Discovering Us (12 page)

“Babe, it’s gonna be okay,” he said, holding me close and kissing the top of my head.

“I’m so tired of you being away,” I said through my tears.

“I am too. But one of these days this’ll be over and we’ll be together.”

“When?” I asked, pulling back to look up at him, the tears running down my face. “You’ll be going pro and who knows where you’ll end up.” I sucked in a breath. My arms were flailing now when I spoke. And everyone knows it’s not a good thing when a girl’s arms are flailing as she speaks.

“We’ll make it work, El.”

“How? You’re there, I’m here. I have at least five more years of school left, so it’s not like I can go with you. And now we’ve had sex and it was really, really,
really
good, and now I’m gonna miss you even more.” Flail, flail, flail, flail.

His lips tipped up a bit and he grabbed me by the shoulders to stop all the damned flailing going on. “Babe, it’s gonna be okay. I promise.” He leaned down and touched my lips with his.

“I don’t know if I can do this anymore,” I spouted unthinkingly.

Let’s just say that in the future, I needed to be sure to choose my words more wisely when I was upset.

His body went rigid and I knew I’d said the wrong thing.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” he bit out, his fingers on my shoulders getting tighter.

“I-it doesn’t mean anything,” I said quietly, looking down as I chewed on the inside of my cheek.

“It means a fuckova lot of something, El.” I looked up at him when he shook my shoulders. His eyes were narrowed. And they were navy. Shit. He was really mad. “You’re not having doubts about us, are you?”

“No, Jag, I’m not having doubts. Forget I even said that because I didn’t mean it.” I sighed.

He sighed too and let go of my arms then ran his hands over his face and up through his hair.

God, I was ruining this. All of it. He’d driven thirteen hours to see me (even though it was most likely out of jealousy), we’d had incredible sex numerous times (and thank you, jealousy), I knew he was tired yet he’d given himself to me over and over, and now he had to drive as many hours back. God, I was nothing but a whiny jerk.

I took his hands in mine, bringing them to my mouth to kiss his knuckles, looking up at him. “I’m sorry, Jag… I love you. We’ll make it work. We have for three years. What’s a few more?” I looked up at him, hopeful.

I watched as his jaw clenched and unclenched, his eyes on a spot on the wall behind me.

He shook his my hands from mine and ran one over his face again. “This is tough for me too, El. You think I’m down there just having a good time and playing ball. You don’t think I wanna put my fist through the fucking wall when I see my friends with their girls, knowing I can’t be with you?”

Oh. I hadn’t thought of it like that before.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” He crossed his arms over his chest. Uh oh. Standard
I’m still pissed at you
pose.

Looking into his brilliant blue eyes (that were currently sparking lightning flashes at me right then, eep!), I ran my hands over his muscular biceps then up over his shoulders and locked my fingers at the back of his neck, pulling him down to brush my lips over his. “I’m sorry. Baby, please don’t be mad.”

“Just can’t say shit like that, El.” He dropped his hands to my hips and put his forehead to mine.

I bit my bottom lip. “Sorry,” I said looking up guiltily into his eyes.

“Stop,” he kissed me, “apologizing,” he kissed me again, “now.”

“Okay. Sorry.”

He pulled back, his lip curling up on one side. “El.”

Realizing what I’d done, I huffed out a laugh. “Sorry, sorry!” Crap!

He shook his head and slid an arm around my waist drawing me to him. “You’re a kook.” Then he leaned down and kissed me, and, lord, it was so hot and wet, his tongue teasing mine, it made my knees buckle. He caught me with his other arm, wrapping it around my shoulder blades, his fingers squeezing right under my armpit, holding me as tight as I think he possibly could. The kiss continued until I went dizzy and when he pulled back and looked down at me, his eyes an even darker navy.

Wow.

Both our chests were heaving and I heard him mumble, “Fuck,” just before he put an arm under my bottom and picked me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, my arms lacing around his neck, and pressed my lips hard to his as he walked us back to my room for another round.

He left an hour later, but at least we both had huge smiles on our faces.

Chapter 13

I was twenty when Jag’s dreams came true.

              Ever been happy but miserable at the same time? Yeah. That was me—a complete walking oxymoron.

              “El! I’m going to The Show!”

              Jag called a week after his junior year season was over. His team hadn’t made the CWS, but he’d informed me that the draft started the first week of June and that he was projected to go pretty high in it. He was now calling from South Carolina where he and his dad had been tying up some loose ends before he came home for the summer. They’d also been waiting to see what pick he’d be then decide if he wanted to forgo his senior year.

I squealed into the phone. “Jag! That’s great! I told you you’d go!”

He’d been so worried that he wouldn’t get picked up—even though he’d been considered one of the top drafts in the country—and although I didn’t want him to be drafted to a team that would take him even farther away from me, I was still excited for him.

“The Dodgers!”

And my face fell. Los Angeles. Wasn’t that just great. I’d been holding out hope that he’d be a Cub and be right here with me. I’d even take him being a Brewer or Tiger. Or even a Toronto Blue Jay. Hell, at this point, I’d have even settled for him playing for the White Sox. But nope. He’d be about as far away as he could be. Seemed that Fate, that flaming bitch, just had it in for us. I wanted to burst into tears right then and there, but for Jag, I put on a brave front. “Awesome! That’s so cool!” Tears stung the backs of my eyes and my throat had that humongous lump in it that burns and makes it hard to swallow.

“My dad hired an agent, and he says I have a signing bonus coming. Seven figures, El! I’m a millionaire! I’ll be home in a couple days then I’m taking you out to Everest. Calling them after we hang up to make a reservation.” Wow. Everest was a fancy schmancy restaurant in Chicago and I’d heard it easily cost around $300 for two to eat there. I’d be willing to bet they didn’t have root beer floats.

I was glad he hadn’t heard the wavering in my voice. His dreams were coming true so no way was I going to rain on his parade. He was now a real, live professional baseball player, which was pretty damned amazing. “I’m so proud of you, Jag. See? I told you it’d be easy,” I said with a forced chuckle.

He laughed. “Yeah, pretty easy, considering I’ve thrown around ten thousand pitches in my life to get where I am.”

“Think you got ten thousand more in you?” I teased.

“I hope. El, this is it. Our ticket to the big time.”

Our? Okay, now I felt like shit for being upset. He was still including me in everything like he always did. I wished my vision of the future was as positive as his was. I knew I seriously needed to douse the Eau de Bitch that was threatening to waft off me. “I’m so happy for you, Jag.”

“
Us
, babe.”

“Yeah.”

After hanging up, I called Rebecca who was at work. “Bec,” I choked out.

“El? You okay?” she asked.

“It’s bad, Bec. Can you talk for a minute?”

I heard her telling our manager that she needed a break then I heard her tennis shoes squeaking on the floor as she walked outside. “Okay, what’s going on?” she asked, concern lacing her voice.

I instantly burst out crying. “It’s Jag,” I sobbed out.

“What? Is he okay?”

“Yes, but he just went pro!” I cried.

I heard her chuckle. “God, you scared me! Uh, sorry, but I’m not seeing the bad here, El.”

I sniffed. “He signed with the Dodgers.”

“And that’s bad why?” she asked still totally clueless.

“It’s bad because they’re in Los Angeles! Well, he’ll have to play in Albuquerque on their minor league team first, but he’s good, so he’ll probably get called up after one season.”

“Oh. Oh! Damn, El, I’m sorry,” she consoled. She knew how hard the past three years had been on me with Jag and I being apart and now we were faced with more of the same. Yay.

“Thanks, Bec,” I said with a snuffle.

“What are you gonna do?”

“What
can
I do?” I asked.

“Um, go with him?”

I paused for a beat.

“El?”

“Yeah, I just thought I heard you tell me to go with him. Must be a bad connection.”

She laughed. “You heard me right. Go with him.”

I’d never even given going with Jag a thought. Hm. That just might work. Unless he didn’t want me with him. And I had to consider what my parents would say. “I don’t know, Bec. I’d wait until his first year’s over anyway because he’ll be so busy,” I told her.

“So when he goes to LA, go then. USC has, like, the top physical therapy school in the country. You could transfer there easily. And you’d only have two years left since you’re on the fast track to graduating already.”

“I don’t know if it’d be a good idea,” I said.

“
I
think it’s a great idea. Why don’t you spring it on him?”

“I’m sure he’d love a springing of that nature.” I rolled my eyes.
Oh, by the way, Jag, I’m coming with you. You don’t mind, do you?
Ugh.

“When’s he coming home?”

“He said in a couple days. His dad’s renting a trailer and they’re loading all his stuff and moving him back here until he has to go to Albuquerque. He said he’s taking me to Everest when he gets home.”

Rebecca squealed. “Oh my God! I’ve wanted to go there forever! Lucky!”

“I know. I’ll bring you a doggie bag shaped like Mt. Everest. You think that’s what they do? I have no idea why the place is named that. But, I mean, I guess I can shape the damned thing into a peak myself. Wouldn’t take a whole lot of talent.”

“Yeah, they probably train some poor idiot for weeks making sure he gets the summit just right.” We burst out laughing at that.

“Thanks, Bec. I needed to laugh right now.”

“It’ll be okay, El. Promise.”

Between her and Jag always promising me that everything would be okay, I felt that things actually would be okay. It was just getting to the place that they were okay that got to be a little tedious at times.

“Thanks, Bec. I love you, you know?”

“Yeah. I know. What’s not to love?” She chuckled. “And I hope you know I love you too.”

She’d been my best friend forever, and I couldn’t help thinking that even though I wanted things to work out with Jag, I’d still hate leaving her.

“Wow,” I breathed out looking out at the Chicago skyline.

Jag and I sat at a window seat at Everest, which was located on the fortieth floor of the Chicago Stock Exchange Building, and the view was literally breathtaking.

“Nice, huh?” he said with a smirk. I knew he was very pleased to have been able to take me here now that money was really no object for him since his signing bonus had been deposited into his checking account the day before.

“Very,” I agreed grinning back at him. He was looking pretty cute in all his smugness, I thought. He wore fame well, as I always knew he would.

He and his dad had just come in from South Carolina the night before and he’d called en route to let me know we’d be dining out tonight. It hadn’t given me a lot of time to get someone to cover me at work or to get an outfit together, but I’d managed to find a cocktail dress that was pretty kickass. It was an LBD that had a section of lace at the midriff then another that went up from the bodice to the collar. The kickass part was my whole back was bared to my waist. I topped the outfit off with thigh highs that had a back seam, black stilettos, all of which made me feel damned sexy. The “Fuck me” that Jag had mumbled when he’d first seen me let me know I’d chosen well.

Sitting there at the table, he was looking damned good himself wearing black slacks, a black button down shirt with no tie, the top two buttons undone, and a charcoal gray sports coat. His hair was longer than normal and I liked the way it looked, arranged all messily on his head. Funny how when you haven’t seen someone on a regular basis you notice things you normally wouldn’t and all of it looked great on him. As I sat across the table looking at him, I realized that although he’d been a very good looking teenager, he was now a stunningly handsome man.

He quirked his mouth up on one side. “What?”

I came out of my mini daze with a start, unaware that I’d been staring at him. Ogling, really. “You’re so handsome, Jag,” I blurted then blushed. But my mouth wasn’t finished. “You look so sexy in that shirt and coat. And, God, your five-o’clock shadow is freaking hot!” I snapped my mouth shut quickly. It wasn’t that I didn’t mind giving him compliments. God knew that what I said was true, but I hated that he could make me ramble on like that.

He smirked even more at that before he leaned over the table toward me, which made me lean toward him. “You’re gonna think it’s really hot later when I’m rubbing it against the inside of your thighs.” I pulled back to look at him in surprise and saw that his eyes were navy. “I can’t wait to be inside you, El.”

Holy shit. The hungry look on his face literally made me gulp. My legs involuntarily came together in a clench as I wriggled in my chair, the butterflies inside me dancing around like crazy as I felt my panties dampen. “Jag,” I whispered, my eyes practically bugging out as I looked around surreptitiously to make sure no one had heard him. “You can’t talk like that here!” I said, still whispering and still looking around.

But my eyes were only on his when he reached over and took my hand, pulling me back toward him again. “I can say whatever I damn well please, El, and I mean it when I say I can’t wait to fuck you.”

If my mind were a keyboard, it’d be typing out all kinds of those symbol things because he was scrambling my brain with what he was saying. It was all I could do to keep from using my napkin as a fan. Our waiter decided to show up just then with the amuse-bouches, and Jag reluctantly let my hand go. I still felt his eyes on me as the waiter explained what each item was, and at first, I was so damned hyperaware of Jag that I couldn’t even concentrate on what our server was saying, but as he continued describing it all, I became so enthralled, even asking him questions, that I moved away from my previously unsettled state. When he left the table, I looked up to see Jag still watching me, his dark eyes still boring into mine. Whoa.