‘It wasn’t like that Baz.’
Laila hadn’t time to explain what it
was
like before she found herself being sent across the room by the back of Baz’s hand. He stood above her, then brought his foot down into her side. She moved, quickly scurrying along the floor, trying to protect her stomach with her hands.
‘Please, Baz. I wasn’t doing anything wrong.’
Baz mimicked Laila as he spoke. ‘
I wasn’t doing anything wrong, I never do anything wrong, because I’m little Miss Perfect.
’
Baz grabbed her top and Laila heard it tear, the material cutting into her armpit as he held her up. ‘You’re pathetic.’
Baz brought his foot down into her side again. She screamed, terrified not for herself but for her pregnant stomach.
‘No Baz, please. The baby.’
‘You’re not fit to be a mother, you know that?’
Laila scrambled under the bed for refuge. She felt Baz grab hold of her ankles and, desperate to protect herself from him, held onto the bed leg, preventing him pulling her out.
‘Oh no you don’t.’ Baz continued to pull her as her fingers began to slip, betraying her grip. A few seconds later Laila felt Baz let go of her ankles, but it was followed by a cool waft of air as he lifted the bed up.
‘What did I warn you Laila? I told you nothing was going to change when we came back to Bradford, but you seem not to want to hear me.’
‘I do, I do. I’m trying Baz. I’m trying to make you happy.’
‘No you aren’t, and if you don’t want to hear then, my little beauty, you’ll feel.’
Laila was aware of the pain shooting through her, but it was secondary to her survival instinct. She ran for the door, just as Baz hurled the wooden chair at her. It missed. Fractionally, smashing on to the wall and bringing down the framed pictures.
‘Laila, stop acting the fool.’
Baz ran out after her onto the landing. It didn’t take him long to catch up. He clutched hold of Laila’s clothes as she stood at the top of the stairs begging him.
‘Baz, please.’
He drew her close to him, staring into her beautiful brown eyes. As he held her, Laila could feel his body beginning to become aroused and his hand starting to explore her body.
‘Princess frigid, aren’t we?’
Laila yanked away but the force of the movement made her lose her balance and she grappled, desperately searching for Baz to cling on to. Briefly, Laila felt her fingers touching Baz’s arm before she tumbled backwards, floating in mid-air for a moment before crashing down and hitting the hard edges of the stairs. Then there was nothing but darkness.
‘Laila? Laila? Wake up.’ Laila’s eyes fluttered open to see Tariq’s worried face staring at her. Unsure where she was, Laila turned her head to discover she was somehow back in her bedroom, lying on her bed. Her whole body hurt, and the pain in her stomach which had already been there had become worse.
‘Are you okay? Baz told me you fell down the stairs carrying the chair.’
‘Where is he?’
‘He’s gone to work. Do you want me to get you a drink?’
Laila reached for her brother’s hand. ‘No. Just stay with me.’ She smiled weakly at Tariq.
‘Laila, I’m so sorry.’ Laila shook her head.
‘Don’t blame yourself Tariq. It’s not your fault.’ She squeezed his hand harder as she saw the tears come into his eyes. ‘Don’t, Tariq. Please don’t.’
‘Did he do it Laila? Did he do this to you? Just tell me.’
Laila shook her head again. She didn’t want trouble and she certainly didn’t want her brother saying anything to Baz. ‘No, Tariq. It’s like he said. I fell.’
The pain shot through her again and Laila twisted her body to the side. It was a while before it subsided enough for her to talk.
‘Tariq, I think there’s something wrong.’
‘Just lie still, try not to get upset.’ Tariq stroked his sister’s hair gently as she closed her eyes.
‘What’s going on here?’ Mahmood Khan stepped into Laila’s bedroom and immediately screwed his face up in disdain. Every time he saw his niece he was overwhelmed by a sense of despair. Even though she was now married to Baz, her presence still bothered him. He’d thought it would disappear, but seeing her only reminded him of his brother’s weaknesses and the lack of guidance he’d instilled in his children. His late brother and his family were a disgrace to the Khan name and the sense of shame was almost too much to bear.
Tariq jumped up from the bed. He hadn’t seen his uncle in a few days. ‘Hello uncle. Laila’s not well. She had a fall.’
Mahmood didn’t bother to enquire how or why it’d happened. ‘Tariq, I need you to come with me. I have a few things I need to do.’
‘But what about Laila, uncle?’
‘Just lock the door as usual.’
Tariq’s face blushed red with shame. ‘I didn’t mean that. She’s unwell. Don’t you think someone needs to stay with her?’
‘What for?’
‘She’s having pains. The baby, uncle. Perhaps there’s something wrong.’
Mahmood waved his hand. He didn’t wish to discuss anything like that, especially as he had no doubt that his niece’s stupidity, not to mention her wilfulness, most likely caused it. Walking out of the bedroom, Mahmood spoke without taking so much as a glance at Laila.
‘Let whatever needs to take its course happen Tariq. Who are we to question what is given or taken away from us?’
Laila heard the sound and immediately knew what it was. She sat up quickly, then threw herself back down as the pain travelled through her. She needed to let it subside but she also knew she needed to get up before it was too late. Pulling herself up again, Laila ignored her dizziness and the pain, slowly making her way across to the window.
A smile crossed her face. It was Yvonne.
‘Hold on.’ Laila tapped on the window getting her friend’s attention. Unlocking the bolt, it took Laila three attempts to lift it. She knew it wasn’t heavier than when she’d lifted it yesterday, in fact she knew it wasn’t heavy at all, but every movement hurt, as if it was pulling her insides out.
‘Hi.’ Laila greeted Yvonne shyly. She wanted to tell her what a relief it was to see her. How she’d feared she wouldn’t come back and how the thought of that had started to sink her into a dark despair. But how could she? How could she tell Yvonne, a person she hardly knew, that she was her only contact to the outside world.
‘I suppose you thought I weren’t coming back.’
‘I never really thought about it.’ It was a lie but Laila was too embarrassed to say anything else. Not quite knowing what she should say, Laila added, ‘But I’m glad you’re here though.’
‘I nearly never came.’
‘Why not?’
‘Just because.’ It was Yvonne’s turn to lie now.
‘What you been doing?’
‘Owt and nowt. Sorry I didn’t bring your chocolate buttons.’
‘That’s okay, I don’t really feel like them now.’
‘What’s up? Your stomach still hurting?’
Laila nodded. ‘Yeah, feels worse today.’
‘I told you, you need to get it seen to. Could be a bit of Delhi belly.’
‘I was in Pakistan, not India.’
‘No, soft lass. I mean you might be getting the runs or something. Maybe it’s something you ate.’
‘I don’t think so.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Cos I’m pregnant.’
Yvonne’s mouth hung open. She felt in her pocket and got out a packet of cigarettes. She lit one up before she said anything.
‘Bloody hell, Laila. I thought it’d be Mary in Mrs Jacobs’s class who got preggers first. She’s always putting it about. Everyone thinks she’s a right slag; I think she’s alright meself.’
‘But I’m married.’
Yvonne shrugged her shoulders, crossing her eyes to watch the smoke come out of her mouth. ‘I suppose.’
‘So why didn’t you come yesterday?’
‘Had a bit of trouble with me stepdad. He’s a bit too handy with his fists if you know what I mean. Anyway, I really came to say goodbye. I’ve had enough.’
Panic hit Laila. She stammered, trying to get her words out, ‘What … what, do you mean?’
‘I’m sick of it. Me Mam just lets it happen. Most of the time she’s too pissed up to care, but even when she’s not, she lets him use me as his punchbag. I suppose she sees it better me than her. If I ever had kids, I wouldn’t let any fucker touch them. Would you?’
Laila shook her head. ‘So what you going to do Yvonne?’
‘I’m off. I’m out of this place.’
‘But you can’t just go.’
‘Why not?’
‘Where will you go? What will you do for money?’
‘I’ve been saving up. Got meself just over two thousand pounds.’
‘How?’
‘Stripping.’ Yvonne watched as she saw the astonishment on Laila’s face. ‘Close your mouth girl, you’ll let the flies in. You shocked?’
‘No. Well a bit.’ Laila smiled warmly, not wanting to hurt her friend’s feelings.
‘I don’t like it. All those horrible blokes drooling at you like you’re a piece of chicken. There was this one bloke right, who tried to get on the stage. When he was climbing up, he got his foot caught in a pair of knickers left on the floor. He ended up crashing into a table, landed badly and broke his ankle.’ Laila giggled at her friend who giggled along with her.
‘I wish you weren’t going, Yvonne. I’ll miss you.’
‘Don’t be silly. You’ve got a baby to think of now.’
Tears came to Laila’s eyes. ‘I’m not being silly, I will miss you. You don’t understand.’
Yvonne’s voice was warm, taking out some of the harshness of her Northern accent. ‘What don’t I understand?’
Laila clammed up, afraid she’d spoken out of turn.
‘Nothing. It’s fine. You’re right, I’m just being silly.’
Yvonne glanced at Laila, her face looking serious. ‘Why don’t you come with me?’
‘Where?’
‘London. Come with me to London, Laila. Nobody will find us there. I’ve got enough money for both of us for the time being. We can get a job and you can pay me back. It’ll be fun. What do you say?’
Laila saw the eagerness on Yvonne’s face, and for one crazy moment it felt like it’d almost be possible. Then the reality dawned on her again. She answered sadly, ‘Thank you but I can’t.’
‘Okay, but the offer’s there. I’m leaving on Thursday. I’m getting the midday train. If you change your mind you can come but I won’t wait for you. I better go now. You won’t breathe a word of this will you?’
‘No, I promise. You can trust me.’
Yvonne smiled. She had the feeling she could.
‘I know I can Laila. Goodbye, and if I don’t see you again, good luck.’
Laila only nodded her head, choking back the tears, unable to say anything. As she watched Yvonne walk up the street, she knew she needed more than luck to get her through.
Laila touched the bed sheets she was lying on, then looked at her hand. She saw it was covered in blood. She ran to the bedroom door and started to bang on it.
‘Tariq! Tariq! I’m bleeding.’ There was nothing but silence. Laila banged again and eventually she heard the sound of footsteps running up the stairs. The door was unlocked.
‘Tariq, I’m bleeding.’
‘When did it start?’
‘I think when I fell down the stairs; I don’t know. But it’s got so much worse. Please Tariq, you have to do something. Please.’
Tariq looked panic-stricken. ‘What do you want me to do?’
‘Take me to the hospital, Tariq.’
‘Baz will be home soon.’
‘I know, and when he does I’ll have no chance of getting help. Please Tariq. I’m begging you. Help me.’
Laila dropped to her knees. Desperate and in pain. Tariq bent down to pick her up. He couldn’t bear to look in her eyes. ‘Please Laila, get up. Don’t beg me.’ He felt his sister grab his hand. The same sister who used to always play with him. The same one he’d pulled the pigtails of when she was little, and the same sister he’d promised his father he’d look after. It took him only a moment to say it, but Tariq had a feeling he might regret it for longer than that.
‘I’ll help you Laila, but hurry, we have to try to get back before Baz or uncle.’
The hospital sister smiled sadly at Laila. ‘I’m sorry sweetheart, but I’m afraid you’ve lost the baby. Is there anyone I can call? Your boyfriend … your parents?’
Laila’s voice was filled with shock. ‘No … no, but are you sure? Are you sure I’ve lost it?’
‘I’m certain. You’ll be able to go home soon but you need to take it easy. You’ll be in some discomfort so we’ll give some painkillers, but the pain shouldn’t be worse than period pain. If it is you need to come back to the hospital.’
‘How did it happen?’
‘We can never be entirely sure, but these things sadly do happen, especially at the early stage of pregnancy you were. Sometimes it’s just nature’s way.’
‘Do you think a fall could do it?’
The nurse nodded. ‘Is that how you got the bruises?’
Absent-mindedly, Laila touched her face. ‘Yes … yes. I fell down the stairs.’
‘Well it’s entirely possible. Like I say, it could be any number of things, but if you had a nasty fall it could easily happen. You can pop your clothes on now or you can wait till after the doctor comes round. I’ll send someone in with a cup of tea. Hey, I know it’s hard, but you’re young. There’ll be plenty more chances to try again.’
Laila walked slowly to the hospital toilets. She wasn’t quite sure how she was supposed to feel. She needed to go and find Tariq and tell him. She’d left him waiting for her in the casualty department. That had been nearly two hours ago.
‘Well?’ Tariq looked at his sister with concern. She shook her head.
‘I don’t know what to say Laila.’ He took hold of his sister’s hand as they walked in silence down the corridor towards the exit. The doors opened, bringing in a cool breeze. Laila wrapped her coat round her, feeling the chill of the evening air. Tariq turned to Laila, dropping her hand.
‘Go, Laila.’
Laila studied her brother’s face, to see if she was understanding correctly what he was trying to say to her. Tariq stepped forward and kissed her head. ‘Go.’ Laila turned and as she did he grabbed her hand again, speaking in a whisper. ‘I love you.’
A moment later, Laila ran out of the door.
‘Gone? She can’t have gone. Why the hell did you take her to the hospital without my permission?’