narnia, and if Liam did want to get serious with someone, he wasn’t about to hide and sneak around for the sake of anyone. He couldn’t imagine it.

He watched as Troy got up, casting a slow, heavy lidded look at Liam before going upstairs, travel bag in hand. Liam swallowed down his tea and grimaced. He hated all this shit. He hated arguing with Troy, not that they were really arguing, more not talking, but still, he wanted it to end.

He decided he was going to mess around unpacking the tent so he could have some more space to think about things, but Derrick followed him out, smoking one of his hand rolled ciggies and keeping quiet as they walked across the lawn.

“You know…” Derrick caught him off guard and he chuckled as Liam jumped a little. “Liam, are you and Troy doing okay? Really now. The truth.”

“We’re busy. He’s running Living Ink, I’m running Aspire full time.” Liam brushed his hair from his face and looked at his friend. “We just had a bit of a barney this morning.”

“I can tell.” Derrick grinned back at him. “Look.” He took hold of Liam’s shoulder and looked up at him. “You lads, you’ve been through a lot, not just recently but before Terry and Alice took you in. You’ve got a bond which is forged with pain and love. That’s something not many friends have. I use the word friends, but I know you two are more. You’re family, and I get that, but…” He looked into the distance, then took a breath. “You two, you need to sort your shit out, if you know what I mean.”

Liam stood still, arms crossed over his chest, watching the older man carefully. “Not really. Sort what shit out? The argument from this morning?”

“No.” Derrick threw his tab end to the ground, smoke drifting from his nostrils as he turned to look at Liam again. “You two are more than family.” He raised his brow when Liam continued to keep his mouth shut. “More than friends.” He threw his arms in the air and snorted. “Come on, Liam.”

“You think we’re…”
Fucking? No!
“Sexual together? We’re not.”

“Ugh.” Derrick rubbed his greying beard. It was obviously difficult and he didn’t want to do this. “You love each other, that’s plain to see. You’ve never been able to separate since you first met. I'm just trying to say maybe, you know, there’s more there to think about between you two.”

Liam smirked. “Right. Like we just shift from brothers to lovers sort of thing. Del, are you really suggesting that? Honestly?”

“Well, to be blunt, most people think you’re already doing each other. They always have.”

Liam chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Two gay men
not
having sex and spending so much time together, that doesn’t happen, right?” He shook his head, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. “And… look, we grew up together.” Liam shuffled his feet around on the grass. “I know we’re not blood, but…” Years ago, he’d thought of being more with Troy, but that was so long ago. “I don’t know what’s happening to us, or what has happened. I know we’re at a tipping point. It’s either move on, or…”
Or what?

Derrick gave another sigh, already pulling out his tobacco tin and rolling another cig. “You're not brothers. You shared the same house from the age of fifteen, but there was no love there for the first year. It was a fight to keep you in the same room without one of you getting a bloody nose. All I'm saying is… Terry, he always thought you two would… you know, make it work.”

Liam held the breath in his chest for too long, eventually letting it out in one long gust. “We’re together. We’re just not
together
, together. I haven’t even… Okay, years ago maybe, but that didn’t happen. It’s just what it is, nothing more. I love him. I’ve only ever really loved Terry and Alice, which is different from how I feel for Troy, but that doesn’t mean I'm
in
love with him. It’s just… convenient for both of us.”

“That’s the problem though, ain’t it? Everyone else is an inconvenience to you two. They always have been. Two peas in a bloody pod, joined at the hip. No room for anyone else.”

“All that means nothing but friendship. A close one. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but there’ll never be anything between me and Troy. Never!” Liam was convinced of that. Despite how they circled each other, if something was going to happen, it would’ve happened by now. “I met someone I like.”

“Oh.” Derrick lit up his cig with a crooked smile. “And how’d Troy take that?”

“Bad.” Liam shook his head. “Just like he did with every new friend I met at school. He got worried I was going to run off and leave him behind.”

“Jealousy is a horrible thing.”

“He’s insecure. I guess we both are. We’re safe with each other. We know we won’t hurt the other and we both worry about being left behind.”

“He sabotages your relationships. You do the same to his.”

“I don’t have them.”

“Not anymore. You did when you were younger, but you soon realised Troy couldn’t deal with it and that was that. No more other men coming into your life.”

Liam looked out across the fields. He couldn’t lie. There’d been attempts in his late teens. Men he’d liked and brought home to meet his foster parents. All he’d got was grief from Troy, and the longer the relationship went on, the worse things became. They would argue, fight it out sometimes, but ultimately it always ended up with Liam alone and Troy happy about it. Maybe that’s why Liam decided to give him some of his own medicine, not that Troy gave a shit, but then Liam didn’t pour on the guilt like he did.

“You're either gunning for a huge bust up or one great night of sex.”

“Derrick!” Liam burst out laughing and Derrick slowly joined in.

“It’s the truth though.”

“Maybe about the bust up, but we always sort our shit out.”

“Yeah. See how this new guy pans out then, huh.” Derrick started walking again, the tent now in view. “How’d you both fit in that tiny thing?”

Liam shrugged, not about to say they’d spooned each other all night after having
that
conversation. “It’s bigger on the inside.”

“It’s not the fucking TARDIS. Bigger on the inside.” He snorted before blowing out a big puff of smoke. “You know, I'm pretty sure this type of closeness isn’t really average for two single men.”

“If we were both—”

“Don’t even say what I know you’re going to say. It makes no difference to me if you’re into men or women, and I'd still feel like this if you were both women, or if one of you was. You like the same thing and that’s what I mean. It’s not like you don’t see how handsome the other is.”

“Just ‘cos he’s good-looking don’t mean shit to me. It never has done. He’s always been fantastic to look at, that’s his problem, the way he looks.” Liam tugged one of the poles from the tent, watching it collapse on one side. “If I just wanted to screw him, or him me—whatever, then it would have happened by now. Neither of us are shy virginal types. If it was just sex… that would be easy. It’s not sex though. Love’s different, and I don’t have anyone else who I love like him in my life. If it got messed up, if I lost him somehow, I don’t know what I'd do.”

“He’s gotta be your everything or you’ve gotta find a man who will be, Liam. You can’t give in to fear, and by that, I mean hold back from moving on with him or moving on with someone new. It still boils down to fear, and nothing good ever came from fearing something so much you couldn’t move on. You’ll both regret it later, both look back and hate why you didn’t grab hold of those changes and just go with it.” Derrick began pulling more poles from the tent and stacking them on the ground. “Like you said, it’s a tipping point, and I think you should both look at what you got together and consider it. Don’t hold back because of some non-existent reason. You're friends. You shared a house growing up, that’s the end of it.”

“It doesn’t feel like it.”

“You’ve never had a brother, I mean a blood one. How the hell do you know what it feels like? How do you know it’s that type of love or another? You’ve never given it a thought, or if you have, it’s buried deep. Liam, just think about it. You two, you’re a good team. You’ve got a lot of history together, a lot of love. It could be something really good.”

“Yeah, well.” Liam rolled up the tent and began stuffing it in its bag. “I really, really didn’t think you’d be saying all this shit to me, Del.”

“I just had the same conversation with Troy while you were pissing about making yourself pretty in the bathroom.”

“Holy shit!” Liam banged his hand down on the seat of his bike and growled a little. “You said all that to Troy? No wonder he couldn’t look me in the eye. Del, I love ya man, but you gotta stay outta this one.”

“It needed saying, like it or not. I'm past caring, too old for this shit. You do some thinking, he does some thinking, talk about it.”

“Not going to happen. I'm never mentioning this again.”

He couldn’t go back into the pub with Derrick after packing up. He wasn’t going to risk a convo with Derrick’s wife about the same thing, or God forbid they sit Troy and him down and do it together. He was sitting astride his bike, lost in thought, when Troy made his way into the carpark. He looked better, but still shifty. Liam grunted as he threw over his helmet. “I just had a talk with Derrick.”

Troy pulled his helmet on, not looking at him. “We’re not talking about that.”

“That’s what I said.”

“Good.” Troy looked over his shoulder as he started his engine. “We agree on one thing then.”

Liam watched him wheel spin out of the gravel driveway, going too fast down the country lane and leaving him behind. He took a deep breath, then pulled on his helmet. He needed to calm down, they both needed to calm down, and a long ride with no talking would help their moods. Hoping everything would be silently slid to one side and never spoken about again by the time they got back to Manchester, Liam started out of the drive, following the sound of Troy’s bike ahead.

What a stupid thought. Him and Troy. It wouldn’t work. Liam couldn’t risk it. He’d rather have a half-life with him than no life without him.