Discovering Sophie (36 page)

The accusation stung, mainly because it was true. “Our relationship is none of your business.”

“You better believe it is!”

A nurse hushed them and pointed to a door that led to a small patio outside. Jack wasn’t sure he wanted to finish this conversation, but he followed Peter out anyway.

“You know,” Jack said, once they were outside. “If you were going to make a play for Sophie, you should’ve said so instead of giving me all that crap about needing time to say goodbye.”

“I was saying goodbye, but I also intended on letting Sophie know that I love her and I still want to marry her.”

“Yeah, you also threw in your two cents about how we haven’t known each other that long and that her feelings for me are fleeting.”

“I believe that’s true.”

“You just keep telling yourself that, counselor.”

Peter’s eyes flashed with irritation. “Okay, Jack, for the sake of argument, let’s assume Sophie is really in love with you, but are you really in love with her?”

“Yes.” Jack didn’t even have to think about the answer. He did love her.

“Then what was that back in Sophie’s room earlier? You haven’t talked to her about any future plans or when you’ll see each other again. Thanksgiving and Christmas are two holidays where families and loved ones get together, yet you haven’t once made any plans to spend time with Sophie. In fact, you insinuated you might be taking a group of doctors into the jungle.”

“Sophie was obviously upset about that,” Peter continued. “It was almost like you wanted to let her know you probably won’t be moving to Colorado any time soon. To be honest, I got the impression you wanted to hurt her before she hurt you.”

Ouch
. Jack squirmed under Peter’s direct gaze, his gut knotted with guilt and remorse. He wished he could deny it, but he knew on some subconscious level the allegation was true.

“She’s just lost her father, Jack. What she needs right now is to be surrounded by friends and family. People who love her and can help her get through the lonely days ahead as well as the holidays. What about you and your family? Are you prepared to give her that support?”

Jack felt trapped. Peter knew very well Jack hadn’t spoken to his family for over a decade. The feelings of betrayal were still pretty raw, or he wouldn’t have reacted the way he had when he saw Sophie and Peter holding hands. Even now, with so much on the line, Jack couldn’t see himself seeking out his brother and his parents. Would they expect an apology from him?

Jack’s throat tightened, and he looked away. He was so messed up. Did he really think saying a few prayers and deciding he wasn’t mad at God anymore had fixed him? He had years of bitterness and anger stuffed into every part of him. He talked about forgiving his brother and his parents, but at the same time, he doubted it would actually happen.

How fair was it to ask Sophie to give up her chance to have a guy like Peter and his remarkable family for a screw up like Jack? Worse, she would probably do it without having any guarantees Jack would be the kind of man she deserved.

“I think it’s safe to say we’re both in love with her,” Peter said, gaining Jack’s attention. “So let’s do what is best for her.”

“And what would that be?” Jack clenched and unclenched his hand. “Have her fly home with you and live happily ever after?”

“Frankly, yes.” Peter held up his hands to stop Jack’s protest. “Just listen to me for a second.”

The muscles in Jack’s arms tensed, and his jaw ached from gritting his teeth. Rather than try and talk, he just nodded his head.

“Look, I’m man enough to admit Sophie is crazy about you.” Peter puffed a wry laugh. “It’s obvious by the way her face lights up every time you walk in the room.”

Jack felt panicked by how much she loved him. He wasn’t worthy of it.

“Sophie’s already turned me down, and she made it clear she wasn’t changing her mind,” Peter said, his voice reflecting how hard that had been to admit. “So what I’m suggesting isn’t some lame effort to have you give her up so I can have her. It doesn’t work that way.”

“What exactly are you suggesting?”

“Let Sophie fly home with me. Give her a chance to have some time to think about her choices without all this conflict.” Peter’s eyes grew more serious. “It will also give you a chance to figure out what you want.”

The band of guilt around Jack’s middle tightened. Peter’s suggestion might be self-serving, but the reasons behind it were valid. The weight of his thoughts made the muscles in Jack’s shoulders tense. A desire to escape made him take a step backward.

“I need time to think about it.”

“All right.” If Peter was surprised by Jack’s compliance, he didn’t let on. “I won’t say anything to Sophie.”

Jack didn’t trust the guy and wanted to say something sarcastic. Peter must have sensed that. He held out his hand for Jack to shake. “I give you my word, Jack. I won’t say anything to her.”

After a few seconds of battling his pride, Jack grasped the other man’s hand. “I hope you mean that.” He gave it a firm shake, then quickly dropped his hand and took another step back. What he needed right now was a good workout. His hotel wasn’t the Marriott, but it had a nice fitness room. Hopefully it would be available when he returned to his hotel room.

They went back inside to wait for the nurse to come out of Sophie’s room. Jack paced the hallway, his mind preoccupied by Peter’s observation. He felt unworthy to pray but did it anyway. If there was ever a time in his life when he needed divine guidance, it was now.

Finally, the nurse came out and said it was okay for them to go back into the room. Sophie was sitting up in bed, her face a shade paler than her normal color, but otherwise, she looked so much better.

The tension was still in the room, although not as thick. Jack was pensive and distracted, but tried not to let Sophie see that. Peter did a good job keeping her engaged in conversation until an hour passed and the nurse came in to tell them visiting hours were over.

Peter said goodbye first, kissing Sophie on the cheek. He didn’t make eye contact as he walked by Jack, leaving him alone with Sophie.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

Jack rolled his shoulders back and took a seat on the edge of her bed. “Yeah, I just have a lot on my mind.” He couldn’t resist touching her, taking her hand in his. Warmth from her skin rushed through him, the chemistry between them still so potent. “I want you to know I’m praying about us and what happens next.” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Will you pray too?”

A soft smile curved her lips. “I haven’t ever stopped.”

Jack swallowed, his love for her so strong it nearly crushed him. “You have a good night and I’ll see you first thing in the morning.”

He slanted forward and kissed her. Her mouth was soft and warm and tasted minty. She must have just brushed her teeth. Jack held back, even though he wanted to lengthen the kiss indefinitely. With great effort, he broke the connection and rested his forehead against hers. “I love you, Sophie. Don’t ever forget that.”

Peter wasn’t waiting in the hall, and Jack was tempted to go back into Sophie’s room and sleep in the uncomfortable recliner. But he had a lot of thinking to do and needed to make a decision by morning.

Once back in his hotel room, Jack changed into running shorts and a white tee. He found the fitness room and started a series of reps, working his arms and chest first. The workout cleared his mind and helped him to focus. By the time he finished, he knew what he needed to do. He just prayed it was the right choice.

* * *

Sophie removed the tag from the pink T-shirt and pulled the soft tee over her head, thankful the simple task of getting dressed wasn’t too draining. She unfolded the black, drawstring yoga pants Peter had purchased from the hotel gift shop for her, and slipped them on. It felt good to be dressed in something other than the unattractive hospital gown.

She sat on the edge of the bed and glanced at the door. Dr. Webster and his wife had come by early this morning to say goodbye. Her discharge order had been written and she was ready to leave. But she couldn’t leave until Jack and Peter returned from the cafeteria. The two men were not friends, but they’d obviously learned to get along for her sake. Although she’d only seen them briefly this morning, they weren’t at each other’s throats like the night before.

It still wasn’t clear to her what was going to happen today. As far as she knew, Jack was driving her to his house and Peter was going to follow them. His flight wasn’t scheduled until the next day so she assumed once he was satisfied Hector’s wife and girls were in Jack’s residence, he would say his goodbyes and go back to his hotel.

There was a short knock on her door. “Sophie, are you dressed?” Jack asked.

Just hearing his voice made her heart take off. “Yes. Come on in.”

The door creaked and Jack stepped inside, then closed the door behind him. A smile edged up one side of his mouth as he made a slow perusal of her. “You definitely look pretty in pink.”

“Thank you.” She started to get up but Jack stopped her.

“I asked Peter to give us a few moments alone so we can talk.” He crossed the floor in a few long strides and sat down on the bed with her.

A nervous tremor started in her belly and worked its way through her. Was Jack going to ask her to marry him?

Jack drew in a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair. It had grown out over the past two weeks and she liked how thick and wavy it was. The desire to run her own fingers through his hair was tempered by Jack’s nervousness.

“I’ve done a lot of praying.” He cleared his throat and finally met her gaze, his blue eyes looking so serious. “Sophie, I love you more than anything.” He fumbled for her hand and she was surprised by how cold his fingers were. “I want to marry you. I do.”

An icy feeling spread through her limbs. Why didn’t this sound right?

He swallowed hard and continued, “The thing is I can’t marry you, not until I get my life straightened out.”

A high pitched ringing buzzed in her ears as she tried to comprehend what he was saying. Jack wasn’t proposing, he was breaking things off with her. She snatched her hand back and covered her mouth with her palm.
No. No. No. Don’t do this to me
. A sob broke through and she felt the sting of tears blur her vision.

Anguish filled Jack’s eyes. “Please don’t cry. I need you to try and understand what I’m saying.”

Sophie stood up abruptly, her legs so shaky she thought she would fall. She grasped the railing for support. “I understand perfectly, Jack.” She hated the pitiful sound of her voice. “You don’t want to marry me.”

“What I want and what I should do are two completely different things.”

Jack stood up, but she didn’t want him to touch her. She took a step backward, still clutching the bedside railing. “Don’t, Jack. Don’t make excuses.”

He groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. “I’m not making excuses, Sophie.” He looked at her, begging her with those blue eyes of his to understand. “If I married you like I want to, I’d make you a lousy husband. Within months you’d be regretting your decision and grow to hate me.”

She shook her head. “That’s not true. I could never hate you.”

“I’m screwed up, Sophie.” He tapped his head. “Here.” He tapped his chest. “And here.” His voice faltered, and she watched the color of his eyes intensify as they filled with tears. “I have to work through some things before I can even hope to be good enough to marry you.”

Slowly, his words sunk in, and Sophie felt a tiny flutter of hope. “I don’t care how screwed up you think you are. I can help you work things out. We can even go to counseling together if you want.”

A faint smile touched his mouth. “As much as I’d like to take you up on that offer, I know this is something I have to do on my own.”

A few tears rolled down Sophie’s cheeks as he closed the distance between them. She didn’t move away. Couldn’t move away.

“I’m not asking you to wait for me,” he said softly, “but I’m selfish enough to ask you to not give up on me.”

Amidst all the anguish encompassing her, she felt a comforting peace settle over her. Sophie lunged forward and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her face against his chest. Jack’s arms enfolded her, holding her in a tight embrace. His breath was ragged, and his heart thumped wildly as she clung to him.

“I won’t give up,” she mumbled into his shirt. “And I will wait for you.”

Chapter Twenty-Eight

A
knock on the door startled Sophie awake. She blinked a few times and sat up. There was another round of tapping, then the door cracked open. “Sophie, are you awake?” Camille asked, peeking inside the room. “Nope. You were sleeping.”

“I’m awake now.” Sophie swung her feet over the edge of the bed and glanced at the digital clock. “I slept through my alarm again, didn’t I?”

“Afraid so.” Camille stepped into the room and flipped on the light. “You told me if you did it again, I was supposed to dump a glass of water on you.” She held up a glass and grinned wickedly.

“I was kidding,” Sophie said, shading her eyes with one hand.

“Were you?” Camille walked toward her.

Sophie quickly scrambled back up against the wall. “If you do it, you’ll just add another load of laundry to your list.”

“It might be worth it.”

“I’ll move back to my condo and there goes your built-in nanny.”

“Okay, you win.” Camille laughed and took a drink from the glass.

Sophie laughed with her, although some days she felt too hollow to even smile. Four weeks had gone by since she’d left Jack in Costa Rica and flown home with Peter. Camille had invited her to stay at her house until she felt better, and Sophie wondered if she would ever be able to move back home.

“I can’t believe I overslept.” Sophie got out of bed and automatically turned to make her bed. “Am I ever going to be normal again?”

Camille sighed and sat down on the bed, impeding Sophie’s work. “Hey, I can’t finish with you there.”

Her friend patted the bed. “Come sit by me. We need to have a little chat.”